A Chinese Linking Ring Puzzle in a Knotted Bag Locked in Houdini's Trunk Stashed in a Corn Maze

Balancing our flip house books is a chore that would have crime scene cleaners, coal miners, and Moroccan leather dye pit workers rejoicing that their jobs are easy by comparison.

Hick is not a good recordkeeper. 

He stashes receipts here and there in SilverRedO. He'll tell me, upon interrogation, "Oh, that's on the dash. It's on the visor. I've got it out in SilverRedO. That's in my billfold somewhere. I gave it to you already. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Hick's filing system is like a box of chocolates!

Hick will tell me one thing, then write down another. It is SO HARD to torture the truth out of him! The one thing he remembers is NUMBERS. Well, if they're not HOUSE numbers. I can usually backtrack enough to match up the specific expenditure with something in Hick's mind.

Hick confuses the streets of the flip houses. He designated one expense to a street where we haven't owned the property since 2017. On his yellow legal page of May cash expenditures, there were The Pony's house, our house, Lap House, Cheap House, and weed-eater repairs. Even though I've asked him to use separate pages for each property. What I get is a list, by date, with scribbles of the amount, and a two/three word description of what it's for. That's the GOOD NEWS!

The bad news is when Hick forgets to tell me when he uses the debit card, or says he used it when instead he used the credit card. Are you sensing my chagrin?

Here's an example from Monday. That morning, I had tried to balance my checkbook (elderlies DO like the old ways) using my bank's automated phone system. There was a charge I had no record of. For $45.29. It was pending, with no explanation of the business. 

That afternoon, I was in the School-Turn Casey's, just a block away from Cheap House. As I was getting scratchers, Hick walked in.

"Getting your tickets?"

"Yeah. Did you put $45.29 on the debit card today?"

"No."

"Are you sure? There's a charge that I didn't make. Think about it."

"No. I didn't put nothin' on it. Unless it was lawnmower gas. That's it. Lawnmower gas a couple days ago. At the Backroads Casey's."

"So you just weren't going to tell me about it?"

"I don't have no receipt. Old Buddy didn't get one."

"Why is Old Buddy using our debit card?"

"He wasn't. I put the card in to pay, then I went inside. Old Buddy was pumping the gas. Then he forgot to hit the button to get a receipt. So I don't have one."

Which in Hick's mind, apparently means that there was no charge! Since he never would have told me about it, had I not grilled him at the counter of another Casey's.

I don't get paid enough for this! Oh, wait. I don't get paid at all.

A Mother's Day Gift for Hick

I forgot to tell you that Hick got a Mother's Day gift on May 6th. Oh, he didn't get it for ME. He got it for himself. It was a surprise. He DID send me a picture of that gift, in SilverRedO.

They are fake tulips, with several gift cards also "growing" from the pot. The gift cards were from girly boutiques (instead of manly boutiques, heh, heh) in the local area. 

"Look what we won from the abstract office"

Hick said WE, but turns out it was only HIM. He said the gal who does our closings at the regular title company we use had called him. She said they had been putting everyone's name in, and had a drawing for this Mother's Day gift. Hick's name was drawn.

Did Hick present that gift to ME for Mother's Day? Nope. He gave me a card. So there's that. I would not have used those gift cards anyway. I don't really need fake tulips. It would have been the THOUGHT that counted. As it was, he gave all the gift cards to The Veteran's daughters, who are in their early teens now, and like girly stuff. The fake tulips are sitting on our marred coffee table. I think they partially obstruct Hick's view of the TV when he sits on the long couch to fold his underwear and socks.

As for the state of SilverRedO in that photo... it might help you understand why I have such a hard time keeping up with the flip bills Hick eventually submits to me.

Beware a Nervous Man with Time and a Phone on His Hands

Hick had a little medical issue last month. It was actually the day after his clamor shot Glamour Shot. I won't go into the details. I can't prove his harem had anything to do with it! The Pony and Old Buddy were actually there with him, working on the security camera at the apartments, when Hick was struck down with ill health.

Being Hick, he continued working, waiting for his doctor NP office to open, so he could call and consult them on what to do. He ended up driving himself to the closest ER. Old Buddy really wanted to take him, but Hick was set on doing it himself. I won't go into details, but after several tests, nothing conclusive was found, and Hick is awaiting a specialist's appointment in August. His symptoms have abated, but other testing will likely be done.

Anyhoo... the issue here is that Hick was left waiting for a while. Triage, you know. Even once he got back to a room to wait for tests, he heard a helicopter. So knew he would be there awhile. That gave his mind time to dwell on his mortality. And to snoop into the business of others in the facility. Hick does not like to be idle. He texted me every half hour.

"Never thought I'd see a pup in the emergency room. Look at the toilet paper. I started to tell her but I didn't." Five minutes later: "They just made her take the dog out"

Now I want to know how Hick would have brought up the subject IF he had decided to tell that woman she had a toilet paper tail.

Hick's Harem Is Overstepping Their Bounds

Hick has not been telling me many tales of his harem lately. I wonder if there's something I should know... It seems that the old gals are quite persuasive in leading Hick to do their bidding. Here's a text I got May 6th. Hick never has mentioned it. Just the text:

"They did clamor shots at senior center yesterday and the old ladies made me do it too"

A likely story! They MADE him do it? Surely these fragile elderlies cannot strongarm Hick into a situation which he might consider not quite appropriate. I guess it doesn't really take muscle. Just a stroking of Hick's ego...

I should probably be relieved, upon seeing the picture, that Hick meant GLAMOUR SHOTS, not clamor shots. Can't have him imbibing on his (just over $300/month) job!

There's our boy! I resisted the urge to give him googly eyes. A simple pair of spectacles will do. You'd think one of Hick's admirers could have at least straightened his tie and collar. Maybe not the one who likes to drink. Or maybe she IS the one who helped Hick get ready for his closeup. I'm pretty sure that get-up travels with the Glamour Shot photographer. I don't recall seeing Hick wear it before, nor take it out of the Mansion on picture day. This really does not look like Hick at all. It's the hat. He's usually in a trucker cap.

Heh, heh. Why am I imagining a little framed photo of Hick on each of their nightstands?

The Other Thing I Found

That title is the text Hick sent me about another SUS2.5 treasure. 

That's a nice old-timey metal truck. It has a SEAT! Hick says it's a riding toy. That rusty metal stick thingy on top is for pulling it, or for steering if you (a child!) sits on the seat. I don't know how that would work. It doesn't look like a steering wheel to me! More like a giant key to open a can of sardines or SPAM. WAIT! If that rod is connected to something under the hood of the truck, I can imagine how it turns the wheels.

Anyhoo... Hick paid $50 for this old metal riding truck. He will take $100. for it. He says it's a Buddy L Deluxe Rider. That they are going for $350 in good condition, which his isn't. But it would be a good starter for somebody wanting to collect them.

Hick Says It's DY-NO-MITE!

Hick is always eager to show off new wares at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). On Sunday morning, he sent me a text at 7:22.

"Something for you to tell stories on your page"

My first thought was, Wow, that's cool! Upon first glance, without my glasses, I thought it was a display of wine corks and corkscrews. Like somebody had made up a nice little (BIG, folding) shadowbox to showcase their favorites, or mementos. Then I supposed it looked a little bit like a science fair display, though wine would not have been a subject that I would okay for a science project.

I put on my glasses, enlarged the picture, and saw BLASTING CAPS. And sticks of dynamite! Well. Still cool. But maybe dangerous! Was Hick going to store this in his SUS2.5? Or worse, bring it home and put it in his unairconditioned BARn or Storage Container Garage? I definitely needed more info. Which would have to wait until Hick got home...

Hick said it's dynamite, but not dangerous. (!)

"How is that? There are jars of gunpowder! Or dynamite powder! Can't that explode?"

"No. I think it's not real. I think they've put something in there to look like it. There was a label on it that said 'ATF Test Kit.' I don't think it works."

"Like for training? To show the different kinds of explosives, and what they might look like?"

"Yeah. I got if from one of my guys I trade with. I paid $100 for it. This morning I thought I had it sold for $200, but the guy backed out of the deal. I'd take $150 for it, if somebody offered, but I have it marked for $200."

Well. At least Hick won't be bringing home explosives, fake or not. I might worry about having it sitting in my hot storage unit store, though. At least it's probably in the main unit with some air conditioning.

Thevictorians Decline to be Equalized

A couple weeks ago we got a letter, addressed to Hick, me, and The Pony. It was from the County Board of Equalization. A single page, yet quite nosy!

*****************************************************************

This office has noted your recent purchase of real property at the following location: 

(Please note if incorrect)

Lap House, Sis-Town

We would appreciate your supplying the information requested below. All information is used for over-all studies of property in the County and becomes public information.

1. This property is: (please check all that apply)

___ Single Family Residence

___ Duplex

___ Triplex

___ Apartment Unit (4 or more)

___ Store or Office

___ Industrial Plan

___ Warehouse

___ Vacant Lot

___ Farm Unit

___ Other

2. What was the purchase price? ______________ Purchase date? _________

3. Were there any unusual circumstances involved in the sale, such as:

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased from a relative

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased through foreclosure.

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased through an estate.

4. No. of bedrooms _____ No. of baths ______ (Do not include basement rooms)

5. Basement:  Yes ___ No___ Walk out ___ Walk up___ Interior Only ___

6. Basement finish? (  ) Yes   (  ) No   If yes, please list number of:

___ Family rooms  ___ Bedrooms   ___ Bathrooms

7. Fireplace: Yes (  )   No (  )  If yes: 

# of fireplaces ___ Gas/Electric ___ Wood-burning ___

8. If any property other than real estate (furniture, livestock, etc.) was included, 

what was the value of that property? ______

9. Comments?

Date: _________________   Signed: __________________________________

*******************************************************************

Also note that the letter was dated 5/15/26.

Listed the Parcel Number of the property

Date Acquired: 3/19/26

Book/Page: [number]

Obviously, there are records that we purchased Lap House. They know when. They know which property. I'm sure there is a record of the price, since we closed at a local title company.

Hick, The Pony, and I all agree that there is no need to fill this out. It will likely increase the county taxes on this property. We won't have it long enough for that to really matter to us. The kicker is the part that this will BECOME PUBLIC INFORMATION. Nobody needs to know who we got this property from, and if anything else (cough, cough, white truck...) was included. The basic info is recorded at the courthouse, should anybody want to dig it up.

You know how hard it was for me to resist only filling out the COMMENTS section, right?