Hick Makes a Liar Out of Val

Hick has a way of upsetting Val's applecart. If it was an actual applecart, Hick would barge into it, sending apples flying all willy-nilly, then give a short lecture on how it was Val's fault for placing her applecart in plain sight, and proceed to rebuild it into a better applecart, and fill it with twice as many apples, which he had been given by an apple-growing buddy.

We're not here to talk about apples. We're here to talk about Val's blog posts. Which won't keep the doctor away, despite reading one every day. And don't make a very good pie, nor a crunchy snack with a spoonful of peanut butter or slice of sharp cheddar.

I write my blog posts the day before, usually around noon, and set them to publish the next day at 8:00 a.m. Sure, I COULD go in to correct things, but that would eliminate the satisfaction of having them done and ready to go, with my afternoon and evening free for scratchers and TV and other innernetting.

The tale of Hick's do-gooding with rent subsidies was already in the can by Tuesday evening. Which I concluded with the revelation that Hick gets nothing extra for going to the trouble of getting the HUD paperwork done, to hopefully qualify his residents for lower out-of-pocket rent. Nor for all the other "little things" he does to make apartment life easier for the elderlies.

Hick had to come home and make a liar out of me, when the ink wasn't yet dry on that story.

"I was waiting for our monthly meeting to start, with the apartment board, and my boss called me out into the hall. He said, 'I just want you to know, before it happens, that I'm going to ask for you to get a $100 raise for the good job you've been doing here.' That made me feel really good. And then the board voted to approve it."

So now, Hick makes less than $400 a month for taking care of the apartments! That's a 25% pay increase. Shh... don't tell anyone, but I think Hick would probably do it for free.

A Regular Do-Gooding Crusade

Hick is on fire with his do-gooding crusade. He couldn't find the valentine hearts for his harem at Save A Lot, but he DID find some at Walmart. So that plan is in motion, and 10 elderly ladies will be sweetly surprised on Valentine's Day. Or more likely, the day before. 

Sorry dudes! Hick would think it weird to give a valentine to a guy, and those elderly men would likely feel the same way. They might secretly be disappointed about not getting chocolates, but I doubt any will say anything about it. It's a generational thing. They didn't grow up with everybody getting a trophy.

Hick hasn't forgotten the dudes, though. He was doing his best to help one yesterday, stopping just short of arm-twisting! I guess having good done for you is not completely painless. I was on the phone with Hick when this went down.

"Where are you?"

"Walking to my office at the apartments. 'Bobby! Bobby, come in here a minute.'"

"I'll let you go if you're busy."

"I want to talk to him about HUD. See you later."

HUD is one of the bones Hick had to pick with the city officials. He thought the residents might qualify for subsidized rent, but nobody at the city had completed the necessary paperwork to allow them to apply. There was some confusion about it being for the whole building, and not for individuals. I don't know anything about it, other than from Hick's friend Buddy (of the Badly-Blacktopped Hill) renting houses to people who qualified for HUD. He had to meet certain requirements in his houses, but part (or all) of his rent was guaranteed by HUD, and the residents paid less out of pocket.

Anyhoo... this HUD situation has been rectified, and several of Hick's tenants are getting a discount. I think the rent there is between $550 and $600 a month. Hick said those who have qualified for HUD are now paying around $265 per month. According to Hick:

"That's a big difference, when they might only have $1100 a month income."

Anyhoo... Hick talked to Bobby, who said he hadn't bothered with the paperwork, because he figured it would only be about $20-$30 a month discount. Hick told him about the others, and how much they got discounted, and Bobby said:

"Give me those papers! I'll have my daughter get started on them tonight!"

Of course that made Hick happy. He gets nothing for doing this. No kickbacks, no glory. But by cracky, Hick is gonna help those elderlies, whether they want him to or not!

Hick Has Plans for His Harem

Shh... don't tell anybody, but Hick has a plan for his harem of elderly women at the senior apartments. He's going to give them valentines! Not the paper kind, like a kid at school. Though the thought of that makes me smile: the little old ladies making themselves a valentine box, decorating it to impress Hick.

Hick is wanting to give them candy. A little valentine box of candy. He had The Pony and me checking around to see if we could find something suitable on our Errand Day. We found a little heart-shaped box of candy at Country Mart. It looked like the right size. Cost $3.99. Then The Pony looked closer, and saw that it only contained three pieces! That's not enough. Not for that price. The next larger box was $8.99. I don't know how many pieces of candy, but that's too much to pay for 10 elderly ladies. That's almost 1/3 of Hick's monthly salary, heh, heh!

When I was in Save A Lot, I saw a small heart-shaped box of chocolates. It was $1.69, and had five pieces. That seemed right. I bought one, and brought it home to show Hick. He was reading the back of the box, where it listed what kind. I remember caramel and strawberry cream. I told him I bought it as a sample, and that he could open it. To which Hick declared: "I'll eat that later!" Meaning the whole thing.

Anyhoo... I hope Hick goes to buy them soon, before the store runs out. I COULD do it, but this is Hick's good deed, and Hick's harem. I am not making a special trip to buy his treats.

To the Hickster Go the Spoils

I asked Hick what kind of things he found while cleaning out the apartment of the elderly woman who recently passed away. Meaning what kind of treasures he might have gotten. Hick's answer was, "Lots of trash." Of course I had to interrogate inquire further. A lot of the trash was paperwork, like old tax forms and receipts.

Hick paid Old Buddy for help in cleaning up. It was three hours of work, so Old Buddy got $60 of Hick's $250 fee. Hick also gave him some things from the apartment.

"I took the clothes to donate them, like the daughter wanted. There was some purses. I took half, and Old Buddy took half. I found a little baby quilt, and I kept that. And an iron stand. It's like a metal plate with feet, that you set an old-fashioned iron on. I also took a couple of knick-knacks. Two birds. Then after we'd been to the dump, and had taken the other stuff down to my locker, Old Buddy found a hanging rack of shoes on the back of the door. I said he could have them, because I didn't want to drive back down to my locker. There was all kinds of shoes. Tennis shoes, slippers, and regular shoes. People buy them. So Old Buddy can have them."

Hick said he also found a "bunch of blankets." Meaning those fleece throws that were given as bingo prizes. He kept all them at the apartments, in his office. He's going to give them to other residents. I don't remember what the dump cost.

Hick didn't make a fortune off of his $250 service. But he cleared some cash, and got a couple of collectibles, and just what every man needs: some purses.

Loosey Goosey at the SUS2.5

With temps above freezing this week, and some of the snow melting, nothing would do for Hick but to travel down to his creekside cabin and retrieve his goose. I didn't even know he had a goose. I knew he had a deer head down there that the mice ate. So I was not too optimistic about getting Hick's goose. Turns out it was just fine. He loaded it in SilverRedO to take to his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5).

Of course he had to send me a picture of it hanging. Not that I can make it out clearly. There are a lot of distractions in the background. Again, I don't even know what some of that merchandise is for.

I can see a clock. Some belts or straps. A few pictures. Some fishing lures on the shelf on the right. Some tied flies in a frame to the left. I could not figure out what's on the pegboard behind the goose's head. At first I thought they were lead sinkers for fishing line. Then I decided they were just some kind of clip to hold things on the pegboard. It wasn't until I tried to get a closeup of the goose that I figured it out. I believe those are pistols, and we are just seeing the back of the grip. My dad always took a pistol when we went fishing. For snakes.

The goose itself looks a bit worse for wear. Like some bully tousled its head. Then again, it's pretty old. Hick said he bought it with a bunch of other stuff, because the guy said it was just hanging there, doing nothing. Which it has done in Hick's creekside cabin, and now in the SUS2.5. I don't know that they EXPECT it to do! It's a dead stuffed goose. Hick paid $50 for it. I imagine he would sell it if he got an offer.

Val Has Been Knocked Over by a Feather

Did Not-Heaven just freeze over? I know it's been excessively cold around here, but that doesn't explain a sudden turn of events. The cake has been taken. My flabber has been gasted. Pigs are surely flying above Backroads!

On Tuesday, Hick was offered a payment for his wrecked trailer!

"I talked to The Buddy today. He asked me if I would take $1500 for my wrecked trailer. Said his relative (the one who actually wrecked the trailer The Buddy had borrowed from Hick) was giving him $1500, to see if they could call it done."

"I'm shocked! I didn't think we'd ever see a penny for that trailer."

"Yeah, I'm a little surprised."

"What did you pay for the new one?"

"Nineteen hundred."

"What did you pay for the one that got wrecked?"

"Fourteen fifty, two years ago. But I had just put $600 worth of tires on it."

"Well. I'm surprised he's offering you this amount. I'd say go ahead, and then The Buddy can quit worrying about it."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But I wanted to see what you thought."

"The Buddy isn't the one who wrecked it, and his relative didn't do it on purpose. They thought they had insurance on it. It was an accident. Nobody got hurt. They need the money more than we do. I'd say take the $1500 and be done with it."

"Okay. I'll tell him."

Thursday evening, Hick came home with 15 hundred-dollar bills. The trailer chapter has ended.

Hick Knows How to Make a Buck

Hick had some sad news last week from the senior apartments. One of the residents passed away. Not IN her apartment. Her family had moved her into a care home in December. They were still paying the apartment rent. I asked Hick if she was having issues, and needed assistance.

"That's the funny thing. She was just fine. Cuttin' up with them other gals at lunch. I'd tell them jokes. Like 'What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.' She'd just laugh and laugh along with them. I didn't see nothin' wrong with her, except she was 89 years old. Then all of a sudden, they tell me she died!

The gal who runs the lunch service said the son-in-law asked if she knew anbody who could clean out the apartment and get rid of the stuff. I said that I'd do it for $250. To ask and see if he wanted to talk to me. He did. He said they'd go through and get what they wanted, and then they'd pay me to clear out everything else. He asked if I'd take the clothes to the local ministerial alliance, so they could go to somebody who needed them. I said I would. He said that's what his wife wanted. I said if it was nice stuff, I would." 

Well. A few days later, Hick said he had the apartment almost cleaned out. "Except for the clothes. They're going to the dump when I take some other stuff to throw away."

"You can't do that! You promised you'd take them to the alliance store. I think it's terrible not to carry out a dead woman's wishes."

"It wasn't the dead woman. It was what her daughter wanted. Nobody's gonna want the clothes of an 89-year-old woman."

"Still. You said you would do it."

"They'll never know."

This was upsetting. If you say you'll do something, you should do it!

Yesterday, Hick said that he'd be meeting with the son-in-law so he could look through the apartment, and then pay Hick his $250.

"Oh, and I took the clothes over to the thrift store. So I did what they wanted."

Good for Hick. It was only the decent thing to do. Also, Hick said there was a family picture.

"I kept it and showed the son-in-law. I figured since it was family, they'd want it. He said no! 'Nobody wants that! It's my wife with her first husband, and their kids. She sure doesn't want it, and I don't, either.' He was pretty clear on that. But I thought I should ask."

Anyhoo... the apartment has been cleaned, and Hick rented it to somebody else. Plus, he made almost his monthly salary with the clean-out. Less the cost of the dump.