Val Resists the Call of the Scratchers

I hope the local economy does not collapse. Val is sitting her ample rumpus at home on Wednesday, rather than going to town for scratchers! Hopefully this won't result in convenience store clerks being laid off, or lottery machines being repossessed.

I also missed a grocery-shopping trip with The Pony. He came out to pick up his laptop mouse that he'd forgotten on Sunday. I would have dropped it off if I went to pick him up for shopping. But those plans changed. WHY???

It's tax time.

I spent the morning working on taxes. Yes. I do my own, with the assistance of TurboTax. It's still time-consuming. Those fields aren't going to autofill themselves! It's pretty much common sense. Just answer the questions, and type in details from W-2s and 1099s of various kinds like RET, INT, DIV, etc. We had seven different 1099s, and social security info, and that darn Hick had the NERVE to get a W-2 for working twice at the election! Still, that was the easiest part. I've yet to get to the sale of our QuickFlip house, and Hick's business.

Have you started serenading me with the world's smallest violin yet? I can't quite hear. The wind is whipping around with 51 mph gusts, and sustained wind at 27 mph. Another reason I am not itching to go get scratchers. Also, it's my TV night from 7:00 to 10:00. Can't miss Survivor or The Amazing Race. That's how I learn world geography, you know!

I'm pretty sure that on Thursday, I will be ready to get out. The taxes still won't be completely done, but the easy parts will.

Hick Has a Nose for Business

Hick the Bargain Magnet found some cabinets for Bargain House, our latest flip. He was talking about them on Saturday morning before leaving for his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5).

"I found cabinets for the house. They're down in Genius's college town. I had told the lady I'll take them, but I had a question about whether the countertop comes with them. And a time to go pick them up. She never got back to me last night."

"Well, I'm not surprised, with all those tornadoes last night. One hit College Town! They had a nail salon owner on there, asking for help moving her stuff. The whole building was destroyed. It hit some chain store, too. Pictures on the news. So that cabinet lady probably had more important things to worry about besides your cabinets."

"Huh. I wonder if they got destroyed!"

"I wasn't even thinking about THAT. Only that if might be hard to get around in town during the cleanup, and she might be without electricity. You don't need to be going down there this weekend."

"Yeah. If she ever gets back to me, I'll tell her Monday."

"How much are the cabinets?"

"They're $500."

"How much would they be worth new? In a store?"

"A lot! Anywhere from $7,000 to $10,000. The countertop is granite. They're nice cabinets."

"How much would new cabinets be here at a store?"

"If I got the cheap particle board cabinets, about $2,500."

When Hick got home Saturday evening, the woman sent him a text.

"Huh. I told her I could get there Monday if she gives me a time. I said I hoped she survived the storm okay, and she said everything was fine, they just got rain and a little wind."

"That's weird."

"Yeah. And then she said she hopes the cabinets are still here if I wait until Monday, that they're taking a $100 deposit to hold them. She never mentioned any deposit before!"

"Maybe she has somebody who offered her more."

"I'm wondering if she's a scammer. I told her I don't pay nobody no money up front! Maybe the cabinets got damaged. Or maybe she don't even live there in College Town. She said she's going to list them as "contingent" on her page. I just looked at it, and it says 'These cabinets are worth $7,000 to $14,000, and we will take offers.' So now she's changed it."

"That does sound fishy. I'd say forget it! Other cabinets will come along."

"Yeah. I don't want nothin' to do with that deal now."

Hick Heroes On

We had planned all week to grill on Sunday evening. The stormy weather would be gone by Saturday morning. Hick and The Pony both work on Saturdays, but Sunday is The Pony's day off. Hick said he would leave his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) by 3:00. We told him there was no need to leave that early. He could stay until his regular time of 5:00 if he wanted.

Hick came home around 4:25. We told him to wear his coat and gloves while tending GassyG Jr. The 80-degree temperatures had dropped to the low 50s for Sunday. The wind was chilly. Hick grilled the New York Strip steaks, the pepper steaks, and 12 sausage patties. The Pony and I don't have to cook for a few days, heh, heh!

Hick had the meat ready in 30 minutes. The Pony and I made a few sides. Nothing elaborate this time, just The Pony's favorites that are simple. 

Hick chose a sausage patty (sorry, I refuse to call that a bratwurst, despite the labeling of Save A Lot), a pepper steak, slaw, Sister Schubert's rolls, a giant baked potato, and stuffing.

My plate looked a little different. I'm not a finicky eater. I just pick the foods I really want. When I bit into my sausage patty, I told Hick it didn't look done enough. You can't play around with pork! Hick swore it was fine, but he got up and took my sausage to the microwave for a few seconds. It was fantastic! My hero came through again. Don't you go worrying that Val didn't get enough to eat!

I chose to squander my caloric budget on salad! It probably has more calories than Hick's entire plate, heh, heh. But that's what I wanted. I used iceberg lettuce this time. With shredded cheddar, a diced boiled egg, cherry tomatoes, fried onion crisps, and blue cheese dressing.

The Pony had a giant baked potato with a stick of Kerrygold! Almost, anyway. The Pony is a Butterton! That's a sausage patty that he desecrated with ketchup! And some stuffing, rolls, and a pepper steak.

The Pony also had a salad. Our tastes differ. The Pony used a bag salad, Italian Blend. With shredded cheddar, diced boiled egg, and red onion. With extra onion on the side! This is before The Pony applied his Creamy Caesar dressing.

I forgot to take a picture of the desserts, but they were just store-bought cookies and brownies. Caramel pecan cookies, chocolate chunk cookies, and cookies-and-cream topped brownies. Yes. There was a certain theme...

Anyhoo... The Pony went home with a NY Strip, four sausage patties, buns, rolls, stuffing, and all three desserts. I did save four cookies for Hick, and two for me.

I'm looking forward to leftovers.

Val Is Annoyed With Save-A-Lot Brats

I like to buy our meat at Save A Lot. Especially when Hick plans to grill. They have their own butcher. It's way better than Walmart meat, and usually better than 10Box. Much less expensive than Country Mart. So I braved the 50 mph winds on Friday, to make sure I didn't have to fight for the handicap parking space on a weekend.

My goal was to pick up some steaks for Hick and The Pony, and some bratwursts for all of us. Save A Lot makes their own. None of that prepackaged stuff. We like the plain version, but they always have other kinds as well, such as cheddar, jalapeno, and the hard-to-find apple.

The bread and buns are just inside the door, along the front wall as you go in and start toward the produce section to the right. I grabbed two packs of hot dog buns. I really like their store brand. Not dry and crumbly like some of the brand names. The meat section is along the back wall. 

I found some nice New York Strip steaks for Hick and The Pony:

They DO love their steaks! Something else caught my eye. At first I thought they might be filet mignon, a favorite of Hick. Upon closer inspection, I read the label and discovered they were pepper steaks:

They looked pretty good, and I could include them in the 5-for-$25 deal when I got the bratwursts. We always send home leftovers with The Pony, and it's easy to toss a pack in the freezer for Hick to grill for us another day. No need to let a deal go to waste.

Imagine my dismay when I got down to the pork section of the cooler and found NO BRATWURSTS! Well. What I found were LABELED as brats. But they were NOT BRATS!

What in the NOT-HEAVEN? I suppose somebody forgot to order the sausage casings this week! I've bought these sausage patties there before, and we've grilled them. They're good. But they are NOT BRATS! Still, I needed something tasty for us to grill. So I got four packs. Two of these plain versions, and two of the BBQ flavor I hadn't seen before.

Of course this meant I had to go back up front, past the registers, to put back the hot dog buns and get hamburger buns. So clever, aren't they, trying to make you buy something you don't need by forcing your bread selection before the meat! I paraded right past the registers, over past the door, wishing an employee would rush me for shoplifting! Nope. I guess they figured I still wouldn't be to my car by the time police arrived, heh, heh. I pushed on to the bread and picked my buns. Then back around to pay.

I'm really annoyed by those Save A Lot brats.

Val Serves Hick a Cold Dish That Has Nothing to do With Revenge

Hick is back to being Val's knight in tarnished armor. He'd better enjoy the status while he can!

Friday was windy, windy, windy! I needed to go to town for groceries before the weekend crowds. The Pony is coming out Sunday, and Hick is going to grill steaks and bratwurst. I knew a big storm was coming later in the evening. Big, because it was going to be violent, but not long-lasting.

I got the best handicap parking space at Save A Lot, next to the cart return, where nobody could park too close and block T-Hoe's door. It was a chore getting inside, even clinging to a cart/walker, because those winds were gusting at 50+ mph. Normally, I would have stayed home. But I needed the meat from Save A Lot, which has limited parking on a weekday. Weekends are not made for Val's Save A Lot shopping! Turns out there was an issue I had not anticipated, but that's a story for another day...

I bought the groceries, putting the meat in a box that the employees so kindly pile up front under the bagging counter. We have a new dog who does not respect my grocery bags when I place them on a chair on the side porch. No way was I going to tempt her with bags of steak and brats! I can't carry groceries up the steps. It's hard enough dragging myself onto the porch. I knew Hick wouldn't be home. Friday is his day to shoot the bull with his cronies until 5:00. I wanted to be home before then, when the winds were going to pick up.

While in town, sirens were going off everywhere. Not like a tornado siren. First responder sirens. Police. Ambulance. Fire department. Probably four different incidents during the hour I was there. I didn't see smoke, so I figured the wind must be causing problems. On the way in, I had seen five different areas with fallen limbs on the road. Good thing they were small. That's my biggest fear from the wind, having a big one fall on me in T-Hoe.

I got the groceries into the house with minimal yelling at the dog. I see that as progress. Hick had sent me a warning just before I left for town, telling me to be careful of the wind blowing T-Hoe's door shut on my legs. I made sure I parked facing down at the Gas Station Chicken Store, so the wind kept that door open, though making it hard for me to close. Val may not know world geography, but she knows north, south, east, and west, and the direction a storm comes from!

With the upcoming BBQ, I was not planning to cook on Friday and Saturday night. Any excuse is good enough for me! I'd bought some deli fried chicken on Thursday at Country Mart. Hick was having that with mashed potatoes and bread/butter. Yes. I offered him salad. He declined.

We discussed the forecast. The violent weather was supposed to reach our area between 10:00 and 11:00 p.m. Then be gone. 

"I'm going out to check my new generator and make sure it works. Just in case we lose power."

Hick got this generator from a guy for $350. He spent his own money on it, but is being reimbursed by our household funds paying the two electric bills for his SUS2 and SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Stores) until it is recouped. He has $42.42 left.

Anyhoo... I had just sat down with my scratchers when Hick got home around 5:15. I told him when I got to a stopping place, I'd get his supper ready. I can't stop in the middle of a crossword ticket, because I forget how many words I've uncovered. It takes 15-20 minutes per crossword. That's why I like those scratchers. They take a while.

"It's probably going to be around quarter to six. It won't take long to warm up the chicken. And the mashed potatoes only take 1 minute after the water boils." (Hick likes his instant mashed potatoes. Roasted Garlic flavor.)

Indeed, at 5:45 I turned to holler and ask Hick if he wanted me to set out the Hawaiian Bread, or the Brioche. He didn't care. Turns out he got Brioche, my executive decision, because of the use-by dates. However, before I could stand up to turn on the oven, 

OUR POWER WENT OFF!

"Dang it! There goes your supper! I guess you can eat cold chicken, but no mashed potatoes. Oh, no! I don't want all that meat to go bad! I just bought it!"

"Maybe they'll get it back on pretty soon."

"You know they won't! We're always end of the line. 59 people aren't that important."

"It could be anywhere between here and town. Maybe more than just us."

"Did you call them?"

"No. Somebody will."

"Unless they all think somebody else will!"

"Val. That's what smart meters are for. They tell them when and where the outage is."

"Smart meters are to control our energy usage!"

"Yeah, that's probably right, according to my buddies. They're like you. But still, they'll know where the outage is."

"I'll get your chicken, and your bread and butter. At least you can still see to eat now. And I can probably scratch another ticket or two. It'll be dark in an hour. I need to find my little flashlight. I can't flush, right, except for once? And I can't get water? I'm going to fill my water bottle up with ice right now."

"After I eat, I'll go turn on the generator. So you can have lights and your computer and TV. It'll run the refrigerator and the well pump. But you can't use the stove or microwave, and you can't do laundry, and it won't run the air conditioner or furnace or water heater."

"Okay. All I need is lights and flushing and water and my computer and TV!"

After supper, Hick fired up the generator. He had gotten gas for it a few days earlier. The dogs barked at it, but the lights and my vital necessities came on. I'm so glad Hick bought that generator. The old one has needed the carburetor rebuilt for several years now. Something Hick CAN do, if he wants to. It was pretty old. All four tires on it had dry-rotted. So it was harder to move from the garage to the porch.

We got a lot of use out of that old generator. Genius was around 10 when he was helping Hick turn off the main breaker, then turn on the breakers that we could use off the generator power. The Pony is not good with stuff like that, but Genius and Hick were a good team at restoring partial power.

We got an email from the electric company that 327 customers were without power because of damage from a tree. The expected restore time was 7:30. At 6:45, we got another notice that it was back on. So Hick went out and turned off the generator. Came back and tried the main breaker. Yes! Our electricity was restored! I'm sure Hick missed having Genius here, to do one or the other tasks, while I stood in the door, hollering when to try the power. Ahh... good times.

We were very lucky to get our power back so quickly. It meant we could watch the news to see the storm track. We were also lucky that the temperature was in the 70s, and we didn't need heat or AC. We were extremely lucky that the storm missed us to the north by about 20 miles, and that another missed us to the south by about 10 miles. The Pony was also in that safe swath. I'm so glad we got that tree down that was beside his house when we bought it. Several tornadoes went through with those storms. Turned over semi trucks, took off roofs, tore down power lines, collapsed brick walls. We were exceedingly lucky to be in that sweet spot, with only a brief power outage.

For a few days, Hick will be my hero!

Hick Needs to Cool His Wheels

You may recall that Hick didn't have enough to keep himself busy, and screwed a giant wagon wheel to the corner of our front porch.

I am not a fan of this look. Hick can't get enough wheels! He paid $60 for this one. Old Buddy found Hick a deal on MORE wheels. Five for $50. They also came with some kind of fountain/statue that Hick says is over at the BARn, because he couldn't turn down this deal. Old Buddy somehow fit all this into his CAR. Thanks so much, Old Buddy.

Monday, Hick further "hoardered" our porch with these other wheels.

Here are three of the new ones. They're not even the same size as the original. They're not all the same color. I really don't like these wheels. They make the porch look even more junky.

There's another wheel down at the far corner. Let the record show that I also dislike this white picket fence that Hick put in years ago. It means you can't just walk out into the yard from the front sidewalk. Even the dogs are inconvenienced by it. Nevermind that it does not go with the style of the cedar house.

I suppose the only thing working in my favor is that very few people pass in front of our hillbilly mansion, and they already know how Hick likes his junk.

The Pony Has a Heart

The weather has been heating up, making for better working conditions on The Pony's mail route. In fact, it's been a little warmer than he prefers. Still, walking around in the sunshine is better than traipsing through wind and rain and snow and ice.

I was still in town Tuesday evening when The Pony sent a text:

"Off work and roasting in my own skin now."

"I know! I'm frying at 10Box."

"My head hurts too! Lemme know when you're home and I'll tell you why - it's just a weird story, not me getting hurt."

Well. My heart descended from my throat upon reading the end of that text. When I got home, I called The Pony to find out about his head "injury."

"Oh, you didn't have to call. I'll send you a picture."

"A customer left this for me today."

"It's a sticker and a crocheted heart. It must have been soaked with perfume, or the person who made it wears a lot of perfume. The smell permeated the whole truck while I finished my route. That's what gave me the headache, since I can't deal with perfume or cologne. It was weird, but a nice thought."

Yes. I'm sure you all have horror stories about mail delivery. I can't figure out why my phone bill is mailed on the first of the month, and I get it on the 12th, with it due on the 22nd. I'm pretty sure it's a processing issue with the phone company, and some of the larger mailing hubs. I also know there are some bad apples in every type of job, ne'er-do-wells and don't-care-to-do-wells. But most of the carriers and clerks actually try to do their best for the customers.

A little sign of appreciation can make their day.

Bargain House Bathroom 2 Nears Completion

The second bathroom that Hick is adding to Bargain House is almost finished. Hick sent me a picture on Wednesday. He says "Done but painting trim." You have to be a little psychic when reading communications from Hick! Is it done? If so, why would he be painting trim? That would point to the bathroom NOT being done. I think Hick means it is done, EXCEPT FOR painting the trim.

This bathroom is turning out better than I expected. It looks to me like it might still need a little bit more than painting the trim. Like it still needs trim along the floor. And a face plate for the electrical outlet over the sink. And the handle on the shower faucet. And a shower head. And a door for the shower. And a good cleanup. Oh, and the water isn't hooked up to this bathroom yet.

But yeah, I suppose compared to when this area used to be a closet off the bedroom... 

THIS BATHROOM IS DONE!

Almost, anyway.

Val Tries to Help Herself

You may recall that T-Hoe has a limp. A tire that loses air. Hick took T-Hoe to the BARn a few days ago, and used his compressor to fill all four tires with 36 pounds of air. It's supposed to be 35, but when I looked at the two working tire sensors, they said 36.

T-Hoe's left front tire has been losing two pounds of air a day. While I was in town on Monday, I decided I would try to put some air in myself, at the Gas Station Chicken Store's FREE AIR hose. Val planned. The Universe laughed.

I was thrilled to see the lone handicap parking space open, so I hurriedly parked there and went in for my scratchers, lest some ne'er-do-well choose to take that space while I was pumping free air. I figured I could pull forward into the FREE AIR space when I came out with my tickets.

"Au contraire, you silly silly woman with gray lovely-lady-mullet hair!" said The Universe. 

The moment I hoisted myself into T-Hoe's driver's seat, a 4-wheeler came up the back alley, and parked all cattywompus in the FREE AIR space. Well. How long could it take to air up four tires on a 4-wheeler? It's not like there's a large area to walk around to get to each tire. So I wrote on the back of my scratchers, and waited for the 4-wheeler to leave. It did... 

Just as a white SUV came looping around from the back alley, as if unsure of where to park. I glanced to see if it had a handicap plate or placard, because maybe they wanted MY parking space, and I could just pull forward. But no. No handicap designation, AND that white SUV pulled sideways into the FREE AIR space. A man got out. Then the white SUV drove back into the alley. Did an awkward too-many-point turn, and came back down into the FREE AIR space, facing me. The guy got the air hose. 

I gave up. Went over to Casey's for some crossword scratchers. Got into a game of chicken, totally unwanted, with a pickup pulling a trailer who decided to leave the gas pumps WHILE I was already backing up T-Hoe. So I pulled forward again into my parking space, waiting for it to get out of the way. Yet that driver decided to also wait. That meant I had to rassenfrass at him, and turn T-Hoe off completely, and just sit and wait until he went away. 

Then I backed out, took the shortcut over the moat along the back alley, to get my FREE AIR again. Huh. That RumpusHole in the White F250 was there in the handicap space, with a copper-colored PT Cruiser parked beside it in the driving lane. No handicap marking on either, of course. Just an entitled guy and a road-blocker.

I was able to pull T-Hoe in nose-first toward the big dumpster, sideways across the FREE AIR space. I got out to a very tangled air hose. Of course the valve on that tire I needed was on the bottom. I stood on my head to put in air. Couldn't tell how much was going in, but gave it two tries.

When I got back in after hanging up the air hose, I saw that I'd put in exactly six pounds of air. Just right! After this ultimately successful effort, I've decided that Hick needs to get that tire repaired BEFORE FRIDAY! Because if not, I'll be stuck doing this until next week.

Surely Hick can fit my need into his busy schedule...

There Oughta Be a Law. Oh, Wait!

During the frigid temperatures last month, on February 17, I was dismayed to pull onto the parking lot at the Gas Station Chicken Store, and find THIS in my rightful handicap space:

Let the record show that Val was NOT happy! Perhaps "fuming mad" would be the best description. Temps in the teens, windy, and my knees were particularly creaky that day. I did not want to walk an extra inch. Yet here was this truck in MY space! No handicap plate (there's a reason I blanked out the numbers), no handicap placard.

I waited. And waited. Still, it was better than hobbling along in the frigid wind. The longer I waited, the more incensed I became. This driver didn't even park in the space right!

That is what my fellow residents and my old townhouse complex where I met Hick would have called a "Sanford truck." In fact, Hick had an old truck with a similar paint job, and when he'd pick up young HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and The (Little Future) Veteran for the weekend, residents hanging out at the pool would shout in unison, "Here comes Sanford and sons!" That's kind of an insult, and I don't mean for Hick. Fred Sanford's truck was in much better shape than Hick's, and the truck in the picture!

Anyhoo... the driver of that truck finally emerged, carrying a 32 oz fountain soda in one hand, and a CANE in the other!

Never mind. I figure he needed that parking space. I took it when he left.

The Freebie King Rakes in More Jewels

Because he doesn't have enough projects to keep himself busy, Hick recently accepted a job at the Senior Center. Not so much the center itself, but with the housing agency where the lunchroom is located. The other guy retired, and Hick applied. The job involves collecting rent from the elderlies who live there, and taking care of any maintenance issues. It has no required hours to be onsite.

Hick talked to the guy who was retiring. Found out the procedures of where to turn in the rent money, and the contractors used to do maintenance work if Hick cannot solve the problems. He spent a little time after lunch one day, going through the office. 

Hick found a check in the drawer from two years ago! He asked a lady who works at the Senior Center what he should do about it. She said that since it was two years old, it would be unfair to deposit that check. Besides, that elderly lady no longer lived in the apartments. Nope she didn't get kicked out for not paying rent!!! Anyhoo... Hick destroyed the check as the worker suggested.

In cleaning up the office, Hick found five pouches that seemed to have been meant as gifts to give out to the residents or seniors who lunch there. He asked that same worker what he should do with them. She said he might as well keep them. Not a big deal. They had no plans for giving them out now.

The five pouches were identical, though the contents were not. Maybe the other guy had taken out some things that he could use. They all had a pair of white crew socks. Hick was thrilled with the socks! 

"I think they might be actual diabetic socks. They are really comfortable!"

Some pouches were missing the toothbrush, or the toothpaste. Doesn't matter to Hick. I told him he could probably sell those pouches at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) if he had any women customers. They look like makeup pouches. It's not that they're expensive. If Hick sells them for 50 cents, he would be happy. It's just a draw to get women into his SUS2.5.

Anyhoo... Hick has at least gotten five free pairs of new socks from this endeavor. 

Please Do Not Startle the Elderlies

I came out of 10Box on Saturday afternoon with five bags of groceries. Since Hick is a master of avoiding "carrying in" duties, I pre-emptively put them on the passenger seat of T-Hoe. It's closer, and I don't have to worry about closing the garage door, and T-Hoe's rear hatch, while having grocery bags draped over both arms.

I had a handicap parking space near the cart return garage door on the front of the building. After loading my groceries in T-Hoe, I turned to push the cart back up on the sidewalk.

"I'LL TAKE THAT FOR YOU!"

What in the Not-Heaven??? I almost jumped out of my skin! A guy had flung open the driver's door of a red sedan parked next to T-Hoe. I didn't even know anybody was in that car. 

"OH! You SCARED me!"

"I thought you were looking right at me. I'll take your cart. I figured I needed to get out before you parked it back in front of the building."

"Thank you so much. I was just startled."

Helpful Guy was probably late 20s. He was still talking on his phone to somebody, telling them that he was at one of his favorite stores, and going in to shop.

It's nice to help out the elderlies by taking their cart from them. It's problematic to terrorize them with stealth tactics...

T-Hoe Has a Limp

Like driver, like auto. Not only is Val struggling to hobble around these days, but T-Hoe has caught her affliction! It creeps up on you, I say. One day you're walking just fine, maybe a little soreness in the knee joint, and then all at once, it's 15 years later, and you can barely make it across the kitchen without leaning on the cutting block.

T-Hoe is getting old(er). He's a 2008 model. Heh, heh! He coulda been a model! So sleek and shiny black and classy in his heyday, I could imagine him gracing the cover of a junk mail advertisement. Now, T-Hoe is looking a bit worse for wear, and responding as though he's been drove hard and put away wet. Which he has...

The backup sensor hasn't worked for many years. The seat heaters are kaput, first the passenger side, then the butt part for the driver, then the back. Some plastic molding is peeling off the front passenger door. There's a short in the electronics that sometimes makes the radio not come on when starting up after a stop in town. Eventually it comes back. Maybe three or four minutes after driving. Just a couple weeks ago, the heater started doing the same thing!!! It's the blower, not the actual heat-providing part. The fan won't come on, no matter which setting, whether it be AUTO, or defroster, or face, or feet. Doesn't matter which level of blowing is chosen, from low to high, or the adjustment of the temperature. Oh, but after a few minutes of driving, it randomly comes on.

For somebody who knows his way around an automobile, Hick shows a shocking lack of interest in solving T-Hoe's problems. The radio and heater are my main concerns. But according to Hick, "Val, that could be ANYTHING! You could take the whole thing apart and never find it!" Well. Okay then. I guess that means we just give up and I do without radio and heat...

Thursday, I made a stop at the main post office over in Sis-Town. When I climbed in after mailing three water bills and Genius's letter, I looked down at the driver's side tire, and it looked LOW. The control panel told me that tire had 26 pounds of air. No good! T-Hoe needs 35 pounds of air in his tires. I'd checked only last week, in the cold weather, and both front tires had 31 pounds, which was fine with me, in the cold. Oh, and I forgot to say above, T-Hoe's two rear tire sensors don't work, and need to be replaced or reset or whatever those mechanics do when they put on new tires. Or don't...

Anyhoo... I was headed back over to Backroads, a distance of 8.7 miles by highway, but maybe a bit shorter for me on the back roads. I figured I could use the Gas Station Chicken Store's FREE AIR hose if that tire went any lower. When I got there, the reading was 27 pounds. Understandable, since they heat up while driving, and the air expands. I figured I could make it home, and have Hick do the airing. He doesn't live here chore-free, you know! Besides, I figured the back tires might need checking, being without a sensor.

Hick drove T-Hoe to the BARn, and used his air compressor to top off the tires. He says they all have 35 pounds now. When I start to town, I'll see what my sensor says about that driver's tire. Hopefully, I just knocked some air out on the potholes on our gravel road, and I don't have a slow leak.

Yes, You Know the Bargain Man

Hick bemoaned a bargain that got away this week. He's been working on Bargain House again. He got the shower set in place in the bathroom he's adding.

Now it needs a door and the faucet put on. I don't think Hick has the door yet, but I'm pretty sure he has the faucet.

"I could have had a 5-foot shower for only $500! The guy I know who works at Lowe's told me about it. Lowe's donates stuff to the VA Store so they can make money from it. I almost went and got it, for the main bathroom. It would fit just right. Then I got to thinking, did I really want a house with two showers and no bathtub. It's a nice shower, like the one we have."

"Still, there would be no bathtub. If the person who wants to buy the house has little kids, that would be a dealbreaker. When you want a tub, you don't spend all your money on a house that you'll have to remodel to put in a bathtub. So I think you were right not to get the shower."

"Yeah. I hate it, though. That shower would be $1200 full price. But we don't have a house to put it in right now. So I couldn't see buying it."

I'm sure other bargains will come Hick's way. He's a bargain magnet.

The Pony Slugs an Overnight Intruder

Oh, Even Steven, you silly pranking jokester! Can you not even let The Pony have some peace at home? The Pony works hard, and only wants to relax once the job part of the day is done. Many evenings, this includes falling asleep on the couch after supper, then waking up in the wee hours of the morning when nature calls. But no, Even (sometimes known as EVIL) Steven! You have to keep The Pony on his toes with your constant shenanigans.

On one of our morning phone calls this week, The Pony revealed the latest calamity.

"I fell asleep on the couch again. It's a good thing I turned on the light this time when I went to my hall bathroom. There was a SLUG on the toilet seat!"

"YUCK! Was it gray, or one of those spotted ones? We used to get them all the time on the sidewalk at my $17,000 house. And sometimes in the basement. I'd use salt on the sidewalk slugs, but the basement ones I had to pick up with a paper towel and throw outside."

"I think this was just a plain gray one. I got a piece of toilet paper and shoved it in the toilet and flushed. Good thing I didn't sit down on it in the dark!"

"Yeah!"

"In shock, I might have stumbled trying to get up, and gouged my eye out on that door latch!"

I suppose one slug in the three years he's lived there is not too bad. I know slugs are just like snails without shells, but they repulse me! Except those cartoon slugs in the movie "Flushed Away," which The Pony reminded me about. We must have watched it a hundred times. Those cartoon slugs sang "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Much cuter than the real thing, who I never heard sing a single time, heh, heh.

Not sure what Even Steven will come up with next...

Hick Is Apparently a Handyman on Retainer

Hick has taken a day off from working on Bargain House, to do some jobs for the woman who bought the QuickFlip House from us. He mentioned her name, but I was puzzled.

"You know. The Old Lady. One of the tiles in the hall came up, so I'm replacing that for her. For free. She doesn't like the back door, so I'm going to put on a new one. For pay. In fact, she still owes me about $200 for the last work I did for her. I just haven't stopped by to pick it up yet."

"That's hard to believe!"

"Well, I been busy with the other house. I hope I don't give Old Buddy a heart attack by working him eight hours in one day! He'll probably have something wrong with him."

"At least he's getting paid for it."

"Yeah, out of MY money."

Can't begrudge Hick having a side business. It keeps him off the streets.

Three Out of Four Ain't Good

Val is mad as Not-Heaven for being the only driver in Outer Backroads with common courtesy, and she will probably take it some more.

On my way out of our compound on Monday, I encountered three cars in a row. No doubt they were the bus-waiting people, reviled by Hick as being the rudest people ever, virtually blocking the gravel road in the morning when Hick is trying to get to town. They park on both sides and talk to each other, leaving only a thin strip of road for traffic to ease through.

Let the record show that Val uses common sense in her travels. When there's snow on the road, I move over to the shoulder to let sedans pass, because T-Hoe has 4WD. Also, if I'm going downhill, I move over so the vehicles coming uphill have the right-of-way. However... under normal weather conditions, I expect other drivers to shoulder some responsibility when we pass. On our gravel road, which is wide enough for a car-and-a-half, both drivers can get two tires off on the grassy "shoulder" to facilitate traffic.

On Monday afternoon, I indeed put two of T-Hoes tires into the grass. ALL THREE of those oncoming vehicles, a white sedan, a black SUV, and a white SUV, stayed on the main roadway. We were in front of our 10 acres next to the BARn  field. It's nearly level. Room on each side to get off a little bit. WHY is Val the only driver to show common courtesy? For her trouble, she received nary a "thank-you" lift of a finger. 

This makes me cussin' mad! If I'm showing courtesy, doggone it, I demand to be acknowledged! It doesn't take a great effort. Just lift a gosh-darn finger off the steering wheel. Is that so hard?

I almost felt redeemed on my way home. Back on the gravel road. In front of the neighbor's house who hosts the horse jumping. I was coming up the slight hill, and encountered a red 4-wheeler with a person riding a child behind them. Of course I moved over with two of T-Hoe's wheels on the grass. There's room for a 4-wheeler and car to pass, but I didn't want to take any chances. At least the driver gave me a COURTESY WAVE! I waved back. But here's the thing. How hard is it to pull a 4-wheeler over and wait for a car to go by? Not very. Because 4-wheelers don't go that fast, and the driver knows they're not cars, and thus not entitled to the road rights of a car.

The world is going to Not-Heaven, and I don't have my proposed handbasket factory up and running yet.

The Pony's Good Deed Did Not Go Unpunished

Shortly after texting me about finding a random Social Security card blowing around on his route, The Pony was rewarded for that good deed by Even Steven. As I picture it, Even Steven twirling a Snidely Whiplash mustache. More like Even Steven's alter ego, EVIL Steven!

"Fingers crossed I can remember not to scratch my nose/rub my eyes/eat Skittles with my right hand. Pepper spray blowback from scaring off a loose dog."

That was not sufficient for Evil Steven! Forty minutes later, another Pony text:

"Aghhhhh. Was rubbing dust out of my eye that did it."

Sooo... The Pony "pepper-sprayed" himself on that windy, windy day. The good new is that the pepper spray was effective in repelling the loose dog. The bad news is that The Pony was a bit teary through the afternoon. He was home on time.

"Took a shower to be damn sure it's off my hands."

I think The Pony might appreciate a dull day at work occasionally...

The Pony Fights Possible Crime

Never a dull day at work for The Pony. Friday started off with a surprising discovery.

"Well, this is a new one. I found someone's social security card blowing along the grass."

"Can you tell the address from the names on your mail?"

"That's what I'll try. With the wind, though, I genuinely don't know. It could've come from anywhere. If I can't match it by tomorrow, I'll give it to the city carrier on the route with the social security office."

"Yeah."

"Better than letting it tumble around in Backroads. Since it was actively blowing around when I managed to step on and snatch it."

"Thwarting possible crime with every step!"

The winds were fierce that day. At least 30 mph. I even hated to get out, but the scratchers were calling me. The dirty, dirty, losing liars!

Still, The Pony might have prevented somebody a big headache of identity theft by his actions. You never know who you can trust these days. At least there's one mail carrier who can be counted on to do the right thing.

Tales From Beneath Bargain House

Hick has been working on the plumbing under the new bathroom he is adding to Bargain House, our latest flip. He can get to that area in the cellar, but the cellar doesn't run under the entire house. 

"The living room isn't over the cellar, but there's enough room I can get under there and work. It's more than just a crawlspace. I can be on my hands and knees and crawl across."

"That's good. It's better than Pony's house, where you had to send in Old Buddy on his back or belly, like a snake!"

"Yeah. And now I know why the pipes in Bargain House never froze. The air vents? They're not insulated. I was crawling along and got my back up against one, and nearly burnt the skin off! They're wasting heat."

"Not really. The heat still rises up under the house. It's not like those ducts are in the ceiling, letting that heat waste out through the roof. It's still helping heat the house itself."

To which Hick replied that the heat is rising into the house to help heat it. Saying EXACTLY the same thing I had just said. I don't even think it was one of his attempts to scoff at me and show his handyman superiority. He just can't hear, but nods and pretends he can.

"Oh, and while we was down under the house, we found a dead cat. Mummified."

"From the heat, I guess! Like the one you found in my grandma's attic over the garage, and HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) wanted to take it to school to show the teacher."

"Yeah. And there was also three bird heads. I guess that cat had been eating birds under there."

At least Hick didn't bring any of these discoveries home to show them off. It's his own fault HOS thought it would be acceptable to take a dead cat in a big ziploc bag to middle school...

The Way of the Dodo

What is wrong with the drivers of today? That's a rhetorical question, but feel free to provide insight if you desire. 

Nobody gives the courtesy wave anymore! Except on Wednesday, when one out of two DID show me a thank-you. I was headed to town, and had to pull over on the grassy shoulder of our gravel road to let a sedan pass. Hmpf. You'd think it was my sworn duty to get off the road and allow others to go by me without moving an inch out of their unmarked lane. The road is muddy for everyone, you know. And not quite wide enough for two whole automobiles.

Out on the county blacktop road, I saw a full-size school bus approaching. I have a soft spot for school buses, having dedicated my life to school work. I was on a stretch that has no ditch, but a level access to a farmer's unfenced land. I pulled over with two of T-Hoe's tires in the grass, and waited for the school bus to pass. The driver WAVED at me! Not just the courtesy flick of two fingers off the steering wheel, but a full-fledged WAVE of the palm back and forth. It warmed my heart cockles.

Do only old people understand this courtesy wave? Many times, I stop and wait for an oncoming car to cross the low-water bridge. Maybe one in five give me the courtesy wave. Why don't people teach their children this age-old habit when they are learning to drive? It seems to have gone the way of the Dodo bird.

Nor do I notice drivers warning others of potential hazards. I was raised to give a brief flash of the headlights or bright lights if I had just passed an accident, or something blocking the road, to warn oncoming traffic that they needed to slow down. Nobody does that anymore. In fact, I am sometimes reluctant to give the warning flash, lest a driver take it wrong, and come after me with road rage. 

I suppose I'm expecting too much. I should be happy if drivers merely stay in their designated lane these days, and stop at red lights.

Bargain House Bathroom 2: Mini Progress

Hick has the basic fixtures for Bargain House's second bathroom. He set them in place, just to show the layout. He had originally told me the shower and vanity would be in opposite places. Not that I care where they go. I just don't want him to make a liar out of me!

It wasn't my misunderstanding, or Hick's roundabout way of explaining. The shower WAS supposed to go in that other corner, but when Hick was working on the plumbing in the cellar, he discovered that it couldn't fit. The pipe for the shower drain would have been over a floor joist. With the sink, it's not an issue. The drain for the sink is 2 inches in diameter, while the shower drain is 4 inches.

That's a new toilet. They cost about $100. It's nothing fancy. Apparently Hick had his light source sitting on the floor, judging by the shadows cast on the toilet rim and behind the vanity. He has not wired the bathroom for electricity yet. No problem with the toilet drain pipe being on a floor joist, since it juts 12 inches forward, according to Hick.

It's a small bathroom, but still, it's a bathroom! A second one that will surely be a welcome addition to the people who end up living in this house.

The Universe Heaps More Excrement Upon The Pony

Will The Universe ever run out of ways to torment The Pony on the job? I am beginning to think not. As if Mondays are not bad enough, The Pony had one more issue to deal with this week. At least the weather has improved to clear and low 60s. A regular work day with no overtime. Off at 4:00.

"Headed home. I was pooped on by a bird!"

"That's supposed to be good luck!"

"I do not agree!"

"Understood."

"Because that was AFTER wiping it with a tissue! As revenge, I shall be eating chicken tonight. And mayhap following in your crunchy footsteps next time I have a chance! I crave revenge! Revenge!"

"Best served cold!"

The "crunchy" part was a reference to when The Pony was just a young 'un in elementary school. He and Genius would ride the bus over to my middle school building to wait for me to finish work. Then we'd walk out to the parking lot, where a big tree left a pile of crackly fall leaves on the pavement. Somehow, a bird had expired, and was under those leaves. I managed to step right on it. The crunch was audible over the leaves themselves. Unfortunately, that bird did not move, and this incident happened WAY TOO MANY TIMES, because I couldn't see the bird, or remember exactly where I stepped.

I also had a bird poop on me, while in college, sitting on a stone rail next to the steps. It was green with seeds, and landed on my white Adidas shorts. No time to rush back to the dorm and change. I don't remember it being particularly lucky.

Hick Takes a Shower

Hick found a corner shower for Bargain House on Facebook. He drove 3 hours round trip to get it. The cost was $250. A new corner shower would cost $600. Hick said it came without a door. He knew that before he went to get it. He says the doors are sold separately on this product anyway.

"I bought Old Buddy lunch at a Mexican restaurant, for riding along with me to pick up the shower."

"That was nice of you."

"Well... WE bought Old Buddy lunch. It will be part of my bill for February."

Still, it was a nice gesture. Old Buddy doesn't get paid for time riding. Only for time working.

Hick said the shower guy also tried to sell him the faucet unit for the shower. Hick looked in the box, and there was a piece missing. So he didn't buy it. The guy told him that part is sold separately for this faucet.

"Is it?"

"I don't know for sure. I'll check it out when I go to Lowe's. But I wasn't going to buy something with a piece missing, just on that guy's word."

Hick said he and Old Buddy have all the wood flooring done for the bedroom adjacent to this bathroom. And that he has a pedestal sink and medicine cabinet that won't cost us anything. He saved them when he remodeled a bathroom for one of his Senior Center cronies.

I suppose a $15.00 lunch is a reasonable expense for Hick getting Old Buddy's help.

An OOPSIE For Hick

Saturday morning, Hick left home at 6:00 to go spend the day at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). Of course his first stop was Casey's, for his not-so-secret donuts. A terrible mishap befell him there! Of which I was not privy until Hick returned home at 5:15, a bit later than usual.

"I went to step in my truck this morning, and I slipped! Fell flat on my back and hurt my head!"

"WHAT? And you didn't tell me? Right out here?"

"No. I was at Casey's. I put my right foot on the running board. I had ahold of the steering wheel. But when I stepped up, my foot slipped off."

"That's what happens to me! The slush and snow splashes up on our road, and it freezes, and in town it's solid ice on the running board. That's why I keep my long windshield scraper brush handy, to wipe that off before I step in or out."

"You have an actual running board. I just have those pipe things."

"Yeah. But it has that black plastic or rubber part. That's what freezes on mine. The black plastic running board."

"I didn't have my foot on that part. It was on the metal. I was stepping up to put my left foot on the plastic part when I slipped."

"What about your donuts???"

"I THINK I had already laid them on the seat. I hit hard. I've got a big goose egg on the back of my head."

"Are you sure you're okay? No concussion? At least the knot on your head is a good thing, since the swelling is apparently on the outside of your skull."

"I think I'm all right. I got down to my unit, and I noticed I didn't have my glasses. I couldn't figure out what I'd done with them. Then I remembered I had them on when I left for town. I called the kid at Casey's and told him I thought I lost my glasses out front by the sidewalk. He went out to look. Said there was a car parked there, but it had straddled my glasses. They got them out from under, and I just now went by and picked them up."

"Wow! THAT was lucky! I mean that Casey's even had an employee answer the phone, heh, heh. But yeah, lucky that your glasses didn't get smashed, and they kept them for you."

"They're $600 glasses! I'm glad, too!"

Not sure why Hick's glasses are so expensive when he only needs one lens! I think he told me before that they always tell him they have to make two lenses, not just a plain glass one. Seems like a scam to me! What if somebody has good vision in one eye and only needs glass? Anyhoo... Hick said these are the glasses he got after his cataract surgery, and he got the tri-focals or whatever. The blended kind without lines. So I guess they are pricey.

I'm more relieved that Hick is okay. Glasses can be replaced. Hick is one-of-a-kind.

Bargain House Tests Hick

Hick has been working on Bargain House all week, despite snow cover, with temps below zero at night, barely reaching the teens by day. On Thursday, Hick arrived to find Bargain House chilly.

"I went down in the cellar to check the gas furnace. It was heating, but not blowing the warm air. I got to looking at it, and found out it had a bad capacitor. I went to buy a new one and put it on, and got the furnace working again. I stopped by before picking up The Pony from work, and it was still running fine. I hope that's all it was, and that we don't need a new blower motor."

"How much did the capacitor cost?"

"Nothing. It was free. My buddy who runs the electric shop gave it to me. I think it would have been five dollars for him."

That's why Hick is such a prize. Not only can he take apart a furnace and figure out what's wrong, then fix it. He can also get FREE parts from a guy he spends Friday afternoons shooting the bull with.

Double Hovel Strategy

Hick sent me a text on Thursday that Realtor had called him about our Double Hovel flip house(s) listing. It will be six months this week, and our contract with her is up. She wanted to know if we wish to continue her services. That's too much texting for me. So I called Hick.

"I don't have any problems with her. I say we keep it with her office."

"Yeah. She asked if we wanted to reduce the price."

"I don't mind. You know our bottom line. We've given it six months, even though it was mostly through the winter. The slow time. We can still lower it, and have some wiggle room to bargain with. What does Realtor say? She's the one who suggested the current price anyway."

"She said she thought we should lower it by $X."

"I don't think that will help any of the buyers who want it, but can't get their special low/no interest loans. But I think by lowering it, that kicks it back up to the top of the listings. So more people will see it this time around. Realtor knows the market. She's been doing this for a long time. So I'm fine with that. Wait until you talk to The Pony, but I think he'll be okay, too."

"All right. I'll ask The Pony when I pick him up after work."

We'll see how it goes. Warm weather is coming up, when prospective buyers want to drive around and view real estate. I still don't want to rent the property just yet, even though that would make sense (and money). I don't like the thought of irresponsible people tearing up Hick's handiwork.

Bargain House Gets a Second Bathroom

Hick has been working at Bargain House during this recent spate of below-zero weather. He decided to add another bathroom. He said there was plenty of room to do that, because the bedroom on the front of the house is so big. The bedroom that the previous resident had been using as another living room.

"That way, the bedroom can have a bathroom attached. But also, it will be a bathroom off the living room. A shared bathroom. So people don't have to go to the back of the house to use the other bathroom that's off the kitchen and back bedroom. This new one will be a full bathroom, too. With a shower, but no tub."

I wasn't quite sure how this would turn out. Hick has a vision when he gets to puttering around in these flip houses. He doesn't explain his ideas very well, but once I see them, I agree that his instincts were right. Let's walk through the beginning stages...

Here we are in the living room. You can see the arm of that recliner that's still there. The front door of Bargain House is on the right, where that light is coming in, and a spare door is leaning. We are looking into the front bedroom, where the ladder sits. That opening is a doorway that Hick just cut in the wall. The original bedroom door is the opening on the left. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE NEW BATHROOM.

These are the two new doors that Hick hung. He likes to send me pictures of his progress.

This is after the door trim is on. The door on the left came with its framing. Hick will paint the trim on the right door white, to match. This is actually the wood trim from the door he put on the back porch entry. He didn't use it there, but instead framed the outer door with wood boards.

See? Hick's own trim, rather than what came with that door. Hick will be painting that door as soon as the temperature allows. He's thinking of green, to match the roof. Anyhoo... Hick is resourceful, and when his bargain doors don't come with all their parts, he knows how to cannibalize or create what he needs.

This is looking through the door on the left, into what will be the new bathroom. Hick got a deal on 7 boxes of flooring, so here is some of it. The wall straight ahead is where the plumbing will come in for this bathroom, which used to be part of the bedroom and closet. 

There will be a corner shower in the back left corner. The toilet will be against the left wall, facing that white door that leads into the bedroom. The sink will be against that wooden framing on the right, beside the door. This way, Hick says that when you open the door from the living room, to go into the bathroom, you don't see the toilet.

Anyhoo... that's the plan. I'll show more as Hick shares progress with me.

We're 2/3 of the Way to Spring. Someone Tell The Universe.

Val has grown tired of winter. It should be on the way out. With a whimper. Not strong-arming Val into staying home when she could be out buying her own scratchers. Hick's efforts are appreciated, but he is NOT known for his luck with gambling. On the tickets he brought home for me, I won $12 on Tuesday, and $9 on Wednesday. That is NOT a good return on my weekly allowance money.

Looks like we got 5-6 inches. This was a dry, fluffy snow. Very slippery on the roads. Not good for snowballs or snowmen. The good thing is that it will probably melt fast as temperatures rise, with sunlight, which we had until around noon. Unfortunately, temps did not leave the teens, and wind chill was below zero. 

Hick has volunteered to pick up The Pony and drop him off at work on Thursday morning. That will relieve The Pony of scraping off his car, and trying to get out of the driveway. Hick will be going by there anyway, to mail a bill for me, and Genius's weekly letter. Nothing keeps Hick at home. He's been working on Bargain House, and will be within a mile of The Pony's house anyway.

My plans are to stay home until Friday, when the temperature is supposed to reach 30 degrees. I figure our gravel roads will not be clear, but the town roads will be. And I won't freeze to death before help arrives if I get stuck somewhere.

This winter has grown tedious. It's not like I'm working, and appreciate a good snow day (or twenty).

Trapped Again!

Val is homebound again! By her own choice, guided by common sense. Another winter storm is plaguing Backroads. The forecast since last Friday has been proclaiming either 6-9 inches of snow for us, or 9-12 inches of snow. We're on the cusp of where a "dry upper atmosphere" might lessen our accumulation. 

With temperatures in the teens and single digits, and wind chills below zero, I feel it's best that I remain at home until Friday, when it should be partly sunny, with a high of 29. No need to tempt fate.

Poor Pony doesn't have that option. He was back to work on Tuesday, when the storm was due to hit. At least the snow held off until 2:00 p.m., with only a dusting on the ground during morning hours, and a lull waiting for the leading edge of the main weather system. Thankfully, The Pony sent me a text around 3:30 that management had decreed only package delivery. So The Pony could be done around 5:00. At 5:10 he said he was home and warm, so I could stop worrying.

Hick said to tell The Pony to leave on his bathroom heater overnight. And of course to open up his kitchen cabinets so the house heat could keep the pipes warm.

I asked Hick if he should let the water drip at the Beauty Shop, since the last period of such temperatures had resulted in a frozen water line. Hick scoffed at me! Can you believe THAT? And said, "Well, if it snows 6-12 inches, that will insulate the ground over the pipe." Not sure how this will turn out. As much as I love telling Hick "I told you so!" I don't want the pipe to freeze.

Since I will be staying home Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday... Hick is tasked with picking up scratchers for me. The result was not good on Tuesday. Hick got the WRONG TICKETS, despite having two sets of pictures of the only two types of tickets I wanted him to get, as well as having bought these exact same tickets at the exact same places during the last freeze!

I only had two winners, of $6 each. I guess we all have to make sacrifices due to the inclement weather.