Monday, August 31, 2020

(Formerly Known as Puppy) Jack Needs a Public Defender

Oh, dear. After so many incidents where my little Jack has been unfairly accused of mischief such as pooping on the trunk of the 1980 Olds Tornado, or pooping in the garage (real culprit was HERE), or pooping on the deck of Poolio, or eating 3/4 of a Bison Leather Wallet with RFID from The Sharper Image... I am used to pleading his defense in the Court of Hick. Okay. I do admit to declining the Case of the Eaten Bison Wallet. A guilty plea was entered by Jack, and he has been on double-secret probation for a few years now.

Anyhoo... Jack's latest (alleged) crime is a case for which I cannot, with conscience, mount a defense. Though evidence is circumstantial, a jury of Helen Kellers, sitting in a court of Judge Tommy (deaf, dumb, and blind kid) the Pinball Wizard, would not let him off.

JACK ATE A SOLAR SIDEWALK LIGHT!

Well, technically, he only ATE about 1/3 of it, chewed 1/3,


and left the remaining 1/3 for evidence. It's not like the local mailbox-robber or house-breaker-inner dropped by for a tasty plastic snack. Copper Jack only eats paper plates, and my Sweet, Sweet Juno does not deign to chew things. She hoards them in her house, perhaps carries them from place to place, but never chews. Which leaves only my little Jack as the prime suspect.


It does not help his case that Jack chewed the nose off the fake resin dog that Hick has standing guard on the front porch.


I'm sure Jack was only trying to make friends with this pooch! He's not a BAD DOG! Look at this little guy... That's Jack, practicing his courtroom demeanor to elicit sympathy from the jury.


 He DOES, however, like to lick and chew! For which he's well-equipped.


Jack seems to be shining a little brighter these days...

14 comments:

  1. Eating light can do that for you!
    Pretty Jack. He does seem a little contrite.

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    1. Heh, heh! Jack is half red heeler (dad) and half dachshund (mom). I believe he got the best features of each. They are both mouthy breeds, but I don't think eating "light(s)" is a characteristic of either!

      Jack usually likes having his picture taken, and rushes the phone camera. So he must indeed be feeling guilt.

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  2. Replies
    1. At least he didn't eat a bicycle like that guy in the Guinness Book of World Records! Maybe because the bicycles are hanging from the ceiling of the garage.

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  3. I demand a tooth imprint test. If they do not fit, you must acquit!

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    1. If Jack was framed, he can't be blamed! I don't think Hick will pursue a civil suit.

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  4. i've heard of people suffering from PICA but eating lights is much different than dirt.

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    1. Jack marches to his own drummer, down the row of lights, stopping for a snack when he feels peckish.

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  5. The pizza crust is evidence! Of what, I do not know but at least he ate the savory part of the pie. Or did he? Maybe Hick threw that crust out there to frame the poor pup.

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    1. The Pony tossed Jack the crust from his two-day-old pizza. Jack must have been full of light, because normally he'd be right on that crust.

      Now that I think of it, a couple days ago Jack wasn't his usual energetic self. That must be the day he ate the light!

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  6. perhaps Jack needs a supply of different shaped chew toys to hold his attention away from things that might hurt him.

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    1. That's a good idea, if Juno will keep her jaws off them. She wouldn't want them for chewing, but to hoard in her house with her antler and assorted bone fragments. Jack defers to her, is never snappish like he is with Copper Jack the neighbor dog.

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  7. He looks like my Odie and Odie eats a bunch of weird stuff: bottle lids, rolls of tape, to go coffee mugs, Orbit gum container, spool of thread, a garden gnome, a log I planted hens and chicks in, a pot I had oregano planted in, and the list go on and on. I also have seen the cat knock pens and pencils off the counter in the hopes Odie will chew on them. I could go on.

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    1. Odie definitely has more that 4 food groups! If your cat isn't named "Garfield," he's earned it as a nickname.

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