Let the Long Horns Blow a (Muted) Fanfare!

BARGAIN HOUSE IS UNDER CONTRACT!

Of course there's more to the story. I've been holding out on you, waiting to see how things progress. Papers have been signed. The closing is scheduled for the first week of April. An inspector will tour Bargain House next week. Then we will be informed of any items that might need to be addressed. This is the buyer's inspector, for his loan. Bargain House has already passed the city inspection for occupancy.

Bargain House was officially put on the market by Realtor Guy on Thursday, February 19. By the weekend, it was being shown a couple times a day. When I dropped off The Pony after our Errand Day on Thursday, February 26, The Pony said, "I have a feeling we're going to get an offer on Bargain House this weekend."

Realtor Guy was communicating with Hick all along. Hick asked if there was anything the viewers mentioned. Anything we might be able to change. Realtor Guy said the only thing he heard was that some didn't like the location, which obviously can't be changed. Hick thought it might be because the city "bus barn" is across the side street, where they park all the city vehicles. Or maybe a house across the back alley with a yard that's a bit junky.

Anyhoo... Sunday night, March 1, Hick got a text from Realtor Guy with an offer for Bargain House. It was $17,400 under the listing price. We talked it over with The Pony, and Hick countered with a price that was $10.000 under the listing price. Essentially, we came down $10,000, and the prospective buyer would need to come up $7,400 from his offer. Which is more than fair to him. Better than if Hick played his "split the difference" game.

We didn't hear anything for a couple days. On Tuesday, March 3, Hick called Realtor Guy. Who said the prospective buyer had decided he wasn't interested. No skin off our collective noses. We're not giving it away!

The house showed through the week, days and evenings, with multiple weekend showings. Realtor Guy gave his viewers a short survey. Some said they wanted to look at other properties. One guy rated it a 4 out of 5, the only complaint being that he thought it was a bit overpriced. Well, that's on Realtor Guy, who told Hick his original price was too low! Anyhow, that's how houses are sold. You make an offer for what you're willing to pay. It apparently wasn't priced too high for that guy to ask for a viewing.

Saturday night, March 7, Hick went to bed at his normal time, around 8:30. On Sunday morning, checking his phone, he saw a text from Realtor Guy at 9:20 p.m.

"We have an offer on the house. That first guy will accept our counter-offer from before."

Hick signed the paperwork on his phone. The reason we are not over-the-moon excited is because of how the prospective buyer wants to do the deal. There's a name for it. According to Hick's explanation, the paperwork will somehow show that we're financing part of the buyer's down payment. I understand that although we will get our full amount from the counter-offer at closing, paperwork might show that the price is what that buyer first offered. Hick likened it to buying a car and getting trade-in value of a certain amount. Anyhoo... it will all be sorted out by the title company at closing, and we'll have our 1099-S form to show how to report it for tax purposes.

This buyer is getting a government loan, which I think is USDA, and Realtor Guy says they might require a vapor barrier under the crawl space. Hick knows a local guy who does that, but is not sure of the cost. He's thinking around $2500-3000, and says we'll do it if needed.

Anyhoo... BARGAIN HOUSE IS UNDER CONTRACT! After 16 days on the market, and for a price that is $10,000 higher than our pre-agreed-upon bottom line. We haven't popped any champagne corks just yet...

Ring Hick's Be-e-elll, Ring Hick's Bell

When Hick came home Friday afternoon from his Friday-afternoon-bull-shooting session with his cronies, he took little puppy Pepper out to the yard to play. Pepper looks forward to it, and is on high alert in his  porch-pen enclosure as the time grows near. After 30-60 minutes of tormenting our old dog Jack, Pepper trots through the kitchen behind Hick, ready for his supper back in his pen.

Pepper is growing up. He's nine weeks old now, almost ready to have free range of our 10 acres. His fur is getting coarser. He's not as bite-y when playing with humans. He will sometimes take off on a tangent to explore, but he always comes back to Hick.

Friday evening, Hick came in the house and started for the laundry room. "Come on, Pepper. Let's go get supper! Here, Pepper!"

Pepper was busy exploring the porch. He rounded the sticking-out part that is where the kitchen has the three windows. That brought him around to the other side of his pen wall, where Jack's water dish sits. Pepper was not responding to Hick's call. Hick came back through the kitchen to fetch Pepper. Who is still small enough to be tucked under an arm and easily carried.

Hick went around the corner and came back carrying Pepper. "I cain't just set him over into his pen. I left the laundry room door open, and he'd just run through the house."

GONG!!!

Hick had walked right into his decorative metal bell that's been hanging beside the kitchen door for over 25 years. Thankfully, he didn't drop Pepper!

It's colored green and yellow, like a John Deere tractor. That thing beside it is a ceramic gun holster. They are not connected, nor related. Here's an artsy view with the sunrise peeking through:

"Are you okay?"

"I hit my head on the bell!"

"I saw that. Do you have a concussion?"

"No. I'm blind in my left eye."

"Well, that bell HAS been there since right after we moved in. And you're the one who put it there."

"Yeah. But I didn't see it."

I'm really not one to be pointing out Hick's clumsiness. I still have a bruise on my forehead where I hit it on the laundry room doorknob, trying to stop Pepper from running back in when I put him out.

Hick Takes a Seat

Hick came home Wednesday afternoon proclaiming that he'd done a good deed. I didn't doubt him. Hick has a history of doing good deeds. He's a Do-Gooder. But this time, Hick hadn't consciously decided to perform a good deed. He was motivated by greed!

"I was comin' back from my store, and I saw three chairs along the highway. It was just off the entrance ramp. So I came back on to town and picked up Old Buddy. We went back to get them. It was three wooden chairs. 

When we got there, we seen that they was all skinned up and broken. We loaded them anyway. I brought them home, and when the rain clears up, I'll burn 'em on my burn pile. But that was a good deed. Because I picked up those chairs off the highway."

Yes. I would consider that a good deed, no matter what Hick's original motivation. He could have left the broken chairs there. He took his life (and Old Buddy's) in hand by stopping along a divided highway. Good-Deeders sometimes come to an unfortunate end when they stop to help a motorist.

Anyhoo... Hick has no FREE chairs to sell or use in a flip house. But he is proud that he cleaned up junk along the highway.

Hick Gets a Call From the Police (Again)

A while back, Hick got a call from the police. That time, it was because they found a wallet with Hick's "business" card in it. Not for his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5), but the one he uses for representing the senior apartments. His job for which he now receives a salary of just over $300 a month. The police wanted to return the wallet. That guy had not yet moved into the apartments, but Hick had his information, and was able to pass that along the next day when he got to his office.

Wednesday night, Hick got another call from the police. It was right after he went to bed. Since that was a little after 8:00, it was still within reason. Actually, it would probably have been considered within reason at any hour, because the police wanted to do a wellness check on a resident of the apartments. She had sent a text to a relative that concerned him, and he called the police.

Hick did not consider this call to be within reason. That's because he installed key boxes to enable emergency personnel to access every single apartment. He explained it at the monthly city meeting. The mayor herself said she would make sure that info was given to the police and the fire chief. There was even a kerfuffle later about the passing of this info, as to whom was responsible for the word of the key boxes not being spread to emergency personnel.

Hick told the policeman that there were two key boxes. One to get inside the building (which is locked at 7:00 p.m. to keep ne'er-do-wells out). And another inside the building, with two keys that will access EVERY DOOR. Hick gave the policeman the code numbers to open the lock boxes. He said he'd never been informed of them.

The policeman never called back. So Hick figures he was able to use the keys for entry.

Driving me home from my orthopedist appointment on Thursday morning, Hick used his phone programmed into A-Cad's radio to call his boss for the apartments. Hick explained that he'd gotten another call asking him to come unlock an apartment. He would have done it, if the policeman had not been able to get in. But the purpose of the key boxes was to alleviate this problem. Hick's boss said he would bring it up again with the police department.

Sometimes, I get the feeling that city personnel won't be satisfied until Hick makes himself a bed of rags in a cardboard box, and sleeps just inside the door to the apartment building.

Modem Day Hero

Thursday was problematic for Val. It was the day of my three-month-awaited appointment with an orthopedic surgeon about my knee. We had thunder and lightning and 3 INCHES OF RAIN all day Wednesday and through the night into Thursday morning. I was concerned the water might be up too much and prevent me from making the appointment.

I knew the creek would be over the low water bridge. But we have another way out in the other direction. Our bridge by the mailboxes doesn't flood, but water covers our gravel road that runs alongside the creek. Depending on how deep, we should not drive in it. Also, there's a tiny concrete bridge over a tributary wet-weather creek at the bottom of Hick and Buddy's Badly Blacktopped Hill. It has prevented crossing in the past.

Hick left home around 6:00, to check on the water situation, before our departure at 8:00. Because that's what Hicks do: they drive out into the water to see if the water is too deep. Hick found the tiny bridge with about a foot of water over it. Not recommended for driving, but it's only about five feet in length, and you can usually have either front or back tires on the unflooded ground while crossing. He went over it.

Down along the creek, before getting to Mailbox Row, Hick discovered a problem. The water, he said, was "only six inches deep." Again, not recommended for walking in, but Hick got out of SilverRedO to remove the problem: a big log in the road with water flowing around it. The road here is level, so the force of the water was spread out, not a swift current. Hick got the log off to the edge of the road, where there's usually a strip of ground with trees, holding the water in the creek.

We were able to get through to the county blacktop road, and were on time for the appointment. Thanks to Hick's advance planning. That wasn't his only act of heroism that day!

When I got home from the appointment at 10:30, I went about my usual morning routine of sitting down with HIPPIE at the kitchen table, enjoying some oatmeal and a banana and innernetting. But wait! Something was wrong! I had no internet service!!!

HIPPIE is cantankerous in his old age. I think he's almost 10! I tried all my usual fixes. Which include connecting and disconnecting from the internet. Then a couple of re-starts and shut downs. Fiddling with a couple of settings, turning them on and off. Waiting for 1 hour to elapse, which often sees my internet connection restored miraculously. I even gave up on HIPPIE, and fired up my "new" laptop that The Pony got me a couple Christmases ago. No internet on NEWBIE, either.

I even resorted to calling DISH NETWORK! That's our internet provider. Has its own satellite. I found the number in my phone, an old email telling me my bill was ready. About the only thing I discovered there was that my modem showed no power. Of course the gal wanted me to walk down those 13 rail-less basement steps to tell her the lights showing on the modem, and unplug and replug it, and me just having come from an orthopedist appointment for a gimpy knee!

Anyhoo... the DISH rep said that short power outages don't give the modem time to reset. They need a hard reset, unplugged for two minutes. I recalled that the previous evening, the power had gone off five times, but had come right back on. My internet was still working then. I guess the same thing happened again through the early morning hours, which is what temporarily killed the modem.

Well. You know whose job THAT is! Hick is the modem resuscitator. I called Hick, and while I was in town that afternoon, he came home and FIXED IT for me before taking little Pepper out to run around in the yard with Jack. At least we have grass, so they didn't get muddy. Hick's hero status was not sullied.

Don't Trust a Gift House in the Lap (Part 4)

When we last convened, Hick and Val were holding their respective breaths, waiting to see if Some Guy would indeed show up at the title office to sign paperwork to sell Lap House to us as per the verbal agreement. I don't like stringing you along like this, but to put ALL the details in one post would be quite unwieldy.

SOME GUY SIGNED THE PAPERS!

But before he did, he'd made several more calls to Hick. He was worried that his truck deal would be off. Hick promised that the truck deal was still on. "I'll give you the money tomorrow. $2000. It's fine. No problems there. I'll bring it to you."

Hick just opened a whole new can of worms! Or maybe it was the old worms, which Hick had tried to keep in the can, but kept crawling out until they demanded my attention. 

The way Hick had presented the truck information to me was that he was trading two guns from his shop to Some Guy for his old pickup truck. Which he would then sell to Old Buddy, to be paid for by physical labor. Old Buddy also helps Hick with maintenance of the senior apartments, out of Hick's pocket. That was not quite the truth! (Are you shocked? I think not. I will not be investing in smelling salts stock.)

My first truck clue came when Hick asked, 

"How are we getting the $2000 to buy the truck?"

"What do you mean? YOU are the one buying the truck. I thought you were making a trade."

"No. WE are buying the truck. And Old Buddy will pay us back by working on the house."

"You never told me that!"

"I did too. I sent you the text last night from the auction. So you knew."

Here's the text: "Got all papers signed and started i told him I'd by the truck tomorrow"

That's straight from the Hick's fingers. Nothing in there says that WE are buying a truck.

"I have enough money to pay him, but I have to have it back by tomorrow, because I'm going to Illinois to pick up an order."

"I didn't know this was part of the house deal. We might just as well have paid him what he asked for at first."

"Then we wouldn't have the truck."

"Where IS the truck? You're not going to license it, are you?"

"No. I'll get the title. Then Old Buddy gets it when he's worked it off. It's over behind the house. It don't run."

"You bought a truck that doesn't run, to give to somebody else, but we're paying for it. That will be really hard to keep track of on the flip house expenses. And what about Pony's part?"

"I'll write his hours down on my paper every month that I give you. It's just not actual money I paid him out of my pocket. So I won't get it back."

"The truck doesn't even run!"

"It was in a wreck. It has front end damage. And a safety switch that needs to be replaced."

"I don't know how Old Buddy is going to fix it up and get it off our new property, without you paying him so he has money to fix it up! The city will probably send you a nasty letter about a nuisance vehicle. You know how they love to find things wrong with your properties."

"It will be fine, Val. Old Buddy said he wanted the truck."

A call to The Pony with this revelation garnered the following response:

"I'M not buying a junk truck for Old Buddy!"

We're off on another adventure...

Don't Trust a Gift House in the Lap (Part 3)

On Monday at 11:00, Hick came home early to take little Pepper to his first puppy appointment at the vet. He had no sooner come in the door than his phone rang. It was Some Guy. I could hear the whole conversation.

Some Guy was expecting Hick to pay him cash TODAY for Lap House! He said, "Like we talked about yesterday." Hick reminded him that he'd said he'd have to ask me about the cash issue. And I said no! If Hick was my detective partner, he'd always be Good Cop, and I'd be Bad Cop.

Hick explained that we would only do a regular cashier's check to the title office, once the title cleared. Some Guy asked if we could give HIM the cashier's check. No. He would get one from the title company. Then he asked if Hick could do the deal for less at the title office, and pay him $10,000 in cash. Because he was worried about his taxes on the house.

Hick explained that we would only do the standard deal, for the amount agreed upon. That Some Guy would NOT be cheated out of any money. Once the papers were signed, we were legally responsible to pay him his money, as long at the house title was clean.

It took several calls, with Some Guy saying he needed to talk it over. Asking Hick about taxes. Hick said he was not a tax expert. That there's a tax guy with an office over by Casey's who does his business taxes and only charges him $10. Maybe Some Guy should go talk to him with tax questions.

The longer this went on, with me being Bad Cop every time Hick opened his mouth, the more I got a read on Some Guy.

"I don't think he's trying to weasel out, or cheat us. I think he just doesn't understand how this works, and he's nervous. He acts like he thinks the tax bill is due tomorrow. It will be on next year's taxes. He's not considering he'll have the house money to set some aside to pay it. He may not owe much.

Maybe you should tell him that you can reschedule that title office appointment later in the week. So he doesn't feel rushed. Maybe he can actually talk to a tax person before then. I'd even pay the $10 or $20 for him to get tax advice."

"Yeah. I'll call him back in a bit and tell him we don't have to rush into it today. Or maybe the gal at the title office can explain it to him."

Still waiting to see what happens this afternoon...