Kitchen Decisions for Lap House

Hick has the rich guy cabinets and the old cast-iron double sink installed at Lap House. Now comes time for decisions about the backsplash and flooring. In fact, it looks like Hick is planning to use flooring for the backsplash. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I think he's done it successfully for another flip. Of course he knew that I'd require pictures to give my input.

"What do you think of this board for back of cabinets? The white board will divide the two."

"Might be too much wood. And grain. A solid would be better."

"Another option."

"No. I still don't like it. Needs no pattern. Just a solid."

"Okay."

Don't get me wrong. It doesn't have to be absolutely solid. Just mainly solid. A small pattern like dots or stars or thin stripes could work, depending on how it looks next to the butcher block. But that's too much to overwhelm Hick with choices!

Anyhoo... here's the sink and counter and cabinets, all installed. As Hick said:

"I think it looks pretty good."

"It looks great. That's why we should make good backsplash and flooring choices."

What do you think for those choices?

The Pony Bugs Out (Part 2)

You have been warned! Read no further if you are squeamish about seeing a half-eaten bug! There will be an extreme closeup. TWO!

I continued to chat with The Pony about the unfortunate insect consumption. Little did I know how truly HORRENDOUS this experience had been. It hit me when I saw the pictures. I'll share them here, with the rest of the conversation before the gravity of The Pony's personal Not-Heaven hit me upon first sight. We'll start with the box. After that, you can choose to stop or continue. In case the sight of a half-eaten bug might trigger an unpleasant reaction...

It's a fiber brownie. FIBER ONE. That's a pretty big brand. It's not like The Pony was just having a Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie for breakfast. Though in retrospect that might have been healthier. Just sugar, without the bug.

"You should send your pictures to the company and complain. You'd at least get some free coupons for more. That's what I got when I found a bone in my canned white meat chicken from Swanson. Then again, you might never want to eat them again. I bet you already threw away the rest of them!"

"No. There are still a couple in the box. I took pictures of the barcode and some other code numbers. I might send them."

"So do you think it was cooked in the brownie? Or was the package torn or open?"

"Nothing was open. It looked like the regular package. And I've never seen a bug like this in my house."

"Well, you should send in a complaint, along with when and where you bought them."

"Yeah. I might. It was from Country Mart. I think it was a couple of weeks ago."

"Okay. Sorry that happened to you. I'll let you go. And I'll look at the pictures."

NOT-HEAVEN, NOOOO!!!!

The first view was bad, but it got worse. Here's the bug that was pulled from between The Pony's teeth, beside the foil packet and the crumbled remainder that showed no bug parts. The Pony had been hoping for at least a leg or wing, to prove that no parts had been swallowed.

"EEEEE!!! It's worse than I thought!!!

"Imagine how I feel!"

"Stay strong, my little Pony."

"The probiscis! The thorax! The single remaining leg!"

"It's too larva-like!"

"The throwing up was a forgone conclusion! And I shall need medicaments to deal with it! It has. Little like wing stubs. I think it was at least a nymph."

"STAHHHHHP! You need compensation. I'd refer you to Jackie Chiles, but that's a Seinfeld reference, and you don't watch."

"Now, I think even you could find this one funny. To quote one of my friends: 'You got RFK Jr'd.' Going by the best-buy date and Google, this box was probably made in April this year."

"I assume that's a reference to cutbacks at the FDA or something. He should have been standing on that production line himself! But was probably too busy chugging methylene blue."

"Hehe!"

[No political comments, please. This was just banter between The Pony and me.]

Anyhoo... The Pony is still kickin'. No doubt due to the extra protein, and being well-rested after going back to bed after that experience. It didn't help that the chicken patty The Pony cooked for supper the night before had a bone in it. 

"It looked like a little bird bone."

"Maybe it was plastic, like off the zip-lock closure at the top of the bag."

"No. It was harder than plastic. I didn't think much about it at the time. But now this."

I hope The Pony sends in the pictures and complains to Fiber One. Too bad the remainder of the brownie was crumbled up and thrown away. That could have been sent in, along with the half-bug, for analysis. As I told The Pony: "To prove you're not some weirdo putting a chopped-off thumb in Wendy's chili, or a mouse in a bucket of KFC."

The Pony Bugs Out (Part 1)

I was washing dishes on Friday morning at 7:23 when I heard a text come in. My phone was in the living room next to my OPC (Old People Chair). I figured it could wait until my dishes were done. Maybe it was just Hick reporting that he'd seen something along the road on the way to his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). 

Nope. It was a text from The Pony. I felt bad that I'd waited a few minutes. The Pony obviously needed my support...

"Horrible nightmarish no good very bad morning! Was eating my brownie for breakfast before meds. Felt something in my teeth. Pulled out half a bug. Currently partway through throwing up because the other half was. Not. In the remaining bit of brownie I crumbled up, or in the water glass or anything."

I responded immediately with "Yikes!" And then called.

The Pony was mid-tooth-brushing. Took a moment to rinse and spit. Then we had a short chat. Of course I tried to make light of the situation.

"You know, there are cultures that eat bugs on a regular basis. Just consider yourself as having a bit of extra protein for the day."

"Heh, heh. Yeah. But it was just that CRUNCH. And seeing it when I pulled it out of my teeth. It was stuck between the right top incisor, and the one next to it. I'll send you a picture of the piece I pulled out."

"Okay. But I won't look until I hang up. You know how I am with doing more than one thing on my phone."

I heard the picture come in, but kept chatting. Tomorrow, I will share the picture(s), and the rest of the conversation.

I'm not sure you're ready for this. I certainly wasn't...

Friday Night Harem Fatigue

Friday evening. 4:52 p.m. Hick had just arrived home, and plopped down in his recliner. His phone rang. Of course I knew the general identity of the caller before he even answered. My precognition was confirmed when Hick muttered, before answering:

"Oh, no. Now what do YOU want???"

I got the gist of it as he took the call.

"Hello. HELLO. Yes. This is me. Okay. That's fine. We'll get to it. There's a lot we have to do. Okay. That's fine. Bye."

"Your Harem, right? Which one was this?"

"The crazy lady with the dog. She said she'd be moved out by the 23rd. She called to say she's moving a bunch of stuff this weekend, and might be able to get it all out by then. Who knows when she'll really be out. We'll have to pull up the carpet and clean up her apartment before putting down laminate flooring."

"And she had to tell you NOW. Because she couldn't have mentioned it to you at lunch yesterday. Or waited until Monday if she's completely out. It's definitely something that needs to be brought to your attention on a Friday evening. Just in case she gets moved out by Sunday, and you want to rush over there to start working."

"Yeah. I don't know what them women think."

Well. That will be one less member of Hick's Harem to call on a Friday night. Until he rents the apartment again, anyway...

Hick Forgot His Banana

Friday, another day toiling at the SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) for Hick. Actually, Friday is only a half-day there for him. He packs a lunch, leaves at 6:00 a.m., and stays until about 1:00, when he leaves to gallivant about the county, ending up at his Friday afternoon bull-shooting session with his cronies.

When I passed through the kitchen around 7:00, I noticed that Hick had forgotten his banana. We each have a banana every morning. I buy a bunch of six or eight at a time. So there should have been an odd number of bananas in the bowl. Nope. There were six.

Don't you worry about Hick. He won't starve. He has a protein breakfast bar every morning. His lunch was ready to be placed in a recycled Country Mart bag. It consisted of an apple, a snack baggie of Animal Cookies, frozen mini sausage biscuits to be heated later, and a square piece of his Mississippi Mud auction cake. [He managed to eat half of it before I had to slice the remainder into nine pieces and freeze them.] He would have taken an individual bag of chips, but said he had some left at the SUS2.5. I also suspect he might have picked up a Casey's donut on the way. So he wasn't going to starve for lack of a banana.

Anyhoo... as he was leaving, Hick muttered something about hating to miss lunch at the Senior Center, because they were having catfish.

He had finally brought home an October menu a couple days ago. Why do I feel like Hick will be dining on:

Catfish

Baked Beans

Corn Nuggets

Dessert Bar

Maybe he can find a banana on that dessert bar. Wait! Why are you laughing?

Hick's Freebie Magnet is Fully Charged

Hick came through the kitchen door Tuesday afternoon with a cardboard box. He deposited it on the cutting block, taking up half.

"Hey! You're not going to leave that there! Whatever it is, YOU need to put it away."

"It's food, Val. From the FREE food giveaway out at the junior college they have every month. Them gals at the Senior Center [Translation: Hick's Harem] was talkin' about it. They always go. There's too much stuff for them. They cain't use it all. One of 'em gave me this box."

Inside was a 5-lb bag of yellow onions. A 3-lb bag of Gala apples. A bag of Goldfish snacks that was BEST BY August 16. 

"She had two bags of these onions, and two bags of apples. She kept the bananas and some other stuff. This is what she didn't want, but didn't want to waste it."

That's fine. I use a lot of onions. We can eat the apples, or I can cook them with a bit of cinnamon. The Goldfish crackers aren't my favorite, but I'll eat them rather than throw them out. Oh, and I found out Thursday morning that there was more! Hick has been keeping it from me!

"There was an ice cream size container of pepperonis. They're at the house. I had them with me and wasn't comin' right home, so I put them there and forgot."

Yeah. A likely story. I'm sure Hick will be snacking on pepperonis. It's no loss to me. I hate pepperoni. But if they were here, I could add them to his pizza. So typical of Hick to only share with me what he deems sharable, heh, heh.

Back in Hick's Lap (House)

If it takes constant attention, and sending me very similar pictures to make Hick get to work on Lap House, I'm fine with it. I just past those approval-seeking pictures along to you. My people.

Hick had a story on Tuesday.

"Me and Old Buddy put in the upper cabinet this morning. I retched up [Hick's pronunciation of "reached"] and wondered why I couldn't get ahold of the door. We had put it in upside down! The handle was up by the ceiling!"

"Oh, my people will love that!"

"The worst thing is, we had put it up twice! Both the wrong way. After the first time, we seen a problem with the ceiling that we had to fix. Then we put the cabinet back, still upside down, and neither one of us noticed it!"

"So... did you fix it?"

"Not yet. We'll do it tomorrow. All we have to do is undo four screws and flip it over. Then screw them back in."

Hick got the cabinet fixed on Wednesday morning. By himself. Old Buddy didn't show up.

This would not have been a problem for Hick to do alone. You can see that he has that "cheat board" nailed to the wall, to hold the weight of the cabinet while it's being screwed. Also, Hick applied a coating of stain to the butcher block counter. That needed to be done within 48 hours of unwrapping the counter. The picture looks a little different, because this was taken when it was still dark outside, not with the morning light streaming in.

Still a lot of work to be done. You won't miss anything.