The Deal is Done: Another Flip House, Coming Soon

The(flippin')Victorians bought another house on Thursday. The one I shall call Lap House, because it fell into Hick's lap without any search or real estate listing or sign in the yard. It was a call with an offer to sell, from an old guy referred to Hick by the old guy we bought the Double Hovel from.

In true Hick photography faux pas fashion, the picture is from the BACK of the house! 

Lap House is on The Pony's street. Three doors down. It's a nice wide street. This is a corner lot with a decent size back yard. That's the entrance to the partial basement. Much better than a crawlspace for flippers, because it's easy access for plumbing and electric and ductwork.

Across the street is an apartment building. It used to be an elementary school, which is pretty obvious to me from the windows. Next to Lap house is an old church. I don't think there is any activity there these days. I never see any cars or people. Whoever eventually buys Lap House will have better-than-average privacy, with a street on one side, an abandoned church on the other side, an alley in the back, and apartments across the street. I don't expect those residents will be hanging out in front, or complaining about goings-on.

More pictures as they become available.

Next Thing You Know, Hick Will be Blamed for the Downfall of Civilization

Here we go again. It's all Hick's fault...

Of course I am allowed to blame Hick for anything I see fit. That's my privilege. It's a perk that comes with putting up with him for the past 35-and-a-half years. Nobody else gets that privilege. Especially the fire chief over in Sis-Town!

Hick's boss brought a note to show him on Tuesday. It was the day after the inspection of the kitchen at the Senior Center, for which Hick had provided a cover for the four-foot fluorescent light. The note had nothing to do with the kitchen. It passed inspection just fine. 

The note was about the senior apartments. It had been given to the city manager, and the mayor. The mayor gave it to Hick's boss. Let the record show that there was no reason for the fire chief to go into the apartment section of the building. It's not necessary to leave the kitchen. It was not having an inspection.

Among the items in the note was: "I stepped out into the apartment building, and noticed what appeared to be a slight haze. It seemed to be coming from Apartment 2. For the safety of the residents, the apartment manager needs to make sure the residents are not smoking."

Of course Hick took issue with this. 

"So the fire chief was worried about the safety of the residents, but left the building with smoke coming out of an apartment? What kind of fire chief does that, without checking it out himself? What are we supposed to do? Be here 24 hours a day and sit in the hall waiting to see if somebody smokes? They KNOW it's against the rules. I'm tire of this nitpicking. I don't need this job!"

Hick's boss said he didn't, either. And that he was going to talk to the mayor and take care of it. Along with the other issues in the note. Like a bicycle and a plant in the way of making an emergence exit, and trash in the trash room.

Hick says one of the residents parks his bicycle in the entry area, but it's back away from the stairs, and not in front of the door. And that there's a plant, but it's also not in the path to the exit, nor on the stairs. As for the trash, it's supposed to be dumped every day by the lady who cleans. And Hick and Old Buddy sometimes dump it in the morning, if there's trash in it when they arrive.

"What are we supposed to do about the trash? Sit around and listen for when somebody drops a bag in, and take it out right then, and wait for the next one to drop?"

His boss said no, of course not. It's the trash room. That's why the building was made with a trash chute. It's getting taken out regularly, not accumulating.

I told Hick: "This guy is out to get you because he knows that you're onto him for not doing HIS job right!"

"That's probably got something to do with it."

Sounds like somebody has an ax to grind, and he'd better not be leaving the shavings in Hick's apartment building!

Surprise Reuben!

I knew that Reuben Day at the Senior Center was Tuesday, St. Patrick's Day. I made sure that Hick knew, too! He agreed to bring home Reubens for our supper. The menu said it would be:

Reuben

Colcannon (Irish Potatoes)

Honey Glazed Carrots

Pistachio Cake OR Fruit

I was a bit disappointed to see that there was no SLAW on the menu. Then again, when the menu DID list slaw, we didn't get it, because they substituted beets. I was curious to see what would actually be in our takeout containers.

The broccoli was a welcome surprise. I don't like glazed carrots. The colcannon looked okay. Like basic mashed potatoes. Maybe with bacon particles. I tried a bite, but they tasted like watery mashed potatoes with maybe some bacon and broccoli stems. No thank you. Hick can have mine.

Here's the thing: Hick brought home an extra Reuben! 

"One of them old ladies didn't want her sandwich, so they put it in a container for me."

That works out great. I only have half a Reuben, then the other half the next night. So Hick ate just the sandwich Tuesday evening, because he was still full from the meal at lunch. Wednesday night, I'll have my other half-Reuben, and Hick can have the second meal. Plus my colcannon. Of course, he will be eating another full meal for lunch, Wednesday's being:

Meatloaf

Mashed Potatoes

Green Beans

Roll

Peach Pie OR Fruit

Heh, heh! Hick LOVES meatloaf. I hope he's not getting leftover colcannon for the mashed potatoes, because he'll also be having a double serving for supper.

Anyhoo... the dessert looked okay:

I don't know if it was actually Pistachio Cake from the menu. Hick just said he had "green cake." I didn't try it, because I always give my desserts to Hick. Those little decoration things are a deal-breaker for me. Or should I say "tooth-breaker?" I don't like them on my cake, no matter what the flavor or color. Can you tell which piece they intended for Hick?

The Reuben was really good. The broccoli was okay. I'm trying to get Hick to bring me lunch next Tuesday... The menu calls for:

Ham & Beans

Spinach & Breaded Tom.

Cornbread

OR

Liver & Onions

Mashed Potatoes

Veg

Cornbread

Blueberry Pie OR Fruit

I would like to try their liver and onions. I like liver. Not sure what they can do to it. I for sure don't want spinach, or "breaded tom." (Which I hope is breaded tomATOES, but then again not, because they sound horrible. Though breaded TOM would be much worse!)

We'll see if Hick is too busy to bring me TWO meals in one month!

Hick Brings Hot Water Upon Himself

Hick is a schemer and a redeemer. It's tough to sneak a bargain past him. 

A year or two ago, Hick signed up for a Lowe's Pro account. It's for contractors, I think. Or anyone who plans to buy a lot of stuff at once, like a contractor would. I was against it, because the bill comes separately from the regular Lowe's credit card bill. And the itemization is very confusing, because apparently you can pay off a purchase separately, and wait to pay the rest. I don't need that kind of headache. One bill a month, paid in full. That's my routine to pay Lowe's and Menards for the flip house expenses. 

Anyhoo... in questioning one such itemized Lowe's Pro bill, Hick discovered that he can pay right there at the store. No need to wait on a confusing statement in the mail. Also, Hick gets points on his account that can be redeemed for future purchases. In fact, he cashed in $86 just before Christmas, he says, buying stuff for Bargain House.

Now comes the scheming. Two events that Hick could gleefully join together.

Hick has been upgrading one of the senior apartments. With approval from his boss, of course. It's getting new laminate flooring to replace the old carpet. Plus a new refrigerator, stove, and air conditioner.

Last week, while fiddling around in his basement workshop, Hick discovered that our water heater has a leak. He got it fixed up, but we need a new water heater. This doesn't surprise me. We've had this one since the boys were living here. A couple times, Hick hauled it out the basement door, and made them help him drain it and remove the lime deposits that had formed. So we've definitely gotten our use out of this water heater.

The scheme? To add our water heater to the Lowe's order for the apartments. It's a win-win, because there weren't enough apartment purchases to make the bill over $2000, which is required to get the discount prices. The cost of our water heater would put the total above $2000.

I'm not sure if Hick got his scheme approved ahead of time. But here's how it worked out. There was no specific percentage of discount like I had assumed. "They just had contractor discount prices on certain items. So you get whatever it is. They're all different amounts."

According to Hick, the total savings was $550. So the apartments saved $430 on their items, and we saved $120 on our water heater. Hick says the apartment savings is like them getting the flooring for free. Also, Hick got points worth $21 on his account for the order. 

The bookkeeper for Hick's apartment job gave him a check to pay when he picked up the order. I asked if he needed a check for $360.05 to give the bookkeeper for the cost of our water heater. He said no, she wanted it in cash. Which seems odd because she doesn't want Hick giving her the elderlies' rent in cash, but who am I to question an agency that helps old people?

Anyhoo... our water heater is paid for, the apartment appliances are paid for, the apartments saved money, we saved money, and Hick got $21 worth of points to redeem, plus a message that he can get 25% off a future order of $2000 or more.

That was a pretty good scheme.

Hick is a Mess, Thanks to The Universe

Now The Universe is getting physical! Poor Hick. He came home with a bloody lip!

"I fell. I was going in the Senior Center."

"Did you trip? Did anybody see you?"

"Nobody saw me. I was just walking across the floor, and lost my balance. Sometimes that happens, like I can't move my feet fast enough to recover."

"There's no money in THAT!"

"Heh, heh. Yeah. I had been out to the lumberyard to get a light cover for the gal who runs the kitchen. She's got an inspector comin', and her four-foot fluorescent don't have no cover on it. I just fell while I was walkin' through."

"You dropped a glove."

"That ain't no glove. That's my paper towel for my lip." Hick picked it up from the kitchen floor and dabbed at his lower right lip.

"Hey! That was on the floor! Where Pepper runs around!"

"It ain't gonna hurt me. Here's another one my toenail girl give me. She seen it when I was at the counter payin'."

"For supper, you're having boneless chicken wings. And I can make you mashed potatoes."

"I don't want nothing hard to chew."

"Boneless wings aren't hard to chew! OR mashed potatoes!"

"Yeah. I guess that'll be fine. I don't want nothin' salty. I was thinkin' about chips."

Hick grabbed a Diet Mountain Dew out of FRIG II. 

"What are you doing now, going to have some Chex Mix?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Um. Salty?"

"I can fit it in the other side of my mouth."

Good thing Hick can adapt to live with his injury.

The Universe Messes With Hick

Gotta say, I'm glad to be off The Universe's hook. It's Hick's turn to be messed with. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

Saturday evening, I was ready for Hick to be home at his usual time, around 5:00. With the recent time change, I thought he might show up later. An extra hour of daylight is nothing to sneeze at for a flea market business. I held off on starting his supper. It was going to be quite simple, anyway. Just a couple of hot dogs cooked in the oven, Ruffles potato chips, and baby carrots with dip. Ten minutes, tops, for preparation.

When Hick wasn't home by 5:25, I called. Just to get an idea of his ETA. Was it worth sitting down with my scratchers, or was his arrival imminent? His phone rang several times, but didn't go to voice mail. I thought maybe he was nearly here, and in the dead zone down by Mailbox Row. I usually get voice mail if he's at his SUS2.5, because he doesn't get good reception inside. From my phone, anyway, though he calls in to the FFL people to verify if customers can legally purchase his highly-regulated items.

I didn't send a text. I went to change into my scratcher-scratching clothes. Of course my phone rang. It was Hick, saying he had a customer, but would be leaving soon. I told him no big deal. I wouldn't be starting his supper until after 6:30. It takes Hick 30 minutes to drive home. And at least 15 minutes to put his wares inside, and lock up his units.

This timing would work out fine. I'd have Hick's supper ready for him to take to his recliner and watch the new season of Storage Wars that came on at 7:00. Hick loves that show! It's what got him started with his flea market business(s). And now it's back.

At 6:30, Hick arrived. I finished my current scratcher, and put his hot dogs in the oven while he went outside with little puppy Pepper, who has been LET LOOSE from his back-porch pen to live like a regular dog on the grounds of our hillbilly mansion. I got Hick's plate ready with the baby carrots. Set out the hot dog buns and chips and mustard. I was getting ready to spoon the dip onto the plate at 6:48 when Hick came in the kitchen door.

"I cain't remember nothin'! A guy from the storage units just called, and said I didn't close the door on my shop! I'm glad he called. I've got to go lock it up!"

"Well. Your supper will just sit here until you get back. You're going to miss your show."

"Yeah. There ain't nothin' I can do about that. I have to go."

Poor Hick. I had everything timed just right for his Saturday evening. The Universe thought otherwise. Hick got back home at 7:43.   

"Were you speeding? That's a pretty fast trip there and back!"

"No. I wasn't speeding. I just got to thinking, I have a buddy who lives five minutes from the flea market. I bet he would have drove over there and locked up for me. But it's done now. I'd been moving my stuff in, closing up, when a kid (actually a young adult, which Hick calls 'kids') come up wanting to buy somethin'. I went in with him, and a couple of my buddies carried my stuff in for me. That threw off my routine, and I didn't lock up like I usually do."

It was the big door, the outside pull-down garage type door that he'd left up. The regular front door in the wall of his storefront was locked. So nobody was going to walk in and help themselves. But you don't want your metal security door left open on a Saturday night. 

That's for sure!

Lucky for Hick, there were TWO episodes of the new season of Storage Wars. He got to see the end of the first, and all of the second. And all his wares were safe and secure.

Nothing Quite So Pleasant as SilverRedO with a Pheasant

Hick has been at it again, out rounding up bargains (and FREEbies) for his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). This time they came from one of his favorite hangouts, a pawn shop on Main Street. One of his buddies runs it. Hick has been saying for a while that it's going out of business. Yet he was over there playing the fake slot machines when I met him in October for our yearly meeting with our financial advisor across the street.

Friday, I suppose it really WAS going out of business. Hick said he had to get over there to see what was left. Is it a bad sign or a good sign for the economy when a pawn shop goes out of business? Are people no longer needing to pawn things? Or have they run out of things to pawn?

Anyhoo... Hick had previously picked up some bargain merchandise that will be good for re-sale. While there, he had seen a pheasant. He really wanted that pheasant, but the buddy said it was not for sale. Who has a going-out-business sale at a pawn shop and then won't sell a pheasant? I really need a lot of questions answered about this experience!

Anyhoo... the buddy had apparently called Hick and told him there was good news and bad news. The bad being that he had another item he knew Hick would really want for his SUS2.5, thus costing Hick more money, so soon after he had made a trip to another pawn shop down in Casino Town, and traded a bunch of silver for the same kind of merchandise. But the good news was that the buddy was going to GIVE Hick the pheasant! For being such a good customer. A little bonus.

There it is, proudly posed on SilverRedO, under the carport. I asked Hick his plans for it.

"I'm going to put it in my shop!"

"Will you sell it?"

"I don't plan to. But if somebody offers me the right price, I will."

"What's your price?"

"At least $100."

"Where did it come from?"

"Somebody shot it, and had it stuffed."

"I KNOW that! But I wondered if there was a story with it. I don't know anybody hunting pheasants around here. It's quail."

"I don't know. Probably from out west somewhere. Maybe the Dakotas."

Hick's concept of "west" is a little different from mine. But technically, the Dakotas ARE west of Missouri.

We'll see how long Hick can hold onto his pheasant...