Hick Takes a Loss

Hick came in Friday evening, grousing about how much dog food costs these days. It's not like our two mutts get the gourmet treatment. Just dry dog food, in a large bag, from Walmart. Pepper is still getting the puppy version, though he's 7 months old now. Maybe that's why he's twice the size of his four litter mates. I don't know why Hick is concerned with the price. You'd think the money was coming out of his own pocket, and not the household checking account.

I think Hick was voicing his displeasure with the dog food because he was really upset about something else, but wanted to act like THAT was not a big deal.

"I lost my pocketknife. I noticed it when I was leaving my buddy's shop (the weekly Friday afternoon bull-shooting session). I reached for my keys, but my knife was gone. I've got a hole in my pocket!"

"Oh. That's too bad."

"It was just a cheap knife. Not a good one."

As The Pony pointed out, upon hearing the news the next day, "Oh, no! It's the knife he always carries, and pulls out to cut off all sorts of things!"

Yes. That pocketknife was a part of Hick's life. I'm sure he will just select another one from his personal collection, or from his SUS2.5. He sells a lot of knives there. 

The lost pocketknife will be easy to replace, yet it's something that can't really be replaced.

The Universe Operates Like Google Ads

Hick and I take a multivitamin every day. I got a deal on them over the weekend. Buy two, get one free. It's a substantial savings! I ordered them as usual. In the past, they've shipped with the USPS. We get an email when they're out for delivery, and I remind Hick to check EmBee (our mailbox) for a key to the lockers beside Mailbox Row. Sometimes the vitamin bottles (hard plastic) come in a soft-pack bag instead of a box, and fit inside EmBee's hollow gullet, as she's made of steel pipe.

Anyhoo, I got the email that the vitamins were being delivered on Thursday. I sent Hick a warning text to be on the lookout when he got the mail. Then a bit later, I clicked on the tracking to see if maybe the vitamins were already here.

Well! Our vitamins were not being shipped with the USPS this time. They were being shipped by AMAZON! That's crazy! Our vitamins have nothing to do with Amazon! Even our Amazon orders come by the USPS, or by FedEx or UPS. 

Now I was in a quandary. Our newest dog Pepper is a chewer! He's seven months old now. With a mouth big enough to surround a vitamin bottle. I was not so much worried about the loss of the vitamins, but wondering if something like that could kill a dog! They are gummi vitamins. And Pepper loves to eat more than he loves to chew. If that package was left on the porch, it could mean trouble.

Of course Thursday is my Errand Day with The Pony. I was leaving home at 2:00, and returning around 4:30. I imagined that would be the window my vitamins arrived. Because that's just how life goes.

I was five miles from home when I passed a white delivery van headed our way. I couldn't read the side exactly, but I thought it said Amazon. I've never noticed Amazon delivery vehicles in our area. But I was sure that's what this was. I continued to pick up The Pony, and voiced my worry about the delivery. The Pony has not had any experience with Amazon delivery, and was no help.

After the bank, we stopped at Casey's as usual for T-Hoe's gas. I went in to pay, while The Pony remained outside to start pumping. When I came back, you'll never guess what was parked beside T-Hoe at the next pump. Or maybe you will, because you're clever.

It wasn't white, but it was definitely an Amazon delivery van! I figured it wouldn't have my vitamins, because there's probably enough deliveries in this town and Backroads for there to be more than one van. What a coincidence to have it parked right next to me, when I've never even seen one before, and was stressing over an Amazon delivery.

The Pony and I did the grocery shopping. I dropped off Pony. And a block away from Pony's house, I saw a (that?) blue Amazon delivery van again, going down a street. It's like I was surrounded by Amazon delivery vans! Like when you talk about something, and then all your Google ads pop up with that very thing the next time you're online.

After a stop at the Gas Station Chicken Store for my lottery tickets, I headed home. As I turned in the driveway, I saw an AMAZON DELIVERY VAN backing up onto my carport, having just turned around. It was a white van. I pulled T-Hoe into the yard to let it pass on our gravel driveway, but it parked. A guy got out and started walking a small package to the porch. You'd think he might have inquired if I wanted it, but no. He tripped over my little dog Jack. Pepper looked on hopefully, tail wagging, but was distracted by my presence. I am know to give out TREATS when I get home from town.

Anyhoo... neither dog went to look at the package. The Amazon driver left, and I was able to swing T-Hoe around to enter the garage. The dogs got their treat. And I got my soft-bag package of three bottles of vitamins off the porch, undisturbed.

I'll probably never see another Amazon delivery van again.

AND... We Have Construction

Looks like those construction materials left beside Lap House were for the porch. The NEW porch! You may recall that the porch was not an asset for Lap House. Just a block of concrete. Not even a tiny eave to shield the rain from your head as you unlocked the front door. Not to mention the color.

Hick decided Lap House needs a roof on that porch. To make it a nice sitting area, and improve the curb appeal. The color will be resolved later, when we're almost ready to list Lap House for sale. Though I WILL caution Hick to get it done before freezing weather sets in.

Hick sent a picture of the progress Thursday afternoon:

It's true to Hick's photography style, you see. He might as well have taken it while standing on the moon. In fact, this is a zoomed-in view! There was a lot of front yard, sidewalk, and street, with Old Buddy on the sidewalk. 

Here's a zoom of the zoom:

NOW I see what The Pony was trying to explain to me, when I didn't understand the long-distance view. The rafters for the porch are in place! This picture was around 2:30. At 4:00, Hick sent another:

I think this porch improves the looks of the house a lot. Even though it's not finished yet. I can imagine sitting on the front porch. Perhaps in a rocking chair, heh, heh, shaking my fist at random kids who chase a ball into the yard.

Finishing the porch and putting shingles on it, and the front roof, shouldn't take too long. Then maybe Hick will get to work inside...

The Materials Have Arrived. Let's Construct.

Hick sent me a text Wednesday afternoon, and a picture from the side of Lap House.

"All the materials setting here for roof and porch but no work yet."

Well. At first glance, I assumed it was a picture of the yard. You know, Hick being proud to show off that he mowed it. And put fallen limbs out of the way. By reading his text, I understood that the shingles and lumber were the subject of the picture, in Hick's panoramic photography style.

Hick's Roofing Guy is going to build a porch on the porch. A real porch, with a roof tied into the front of the house. Hick will be painting the foundation a different color. Probably changing the porch rails as well. Only the front part of the roof needs new shingles.

I don't blame Roofing Guy for not having started the work yet. I wouldn't want to be sweating on a hot shingle roof with the heat index at 115. This day was "cool," with the temperature "only" at 90 degrees. Hick says the plan is for Roofing Guy to start the work on Thursday.

I think a front porch roof will make quite a positive change for Lap House's curb appeal.

Hick, Bamboozled by His Harem

Hick may be a shrewd businessman, but his shrewdness does not translate into dealings with his Harem. He was tricked! Not by all. It wasn't a group scheme. Just a calculated plot by one.

"You know the gal I put in the extra air conditioner for on Monday? The one the other lady give up so she could have it? Her old air conditioner works just fine! It wasn't broken! I had left it there to come back and look at later. We just put the other one in her bedroom window. Turns out she just wanted an air conditioner in her bedroom!"

"That's not right! She told you it wasn't working!"

"Yeah. But it is."

"And it's not fair to the other lady who gave up the second one."

"She wasn't using it anyway. But yeah, it's not fair that the gal tricked everybody into getting her a bedroom air conditioner."

Hick's Harem. Can't live with 'em... can't earn just over $300 a month without 'em.

The Harem: Hot for Hick, Strippin', and Takin' Pills

Hick's Harem is SO infatuated with him. He still has not inspected the wall of the lady who said Friday night that she needed it painted. She since called and apologized, so her wall is on the back burner. One of the old men at the apartments told Hick, "She's a nice lady. But she drinks too much." Who knows what horrors HE's seen!

Anyhoo... Hick stopped by the apartments on his way home from his SUS2.5 on Sunday evening. One of the Harem said her air conditioner wasn't working. With the heat index at 110-115 for the past few days, that could be a major safety issue.

"One of the other ladies had two air conditioners, and said I could take one to put in the other gal's apartment. I told them both to make sure they were awake at 8:15 on Monday morning, because Old Buddy and I would be there to switch the air conditioners." 

Hick was going about his other business (of who knows what) after the AC switch, when the "kitchen gals" called him to come to back to the apartments.

"They said this one lady was wandering around, and she wasn't right. They wanted to know if I had her daughter's phone number. I do, in my files, so I went by. She was all confused. She said there was kids in the room bothering her, and they do it every morning. I asked her if she took her medicine. She said yeah, that somebody gets it ready for her. We went up to look, and she said she takes the pills in the blue container in the morning, and the purple container in the evening. Well, there was pills gone from Tuesday in the purple container. She'd drugged herself up by taking her nighttime pills with her morning pills. I called her daughter. She lives an hour away, and was at work. So the brother over in Bill-Paying Town was gonna come check on her. When I went back at lunch time, she seemed okay. She was aware of everything and not confused. I guess she had a sleeping pill in those night time pills."

"Oh, and I was working there after lunch in my office. As I left, a group of four of them ladies was sittin' out under the awning. They said, 'So-and-So is sunbathing in her bra. Do you mind?' I said, 'As long as her boobs are covered, I don't. I don't care if you all sunbathe nekkid, but the police might.' They got to gigglin' at that."

"She was in her bra? What did it look like? Was it white?"

"No. It was gray, I think. It showed less than a bathing suit."

"I can't believe they were outside in this heat. I guess they knew you'd be leaving, and were putting on a show."

"They all like me, that's for sure."

Yes. It is obvious.

HIck Is a Shrewd Businessman

Hick had a good day of selling at his SUS2.5 on Sunday. Thirteen items (of the strictly regulated and pricey variety), though about half of them were put into lay-a-way for payments. He also had a couple offers he could refuse.

"This guy come in with a bunch of arrowheads. Two of 'em was good, but most of them were broken. I offered him $40 for the lot. He asked if I was joking. He said, 'I wouldn't take that just for one!' The he showed me a German soldier's helmet. I took a picture of it. You can do a search on the picture. It came back as NOT a soldier's helmet, but a German police/firefighter helmet. I offered him $40, and he said he had $500 in it. I didn't do any business with him."

I guess some of these "customers" think Hick is a country bumpkin with no knowledge of collectibles whatsoever. I told Hick that you never know these days. Somebody might see arrowheads in his shop, and complain that they are not to be bought and sold, and should be returned to whatever Native American group to which they originally belonged.

"Yeah. I didn't ask where he got them. I know we have two here in my case that the boys found down by the creek when we bought the land. And they're in good shape, not like the ones this guy had."

As a public service announcement, you should beware that if somebody tries to sell you a German soldier's helmet, it might not be all he claims.