Thursday, July 29, 2021

Liars, Dang Liars, and Hick-clarations

When I came home from town Wednesday, I noticed Hick over at the BARn. SilverRedO was parked in front of the door, and Hick was carrying something across his arms. I swear, that something looked like a pizza box! I don't care if Hick eats pizza over at the BARn. He has the Original FRIG over there, stocked with beverages. But it was 3:30. Almost time for supper. 

I probably would have forgotten all about it, but I was a little bit unhappy with Hick. I had seven bags of groceries, and four six-packs of his Diet Mountain Dew in T-Hoe's rear. I had been hoping for help carrying them in. It's not like The Pony can trot out and do it for me, what with his broken ankle. Besides, the heat index was 107 on Wednesday! For those of you who don't believe in the heat index (joeh!), let's just say it was 96 degrees, with really, really high humidity.

Anyhoo... Hick will usually turn to look at a vehicle driving by in front of the BARn. But this time he didn't. Just kept walking. In a hurry to open up his pizza, I suppose! Of course he came to the house right after I put away the last grocery.

"How convenient. Groceries are carried in and put away. Good timing."

"Oh. I didn't know you were over here."

"Well, all your soda is still out there."

"I just carried in soda!"

"That was before you left on your trip TWO WEEKS ago! And there's only one pack left inside."

"Well. I'll get it later. It's HOT."

"What were you carrying into the BARn? It looked like a pizza box!"

"Oh. That was something I got for the storage unit."

"A pizza?"

"No. It was fishing reels."

"In a FLAT box?"

"Oh. That was trash."

"An empty pizza box?"

"No. Actually, it was a box a gun came in."

"More like a box a pizza came in! Your story sounds a little fishy to me. So many changes in what you carried in. Just pick one lie, and stick with it!"

Seriously. I don't care if Hick had a pizza over at the BARn. He could have said it was an old pizza box from SilverRedO, and he was carrying it in to throw away. I don't know what it actually was, but it was flat like a pizza box, and I don't for a minute think fishing reels or a gun came in that box. Hick does not throw away gun boxes, and he does not keep guns over at the BARn. Fishing reels are thicker than what that box looked like it would hold.

Anyway... it's never a bad idea to let Hick think he can't put anything over on me.

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

This Might Have Prevented a Speeding Ticket

Hick bought himself some new wheels on his trip out west to see his brother. Didn't even consult ME! Just like that time Hick left in a huff, and I saw him three days later riding a new lawnmower around the grounds. Only this time, he kind of returned in a huff, and it only took two days before I found out about his new ride.

Ain't she sweet? Can you see her toolin' down the street? I think this purchase might actually be a bargain. According to the message Hick sent me with the photo:

"Peddle car I bought for $49."

Yes. I know. PEDDLE car. Though in this case, that little pedal vehicle IS LITERALLY A PEDDLE CAR! Here it is in the back of A-Cad, up at Hick's Storage Unit Store where he unloaded it. He's going to ask $125, and says he'll take $75. Shh... don't tell anyone.

If you zoom in on the back, the brand is InStep. Looks like it was called the InStep Pink Lady Pedal Car. I never had one as a kid, but I had a FIRE ENGINE. Although I don't think it was an InStep. Maybe a Murray. More boxy, with ladders on the back. 
This Pink Lady would not have been conducive to good sibling relations. With the fire engine, my sister the little future ex-ex-mayor's wife could drive, and I could stand on the back, holding onto the ladder racks. No, I did NOT tip it over!. We'd ride it down the sidewalk hill in front of our house, and it would get going so fast that Sis had to take her feet off the pedals. At the bottom, we had to make a quick left, and turn it over in our neighbor's yard, to prevent flying off the sidewalk side into a creek. Rough sidewalks in our town! No rails as the sidewalk crossed over the creek that flowed under the street.

Some kid will be very happy to have that Pink Lady. Even if it's an adult over-grown kid buying it for nostalgic purposes, and not actual driving.

Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Turns Out the $6 Orange Juice and $7.98 Lettuce Actually WERE Bargains...

Hey, have you heard? Hick went to Vegas for 10 days! And all I got was this lousy NOT-T-SHIRT! Oh, I'm not complaining. No siree, Bob! That would be so uncharacteristic of me! No, I'm not complaining. Just pointing out that sometimes, some people might want to re-think what they're complaining about.

"Oh, I got you something in Vegas," said Hick on Sunday evening. He and The Pony were looking at fixer-upper houses on The Pony's laptop at the kitchen table, as I got Hick's supper ready.

"It's not a $3 pink change purse, is it? Because I don't need any more of those."

"No. It's a good present."

"Did it really come from Vegas? Or was it from a truck stop somewhere along the way?"

"It came from Vegas! I got it in a gift shop."

"A real gift shop? In a casino?"

"No. Not gift shop. I said thrift shop! It cost me $12."

Hick set my gift on the table. It had been in his collection of items he'd put on HIS side of the kitchen table.

"I knew you wouldn't wear a t-shirt. So I got you a snow globe. From Vegas."

"Oh. Yeah. It really DOES have snow in it. Glitter snow." Said The Pony, giving it a shake. "Um. Uh. Wait a minute. Does it...uh. The sign is broken off."

"Oh. It DID break? I wondered if I could get it here without breaking it."

Seriously? Did Hick drive A-Cad off-road all the way home? How would it break, riding in a car? Albeit a car traveling 72 mph in a 55 mph work zone.

"I don't know if it was like that, or it came off when I turned it over to shake it."

"The sign was okay when I bought it."

"In the thrift store. For $12. I'm not so sure that was a bargain. Even if it wasn't broken. Doesn't sound very thrifty to me."

"I just thought it was something you would like."

"I DO like it. Maybe there was a big earthquake, and that landmark Vegas sign fell down."

Looks like Hick can't catch a break with his out-of-state sweaving, but The Pony caught an ankle break right here at work, doing what he was supposed to do, and I caught a break in my special snow globe gift from the thrift shop.

Compared to the $6 orange juice and the $7.98 lettuce, this thrift gift was not a bargain.

Monday, July 26, 2021

He's a Swerver, He's a Weaver, He's a Las Vegas Leaver

Hick returned home Saturday night around 11:30, having driven 15 hours straight. He did not get off to a good start. Within 10 minutes of hitting the road, Hick was pulled over for a moving violation. SPEEDING! What were you expecting, a sweaving ticket?

To hear Hick tell it, he was perfectly innocent. Railroaded! Ensnared in a speed trap!

"I saw a cop pull out after me. It took me about a quarter mile to get over to the side of the road. He said I was speeding."

"How fast were you going?"


"What was the speed limit?"


"So you WERE speeding."

"Not by much. But THEN he tried to say I was speeding in a work zone! That it should have been a 55 miles an hour speed limit. All because there were some orange cones along the road. They weren't even ON the road! They were way over to the side!"

"Was there a sign that said WORK ZONE?"

"If there was, I didn't see it! He wanted my license and insurance and registration."

"So? You had them all, right?"

"Yeah. It took him forever. I was watching him in my mirror. I thought maybe he was going to let me off with a warning. I didn't see him writing a ticket. But apparently, his motorcycle had a computer in it, because he came up and handed me a PRINTED TICKET! He said he was giving me a break by not writing my ticket about the work zone. I could fight it in court, but then I'd have to go back there to do it. So I'll just pay it. I have to go to TRAFFIC SCHOOL! He said I could do that in Missouri. I think I might have to do that before I can mail in my fine!"

"Yeah. Well. You do the crime, you do the time. And the fine."

"Yep, one of Henderson's finest got me. It wasn't even a state cop. It was a city cop."

"Hey! You. Are. Guilty. Don't blame the boys in blue!"

Of course, I'm the one who'll have to address the envelope and write out the check for Hick's crime spree.

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Orange Juice and Lettuce, an Arm and a Leg

Apparently Hick has been texting The Pony while on his trip out west. One message was:

"Don't order orange juice at the casino. It costs $6."

I'm guessing Hick meant at a restaurant in a casino where he stayed in their hotel. He's not one to go gambling in the morning, and not one to order orange juice at night. I couldn't wait for him to get home. Oh, all the little digs and jokes I could make about the $6 orange juice!

But then... I went to Country Mart on Friday. Not for orange juice. I was in the produce section, though. I wasn't feeling well that day, and was in a hurry to grab my few items and get back home. I picked up rolls for The Pony, and bandaids for his scrapes, and a bag of shredded lettuce. I have the makings for some nachos, and needed lettuce. 

At the register, the checker said she made a mistake.

"I rang your lettuce twice. I can't take it off. We'll have to wait until she comes back from the bathroom."

I suppose she meant the gal in charge, with a card to override something in the register. I was not feeling well. Did I mention that? A sinus headache, and woozy dizzy spinning sensation when I turned my head wrong. 

"Never mind. I'll just pay. And hold a grudge every time I come in here! Really. I don't want to wait. I'll just pay it."

How much could some shredded lettuce cost, anyway? I don't always look at prices if it's something on my list, without other choices to compare. I figure it was probably $1.99 or thereabouts. 

Imagine my surprise when I got back to T-Hoe, and saw that my bag of shredded lettuce was $3.99! So I had actually paid $7.98 PLUS TAX for one bag of lettuce!

We won't be talking about the $6 orange juice...

Saturday, July 24, 2021

One Stop COIN Shop Floor Slop

Such a bounty to report this week! And I got them all in one place! [edited to say MOSTLY] It was technically a last-week find, because it happened on Saturday, after I'd already put the Saturday CENTSus to bed. Tucked it in, fetched it one last glass of water, threatened it to stay under the covers, and not to leave the room or call me for anything other than an emergency. And THIS is the thanks I got:

Look at that! A quarter, two dimes, and two pennies! Too many for individual close-ups. I had a heads-up 1999 QUARTER, face-down 2021 and 1977 DIMES, and face-down 2020 and 2016 PENNIES. Can everybody join me in telling Orb K: "SWEEP YOUR GOSH-DARN FLOOR!"
But WAIT! What you can't see, off to the right, is another penny that I only saw as I was leaving. So I had to pick it up and resist ample-rumpusing those in line behind me for a picture. I snuck one in T-Hoe, though.

It was a 2009 heads-up penny. The special kind...

With ol' Log-Lincoln on the back!
FRIDAY, July 23, when I had no business over in Sis-Town, I was compelled to make a special trip to mail my electric bills. Of course I went up the street to Casey's, because the invalid Pony wanted to try the NEW $3 crossword scratcher that I discovered there the previous day. [He had a $10 winner!]
While in line to pay for more gas, after hauling around The Pony's broken ankle all week... I spied something to my liking under the tempters hanging on the front of the counter:
At first I thought it was a penny, from the color. But the size didn't seem quite right. It wasn't until I leaned down for the close-up that I saw its true color.
It was a bright, shiny, 2020 DIME, heads up, even though this picture makes it look tarnished. My phone has trouble distinguishing picture-worthy coins from no-details-needed background.
So convenient this week, getting all my coins at one stop! [Plus one more!] Less ample-rumpusing! That makes 7 COINS, for 58 CENTS, towards Val's Future Pennyillionaire Fortune!


Penny       # 74, 75, 76.
Dime         # 6, 7, 8.
Nickel       still at 4.
Quarter    # 4.

Penny     134
Dime        25
Nickel      10
Quarter      1

Friday, July 23, 2021

Yes, I'm Sure You're Shocked By Another Job Not Done Right

Wednesday, I did more chauffeuring for The (lame) Pony. Don't get me started! After our most recent trial and tribulation, The Pony ordered our lupper from Pizza Hut on his phone app. I was piloting T-Hoe through the law-scoffing Backroads traffic, dwelling on the BROKEN ANKLE SPECIALIST APPOINTMENT QUAGMIRE in which we were still enmeshed, and not paying direct attention to his droning of the order.

"Okay. So we ARE doing the curbside pickup, right?"

"Um. Are we? I order and place a time for pickup, and go to the drive-thru."

"The app doesn't let me do that."

"I bet it does."

"It says to park in the designated space, and they'll bring it out. There's a button here for when you arrive. They should bring it out within two minutes."

"Um. Okay? I won't know where to park. You'll have to point it out to me."

"It wants a description of the car. Black Tahoe. Would you happen to know the year?"


"Now I need your debit card."

"Okay. But I always order, then pay at the drive-thru."

"This wants it ahead of time. Because they will just bring out the food. Like Domino's. It asks where to put the order. Back seat."

"All right."

So we get there, and I see no less than five workers in their red visors milling around in the parking spaces opposite the drive-thru. With two of their delivery cars parked there, and about four empty parking spaces.

"Do I turn in here? Is that where we wait?"

"I don't think so. That's the drive-thru."

"Okay. I'll go to the other side. The regular parking lot. There's a car behind me. I can't just stop to look. Huh. I don't see any marked spaces. How will they know we're here? Should I go back around to the drive-thru side?"

"Maybe? We can look at those spaces."

Around I went. Still employees milling. Looking at US like we were crazy. No marked parking. Just their two delivery cars, and four empty spaces.

"Well, I'm going to the drive-thru. I'll ask there. I wish these people would quit staring at us. Hello. We ordered with the app, and don't know where to park to pick it up."

"Here. This is it. The drive-thru. That will be... OH! You already paid. Let me get your order."

She was polite and efficient. Or so I thought... From there, we headed across the next street, to get my Diet Coke from Burger King, since I didn't want to go into Backroads to the Gas Station Chicken Store. It's highway robbery, the price of a large BK soda! Anyhoo... as I was pulling away from the drive-thru, a boneless-wing-eating Pony said, 

"HEY! Pizza Hut forgot the two 20 oz sodas that came with our Personal Pan Pizzas!"

Indeed they had! It didn't concern me much, because they only had Pepsi products, and The Pony was getting both of them that he liked, one for today and one for tomorrow. A Root Beer and a Dr. Pepper, I think. I picked up the receipt. Yep! They were at the bottom, with no price by them, because they were part of a deal. Good thing we were only two blocks away. I went back to the drive-thru.

A totally different person slid open that window! In fact, he didn't even look like he worked there. Like maybe he was a random customer who'd snuck behind the counter. He had a Belushi-esque quality about him. And a wonky eye. Without a red visor. 

"Hi. We just picked up our order, but we didn't get our sodas. Here's the receipt. And could we please have a fork, too?"

"Okay. Let me see. I'll get them for you."

Off he went, and returned with the sodas in a bag, and a fork for The Pony, who was perfectly fine eating boneless wings slathered in garlic parmesan sauce with his fingers, but T-Hoe and I were not.

"He was nice. Not sure he was really an employee, but we got our bottles of soda. Was it just me, or did he have a wonky eye."

"Yes. But it's not really polite to mention that."

"It's not like I said it to his face! I just thought something was off."

Anyhoo... no amount of politeness in the world is an excuse for NOT DOING YOUR JOB CORRECTLY! But it helps... Please. I want to hear about service that was done right.