A Mother's Day Gift for Hick

I forgot to tell you that Hick got a Mother's Day gift on May 6th. Oh, he didn't get it for ME. He got it for himself. It was a surprise. He DID send me a picture of that gift, in SilverRedO.

They are fake tulips, with several gift cards also "growing" from the pot. The gift cards were from girly boutiques (instead of manly boutiques, heh, heh) in the local area. 

"Look what we won from the abstract office"

Hick said WE, but turns out it was only HIM. He said the gal who does our closings at the regular title company we use had called him. She said they had been putting everyone's name in, and had a drawing for this Mother's Day gift. Hick's name was drawn.

Did Hick present that gift to ME for Mother's Day? Nope. He gave me a card. So there's that. I would not have used those gift cards anyway. I don't really need fake tulips. It would have been the THOUGHT that counted. As it was, he gave all the gift cards to The Veteran's daughters, who are in their early teens now, and like girly stuff. The fake tulips are sitting on our marred coffee table. I think they partially obstruct Hick's view of the TV when he sits on the long couch to fold his underwear and socks.

As for the state of SilverRedO in that photo... it might help you understand why I have such a hard time keeping up with the flip bills Hick eventually submits to me.

Beware a Nervous Man with Time and a Phone on His Hands

Hick had a little medical issue last month. It was actually the day after his clamor shot Glamour Shot. I won't go into the details. I can't prove his harem had anything to do with it! The Pony and Old Buddy were actually there with him, working on the security camera at the apartments, when Hick was struck down with ill health.

Being Hick, he continued working, waiting for his doctor NP office to open, so he could call and consult them on what to do. He ended up driving himself to the closest ER. Old Buddy really wanted to take him, but Hick was set on doing it himself. I won't go into details, but after several tests, nothing conclusive was found, and Hick is awaiting a specialist's appointment in August. His symptoms have abated, but other testing will likely be done.

Anyhoo... the issue here is that Hick was left waiting for a while. Triage, you know. Even once he got back to a room to wait for tests, he heard a helicopter. So knew he would be there awhile. That gave his mind time to dwell on his mortality. And to snoop into the business of others in the facility. Hick does not like to be idle. He texted me every half hour.

"Never thought I'd see a pup in the emergency room. Look at the toilet paper. I started to tell her but I didn't." Five minutes later: "They just made her take the dog out"

Now I want to know how Hick would have brought up the subject IF he had decided to tell that woman she had a toilet paper tail.

Hick's Harem Is Overstepping Their Bounds

Hick has not been telling me many tales of his harem lately. I wonder if there's something I should know... It seems that the old gals are quite persuasive in leading Hick to do their bidding. Here's a text I got May 6th. Hick never has mentioned it. Just the text:

"They did clamor shots at senior center yesterday and the old ladies made me do it too"

A likely story! They MADE him do it? Surely these fragile elderlies cannot strongarm Hick into a situation which he might consider not quite appropriate. I guess it doesn't really take muscle. Just a stroking of Hick's ego...

I should probably be relieved, upon seeing the picture, that Hick meant GLAMOUR SHOTS, not clamor shots. Can't have him imbibing on his (just over $300/month) job!

There's our boy! I resisted the urge to give him googly eyes. A simple pair of spectacles will do. You'd think one of Hick's admirers could have at least straightened his tie and collar. Maybe not the one who likes to drink. Or maybe she IS the one who helped Hick get ready for his closeup. I'm pretty sure that get-up travels with the Glamour Shot photographer. I don't recall seeing Hick wear it before, nor take it out of the Mansion on picture day. This really does not look like Hick at all. It's the hat. He's usually in a trucker cap.

Heh, heh. Why am I imagining a little framed photo of Hick on each of their nightstands?

The Other Thing I Found

That title is the text Hick sent me about another SUS2.5 treasure. 

That's a nice old-timey metal truck. It has a SEAT! Hick says it's a riding toy. That rusty metal stick thingy on top is for pulling it, or for steering if you (a child!) sits on the seat. I don't know how that would work. It doesn't look like a steering wheel to me! More like a giant key to open a can of sardines or SPAM. WAIT! If that rod is connected to something under the hood of the truck, I can imagine how it turns the wheels.

Anyhoo... Hick paid $50 for this old metal riding truck. He will take $100. for it. He says it's a Buddy L Deluxe Rider. That they are going for $350 in good condition, which his isn't. But it would be a good starter for somebody wanting to collect them.

Hick Says It's DY-NO-MITE!

Hick is always eager to show off new wares at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). On Sunday morning, he sent me a text at 7:22.

"Something for you to tell stories on your page"

My first thought was, Wow, that's cool! Upon first glance, without my glasses, I thought it was a display of wine corks and corkscrews. Like somebody had made up a nice little (BIG, folding) shadowbox to showcase their favorites, or mementos. Then I supposed it looked a little bit like a science fair display, though wine would not have been a subject that I would okay for a science project.

I put on my glasses, enlarged the picture, and saw BLASTING CAPS. And sticks of dynamite! Well. Still cool. But maybe dangerous! Was Hick going to store this in his SUS2.5? Or worse, bring it home and put it in his unairconditioned BARn or Storage Container Garage? I definitely needed more info. Which would have to wait until Hick got home...

Hick said it's dynamite, but not dangerous. (!)

"How is that? There are jars of gunpowder! Or dynamite powder! Can't that explode?"

"No. I think it's not real. I think they've put something in there to look like it. There was a label on it that said 'ATF Test Kit.' I don't think it works."

"Like for training? To show the different kinds of explosives, and what they might look like?"

"Yeah. I got if from one of my guys I trade with. I paid $100 for it. This morning I thought I had it sold for $200, but the guy backed out of the deal. I'd take $150 for it, if somebody offered, but I have it marked for $200."

Well. At least Hick won't be bringing home explosives, fake or not. I might worry about having it sitting in my hot storage unit store, though. At least it's probably in the main unit with some air conditioning.

Thevictorians Decline to be Equalized

A couple weeks ago we got a letter, addressed to Hick, me, and The Pony. It was from the County Board of Equalization. A single page, yet quite nosy!

*****************************************************************

This office has noted your recent purchase of real property at the following location: 

(Please note if incorrect)

Lap House, Sis-Town

We would appreciate your supplying the information requested below. All information is used for over-all studies of property in the County and becomes public information.

1. This property is: (please check all that apply)

___ Single Family Residence

___ Duplex

___ Triplex

___ Apartment Unit (4 or more)

___ Store or Office

___ Industrial Plan

___ Warehouse

___ Vacant Lot

___ Farm Unit

___ Other

2. What was the purchase price? ______________ Purchase date? _________

3. Were there any unusual circumstances involved in the sale, such as:

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased from a relative

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased through foreclosure.

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased through an estate.

4. No. of bedrooms _____ No. of baths ______ (Do not include basement rooms)

5. Basement:  Yes ___ No___ Walk out ___ Walk up___ Interior Only ___

6. Basement finish? (  ) Yes   (  ) No   If yes, please list number of:

___ Family rooms  ___ Bedrooms   ___ Bathrooms

7. Fireplace: Yes (  )   No (  )  If yes: 

# of fireplaces ___ Gas/Electric ___ Wood-burning ___

8. If any property other than real estate (furniture, livestock, etc.) was included, 

what was the value of that property? ______

9. Comments?

Date: _________________   Signed: __________________________________

*******************************************************************

Also note that the letter was dated 5/15/26.

Listed the Parcel Number of the property

Date Acquired: 3/19/26

Book/Page: [number]

Obviously, there are records that we purchased Lap House. They know when. They know which property. I'm sure there is a record of the price, since we closed at a local title company.

Hick, The Pony, and I all agree that there is no need to fill this out. It will likely increase the county taxes on this property. We won't have it long enough for that to really matter to us. The kicker is the part that this will BECOME PUBLIC INFORMATION. Nobody needs to know who we got this property from, and if anything else (cough, cough, white truck...) was included. The basic info is recorded at the courthouse, should anybody want to dig it up.

You know how hard it was for me to resist only filling out the COMMENTS section, right?

He Wants His MeTV

Hick came in from mowing the yard/fields on Tuesday evening, and plopped down in his recliner to watch some old reruns. He's partial to MASH, and Hogan's Heroes after that. And sometimes Emergency if he gets home earlier. These shows are on channel 24 on our DISH service. Channel 24 used to be a religious station in St. Louis, started by evangelist Larry Rice. I don't know when it changed programming, but now it's MeTV, and broadcasts old classic shows.

Anyhoo... Hick hollered in that he coudn't watch MASH.

"It goes to that channel, and looks like it's going to play, but then I get a message that I'm outside the area for this channel. It says if I haven't moved my receiver, I need to call DISH."

"Well. You can call them. I can look up the number after I get your supper ready."

"It gives me the number."

"Well. You can call."

"It might come back."

"I can look up if it's part of a dispute, like when DISH dropped CBS for a month and we missed Survivor. It IS the beginning of June. So maybe they're working out a deal. We should get it. It's part of the Local Channel package that we pay for to get the St. Louis stations."

"It worked yesterday. And that was June 1st. So maybe it will come back."

Yes. That's how we like to solve problems around here. Ignore them, and see if they fix themselves. I didn't think any more about it. Until Wednesday morning at 5:15 a.m. when I put the TV on Channel 2 to see the local weather. I GOT THE SAME MESSAGE! It wasn't just Channel 24, but ALL the St. Louis stations that we pay extra to receive.

I called the number on the screen. A recording told me that all DISH representatives were busy, and the wait time would be 8 minutes. That I could stay on the line, or press "1" and they would hold my place in line, and call me for my turn. Do you think I trusted that? Not-Heaven, no! I stayed on the line. Every now and then, a message would tell me that I could find the red reset button on my receiver, and push it. Or hold the power button. Nope. Not fiddling with that. All the other channels still worked.

After 10 minutes, a sweet Asian-accented woman asked what my problem was. I only had to ask her to repeat something twice. Not because her English was so good, but because I was straining every part of my ear and brain to decipher her words. She said she was working on it. Then that DISH crews were doing maintenance on a satellite, and my problem should resolve when the maintenance was completed. There was nothing she could do, nor anything I could do. Just wait. I thanked her and hung up.

Do I believe this scenario? I want to. But I'm not sure. What kind of satellite are they working on? An orbiting satellite? Did a crew fly up there to hammer at it? Or a big round satellite dish? Were they hosing it down and making it sparkle? Is it a satellite that only sends out St. Louis TV station signals?

I suppose we'll give it a week. If not fixed, Hick can call back.

Make. It. STAHHHP!

Once we walked into the Savings & Loan, we had no problems acquiring Cheap House. The paperwork consisted of a two-page document, stapled together, needing only Hick's signature and mine. How in the Not-Heaven did that take 17 days (since the foreclosure auction on the courthouse steps) to get ready?

Loan Officer pushed a pen across his glass-topped desk to each of us. We signed our single signature and sat back. You KNOW I was planning on taking that pen with me. And Hick's too. They have loads of those things, for promotional purposes. Especially after THE VIRUS, when nobody wanted to touch anybody else's pen unless it was given a Silkwood shower with GermX, and hermetically sealed in a ziploc bag and left to sit for seven days.

The gal who brought the papers to Loan Officer's desk took our cashier's check for $15,000. Then she whisked away to get us a handwritten receipt on an index-card size note torn off a pad with the Savings & Loan logo. A receipt like we just bought a chotchke at a flea market. She said she was going to walk the papers across the corner to the courthouse to get them recorded. We could wait, or Hick could pick them up later. Which he said he would.

THAT'S A PROBLEM! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Hick took the receipt, but then took out his phone, and started showing pictures of what he's doing to Cheap House. Loan Officer leaned forward for a closer look, then REACHED OUT AND TOOK BACK BOTH PENS!!!

What a petty little persnickety man! I don't mean that in a bad way. He's a nice guy. We got our loan from him to build our hillbilly mansion way back in 1997. We paid back every penny. Early! And he couldn't even begrudge us two free pens 29 years later???

Anyhoo... Loan Officer started telling Hick of another possible foreclosure. AND HICK TALKED ABOUT GETTING IT!

No. Nope. Absolutely not. We already have TWO flips right now. I do not like the thought of Hick chatting with Loan Officer when I'm not around.

Thevictorians Are Now the Not-So-Proud Legal Owners of Cheap House

It's ours! Finally. Legally. Hick and I signed the papers on Wednesday afternoon. More on that story eventually. Today we take a look at the back porch. Technically, the lack of a back porch. It has been ripped off.

The floor/ceiling still has to be removed. Hick said HOS and buddy took the metal off the porch roof. It's in the yard. Hick will bring it home and use it for projects that I don't even want to think about. There were shingles under the metal, which will have to go to the landfill, since they missed getting them in the dumpster. The boards of the floor and roof will be saved by Hick. Right now that's the roof boards sitting on top of the floor boards.

I asked Hick why it looks like there's a big hole in the house roof by his "new" wall. He said, "Because there's a big hole in the house roof."

"Won't it leak when it rains???"

"It was already leaking when it rained! There's wood under that opening. It gets wet and leaks. The roofers should be able to start next week. That'll take care of it."

The area of white shingles is where the back door will be. That's the kitchen. There's already a window covered with a square of plywood because it was broken. Hick had his glass guy fix two windows, and will be putting that one back in after the roofing is done.

It's coming along. I'm ready to get it on the market!

We Might Legally Own Cheap House Now!

By the time you read this, we might legally own Cheap House. It's been a long time since last October when Hick first got his hopes up. Monday he talked to Loan Officer, who said the papers were ready, and he thought all they needed were HICK'S signature. But he'd call and let him know after further checking. Tuesday, Loan Officer said that I must also sign, because I'm married to Hick. But that The Pony won't need to sign.

I don't want The Pony to think we're cutting him out of this deal! Supposedly all three of our names will be on the deed. Hick thinks we don't all need to sign, because we're not doing it at a title company, and all the debts were washed clean during the foreclosure. Whatever. Hick will meet me over in Bill-Paying Town on Wednesday afternoon, after my leg therapy. Right now the $15,000 cashier's check is sitting here waiting to be spent! Hick says we don't owe the $500 in property taxes until THIS year, which makes sense, because we will be OWNING it this year.

Meanwhile, expensive work continues on Cheap House. HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and buddy have already removed the outer siding of the back porch and set it aside to be used on the "new" back of the house. They've torn out the ceiling insulation, and are ready for the walls, and to rip the whole "back porch" room down.

Hick had them save the windows for him to use elsewhere. The roof will be altered to slant down from that peak and tie in with the rest of the house back, once this addition is subtracted. Hick was hoping it could be done for around $10,000. The quote from his roof guy was $12,750. We're going with it. I think Hick sometimes thinks in terms of "cost" and doesn't consider that the roof guy will have to pay his workers and make a little profit. This will be a whole new roof, the sooner the better, since one area leaks with every rain. It will be a shingle roof, not metal. It's cheaper when you consider the angles that will be added to tie in the back without porch room. Metal is more complicated for that.

There's the inside, with Hick and Old Buddy's newly-built wall at the back. They'll use the saved matching siding to cover it. HOS and buddy have to tear down those rafters and roof and walls and floor. This may be done while the roofers are on the house roof, if they can start that job so soon. Hick didn't say progress would be held up until the porch was off.

The Barber of the Kill

With summer fast approaching, and Hick providing my warm-weather coiffure, I harken back to yesteryear, when Hick gave summer haircuts to the boys. Whether they wanted them or not. Somewhere Hick came to possess a set of hair clippers. He had often mentioned that he might set up his own little barbershop out here, if he could find time to go to "barber school."

The older boys took it well. They were 4-6 years old when I first met Hick when we lived in the same apartment complex. HOS and The (Little Future) Veteran were rough-and-tumble boys. They liked shooting BB guns and looking for snakes and lizards and arrowheads. A summer buzzcut as soon as school was out was not something they looked forward to, but was readily accepted.

Our two later boys were not so accepting. The command to "Go get a towel" was met with heavy sighs, resignation, a ducked head, and slow feet. Genius and The Pony were not exactly prissy, but cared more about appearances. Genius begged to wear a vest and bowtie for kindergarten picture day. The Pony refused jeans for his entire school career, only wanting khakis or cargo pants/shorts.

Hick would take them out on the back porch, so the fallen hair dropped through the cracks. The towel was to drape around their shirtless shoulders, and prevent itching and squirming. Actually, there was not much squirming, because the boys were AFRAID of Hick and his clippers. He was not the most gentle or conscientious amateur barber. One year, he nicked The 4-year-old Pony's ear. Blood and tears flowed with equal speed. In true Hick fashion, he said, "If I hurt you, I'm sorry." What in the Not-Heaven? I think drawing blood certainly counts as hurting! So that apology did not need conditions!

Anyhoo... the next summer when Hick told The Pony to "Go get a towel," The Pony reluctantly returned with it draped across his forearms, carrying it to the back porch to his imagined doom.

"This is to catch the blooood," solemnly declared a subdued little Pony.

Hick Is Half a Silver-Tongued Devil

Hick is not known for his tact. Especially where Val is concerned. He speaks without thinking, and then tries to justify his words. I'm hoping. The alternative is that he says these things WITH prior thinking!

Saturday evening, I asked about his meeting with his "roof guy" about Cheap House.

"So what's the price for a new roof?"

"I don't know yet. He looked at it, and said he'd give me the estimate by Monday. While I had him there, I asked him about tearing off the back porch. What he could do it for. I told him HOS [Hick's Oldest Son] and his buddy gave me a price of $1500. He said I should take that, because I wouldn't get it any cheaper."

"So you told him somebody else's estimate? That doesn't seem fair. Can HOS and his buddy even do that kind of work? I thought they might need a backhoe or bobcat to tear it down."

"Oh, yeah. They can do it. It's just pulling down lumber. They won't even need the dumpster. The city already said I could burn the wood in the back yard, as long as I don't burn any shingles. They'll finish with the dumpster in time. They just have the old drywall left to put in it."

"Well, I don't want them to get hurt trying to do something they're not used to."

"It HAS to come down, Val. You haven't seen that back porch. Not to be mean, but it looks like YOU built it!"

"That is NOT a very nice thing to say! So much for not being mean!"

"No. I just mean it looks like a kindergartener did it."

"You're not helping yourself..."

"Somebody who has no idea how to build! That's all I meant. It's falling off..."

"You could have just said that. And not put MY name into it! Did HOS and his buddy find anything they wanted when they cleaned out the house?"

"A few knick-knack kind of things. They sold $125 in junk metal. HOS took one of the dryers home to use. They had a buddy who wanted the refrigerator. HOS said they took it to the carwash and cleaned it, but it's still not a prize."

Good thing Hick didn't say that refrigerator looked like something I would have...

Oh. No.

Here it is, Saturday morning as I sit typing, and still no word on when we will be signing papers to own Cheap House. Or, you know, just showing up with a personal check and no obligation to sign anything, according to Hick's original perception. That's the thing with Hick. His proclamations and declarations and assessment of a situation always CHANGE.

After being so sure we would close on Thursday or Friday, after his conversation Wednesday with Loan Officer... Hick recanted Thursday night. 

"Loan Officer said it should be at the end of this week, or early next week."

"You said it would be Thursday or Friday!"

"Well, that's when the gal said she'd send the papers. So I thought it would be then. But Loan Officer DID say later this week, or early next week."

"You'll need to have time to get a cashier's check."

"I ain't worried about a cashier's check. I can just walk across the street and get one from the main bank."

Right now I'm guessing that the closing won't be on Monday. I doubt the Savings & Loan assumes every client will just walk across the street for a cashier's check. I imagine they notify them to allow time for such things.

Besides, I have something more serious to worry about. Also sprung on me Thursday night.

"This new house has a really weird floor plan. The living room is in front, with a bedroom. And you walk down a hall to the kitchen in the back. Off the kitchen is what has to be the other bedroom. But it has a door to the outside! Nobody wants a door to the outside in their bedroom!" [Let the record show that our own home, built by Hick, has a set of French doors that exit onto the back of our wraparound porch.] 

I was thinkin', I could make it just like the other one. The hall is plenty wide. I could make both front rooms the bedrooms. Fit in another bathroom. The hall leads to the kitchen, and the living room would be off the kitchen, with that door to the outside. So you'd have a back entrance right into the living room."

"WAIT a minute! Isn't that something for the next flipper to decide? I thought we were only fixing up the structure, and selling it quick, as a flip. You already have that other house to work on."

"I'm just sayin', Val, that Loan Officer said this house would sell at $130,000 to $145,00 if it was all fixed up."

"You don't need two flips at once!"

Hick wisely shut down his campaign to keep Cheap House. I said we would get the basics done, then list it for 2-3 months. If we didn't get any offers, THEN we could consider finishing it. The Pony is on my side this time.

Meanwhile, Hick's roof guy is meeting him at 5:00 tonight to give an estimate on a new roof for Cheap House.

The Continuing Quest to Legally Purchase Cheap House

It's been two weeks since Hick was the only prospective buyer to show up at the courthouse steps foreclosure auction of Cheap House. Not a single signature has been put to paper. We THINK we're buying this house for $15,500, per verbal agreements and the previous paperwork.

Meanwhile, Hick has forged ahead. Bought padlocks, bought lumber and boarded up broken windows, turned on the electricity. He paid HOS-and-buddy $500 for the completed cleanout of junk. Rented a $650 industrial dumpster. Paid $634.55 for six months of insurance. Paid $150 for trimming a tree that rubbed on the roof. HOS-and-buddy are now tearing out ceilings and walls. I haven't heard their price for that.

WE HAD BETTER OWN THIS HOUSE!

Hick keeps telling me it's a done deal. He went by the Savings & Loan on Wednesday. Loan Officer called the title company. "She" said they were getting the papers ready, and should have them Thursday or Friday, and would send them over. It is Thursday afternoon as I type this. Still no word. Hick thinks the closing will be at the Savings & Loan, which is fine with me. I just want a closing! CLOSURE, if you will!

Meanwhile, Hick has been puttering around, checking on the progress of HOS-and-buddy, and deciding what he wants to do with Cheap House. One thing for sure is to tear off the back porch, which was converted into a bedroom.

"I was looking around on the porch, and I found a billfold! It has three different social security cards, and two different driver's licenses. They was all for a woman. I took it over to the police station. The gal there went and got an officer, who was also a gal. She looked through it, and then said, 'So? What do you want me to do with it?' 

I thought that was a stupid question. It wasn't mine. I didn't want that in my possession. I wanted to point out that it was in a house where a convicted methamphetamine manufacturer had lived! You'd think they might want to know that. Or see if any of those identities were connected to crimes."

I guess it's a wonder that guy got caught at all!

Measurements, the Unspoken, and Porter Wagoner

Val is no Biblical Samson. Her strength comes from within, not from her long flowing locks. Which are excessively long, not having been trimmed since before her Unfortunate HospitVALzation back in 2022. That's a long time!!! Normal hair grows about 1/2 inch per month. That would give Val 24 extra inches of hair! Thankfully, Val does not have normal hair. It's limp and seemingly lifeless, and grows slower. That said, my hair was down between my shoulder blades. A supermullet of epic proportion!

It's not that I didn't WANT to get my hair cut. It was just inconvenient. You may recall that my salon of choice was Terrible Cuts. The chain. My location was in a mini-mall, with Little Caesar's Pizza on the other end, and a Payday Loan business in between. I was fine with that. I'd gone there for years, even taking the boys when they were young.

Then I got sick, and wasn't feeling up to an outing for a haircut. Then my knees were really hurty, and I didn't like to think about walking up the hill from parking to get inside Terrible Cuts. Nor trying to bend my right knee to perch my foot on the footrest of the lifty chair. THEN there was a fire!!! In Little Caesar's. Which swept through the ceilings (FIREWALLS, anybody?) and ruined all three businesses. The renovations have just begun over the past couple months. I have no idea if the same businesses will even return. So Val has been a woman without a salon. I made do by trimming my own bangs. And occasionally having The Pony or Hick cut off the ends so they stayed out of my collar.

For the past year, at least, and likely more... my "stylists" have been reluctant to pick up the scissors. The Pony did a fine job the first time, but seems to have lost interest in coiffing me. Hick always has something else to do. I'd better not find out he's been cutting Harem hair!

I could stand it no longer. On Sunday evening, I TOLD Hick he was cutting my hair. I put on an old collar-less shirt and grabbed the scissors and a comb. I wet my hair at the kitchen sink, and took Hick out on the back porch. 

"Just do it like last time. Comb it straight down. I want it at shoulder level. Here. Start at this side. Then work your way around to to the other side."

What could possibly go wrong? Most people know what a shoulder is. They can run a comb down through a section of hair. Cut along the bottom, at the shoulder. Then continue combing down swatches of hair, cutting them off even with the first section. RIGHT????

It started out all right. Though I questioned Hick if that was my shoulder. He said it was. My first panic occurred at the back of my head.

"WAIT! Why do I feel the scissors at the base of my skull? STOP! Why are you up that high?"

"I'm not, Val. I'm just cutting." SNIP SNIP.

My second panic was when Hick got to the end, the other front side. He didn't even want me to turn around!

"What do you mean? You HAVE to look me in the face. To make sure both sides are even!"

"No I don't. It's even." I forced him to look me in the face. "Well. This side might need a little more..."

I felt where Hick had cut. My hair was GONE! My shoulders won't be reintroduced to that hair for at least three months! Maybe four! How can a man not know what a shoulder is? Does he think it's a void midway between ear and collar bone?

Of course all Hick the Gaslighter had to say was: "I think it looks cute."

When I picked up The Pony on Monday, to come out for our BBQ, I had to ask.

"Aren't you going to say anything about my haircut?"

"Oh. Well..."

"I suppose your hesitation says all I need to hear."

"No. It's... shorter." 

"I KNOW! Your dad can't do one simple thing! I know you're not old enough to remember, but Dad has made me look like PORTER WAGONER! I have that CD of Porter and Dolly's 20 greatest hits. Maybe you remember the cover."

"Uh. Kind of."

"Yeah. That's what I thought. I have Porter Wagoner's haircut. Only shorter."

I find it kind of odd that not one person has mentioned my haircut. When usually that's the first thing they say. Like the clerks I see regularly at the Gas Station Chicken Store, or in 10Box. I guess they're not Porter Wagoner fans.

Unexpected, Probably Doomed, But FREE

In Saturday's box of chocolates, life gave me a rooster. I didn't ask for a rooster. I didn't want a rooster. But Hick brought one home.

"Look what I traded for today im bringing him home"

In typical Hick fashion, the story changed by the time he got home. I never found out what he traded, because the tale changed to the rooster being FREE.

"Last weekend, a guy was down at the flea market with a rooster he was trying to get rid of. I told him the lady who lives next to the flea market has chickens. That he could just let it go. So he did. The lady with the chickens didn't want him--"

"I guess not! I'm sure she has her own rooster!"

"Anyway, she kept runnin' him off. So he came back to the flea market, and was hanging out there all week."

"He's probably starving!"

"No. He was free-rangin'. But today, Old Buddy was feeding him potato chips. I figured I'd just bring the poor guy home with me."

"How is THAT going to work? The dogs or something wild will kill him!"

"I thought they'd just sniff at him. But they chased him all around the yard! It took me about an hour to catch him! He's over in the old chicken pen now."

"He'll fly out!"

"No. He's had his wings clipped. I didn't know that, until he tried to fly and get away from the dogs."

"Oh, no! He can't even roost in a tree! Something's going to eat him for sure!"

"You don't know that."

"What do you plan to feed him?"

"He's free-rangin' for now. Down in the back of the old goat pen."

"I feel really bad for him. There's no way for him to survive here! He was probably better off at the flea market! Somebody might have picked him up and taken him home for a pet."

"Or he mighta got in the road and got run over. That won't happen here."

I don't know. I hope this rooster can survive. The odds are not good. We used to have 33 chickens. Before the neighbor's dogs found out. I'm sure those dogs are gone now. But our dogs haven't been raised with chickens. They'll let the squirrels run rampant, and the birds eat out of their food pan. But this rooster is a new challenge.

_____________________________________________________________

On Sunday morning, Hick went over to the pen to look for the rooster.

"I don't see him. He might be down in the woods."

"Or EATEN! By something else in the woods. Can he get in the chicken house?"

"Yeah. He can get in there. But he ain't there."

Sunday evening, Hick walked over to look for the rooster again. Nothing.

"I don't know where he is. He can get out, over behind the BARn. Jack could probably get in under the fence there, but I don't think Pepper knows about it. Maybe he's just living down in the woods to avoid the dogs, since he knows they'll go after him."

Well. Hick IS an optimist...

Five minutes later, Hick was in his recliner, watching TV. I was at the kitchen table innernetting. I heard the dogs barking in the front yard. Kind of frantic, not in their usual play mode. Then they came around to the back porch, tussling and worrying each other and yipping, as they are wont to do.

"I think that might be him in the front yard! I just saw something run across!"

Hick got up and looked out the door. Yes. It was his rooster. Maybe the dogs are not out to kill, just have a little fun with him, since they gave up and came back on the porch. I suppose the rooster heard Hick over there looking around for him, and came back to where Hick let him loose when they got home.

I hope this rooster can survive. He might even get a name.

_____________________________________________________________

The Newest Albatross in Hick's Flock

You may recall that Hick decreed we buy an old truck as part of the deal for Lap House. It was not running, sitting in the driveway, and Hick said Some Guy wouldn't sell us the house unless we bought the truck as well.

Hick's plan was to give (sell by working out the cost) the truck to Old Buddy, who said he wanted it. After a couple months of sitting in Old Buddy's driveway, Hick figured Old Buddy wasn't fixing it up as he had planned. Old Buddy said he couldn't find some parts. The next day, Hick was cleaning out Lap House, and found those parts. 

Anyhoo... Hick took back the truck, and signed the title back into his name rather than Old Buddy's. Supposedly Hick wasn't going to start charging Old Buddy half his labor to purchase the truck until he had it running. So there was really no incentive for Old Buddy to get to work on that truck. I agreed with Hick taking it back. I told him not to put MY name on the title, heh, heh. He still hasn't gotten the spelling of my name changed on his trailer title. I'm pretty sure he has not yet gotten insurance on that trailer, either!

Anyhoo... Hick never told me what he was going to do with the $2000 truck. Still hasn't. But it appeared without warning on Wednesday afternoon, between the time I left for my leg therapy and the time I returned. It was parked in front of the BARn. I thought somebody was stealing all of Hick's treasures! I had to call and see if he was expecting somebody over there for hunting or junking or burning stuff from out of Lap House. Nope. Hick had just brought home the $2000 truck.

It's a Ford F150. Has a few dents, but is not at all as bad-looking as I expected. Of course, it doesn't run. So there's that. But it has a nice matching camper shell. The tires look drivable. I'm sure Hick will get right on repairing it, in all his spare time. 

Maybe I should reach out to Hick's Harem, and have them ask Hick to take them for a ride in his "new" truck.

Hick's FREE Magnet is Fully Charged

Hick and HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) were up to shenanigans on Thursday afternoon. Hick was supposed to be home around 4:30, to carry in groceries I was getting for our Monday cookout. In typical Hick fashion, he stood me up! I got a text at 4:20...

"I'll be right back had to help HOS do something have stuff in car and ill get it"

Here's the translation: Hick was doing some errand with HOS, and was running late. He told me to leave the groceries in T-Hoe and he would carry them in when he got home. Sounds easy enough, but I didn't think the frozen groceries would benefit from the wait. So I carried them in, and left the shelf stuff for Hick.

Meanwhile, Hick was off getting something for FREE.

"I took a picture. I know how your people like to see stuff I get for free."

That's a camper shell sitting on Hick's new(est) used trailer. I can't figure out the whole scenario. It's quite possible that THIS is the something that Hick needed to help HOS with. In his evasive way, Hick provided spotty information. I will need to hone my interrogation techniques.

"I was dropping HOS off at his house, and he said there was this camper just down the road. I was gonna go get it, but I figured it would be easier if HOS was with me. So we went and loaded it on my trailer."

I am suspicious. Because when I got the initial text, I called Hick, and his statements led me to believe that he was currently at home, but with HOS, and driving him back. So I'm not sure if Hick picked him up first and they came to get the trailer, or what. It would be odd if Hick was driving around town with his trailer. UNLESS that's the day they were mowing assorted flip yards, and had to unload the mower. Which Hick can usually do by himself. See? This story is full of holes!

Anyhoo... Hick has a new used FREE camper shell. Which he has no use for. Already having a camper shell that came off The Pony's first truck, which Hick has put on an old wooden trailer which is an atrocity, but capable of hauling stuff. I doubt he would use it on SilverRedO, even if it would fit.

Nor can Hick use this camper shell on the new old $2000 truck which he made us buy from the seller of Lap House. That story tomorrow...

Hick Makes His Pick

The Hickcision has been reached. Hick picked his cleanout crew for Cheap House.

"I'm gonna give it to HOS (Guy 2). I think him and his buddy will get it done on time, because there's two of them. They said they'd do it for $500. 

Guy 1 told me $600, but he said he could do it for $500. I'm just worried he won't get done on time. He's been trimming a tree for one of my Senior Center gals, and he still ain't done. I'm the one who recommended him for her. So if that ain't done, he don't need to be startin' somethin' else. I told him our deal is still on, though, to trim a tree at Cheap House.

Guy 3 might not be able to do it by himself. It will be hard moving some of the furniture and appliances alone. He never got back to me with his estimate. So I'm going with HOS." [Turns out Guy 3 just bought two storage units, and is too busy sorting through his new junk, so not available.]

Maybe there's a little Hickpotism going on in this selection. I can imagine the other Guys grousing about Hick giving the job to his son.

Anyhoo... not a paper has been signed to transfer ownership of Cheap House to us, but Hick has already rented the dumpster ($650), scheduled to arrive on Tuesday. And HOS and Buddy were in Cheap House on Friday, pre-junking.

"They wanted to get a head start. So I let them in, and they were breaking up the couches and getting stuff ready to carry out when the dumpster gets there."

"I really hope that house is OURS! You're putting a lot of money into it, and we don't own it any more than when you first looked at it last October!"

"It's ours, Val. The Savings & Loan cain't wait to get rid of it. To get it off their books. The gal told me she's gettin' the paperwork ready. They have to do the Deed of Trust and all that. She said she was gettin' stuff ready so we only have to make one trip to sign."

Uh huh. From the man who just told me a few days ago, "I don't think we'll have to sign anything." I wish Hick was this enthusiastic about Lap House. The one we're actually renovating. Sometime...

Crewcisions, Crewcisions

Hick has been taking bids for the cleanout of Cheap House. As you might imagine, this weighs heavily on Hick's head, because he knows a guy... Hick has guys who do odd work for him. Guys he does favors for, to help them out. Now he must choose among them! 

Guy 1 has been allowed to come out and sort through Hick's junk to sell for scrap. He's one I saw parked in the BARn field, and roaming along Shackytown Boulevard, and called from the front porch, "Hey, what's going on?" He swore Hick had invited him out here. Yet couldn't reach Hick on the phone to prove it. I let him go (heh, heh, as if I could have stopped him), and eventually Hick sent me a text that yes, Guy 1 had such permission. Guy 1 has also been on top of our metal roof, cleaning out gutters, and patching a leak. A risky task, with Hick only holding the ladder, for a paltry sum of $100.

Guy 2 is HOS (Hick's Oldest Son). He has been working some weekends at the annex of Hick's SUS2.5, selling items from that locker for a 40% cut.

Guy 3 is an older man. Hick knows him from the storage lockers. He hasn't done any work for Hick, but is always asking Hick if he has any work available.

Hick asked all the Guys for an estimate. He emphasized that he was renting an industrial dumpster for one week. If the job wasn't completed by the end of that week, Hick would deduct $25 per day from the agreed-upon price of the cleanout. That's the fee the company charges for overdue dumpsters. The Guys can have anything from the contents they want, to keep or sell for scrap.

Hick is now choosing his favorite considering his options.

"I'm not sure. Guy 1 has done jobs for me before. The thing is, he don't always finish them. HOS (Guy 2) has a buddy to help, which would be easier and faster than a single guy. But he ain't the most dependable. Guy 3 always finishes what he starts. But he'd be working alone, and he's older.

The decision is on the horizon...

Hick Has Already Met a Neighbor at Cheap House

Around 12:30 on Wednesday, I got a text from Hick:

"Look what are neighbors has here at Cheap House"

"Dang! They let it run free?"

"He had two of them outside"

"Showing off!"

Here's a close-up, but it's not very clear. I don't know my snakes, but I think it's one of those big yellow/white pythons.

I can't say I'm surprised that the neighbor of a convicted meth-maker is a snake. Or two. Hick said this guy is really nice, and was happy to see someone working on the house.

Hick Knew What We Were Getting

I believe the lack of bidders for the foreclosed Cheap House was due to fear of the unknown. It's not like they could schedule a tour to look inside. Anybody interested most likely took a peek through the bathroom window. I think the other windows were boarded up, or had shades.

Hick was lucky because he drove to see the location as soon as Loan Officer told him they were considering foreclosure, way back in October. The owner's sister was there to lock up the house, having come to check out its status when she took over his affairs. She invited Hick inside, and he made a handshake deal to buy the house for what was owed, plus a side deal for tools in the shed out back. 

Hick will never buy a house without seeing inside. In fact, he has been scolded by The Pony for just WALKING IN when a property is unlocked. Hick wants to get an idea of what renovations will cost.

Anyhoo... Cheap House is a 2-bedroom, 1-bath house, which has a room added on at the back porch which needs to be destroyed.

Are you ready? Grasp your smelling salts, or take a swig of an adult beverage...

This is the living room, at the front of the house as you enter:

Look, more artwork for Hick! Unless the demolishers take it.

There's a bedroom to the right of the living room, but Hick says it was being used as a living room also:

No need to worry about the moldy wall or the hole in the ceiling, as all that stuff will be torn out, down to the 2 x 4 framing.

The other bedroom is at the back left of the house:

You know it's a bedroom, because there's a mattress! I bet that guy kept rolling out of bed, heh, heh! And looks like he didn't put up his Christmas tree.

The kitchen looks roomy enough:

I'm pretty sure all those cabinets are getting ripped out. Hick says the hole in the floor is just to the right, out of the picture. I am horrified to see that cute shiny backsplash that Hick put in the pretty little kitchen of Bargain House. It sullies the pleasant memory!

The bathroom doesn't look all that bad:

Compared to some of the bathrooms in other flip houses, it's not a disaster. The tub/shower is to the left. Hick says it could be used. He won't be tearing that out. Probably leaving the toilet. Not sure about that sink.

I know the interior is in bad shape, but it's not as bad as what I had imagined. Hick has looked at a house with bags of trash piled in every room, and stinking from outside. Even it cost more than Cheap House!

As long as Hick sticks with his plan to do a gutting, structural repairs, and sell... I'm okay with this acquisition. If he starts trying to get fancy, he's gonna get an earful of Val.

Hick Knows a Lot, But Not as Much as He THINKS He Knows

Hick is on a roll with his misdirects concerning Cheap House. I think he might be setting a personal record for irritating me so many different ways on one topic.

Tuesday evening, I asked if he'd checked on an industrial dumpster.

"No. Not yet."

"What about the appliances? You're leaving them there, right?"

"No. The appliances are going away."

"But they'll fill up a dumpster! You already said you were worried about how big a dumpster we would need. For couches and a mattress."

"I'm not leaving appliances in the house. I'm tearing it down to the studs."

"The old appliances should be the problem of the new flipper who buys it. We're not fixing it up to make it pretty. Like you said how the bathtub was nice, and could be used. What do WE care? We're not flipping this house."

"I know, Val. But them guys I'm hiring to tear it out will get rid of the appliances. They'll want them for scrap metal. So they won't be going in the dumpster. They're all junk. I didn't even open the refrigerator. I don't want to know what's inside!"

"You better tell your guys not to open it in the house!"

"I don't care. They're the ones who'll be working inside and smelling it!"

Talk (my interrogation) turned to the closing date.

"So you don't know yet when we'll close?"

"I'm not so sure we'll have to. This is a foreclosure. All the title work has been done. There's no debts left. I don't think we'll have to sign anything. Just give them a cashier's check."

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard! Of course we'll have a closing! They're not handing us a house with nothing being signed! I was right about the cashier's check, wasn't I?"

"No. Not really. Loan Officer would have taken my personal check. It's that woman who said no."

"That's how she got to be in her position! NOT by taking personal checks from random people buying property!"

I can't imagine what cockamamie idea Hick will come up with next. Whatever it is, I'm sure he'll change his story when he turns out to be wrong. There's nothing bad about saying, "Oh, I was mistaken." He has to take it further, trying to prove he was right all along. Like I CAIN'T UNDERSTAND NOTHIN'! That's the irritating part.

I THINK the Cheap House Deal is in Progress

Loan Officer did not call Hick on Monday as promised on Friday on the steps of the courthouse. Hick called him on Tuesday. Then sent me a text. In his usual Hicktextic fashion:

"Talked with Savings & Loan. They are getting the dead and all made up and will let me know and I can do a wire transfer or cashier check"

Somebody unfamiliar with Hicktext might worry. It doesn't seem a good omen to hear that the dead and all are being made up! Why? To look more presentable? Even if you assume that Hick meant DEED rather than dead, being made up sounds like something is being falsified!

So much for Hick's declaration that a personal check should be fine at the closing, to buy a $15,000 house, because the main office of our bank is right across the street from the Savings & Loan. We've always used a cashier's check to buy our real estate. I wouldn't want to accept a personal check from any buyer.

You'd think Hick would be walking on daisies, in a jolly mood, pampering Val for allowing him to make this unwanted (to her) purchase, (even though Val was outvoted by Hick and The Pony). But no. Hick is being his usual cantankerous self! I swear, I might have to ask his harem to intervene.

As of Tuesday morning, Hick still hadn't looked up the two local websites that rent industrial dumpsters.

"I talked to my buddy who's doing the cleanout. He said he rented a dumpster once, and it was $450. We're gonna need at least a 20-yard dumpster--"

"I gave you those websites! There's the list right in front of you. Each one of them has a picture of the sizes, and the EXACT COST they charge, for how long!"

Hick picked up the list and fiddled with his phone. I don't know what he was looking at, but when he turned his phone to show me, there were NO pictures. Just a yellow box saying the size and price.

"I don't know what you're on, but it's NOT the company website!"

"It is too, Val! See here? There's the name, and their address. It says to call them for a quote."

Hick had googled the name of the company, and clicked on the first result. Which I assume was a paid advertisement for local trash companies, and not the specific website. I swear, you CAIN'T TELL HICK NOTHIN'!

"That's not their website. I'll show you tonight on my laptop. Besides, I told you to get an estimate if HE gets the dumpster, and one if WE get the dumpster. So we can see what's cheapest for us."

"Val. The guys I get cain't afford to get a dumpster. WE are paying for the dumpster!"

"That's not what we talked about. Besides, if WE are paying, what keeps them from taking too much time, and getting us charged for another week? AND, you just said that your buddy had rented one before! So obviously he had the money."

"WE are getting the dumpster. He'll give me a quote when I walk him through the house."

"Make sure you write down what the deal is! About how much time they have, the total price, and when you will pay them!"

Hick is being extra dodgy about his hired help, and I don't like it.

More Ominous on a Cloudy Day

Here's your first picture of Cheap House. The exterior is kind of cute when you drive by on a sunny day. However... this is the Glamour Shot of this lipstick-needy pigsty. 

Hick has already made a trip to Lowe's for padlocks and plywood. He's boarding up broken windows, to keep the city off his back. This is NOT the city which seems to persecute Hick. That's where Lap House lives. This is the city we've had reasonable relations with, despite them not granting a variance for the Double Hovel, nor fixing the city sidewalk at Bargain House. They don't go out of their way to nitpick, just follow their regular protocol as they would for any other property owner.

Despite the lack of tender loving care, Cheap House is not all that unappealing from the street. We've seen many run-down houses that seem to smell from the listing photo. AND for much more than $15,000. 

There's no plan to make this one into a safe, livable home. Just put in windows, patch up structural problems, tear the interior down to the studs, then offer it to a flipper.

I actually have a few pictures of the interior. I don't know if you're ready for such squalor. I may not post them, unless you promise to sit down, smelling salts handy, ready to close your browser.

________________________________________________________________

Welp! Hick has already broken one promise. I just got an email from the electric company that a new account  has been opened. So much for not turning on the utilities. I weep for Lap House. Hick has a new baby.

________________________________________________________________

Hick Is On a Buyer's High

Without yet having put pens to paper, and taken legal possession of Cheap House, Hick is already making plans to pour money into his newest acquisition. He had his verbal agreement to purchase Cheap House on Friday afternoon. Saturday morning, Hick was already shopping it out at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5).

"I was tellin' of my buddies about gettin' the house, and he said he had looked at it. He thought about buyin' it. He said he passed on it, because he didn't want to do all the clean-out. When I told him my plan was to tear it down to the studs, and get rid of that back porch, and fix the hole in the floor, then sell it to a flipper... he said he might be interested! That when I get it ready, to let him know what I want for it."

"Is he a flipper?"

"No. Him and a partner buy houses, then fix them up and rent them. They don't sell them. So not really a flipper."

"So they DO buy old run-down houses and fix them?"

"Yeah. To rent. I talked to my buddy I was gonna hire to tear it out. I'm gonna take him by and show him, and get an estimate."

"Can you do that now? We don't legally own it yet. Do you have keys?"

"No. Nobody had any keys, Val. Even the Savings & Loan don't have any keys. I'll just cut off the padlocks that the lady put on there, and then put my own padlocks on."

"Will your buddy haul away all the junk? Or will you do that part? I know you said it would be cheaper to rent a dumpster than make all those trips to the landfill, and pay to dump."

"I don't know. I'll have to see what he says."

"Make sure you get an estimate for HIM clearing out the trash, and one if YOU dump the trash. So we'll know what's the best plan."

"Yeah, I will. I'm takin' my old weedeater on wheels to get it fixed. That'll be the easiest way to mow the lawn there. There's already weeds knee-high, so I'll have to get on it. It might cost $100 to fix my weedeater, but that's cheaper than $300-$400 for a new one."

While I was cooking Hick's supper (chicken, stuffing, baked beans, rolls), I looked up two businesses that rent the big dumpsters. I wrote down the URLs and the business names, and gave them to Hick.

"You can look these up. The first one is here in town. They charge $5/mile extra if you're more than 20 miles away, which Cheap House isn't. And the other one is over in Sis-Town. They have the sizes and what they cost on their websites."

"We'll probably need at least 20 cubic yards. Maybe 40."

I went back to the kitchen. In true Hick fashion, he completely ignored the info I had given him. And started searching for the price of dumpsters.

"It says here the average price of renting an industrial dumpster in our county is--"

"WHY are you doing that??? Go to those websites I gave you! They have the ACTUAL  PRICE for EACH SIZE of dumpster! An average isn't going to tell you what you need to know."

Poor Lap House. It's going to be the neglected step-house for a while.

The Auction That Wasn't

The auction on the courthouse steps for the sale of foreclosed Cheap House was scheduled for 1:00. I had a leg/knee therapy appointment at 1:00. I told Hick that I would not be available for a phone call until 2:00. But that he could text me with any news, and I could call later. Well. You know Hick...

I had just sat down on the end of the hydraulic table/bed. Legs dangling over the end, I was being hoisted ceilingward when by phone started ringing at 1:04.

"Oh, that will be my husband. He was going to an auction to buy a flip house at 1:00. I TOLD him I couldn't talk to him until after 2:00."

My occupational therapist didn't mind. "I can let you down. I don't mind if you take a call. I'm just going to do some measurements after I unwrap your legs."

"No. I'll call him later. No big deal."

My phone was zipped up in my purse, on the floor against the wall, by my shoes and socks. By the time I got to it, Hick would have lost patience and hung up. It wasn't exactly an emergency. But then I worried. What if Hick was going to bid MORE than we agreed on??? What if he'd already called The Pony and gotten an agreement? Oh, well. If that was the case, I was outvoted anyway. My phone kept interrupting. At 1:07. Then 1:27. Just texts this time. Does Hick not understand the meaning of an APPOINTMENT?

By 2:04, I had been unwrapped, measured, massaged, re-wrapped, and was back outside in T-Hoe. I read the texts:

1:07 "We own the house. Nobody else came to bid. Loan Officer said we'll do the paperwork next week. He would let me know."

1:27 "No one else even showed up"

I could tell Hick wanted to talk. To revel in his newest acquisition. I called.

"Did you write him a check?"

"No. We'll have a closing at the same place we went to sell the other house. I guess they'll take a personal check. Our bank is right across the street from them, if they want to verify it! I don't see no need to get a cashier's check and pay $10 for it."

"Did you find close parking by the courthouse?"

"Yeah. Right in front. Loan Officer and a gal from the Savings & Loan got there about 12:45. Then a gal from the title company showed up. [She actually owns the title company, but is a trustee of the Savings & Loan that foreclosed on Cheap House, and was there representing the Savings & Loan.] I got out and walked over. It was just me. At 1:00, the Title Co Gal asked if I was there to bid on the house. I said, 'Not for the price they're starting with, no.' Loan Officer said they were starting the bid at $18,400.'"

"Wait! Yesterday he told you $18,300! So it went up $100 overnight?"

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, she handed me these papers, saying she was required by law to disclose that the house had been used for meth production. It's a legal thing. I'm not worried about that. When I said I wasn't bidding for that price, Loan Officer said he would still sell me the house at our previous agreed-on price of $15,000. Title Co Gal said, 'You'll have to make your arrangements with him (Loan Officer), then we will schedule the closing.' So I'll talk to him Monday. Oh, and it will be "$15,500, because nobody paid the taxes on it last year, and that's $500."

"So we, as the buyer, have to pay SOMEBODY ELSE'S DEBT? That doesn't sound right."

"I know. I'm gonna ask that on Monday. He said all debts were dead once the foreclosure happened. That nobody can come back on us for any judgments. I'm gonna ask why that doesn't apply to taxes, too."

"Well. It's not THAT much. We're getting a really cheap house."

Anyhoo... it's a done deal, except for the official closing and money transfer, which will be soon, I'm sure. They're desperate to unload this house! Hick is already calling his "guys" who will do the demolition. He's using one who's a contractor, which means the contractor will be responsible if anything happens to his workers on our property.

Hick is not worried about the meth thing. I don't think it will affect the resale to another flipper, which is what we're planning for Cheap House after structural cleanup. Hick says we're tearing it down to the studs, so there won't be anything meth-y in the walls or hidden. And that he'll get somebody to inspect it and verify nothing is there.

How do you do THAT? I can't imagine there are inspectors to certify buildings as meth-free! Only police with a drug dog, who aren't going to do private inspections. The notice Hick got was Missouri Statute 442.606, which is a disclosure concerning a property used for meth production, OR as a residence for a person convicted of meth crimes. It's not something that would dissuade me from buying a house. It's not like it's infested with black mold or eaten up by termites. I suppose we'll just have to give the same notice to a prospective buyer.

Anyhoo... once again, Thevictorians have TWO flip houses at the same time. 

A pain for bookkeeper Val.