Travels With My Placard: IT LIVES!

I was surprised by a sight at 10Box this week. My trusty handicap placard and T-Hoe and I had nabbed the closest handicap space on the right side of the doors. Other cars were taking up the left side spaces. When I came out, a couple of them had left. And I observed the most magnificent sight!

Look! It's a 4-wheeler, parked in a handicap space, not on the sidewalk, not in the striped area! It appears to be legally parked. AND IT IS!!!

Look closer! IT HAS A HANDICAP PLACARD!!!

Yes, it appears that such a thing DOES exist. Or at least someone has taken their car placard to use when they drive the 4-wheeler to town. I know that when I filled out my paperwork to get a placard for T-Hoe, and A-Cad, I had to put the car make and model on the application.

MOST days I'm surprised by drivers and parkers, but it is usually not PLEASANTLY.

The Universe Throws Val a Bone

I went to the lottery machines in 10Box on Wednesday. I got my intended tickets from the left machine. Just as I finished a lady stepped up to the right machine. Well. That meant I had to wait to cash in my winner and get tickets out of that one. She didn't take too long. She was probably in her 50s. A stick of a woman, with bleached blond hair, wearing black tights and flip-flops. I thought nothing of it, just waited my turn.

I scanned my winner, and made my selections. When I was picking them up out of the trough, I got my $3 ticket, my $5 crossword, and then my $10 ticket. WAIT A MINUTE! What was that behind my $10 ticket? Huh. It was a $5 Silver 7s ticket. I don't play those. Occasionally, I send one to Genius. Well. 

In the past, I've told the cashiers when I found a ticket in the machine. They said there's not really anything they can do about it. So I've left the tickets in the trough, just in case the buyer came back to look for it. I've also mentioned how I've been missing tickets from these machines. The tickets seem to get stuck, and don't fall into the trough. I've since made sure to look over my tickets before leaving. And swipe my hand up in the falling area of the trough.

This time, I took that ticket. I considered it payback for the several that I've missed.

On my way out, I looked for the Stick Woman. She was way down the parking spaces, almost at the end, getting into her car. I had nabbed the closest handicap space. I figured she wouldn't hear or respond if I started hollering, "Ma'am! Ma'am!" 

I climbed into T-Hoe, and sat for a few minutes, writing on the back so I knew where my tickets came from. It doesn't pay to buy the same ticket at the same place soon after having a winner. Better safe than sorry. I figured that if Stick Woman came walking back to enter the store, I would put down my window and holler to ask if she was missing a ticket

Stick woman never came back. After a few minutes, she left her parking space. It might not even have been her ticket. Who knows how long that ticket had been hanging up, until my $10 ticket came down that side and knocked it loose.

Anyhoo... I scratched that Silver 7s ticket. It was a loser. So I didn't really defraud anybody out of a winner. I did them a favor, really! I did their scratching, to uncover a loser...

At least The Universe threw me that bone. Although a dry bone that might have been baking in a desert for years, or buried by a dog for a century. 

Thanks, Universe. It's the thought that counts.

Too Soon! Too Soon! Val Blogs, The Universe Laughs.

Welp! I certainly regret sharing yesterday's views of the mostly-finished Beauty Shop half of the Double Hovel flip house(s). I normally wait until something is pretty much a done deal before I share it here. No jinxes, you know.

I typed up that Beauty Shop tale on Monday afternoon, around 2:30. Which I found out later was the time Hick was leaving there to come home and mow the acreage here with his beloved new zero-turn mower.

Tuesday morning, Hick and Old Buddy arrived at the Beauty Shop to find water all over the floor! One of the most recent things they'd done was to install a water heater. Old Buddy had done that job. I think maybe it was last week, since they don't work Friday-Sunday, and Old Buddy had texted-in sick on Monday.

Anyhoo... Hick was doing a few things there Monday. Everything was fine when he left. But between 2:30 Monday afternoon, and 7:00 a.m. Tuesday, the water heater couplings sprung a leak. Hick had to cut out a section of drywall to find the problem. Seems the couplings required crimping, which Old Buddy had not done. 

They mopped up the water with a pile of Hick's rags. Got the couplings corrected. Hick put a fan blowing on the floor, and left the air conditioner on, in hopes of drying out any remaining damage. He says patching the drywall section is not an issue, but if the floor warps, it will have to be replaced.

Oh, and with the water continuously running for however many hours, and the water heater trying to heat it, the water bill and electric bill are going to be high. Hick doesn't know how long the water was flowing. Says it could have started right after he left, or an hour before they got there. No way to tell.

Oh, well. It's only money. Not like anybody got hurt. Just a setback. I have not yet broken the news to The Pony, who will be harder-affected by his half of the increased bills next month.

Not Such a Beauty, But Surely Efficient

Hick is making progress on the Beauty Shop half of the Double Hovel flip house(s). This month he's gotten the kitchen mostly ready. It still needs some "dry mudding," and paint. Don't even ask about the dry mudding. I assume that is to patch some holes or crevices before painting.

With such limited space, Hick has trouble finding room to keep his tools. On July 2, he and Old Buddy put in the upper kitchen cabinets.

I'm sure you see what I mean about the tools.

July 11 was a productive day. The lower cabinets, countertop, and sink went in.

The lower cabinets were the right size, though not an exact match. A stain will help with the color. Also, the floor installation was underway here.

Here's the "breakfast bar" that will serve for eating, since the place isn't really big enough for a kitchen table. Not if the resident wants to have a living room. Obviously, the door to the bedroom needs paint (and a doorknob). The other stuff in there is the flooring material.

The finished floor. It's coming along. Just waiting for a stove...

At last! The $150 stove has been installed, as of July 18, and is working. The kitchen sink has its hardware, and the water has been turned on. I told Hick I think that refrigerator door is awkward, and needs to open the other way, but he said it would hit the wall. Efficiency-renters can't be choosers, I suppose.

Here was another bone of contention: stove versus cooktop. Hick originally planned on a cooktop, and a microwave. I think his reasoning was to get more cabinet space. I disagreed. Anybody who rents/lives in an efficiency unit is like to be young and single, or maybe a mom with a toddler. They need an oven, by cracky! Nobody wants pizza, fries, or fish sticks warmed in a microwave! Think about what the resident would be eating. The Pony agreed with me. So we won the stove battle. It's easier for the resident to provide their own microwave than a stove.

Hick was hoping to be finished by the end of July. Not so sure that will happen. Old Buddy "texted in sick" on Monday. Hick was going to try doing a few things himself.

It's not the Taj Mahal. It's an efficiency cottage. Making the Double Hovel property more enticing to a buyer than just a garage to go with the main house. It's an income-producer to help with the mortgage payments.

The Stove Saga Heats Up

You may recall that Hick was hot on the trail of a $150 used glass top stove that he found on Facebook. There were some inconsistencies with the location, and responses from the seller.

After a text Wednesday evening at 7:30 saying he could pick it up THEN, Hick set up a time of 10:00 a.m. Thursday to go get that stove, which was located in Sis-Town, not far from the Casey's where I get T-Hoe's gas.

At 11:42 on Thursday, Hick sent me a picture of that stove, IN THE BEAUTY SHOP KITCHEN! 

I will share that progress in a day or two.

"Stove in and it works."

That was a relief for me. One more step towards getting that last half of the Double Hovel flip house ready to sell. When Hick got home that evening, he had more to say about the stove transaction.

"I was having my lunch at the Senior Center just before noon, and that stove lady called me. She said, 'I guess you're running late?' And I said, 'No. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I already picked up the stove. At 10:00.'"

"Did you go to the right house??? Maybe you got somebody else's stove!"

"No. I went to the address she texted me. There was a man and a woman there. I gave them the money, and Old Buddy and I loaded up the stove. It was done, as far as I was concerned."

"Was it a rental house? Or maybe a flip house?"

"I don't know. All I know is that a man and woman in the house took my money, and gave me a stove."

"What if they didn't give her the money? Maybe something weird is going on."

"I don't know. But I paid for a stove, and I got a stove. She didn't say no more about it after I said I already had the stove."

Huh. A strange transaction indeed. Sounds to me like maybe the seller was selling a stove out of a rental house. Thus the changing times for pick-up, like when the residents were there. And it could explain why the seller thought Hick hadn't been to get the stove yet.

I hope nobody crazy put a tracker on that stove, and plans to come repossess it!

A Chronicle of The Pony's Latest Lameness

Be forewarned, there are a lot of FOOT pictures here! If you hate feet as much as Val, you may not want to read further...

Since The Pony sprained his ankle at work on Tuesday around noon, he has kept us updated on his progress. The ER doctor said The Pony might be ready to return to work on Monday, unless his ankle felt worse. The x-rays pointed to a sprain, not a break. The Pony was given crutches and prescription painkillers, told to stay off it for a couple of days.

Wednesday, the day after the injury, The Pony's ankle looked like this:

"Unwrapped for a bath. Doctor was specific that I could unwrap and redo the air splint and stuff. Right side is pretty swollen, left side is barely."

"It will bruise more, but bath jets will help carry away damaged cells."

"Careful tests with the crutches show it can hold weight, but bending the ankle is still painful. But has me hopeful!" 

"Yeah. Gently try to keep your range of motion. Maybe tomorrow try some figure 8s with it elevated. The ICE (ice, compression, elevation) is only for the first 48 hours, I think."

"Yeah. I've used it off and on today, mostly elevation."

On Thursday, my prediction proved true. More bruising.

"This morning."

"Colorful. Still swollen. Maybe try moving it around this evening."

By afternoon:

"Another warm bath. Trying to do the figure 8s like you suggested. Trying not to take the pain med, but stumbled earlier and aggravated it."

"You'll delay your healing with careless stumbling. And need the Delores [woman at worker's comp who delayed The Pony's broken ankle claim by not responding in a timely manner] doctor! You have ONE JOB! To protect and heal that ankle, heh, heh!"

"I know, I know, I know. I was on the crutches! I'm just so sore from being out of practice and using them on the other foot."

"That is concerning in itself."

"I knowwww."

Friday around noon:

"Foot update. Gonna try a shower and see if I can drive today."

"Be careful. It won't hurt to take the pain med when you get home if it hurts. But you should try using your ankle to get it moving again. Athletes tape up sprained ankles and play on them."

"I know. I really want to get back to work on Monday. I don't want to deal with Delores or getting sent to a doctor just to be told 'yeah, you're fine.' Honestly I'm confused at the bruises on the toe, more than the overall discoloration of the foot."

"Blood seeks gravity. Also, you might have bent your toes back while falling on the step. If you can stand it, walking on it with crutches might help work out the fluid. Just putting light pressure on it while walking with crutches."

"Yeah. Definitely gotta have those with me, just in case."

"This spot right here is what's still actually painful to touch and where most of the pain when I bend it or use it comes from."

"I guess that's the most damaged area. The ligaments around the lateral malleolus, maybe? Not sure if a tendon attaches there."

"Could be. Getting ready to leave. Foot is too swollen to fit in my shoe. Or at least, to get into without tears level pain while I have the ankle brace on."

Let the record show that The Pony wore a regular shoe on the left foot, and a slide on the right. Making a crutchy fashion statement.

"Talked to manager. Since the doctor's note said the 22nd, I'm good to at least try to go back then. So that's a big weight off my shoulders."

Saturday, there were signs of progress:

"That actually looks pretty good."

We'll see how it feels on Monday. The Pony has a brace he got at the drugstore when he picked up his prescription. It's a tough job to jump back into on a sprained ankle. The main concern being another injury while it's not fully healed and stable.

Hick the Do-Gooder Does Good Again

Hick reported on Thursday that one of his buddies took a tumble. It's the guy Hick installed the "90-degree angle" plumbing pipes for. Where he sent Old Buddy under the house to crawl around in leaked sewage from the faulty pipes.

Anyhoo... Fallen Guy skinned up and bruised his knees, and cut his head in the fall. Hick told Fallen Guy that he thought he had a walker to loan him. The walker from his back surgery. Unfortunately, Hick's memory was not clear on that walker. Turns out it was NOT here, since Hick had previously loaned it to Fallen Guy for his wife to use, who tthen returned it, and Hick donated it to a Lions Club in a town where he goes to the auction.

"I felt bad that I didn't have that walker to loan him. So we went by the Habitat For Humanity place, and they had walkers for $20. So I bought one for Fallen Guy."

I don't doubt that Hick would spend $20 to get a walker for Fallen Guy. I just didn't know that Habitat For Humanity was in the business of selling walkers. Hick told me where it's located, but I didn't know about that. I suppose maybe they have a thrift store where they sell items that are donated.

Anyhoo... Hick made sure that Fallen Guy had a way to ambulate without falling, until he's recovered enough to get around on his own.

That's our Hick.

Travels With My Placard: The Repeat Offender

My placard and I were shut out of our rightful handicap parking space Wednesday at the Gas Station Chicken Store. It was that lady in a red car again. "WHAT lady in a red car?" you might ask. We'll get to that!

I drove around the diesel pumps and came in the other way, parking T-Hoe nose-down in the FREE AIR hose space.

There she was, sitting in her car, no handicap plate, no placard. Squatting there! On pavement that didn't rightfully belong to her! I had no recourse but to get out and hobble around her car. Well. Other than go for a drive, park and wait, or not get scratchers. Those were NOT viable options for Val! [Pardon T-Hoe's dusty interior. We live a mile up a gravel road, you know.]

THEN she had the nerve to come back inside, stand at my shoulder during my transaction, and ask if you could purchase scratchers with a debit card. You can. But not with a credit card, FYI.

Anyhoo... that gal then came back out, and sat there some more. Which is when I took this picture.

I don't begrudge an elderly a "quick" trip inside to buy scratchers. But there's really no need to TAKE UP THE HANDICAP SPACE for your scratching pleasure.

Making it worse is the fact that this lady is a repeat offender!

Shame her! She didn't even have the decency to look up and SEE ME TAKE HER PICTURE! In fact, she might be trying to play dead, or play stroke, for sympathy. Though in reality, she's just looking down at her scratchers, while sitting in the 97-degree heat, blocking that space for any verified handicapped person.

Yes. SHAME HER! She has done this before! A mere two months ago! I have the evidence right here, when I voiced (wrote?) my displeasure on my supersecret blog.

At Long Last, the Soup

You may recall that on July 1st, The Pony had to walk to work, due to the streets around the post office being closed for a festival. He was hoping to walk by the store on his way home, for ingredients to make some soup mix he had previously picked up at his favorite wine store.

As luck would have it that day (a small gesture from The Universe), a co-worker from a rural route offered to drop The Pony off at home, so no shopping was done.

That soup has been on The Pony's mind for a while. Sunday, his day off, he had the time and ingredients to get that soup simmering. It was not an event without drama, though.

"Ahhhh I wanna cry. I ran a nice warm bath, and was just waiting for a grocery delivery before getting in. [Remember, the street crew had their vehicles blocking The Pony's exit from his driveway.] The drain apparently had only partly closed, so the water just trickled out after it had already filled up, and was gone by the time I went for it. So instead I'm making soup now."

First was the browning of the sausage. I think that must be garlic in there with it.

Then the addition of the liquid parts. And butter. I'm pretty sure that's butter. The Pony is a butter-lover.

There it is, all simmered for a couple hours. Looks like it just needs a good stir. But wait! The Pony does not live by soup alone. He had also picked up some bread mix.

Looks like it would go well with Cheese Tortellini Soup! But Pony, it's time to re-do the nail polish!

Let the record show that Hick and I owe The Pony a breadmaker. It was on the Christmas list way back when The Pony was at college in Oklahoma. He had a standing permission to get on my Amazon account and order one. Or get one in a store, with reimbursement to follow. Yet The Pony never got around to acquiring this appliance. This breadmaking venture used the mini loaf pan that went home with The Pony containing my banana bread.

Oh, yes. I was horrified by this picture!!!

"Yeah. Maybe slightly too much batter/melted butter on top. It's fine! It's fine!" 

[Well. Except for referring to dough as batter!]

The finished product looked better than I expected.

"Gotta cool for 10 minutes."

"You know you're trying those crumbs ahead of time!"

"I did! I also forked a bit out to test the center. Soup is too hot to taste. Owie!"

"Oh, no! Don't char your taste buds!"

"Just one. Soothed by a Mexican Coke!"

"Patience. Anticipaaaaaaation."

The bread looks perfectly edible, turned out of its mini foil loaf pan.

"Soup is sooo hottttt! I've burned my tongue so many times! Ahhhhh! But very good."

So that's the soup saga. At least The Pony has that pot of soup for feeding while off work with his sprained ankle. I sent him some hillbilly Tupperware to use for freezing some of it. I don't think even The Pony could eat a whole pot of soup in four days.

The Pony Just Can't Catch a Break

That's a good thing, really! It could be much worse...

I cut my Tuesday morning call with The Pony short, to get some stuff ready for Hick to drop off at his house. The next I heard, The Pony was bemoaning the unexpected deluge that plagued both Backroads and Sis-Town.

"So much for 'light rain.' This is gonna be Not-Heavenish."

"Yeah. Hopefully, it moves across. My TV has been off for 20 minutes now. And a parial power flicker. So now the TV satellite is reloading, and my non-working printer is running a test page."

Well, that heavy rain and lightning and thunder continued. At 1:53, I got another text from The Pony.

"Do you have time to call?"

Of course!!! I called right back.

"Hello?"

"Uh, is this Pony?"

"No. It's me. On Pony's phone. We're at the hospital."

"NOOOO! Is Pony okay?"

"Yeah. The doctor just came back. He's got a sprained ankle."

"Oh, no! Worker's comp?"

"Yeah. The manager brought over the paperwork to the ER. Pony can call you when we leave."

Well. That was NOT how I wanted my day to go. And I'm pretty sure The Pony didn't want that, either. I got more details (but not all) about an hour later.

"We didn't want to call you right away, because we knew you'd be worried. I slipped and sprained my ankle. Dad came to get me. I was afraid it was broken, because I heard a pop. But the doctor said he didn't see anything, and then the radiologist looked at it, and said it's okay. I should elevate it for a few days, but I might be able to go back to work on Monday. If it doesn't feel right, I need to make an appointment with a worker's comp doctor, to see about restrictions. I hope that isn't necessary. I don't want to deal with that again!

Dad and I are headed over to Bill-Paying Town to my pharmacy, to get the hydrocodone prescription for pain. It isn't too bad, as long as I don't move my ankle. About a 3/10. It only hurts if I try to stand on it, or move it. They gave me crutches, because Dad and I don't remember if I put the other ones in my room at home, or in the closet at my house. I have a removable partial cast thingy that I can take off and put back on. I'm supposed to elevate it. I'll get an ankle brace thing while I'm at the pharmacy, to wear to work when I go back. I'm hoping I can return on Monday. Maybe they can give me light duty like just packages for a few days, instead of walking 11 miles."

"I'm glad you feel okay, but you'll probably need to get a worker's comp doctor's note for light duty."

"Yeah. Hopefully I'll be ready to go back. There's one other person right now that's on just packages."

"Thanks for not worrying me, but I was thinking of you all day anyway because of the rain."

Anyhoo... the pharmacy was going to take 45 minutes, so Hick and The Pony went to eat lunch (for The Pony) and an early supper (for Hick) at Captain D's

I am thankful that The Pony was not injured worse than a sprained ankle. The Universe surely has it in for him lately. Since Saturday, the road beside his house has been blocked, because of a water main break. So The Pony can't get his car out, and has been walking to work. I suppose Hick can take him anything he needs, or The Pony can call for delivery.

Really. A sprained ankle is minor, compared to what could have happened.

It's Probably For the Best

Sunday night, Hick showed me a stove he found on Facebook for the Beauty Shop half of the Double Hovel flip house(s). He's nearing completion. It was a glass-top stove for $150. Looked decent enough, presuming it did, indeed, work.

"She finally got back to me on it. She had said she was in [town by our lot in a local lake development]. But now she says she really lives in Sis-Town. And that she doesn't want to give out her address, but to text her an hour before I want to pick it up, and she will tell me where."

"Well. I can see how she might not want to give out her address. So I guess that's okay."

"Yeah. It's a good deal on the stove."

Well. On Monday, Hick tried to go buy that stove. And the lady never responded. That's okay. Hick saw several stoves available in the area, for around the same price. It's just the stringing-along that's annoying. 

That woman could have said she already sold the stove. Or that she changed her mind. Or that she didn't feel comfortable with the sale. No need to PRETEND that she was going to let Hick buy that stove!

What in the Not-Heaven is wrong with people these days???

Hick Dips a Toe!

Mark the calendar! Hick got into POOLIO on Sunday!

Mid-morning, Hick sent me a text that it was 90 degrees outside, and 98 on the back wall of his SUS2 (Storage Unit Store 2).

"You might want to come home early, and have a swim!"

"I think I'm going to water looks fine"

Hick arrived home around 2:30. He was puttering outside when I got in the shower before town. When I got out, I found Hick sitting on the deck he built for POOLIO. Scarlett was down there with him, and little Jack was whining on the back porch, at the top of the stairs. Let the record show that Hick's swim trunks were hanging on the bathroom door. And his shoes, socks, shorts, and shirt were piled on the floor in front of the long couch. At least Hick was sporting his tighty-whities, and not going au naturale.

"Did Scarlett try to get in with you?"

"No. She dipped a foot in, but laid down to wait."

"Poor Jack. He's whining."

"He won't come down the steps."

"He could fall through the open parts!"

"Jack doesn't have any trouble with the porch steps. I don't know why he won't come down."

Well. It could be because Hick is not a master of making steps. Jack could easily fall through the gaps. He doesn't even like Hick all that much! Maybe he only wanted Scarlett, not Hick!

Anyhoo... Hick said he was in POOLIO for about an hour. He was not on a floatie, which I had suggested he pick up on the way home. You know, the previous ones being two years old. So I asked what he did.

"I floated around. That old air mattress that I used to lay on still had air in the pillow. So I rolled up the rest of it and put the pillow under my arms and floated around."

Seriously. Hick could spend a dollar or five on a new air mattress!

Even Steven Gets Evan

A calamity of horrifying proportions occurred Friday evening on the sidewalk near the side porch. I had just returned home from a small shopping trip at 10Box. Nearing the prison, I had seen Hick in SilverRedO waiting to pull out from the side road by Mick the Mechanic's shop. Oh, what good fortune that was! Hick would be trapped into helping me carry groceries inside!

I was giddy with anticipation. Watching in my mirror to affirm this pleasant turn of events. Hick had said he would be home later, supposedly meeting a guy at his SUS2 (Storage Unit Store 2). Yet there he was, obviously headed home at the same time I was! With groceries to unload! Yes, I was sure it was Hick. He has so much junk mail strewn across SilverRedO's dashboard that I know it's not some other random red truck.

Anyhoo... Hick seemed to be lagging. He is not a slow driver, despite covering as much side-to-side distance as forward progress, due to his sweaving. I wondered if maybe he was hoping I hadn't seen him. I was walking to T-Hoe's rear in the garage when I heard Hick slam SilverRedO's door. I had to holler to him TWICE before he answered! Seems like he was trying to sneak in without me seeing him! He came through the people-door and back to T-Hoe's hatch.

"You go ahead and take those bags. I'm getting the one with the bananas. I don't want them smashed."

Hick scooped up six bags, with some frozen items, canned tuna, refried beans, slaw mix, cereal, and batteries. I took the bananas, and a bag left over from a previous trip to Country Mart. It contained a bottle of Evan Williams whiskey. They don't have Hick's preferred Wild Turkey 101 at Country Mart or 10Box, except in a smaller bottle. A big bottle of Evan Williams costs the same as a small one of Wild Turkey 101. When Hick makes a trip to Walmart, he can get himself a jug of Wild Turkey. I don't go in Walmart, so I try to get our money's worth at the store! Whiskey is whiskey, I say!

Anyhoo... I had my purse looped over my right arm, and the bananas, and the Evan Williams, while gripping my metal water bottle with my right hand. I used my left hand to close T-Hoe's hatch, then the garage door, then the people-door. Standing at the side porch petting Jack, while Scarlett was bounding around the kitchen door seeking the object of her adoration... tragedy struck!

My right arm felt suddenly lighter, and I heard a CRASH!!!

The bottom seam of the plastic bag holding Evan Williams had split completely. Evan was busted on the sidewalk, his life fluids spreading across the concrete, Hick's brick sidewalk that branches off to the carport, and seeping into the dirt!

"NOOOO!!! Evan Williams has broken his neck on the sidewalk! And the rest of his body, too! The bag split open!"

Hick came out to see about the commotion. 

"I don't want the dogs to get cut! It's mostly big pieces. I don't think they can get at the alcohol. It's all soaked into the ground now."

"I'll get a box and pick up the glass." Said my hero, Hick. Who was closely supervised in this task by his shadow, Scarlett.

I don't know what I was thinking. I always double-bag heavy items, or glass items. But Evan had been bagged by the checkout gal in Country Mart last week. Plus, I don't carry glass items on my arm, but squeeze them between my arm and my body while carrying them in. I've done this ever since a bag split, and I lost a jar of Alfredo Sauce, that I had to clean up from the garage floor. I must have (temporarily) lost my mind. There were only two bags I was responsible for!

I suppose Even Steven had to equalize my recent stroke of luck, winning the MOLottery weekly contest $300 drawing. My half of that (not cheating The Pony out of his share) would buy a lot of Wild Turkey 101. And even more Evan Williams.

Misery Loves Company and Rumpuses

Thursday being my errand day, I was over in Sis-Town, pumping gas into T-Hoe at Casey's, when I heard my phone ring. It was on the console. I was just about to uncouple the gas nozzle, so I didn't rush to answer. I've been getting a lot of scam calls lately. I figured if it was important (or not) they'd leave a voicemail.

Imagine my panic when I got into the driver's seat, and saw that call was from The Pony. It was 4:18. So either The Pony was off work, or had encountered a calamity at the end of his route. I tried to call back. No answer. Then a voicemail came up. 

This was even more worrying! It was garbled. I could only make out a word here and there. More of a connection issue than a speech problem, it sounded like. So I was hoping it represented a lack of service, rather than The Pony slowly losing consciousness from a knock to the noggin in a fall or attack, or loss of blood from a canine chomp. Yes. I know. I'm entirely too invested in The Pony's work habits, job hazards, and minute-to-minute health!

I told myself this must be nothing. Yet the voicemail went on and on! A word or two here and there. Then all at once, "Huh? I didn't... HELLO! HELLO! Are you there?"

Of course I answered. Surely you don't think an electronics ignoramus like Val understands that you can't talk to a voicemail!

Then I got a text. "I buttdialed you I'm so sorry!"

"Okay. I was listening to a garbled voicemail."

"Yeah. Somehow you got dialed while I was talking to a co-worker and walking down the office stairs. I checked my phone when I got to the car, and it said I was having a two-minute conversation. So I cut it off."

You know the CCA that started when I did? And got let go, but got a job at another post office, and helps out here a lot now? Well, she got bitten by a dog! As in, she was on the phone with a manager when I came in. She got nipped on the ass! Is being stubborn like me and not wanting to go to a doctor, it sounded like. That's what I was talking to the other worker about."

"Oh no! Now she will have to take pictures of her rumpus!"

On our phone call Friday morning, The Pony said he had tried to text her that evening, but maybe she changed her number since leaving this office.

"Or maybe she was at the doctor, or dealing with paperwork, from the bite."

I guess that bitten worker had time to return The Pony's text before work, because around 7:30, The Pony sent me another text.

"I have now officially seen a coworker's ass. And I cringed in sympathetic pain, because that bite looks painful and is already hella bruised."

For some reason, that Queen song is playing in my head. You know, "Another One Bites the Butt."

POOLIO, We Hardly Fixed Ye

Don't let the title fool you. POOLIO is not yet fixed! The water is mostly clear now, and free of dead squirrels, with only a couple leaves on top. Hick goes out every night to fiddle about with POOLIO. The current problem is the filter. Hick tired of tinkering with it, and went back to the pool store.

"Are you going to be able to swim in the pool before it's time to close it for the winter?"

"I hope so! I can't get the filter to work. It won't stay running. The guy at the pool store said it sounds like it needs a gasket. So I bought one. I've got to put it on."

The weather calls for a week of temperatures in the upper 90s, heat index over 100. That does not bode well for poor Pony on the job, but would be ideal for Hick to slosh around in POOLIO in the evenings, after a hard day of working four hours on the Beauty Shop half of the Double Hovel flip house, or ten hours of sitting in his SUS2 (Storage Unit Store 2) on the weekend.

The current total for getting POOLIO ready for swimming is $228.52. This is July 12th. How much will each dip cost Hick, by the time he has POOLIO perfected for his swimming needs?

Val Thevictorian Is the New PigPen, and That's NOT Dirt Surrounding Her

Some people just go about their daily business, and things are drawn to them. Like Charlie Brown's pal PigPen and his dirt cloud. Or perhaps Hick, with his bargains. With Val, it's LUCK.

Tuesday afternoon, I was sitting at the kitchen table with HIPPIE, waiting for time to pass, and the drenching rains of the remnants of Texas hurricane Beryl to clear on out. The radar looked like that might happen around 4:00. I was in no hurry. Just finishing up my usual internet activities, getting ready for a nap on our new $200 mattress, then a shower, and hopefully a dry trip to town.

As I closed out HIPPIE's open windows, I heard an email come in on my phone. Probably more scammers, like the one from AARP who calls me Gloria, and says my credit card is automatically being charged for a year's membership, listing a credit card number that's not mine, and providing a convenient link if I want to update my information, or opt out of this action. Heh, heh! Not today, AARP!

Anyhoo... in checking my phone, I saw that this newest email was from PROMOTIONS. Huh. Likely another scam. When I opened it to see the entity wanting to promote me, I saw this:

_______________________________________________________________

Missouri Lottery Choose Your Dream Adventure: Weekly Cash Drawings Winner

Val,

Congratulations! You have won a prize in the Choose Your Dream Adventure: Weekly Cash Drawings Promotion!

All the details can be found in your My Lottery Players Club account. To view, log into your account... blah blah blah.

________________________________________________________________

Well! This seemed legit (though I get scammy notices for winning sometimes, also to GLORIA, from some lottery in the UK). Indeed, MOLottery has such a "Choose Your Dream" contest running this summer. 

________________________________________________________________

CHOOSE YOUR DREAM ADVENTURE: WEEKLY CASH DRAWINGS

Each week during the promotion, the Missouri Lottery will award 50 winners $300 cash. 

The weekly cash drawings will include all eligible tickets submitted during a given week. Players will receive one entry for every dollar’s worth of tickets submitted (For example, a $5 ticket equals five entries into the Choose Your Dream Adventure drawing). Entries from the weekly drawings will not carry over from week to week. However, these entries will count toward their $10 requirement into their choice of Dream Vacation or Dream Green drawings. 

_________________________________________________________________

I don't normally scan in my tickets these days, because the app is woefully hard to navigate, and time-consuming. They no longer have prizes you can purchase with accumulated points. Only electronic subscriptions, or gift cards. However, I DO enter big tickets such as when The Pony saves up and gets a $50 ticket, or when I celebrate a big win by taking a chance on a $30. There is a different contest for those big tickets, with three drawings a year. I've always told The Pony that I would split any such winnings with him 50/50, since he plays the big tickets occasionally, and gives them to me for scanning.

Anyhoo... I fired HIPPIE up again, to go to the MOLottery website, log in, and check this out. My account DID show that I was a winner in the latest weekly drawing. That's $300 !!! Just for scanning in tickets (which can be winners or losers). Of course, I will be giving The Pony half of it. 

In reading all the requirements, it seems that MOLottery notifies winners by email, and by regular mail, at the addresses they have listed in their account information. I will have to fill out and return a promotional form, and then MOLottery will mail me a check. Sounds like the procedure when I have to claim a big winner at the lottery office.

So, in case you have the attention span of a goldfish, what I'm saying here is that 

I WON $300 IN A DRAWING FROM THE MISSOURI LOTTERY!

Which I will split 50/50 with The Pony.

There are six more weeks left of these weekly cash drawings. You can bet (Disclaimer: Val does NOT encourage gambling!) your bottom dollar that I will be scanning all my tickets during those six weeks.

Hick Thevictorian Is the New Lucy Van Pelt

I might have mentioned how Hick has an uncanny ability to avoid carrying in groceries. No matter how late I plan a shopping trip, he is not home to help, even if I arrive at his regular get-home time. Often, Hick shows up just as I am putting away the last of the groceries I have carried in. Too bad there's not an Olympic event for this, since Hick would have multiple gold medals draped around the house.

For about a month, Hick was ready and available tricked into being here when I got home from shopping. I'd call and ask where he was, and if he said he was home, I'd tell him I would text as I was leaving the store. It takes me 10 minutes to get home from 10Box.

Monday, I went to the bank to deposit a check, and stopped by Country Mart over in Sis-Town. Hick knew I was going there, because I said I'd pick up big salads for our supper. His schedule was off anyway, since Old Buddy was not available for work on the Beauty Shop due to vacation. In fact, Hick was mowing the yard when I left.

On the way home, I stopped at the School-Turn Casey's for scratchers. I called Hick.

"I'm just now starting home from Casey's over here."

"Do you have groceries?"

"Yes. Six bags. Some of them are heavy. Not sure how long it takes from here, but I'm not going through Backroads. I'll just take the roundabout and come straight home. Probably 20 minutes, depending on the lights."

"Okay. I'll be watching for you."

Off I went, all confident with the knowledge that I'd have help with my burden. After all, any time Hick has been confirmed as being home, and said he would help, he HAS! Oh, how naive our Val is. Trusting in her Sweet Baboo to help as promised. Not realizing that Hick was just readying the football to pull away as she ran to kick it!

As I came down the driveway, Jack and Scarlett and Copper Jack ran to greet me, barking their fool heads off as usual. I opened the creaky garage door and parked T-Hoe. Waited a minute for Hick to come through the people door. Waited a minute... and another minute. Welp! It looked like I was NOT going to get any help! 

My phone won't work from the garage, ever since Hick had a metal roof put on. I figured I might as well get started. No use going inside and telling Hick to come get the groceries. He's oddly incompetent at such tasks, and would likely leave something behind, or forget to close T-Hoe's hatch before the garage door, and break one or the other. He is, after all, the man who broke the mirrors off T-Hoe backing out of the garage a few years ago.

I toted those bags, which included our two big salads, a container of deli chicken, baking potatoes, eight bananas, two bags of chips, two jars of mayo, a loaf of bread, hamburger buns, hot dog buns, and a three-pound bag of Vidalia onions.

I set the heaviest bags on the chair on the side porch, so I could use my free hand to hold the rail going up the steps. Then I picked them up again. As I rounded the corner of the porch, here came Hick out the kitchen door.

"Oh. Here. I'll get the groceries."

"I've already got them. I'll drop them if I try to get them off my arm now. Stupid me. I thought I was going to have help."

"I was watching for you! I didn't see you out the window! I guess maybe I nodded off to sleep for a minute..."

Huh. You'd think that if Hick was feeling drowsy after 11 hours of sleep on his new $200 mattress, he might have set his phone alarm for 20 minutes when I called to say I was starting home. Oh, wait! No he wouldn't. Because that would mean he'd have to carry in groceries.

A Review of the $200 Mattress

Hick slept 11 hours on it Sunday night, so I suppose the $200 mattress is a success. He went to bed around 8:30, and didn't get up until 7:30. Granted, Old Buddy was out of town on vacation, so Hick's only plans were going somewhere with This Guy who sold us the $5000 house. Thus he ignored his regular get-up time of 5:30.

Anyhoo... Hick said he slept well, and really likes his bargain mattress. I have mixed feelings on the subject. Let the record show that I don't spend much time on a mattress. My joints hurt after about an hour, and most of my sleeping is done on the short couch, while sitting and watching TV. Our old mattress served us for over 20 years, and was due for replacement. Hick's side had a noticeable indentation. In fact, Hick said he often fell out of bed! That's what happens when you sit on the edge to get dressed for 20 years, and break down the side of your mattress!

Anyhoo... I took my afternoon nap on the new $200 mattress on Monday. I had been afraid that it might be too low, since our last one had a memory foam topper thingy. But this new mattress was almost the same height. However, it was a bit noisy. Making that crinkly sound when you lie down on it.

Anothe drawback of the new mattress was its diabolical thirst for an ample rumpus! When I lay down, getting in on my left side as usual, I was pulled over as if by a magnet to the center of the bed! Hick said he had no such problem. Not once, all through the night. I suppose maybe our old mattress had a less-noticeable indentation on my side, which cradled me when I got in. And without it, the new mattress made me feel like I was being pulled over backwards.

Anyhoo... I slept just fine on the new mattress for the hour I was on it, although I had to wedge my arms under my pillow(s) to stay on my side, and not be sucked backwards into the middle-of-the-bed vortex.

All in all, this mattress was worth $200.

The Universe Continues to Mess With The Pony

Forget those "Messin' With Sasquatch" commercials for Jack Links Beef Jerky. The Universe is messing with The Pony! It's safer than messin' with Sasquatch.

After a hot day of work on Saturday, The Pony ordered Steak 'n' Shake for supper, via DoorDash. Here's what he received:

Imagine the disappointment! Going all day without taking a lunch break, anticipating a tasty burger and fries from Steak 'n' Shake for your supper, and only getting a soda and shake! The Pony responded with a picture of his lacking order, and was given a full refund. 

Still, that didn't make up for not having supper! The Pony made some ramen noodles.

"Do you think the driver ate your burger and fries?"

"Maybe? Or else delivered them to the stop ahead of me. It said there were two orders out for delivery."

"Huh. Somebody got a real bargain! At least you got your money back."

This tragedy aside, I asked The Pony if that was the lid for his blown-away trash can on the front porch. Yes. It was. And I also asked about that purple thing.

"What is that purple thing that looks like a playground ball?"

"That's a deflated kickball that ended up in the corner by my stairs, and that I pulled out of the front yard."

I suppose there are worse things to find in a front yard. But being cheated out of your anticipated supper is a crime against Ponymanity!

The Bargain Man Gets Another Bargain

I made use of Hick's auction bananas on Saturday, making banana nut bread, and strawberry-banana muffins with them. Also, another bowl of pudding using vanilla wafers, a banana, and vanilla pudding.

Let the record show that Val has never claimed to be a 5 star Michelin chef. The closest she comes is an uncanny resemblance to the Michelin Man. I used a box mix for the banana nut bread, and a bagged mix for the strawberry-banana muffins. 

I used three bananas, and made two little loaves. One would probably have worked. I used the "instructions" amount of 3 eggs, and 1/3 cup of oil, and cut down the 1/3 cup of water to 1/4, due to the moisture in the bananas.

Hick cut off an end of a loaf, and proclaimed that it was "really good."

I used two bags of the Save A Lot brand "Ginger Evans" strawberry muffin mix. It called for adding 1/2 cup of milk per bag. So I cut that from one cup to 3/4 cup. Hick ate a muffin, and said it was also "really good." Which may tell you something about the food I've been feeding Hick all these years, heh, heh.

Anyhoo... Hick was back to his regular bargaining self on Saturday at his SUS2 (Storage Unit Store 2). One of his buddies drove up with a trailer loaded with 10 mattresses. Hick bought one for $200. He says it's new, and wrapped in plastic. The buddy's girlfriend works in the city, and she obtained this bargain. Hick says he didn't look at the tag, so he doesn't know if it's a brand name mattress. I am confident that it is NOT! 

Let the record show that Hick has been talking about getting a new mattress for a couple years now. So this is not a surprise. He said he would have sprung for $300 on a more expensive version, but when he felt it, that mattress was too soft. 

Can't be any worse than the aged mattress we have now. And you can't beat the price with a stick. Hick has roped The Pony into coming out on Sunday to carry it into our hillbilly mansion. Until then, it resides in the bed of SilverRedO, which is at least under the shelter of the carport.

When a Bargain Isn't Really a Bargain

Hick came home from Monday night's auction with four bunches of bananas. Two regular size for him, and two smaller ones for me. That was good, because Hick spent his own money on the bananas, and we were down to only two bananas. That was bad, because the bananas that Hick bought were already ripe.

"You know those won't last long. Maybe a day before they're all spotted."

"Yeah. But I only spent four dollars on the whole thing."

We each ate a banana on Tuesday morning. Then we went to the casino on Wednesday, so I skipped one. By Thursday, those bananas were looking rough.

"I don't know what to do with all those bananas."

"You can make banana bread!"

"Sure. Because I've never made it before, and don't have any idea how to do that. Maybe I could put it in muffin mix..."

"Yeah. That would work. And I like bananas in pudding."

"Which means I would have to make pudding. Of which I don't have a mix."

"You can put it in the already-made pudding. The little cups."

"I guess. But I never see banana flavor in the stores I go to."

"Vanilla is fine. I like vanilla."

"Would you want vanilla wafers in it? That's how they make banana pudding. With vanilla wafers on the bottom."

"Yeah. That would be good."

So... I went to town on Thursday, and bought vanilla pudding, and vanilla wafers, and banana nut muffin mix, along with milk required for the mix. So I can spend time creating desserts for sugar-challenged Hick, using his bargain bananas.

At Long Last, the Wrap

You may recall my great disappointment from our last casino trip, when the order-taker did not do her ONE JOB correctly, and brought me a chicken sandwich instead of the chicken wrap I ordered. When I didn't want to wait for the right order (with trepidation that it might be tampered with for my complaint), she assured me it was the exact same thing, just on a bun, not in a wrap.

Well. We went to the casino on Wednesday, and I once again ordered that much-anticipated Grilled Chicken Wrap. I got it! I really got it!

 

It may not look so special from this angle, but I assure you, my Grilled Chicken Wrap was real, and it was spectacular! No, I did not get cheated on the fries. I told The Pony to take half. My wrap was in a large tortilla that had been grilled. Mmm. Chicken, bacon, cheese (provolone, my choice), tomatoes, onions, pickles, and comeback sauce. I left off the lettuce. I will be getting this again, IF they bring it to me after I order it!

The Pony had the Grilled Chicken Salad. It looked fantastic. I'd get it, but I don't like iceberg lettuce. Other than that, it seems good.

The Pony said it was great, but left some of the tomatoes. Not a fan. I contributed the butt-ends of my wrap, so The Pony had a bit of tortilla to enjoy with the salad. That's Ranch Dressing, I believe, though The Pony was trying to decide between it, and Blue Cheese while in line.

Hick had the Fried Chicken Tenders with Onion Rings. 

Don't think that hand is Hick pushing his meal forward for me to photograph! He had set it there, and I barely had time to get the picture before that hand came in, to grab his food for eating!

I thought Hick's food looked good, and was contemplating trying it on the next visit. UNTIL... Hick shoved his cardboard basket away with one chicken tender, and one onion ring left.

"That's the worst food I've ever eaten here."

Huh. And that includes the emaciated, desiccated hot dog he tried one time!

"What's wrong with it?"

"The onion rings are greasy. And something is off with the chicken."

Huh. That meal was advertised as a half-pound of chicken tenders. Hick chose BBQ sauce for dipping. Yet he still didn't like it.

"Do you mind if I try it?"

"No. I'm done!"

I took a bite of the onion ring, and it seemed fine to me. Then I tried the little chicken tender that remained. First of all, that coating was NOT crispy! It was damp, and it slid off when I picked up the small tender. I did not dip. The white meat chicken was moist. But it had an unpleasant flavor. Almost as if it had been marinated with jalapenos! There was a certain heat to it. Not my cup of tea. Nor Hick's, apparently.

Still, we had a fun trip on The Pony's day off. I lost 30 percent of my casino bankroll that I had taken, Hick lost $40, and The Pony left $160 ahead.

We shall return. That Grilled Chicken Wrap is worth a loss.

An Unexpected Find Along The Pony's Route

Every day is an adventure for The Pony. His job is like a box of Forrest Gump's Mama's chocolates... he never knows what he's gonna get. Some days it might be a dog bite. Some days an orange or a fresh tomato handed to him. Or some days, something like THIS:

Isn't that just the cutest thing??? It's a HORSESHOE CRAB!

In other news, the three-foot alligator that was released into the local Backroads lake is still on the loose...

The Universe Continues to Mess With The Pony

Going about his job in a workmanlike manner on Tuesday, The Pony was once again the target of The Universe's warped sense of humor. I got a text on around noon. It included pictures.

No, The Pony does not have measles. Nor a rash from contact with a shipped substance.

The text itself initially made my heart skip a beat. Several beats.

"There has been a mishap and I, unfortunately, have been caught red-handed."

Then I saw the pictures.

"A thing of fruit punch flavoring mix tore open too far and my hands were sweaty!"

Let the record show that I bought The Pony a couple of boxes of plastic tubes of flavoring mix to add to his water bottles. One was lemon-lime, and the other was fruit punch. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose. 

I showed Hick the pictures, and all he said was, "Is The Pony wearing gloves???"

No. That's the rubber bands that hold different packets of mail together. Most carriers do this to keep from dropping them in yards.

Anyhoo... it was a relief to find out The Pony was fine, though discolored. 

"I hope they don't think I'm a red-handed thief at the casino!"

Surely that won't be a problem... Hopefully that coloration will wash off or wear off by our upcoming casino trip.