Hick Thevictorian Is the New Lucy Van Pelt

I might have mentioned how Hick has an uncanny ability to avoid carrying in groceries. No matter how late I plan a shopping trip, he is not home to help, even if I arrive at his regular get-home time. Often, Hick shows up just as I am putting away the last of the groceries I have carried in. Too bad there's not an Olympic event for this, since Hick would have multiple gold medals draped around the house.

For about a month, Hick was ready and available tricked into being here when I got home from shopping. I'd call and ask where he was, and if he said he was home, I'd tell him I would text as I was leaving the store. It takes me 10 minutes to get home from 10Box.

Monday, I went to the bank to deposit a check, and stopped by Country Mart over in Sis-Town. Hick knew I was going there, because I said I'd pick up big salads for our supper. His schedule was off anyway, since Old Buddy was not available for work on the Beauty Shop due to vacation. In fact, Hick was mowing the yard when I left.

On the way home, I stopped at the School-Turn Casey's for scratchers. I called Hick.

"I'm just now starting home from Casey's over here."

"Do you have groceries?"

"Yes. Six bags. Some of them are heavy. Not sure how long it takes from here, but I'm not going through Backroads. I'll just take the roundabout and come straight home. Probably 20 minutes, depending on the lights."

"Okay. I'll be watching for you."

Off I went, all confident with the knowledge that I'd have help with my burden. After all, any time Hick has been confirmed as being home, and said he would help, he HAS! Oh, how naive our Val is. Trusting in her Sweet Baboo to help as promised. Not realizing that Hick was just readying the football to pull away as she ran to kick it!

As I came down the driveway, Jack and Scarlett and Copper Jack ran to greet me, barking their fool heads off as usual. I opened the creaky garage door and parked T-Hoe. Waited a minute for Hick to come through the people door. Waited a minute... and another minute. Welp! It looked like I was NOT going to get any help! 

My phone won't work from the garage, ever since Hick had a metal roof put on. I figured I might as well get started. No use going inside and telling Hick to come get the groceries. He's oddly incompetent at such tasks, and would likely leave something behind, or forget to close T-Hoe's hatch before the garage door, and break one or the other. He is, after all, the man who broke the mirrors off T-Hoe backing out of the garage a few years ago.

I toted those bags, which included our two big salads, a container of deli chicken, baking potatoes, eight bananas, two bags of chips, two jars of mayo, a loaf of bread, hamburger buns, hot dog buns, and a three-pound bag of Vidalia onions.

I set the heaviest bags on the chair on the side porch, so I could use my free hand to hold the rail going up the steps. Then I picked them up again. As I rounded the corner of the porch, here came Hick out the kitchen door.

"Oh. Here. I'll get the groceries."

"I've already got them. I'll drop them if I try to get them off my arm now. Stupid me. I thought I was going to have help."

"I was watching for you! I didn't see you out the window! I guess maybe I nodded off to sleep for a minute..."

Huh. You'd think that if Hick was feeling drowsy after 11 hours of sleep on his new $200 mattress, he might have set his phone alarm for 20 minutes when I called to say I was starting home. Oh, wait! No he wouldn't. Because that would mean he'd have to carry in groceries.