Perhaps a Mark on the Calendar is Needed

I sit here at the keyboard on Friday night at 7:58, and am shocked that there has been NO PHONE CALL FROM HICK'S HAREM! He came home at 4:45. As he walked through the kitchen, I said:

"You know this is Friday. I wonder which of your Harem is going to call."

"I don't think they will. I went by there this afternoon and seen them all. I think they're good."

Well. Maybe that's a preventative step that should become part of Hick's weekend routine. And then I found out even more! 

"Why did you go to the apartments today? You usually don't on Fridays."

"Because one of the guys called me and said he thought my office door was open."

"Wait a minute! Now the MEN are calling you, too???"

"Val. Most landlords would be happy that their renters like them enough to call them. I have four men and eleven women there now."

"It's just that EVERY FRIDAY, one of them needs you for something that's nothing. Was your door unlocked?"

"No. It was fine. Then a couple of them gals said they wanted to see my office. So I let them in and told them to have a seat. We spent about 15 minutes there."

"Oh, no! Now the others will be jealous!"

"I told them that you call them my Harem, and some of them said they was gonna get hats made that say 'Harem.'"

"Heh, heh! That would be hilarious."

Forget the mark on the calendar. Since there WAS a call from that guy about Hick's office door. It must have been more urgent than the assorted problems of Hick's Harem. Because the guy called at 10:30 in the morning. The time Hick is there for lunch on the other weekdays.

Dang It! Just as I Feared.

It seems like Hick's love affair with Cheap House is going to continue to cause neglect for the red-porched fliphouse... 

Hick met with Realtor Guy yesterday about listing Cheap House. They took a tour of the property. Hick stated his desire to list it next week, at around $69,000. I trust Realtor Guy's opinion, because he has a stake in this. The more it sells for, the more he'll earn in commission. So I don't think he'd steer us wrong.

Realtor Guy said sure, you CAN list it at $69,000 like it is. Which is what you intended all along, to sell it to a flipper. However, that will get you a bunch of lowball offers like $30,000 or $35,000. Of course you don't have to take offers like that. But IF you do a little more work on it, like putting in definite walls, and some drywall, you can list it at a higher price, and be more likely to get legitimate offers for it.

Of course Hick was thrilled to hear this. Though not so thrilled to hear my complaining. I swear he has had the plan all along to fix up Cheap House like a regular flip, even though we'd already bought him his precious Lap House.

Hick talked me off the ledge by saying that it will take $5,000-$7,000 to put in the walls and drywall. He will have both Old Buddy and HOS working on Cheap House. And then we can list it for around $85,000. I have not yet discussed this plan with The Pony.

Realtor Guy liked that Hick had torn off the back porch room, and turned that back room from a bedroom to a living room. It's where you enter through the back door. He said when we list it, he will start his house tours by going in the back. That way you walk into the living room, and then flow to the kitchen on the left, and later to the front of the house, which will be down a short hall, and the bedrooms at the front.This makes sense to me, because there is an alley behind the house, with off-street parking beside the shed. So that's convenient for entering and bringing in groceries or company.

I still think we would get decent offers right now if we listed at $69,000. But I can also see the logic in putting a little more money into Cheap House to make it a little more finished, and ask a higher price. What I DON'T want to do is get involved with an HVAC system, or the kitchen and bathroom. That's where the big money comes in, and we've already invested a lot in the new roof.

The Red-Porched StepFlip

Hick just HAD to have Lap House, the flip that some guy called him about, which wasn't even listed. So we bought it in March. Hick puttered around a bit with it, cleaning out the basement, and making plans. THEN he heard about the auction of Cheap House on the courthouse steps, and over-ruled me (with his minion The Pony) to buy it. The Cheap House deal was officially done on June 1st. Since then, Hick has devoted most of his time (not taken by his business or his Harem or his just over $300 a month apartment managing job and side jobs) to Cheap House. It seems like forever, but has only been not-quite three months.

Anyhoo... poor Lap House finally got its red porch painted black. And a new porch and partial roof. And an HVAC system. All things that were needed, but not really done by Hick. He hasn't forgotten Lap House. Just doted on Cheap House. Until a couple days ago, when he sent me a picture:

That's a nice addition. Hick called them "blocks," but he's been talking about yard pavers getting moved from Cheap House over to Lap House. I think this must be them. They give a walkway from the front sidewalk, and the side sidewalk. Such a path would be a nightmare for me, but surefooted people will surely like having something to step on besides bare lawn. Especially after a rain.

I asked if this would make mowing harder. Hick says it will not. That a mower can go right over them, and then you just have to weed-eat around the edges.

Hick isn't supposed to be lifting anything over 20 pounds since his surgery on the 13th. I asked how these pavers got from Cheap House to Lap House. A distance of about 2 miles. He said, "On the back of my truck. HOS hauled them over and put them down." Which I was glad to hear, because according to Hick, each paver weighs around 50-60 pounds.

Anyhoo... now Hick needs to put that siding back on the corner of Lap House where he had it off to install the new electrical service. He might need to delegate that to Old Buddy or HOS. I don't know if Hick is cleared for ladder-climbing.

Hickspeed

Hick enjoys being the center of attention. As if his Harem isn't enough, he is now seeking adoration input from MY PEOPLE. That's what he calls you. My vast readership. MY PEOPLE. Hick is not shy about me telling stories of his exploits. Like Charlene on Designing Women yearned for knowledge, Hick yearns for attention.

When I came home Monday afternoon, I saw SilverRedO parked in the BARn field by Hick's red trailer. The one that replaced the trailer wrecked by a buddy in an early snowstorm last year. By the time I got to the driveway, Hick had sent me a text:

"Your groups will like this tire blew out on trailer setting in field."

Allow me to translate that for you. Hick thinks MY PEOPLE will like seeing how a tire on his new trailer had a blowout while just sitting in the BARn field.

Of course I had to interrogate Hick later that evening for details. Because I know MY PEOPLE want the full story.

"So it was just sitting there? You haven't used it lately?"

"Nope. I just noticed it today."

"Didn't you just get new tires? It looks like there's still a lot of tread left."

"No, the new tires was on my trailer that my buddy wrecked. I'd just put four new ones on there, and they was ruined."

"So did this tire just get too hot, sitting there in the sun through the 100-degree temperatures?"

"Maybe. Tires can dry rot when they get older. I don't know how old these are."

Well. Hick is in no shape to be changing a tire these days. I suppose he should probably replace all four. You wouldn't want a blowout while hauling something on that trailer.

Anyhoo...this was on Monday afternoon/evening. On Tuesday morning at 6:00, Hick said:

"What did YOUR PEOPLE think of my tire?"

"It is 6:00 in the morning! And you just told me about your tire last night. I don't know how fast you think I work. I'm not some overnight breaking news service! I don't send out notices to MY PEOPLE immediately after you do something. I haven't even loaded the picture, or written a story."

"Oh. Well. You stay up late..."

So even though the tale of Hick's blowout wasn't planned for today, here it is. I wouldn't want to keep Hick waiting. He needs immediate feedback. Even though there's not really any advice you can give, or way to help him change that tire. Maybe he simply wants sympathy.

A Journey of $15,000 Ends With a Single Step

Hick said there were a couple things he wanted to do at Cheap House before calling Realtor Guy. Surely this is the last step! I hope Hick wasn't lifting, or climbing. He said yesterday that he understands why his doctor told him not to be mowing the lawns/yard/field, even on his zero turn mower.

"I sat on a board for Old Buddy to saw off the end, and the vibration from the saw almost killed me! I won't be mowing the yard for a while, that's for sure. I can imagine how that would be painful."

Anyhoo... here is the latest picture of the sprucing up of Cheap House to make it good enough to sell as a flip house.

That's the room Hick was changing from a bedroom to a living room. The wood along the top is where the new roof was put on, after changing the roofline from tearing off that back porch room. This is where all the wood with mold from the constant leaking was cut out. Hick put up this section to cover the gap where the new angle of the roof left a space. So an interior wall, and the ceiling, can be drywalled.

Anyhoo... we're butting heads over the impending listing. Hick has the wacky idea that he wants to sell for $50,000. In this location, that's pretty cheap for a flip house. You can't even find one anywhere in the county these days for such a price. Even the really bad hoarder houses. The cheapest listing I've found for a flip this week is $85,000. And it was under contract within four days. 

You may recall that we got cheap house on a tip from a loan officer at our Savings & Loan. No loans for us, but Hick has kept in contact with him over the years since he built our hillbilly mansion. Cheap House was a foreclosure, and we got it on June 1st for $15,000. We have around $33,000 in Cheap House right now. That includes $12,000 on the new roof. Plus there's the subfloor that's been re-done, and all the trash cleared out, and the rotting porch torn off. I think a flipper would jump at it for anything under $70,000. It's a block from the main street in town, and within a quarter mile of the elementary school, and two blocks from the middle school.

Hick seems to want an immediate deal from Realtor Guy. Who has said he has a flip buyer who is always looking for flips at around $50 per square foot. Which would be $50,000 on this house. HOWEVER, I doubt other flips he's bought came with a brand new roof, and already stripped inside.

In fact, Hick even said, "I didn't really think about listing it. I thought Realtor Guy would call his buyer." Which is poppycock! I imagine Realtor Guy would enjoy a bigger commission himself. AND, Hick had said a couple months ago that one of his storage unit buddies said he was interested, if Hick would give him a price before he listed it.

This will definitely need to be discussed with our flippin' partner, The Pony. I'm not trying to be greedy, but I see no harm in listing high. If there's no interest after 10 days, it's a simple thing to lower the price. I'd hate for it to sell in a day, and think that we let it go too cheap. 

Another Step Closer to Listing Cheap House

Hick was off to Cheap House on Monday morning, to get some work done on that kitchen floor before his dentist appointment at 10:00. He had said there wasn't much left to do, that one day should finish it. Since he's still not supposed to do anything physical while recovering from his surgery 12 days ago, I imagine Old Buddy was there to be closely supervised. 

I don't think this job was done by HOS (Hick's Oldest Son), who actually does better work. HOS was working at Lap House, stripping lumber and cleaning up rocks in the back yard. HOS is better at completing jobs without Hick breathing down his neck, but he's sometimes not as dependable to show up as Old Buddy.

Anyhoo... Hick sent me a picture at 9:18.

The subfloor is down. Now the rotted kitchen floor has been replaced with new floor joists, and leveled, and this surface. It's ready for a flipper to do something with, now that it's structurally sound.

I asked Hick if he was going to do anything about the section of wall with the insulation hanging out. There by where the plumbing for the sink comes up. He said he might, but he wants to get the house listed and see if there's interest. That's the kind of thing a new flipper would be prepared to do. We've had such issues in other houses we've flipped. It's pretty minor, compared to putting in a new floor, and adding a whole new roof after tearing down a rotten addition. The buyer will be getting this house with some of the major repairs already done.

Now let's call Realtor Guy!

White Lines Are Only a Suggestion

Call the parking police! I've got another perpetrator! You'd think people would be able to fit a car between two white lines. It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery. It's not even PARALLEL parking. 

This was at 10Box last week. I couldn't choose another space, because this was the only open handicap space next to it. It's like those white lines are only a suggestion. If you want to make the excuse that a car on its left was over the line, then I say this car's driver should have known that the space wasn't big enough. Had there been another handicap space open, I would not have parked here. I had to squeeze T-Hoe's right-side tires over into a bit of the striped walkway. There was still plenty of room in that walkway. There's no ramp or anything here.

Anyhoo... that kid in the background was looking at me. Surely he could see my phone was angled down. I wasn't taking a picture of him smoking, heh, heh. Just evidence of this bad parker. Oh, and there was a LITTLE DOG inside that car!!! Temps were in the mid-80s. The windows were down partially. But that means somebody could have taken that little yippy dog, or it could have jumped out and been in traffic.

Seeing parkers like this make me think of the movie The Heat, with Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock. When Melissa gets the last parking space, and it's so tight that she can't open her door enough to get out. So she slams it into the next car about10 times, then crawls out the window. It's SO satisfying, heh, heh. Of course I would never do that. I'm not limber enough...