A Holding Pattern

There's nothing much going on here. We are waiting for our listing of Bargain House to hit the innernets. The photographer was there Monday. Realtor Guy called Hick and said he would get Bargain House online Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when he got the pictures from the photographer. I've been watching for it, but nothing to see yet.

The highway patrol guy Hick knows came to get the black bag of weed. Said he'd look into it. Hick said he didn't seem real excited about it. Meaning that it didn't appear to be a pressing issue, not that the guy didn't want to do his job.

No more "explosions" at the senior apartments. However, Hick was shocked by a call from the bookkeeper that a check had bounced. It was the first guy Hick had rented an apartment to. He's never been late or had any payment problems before. Hick's going to look into it.

We got our "new" heat pump installed on Monday. It replaces the new heat pump we got in September for $8,500. No charge this time! Though Hick DID have to haul it around back on his tractor, because the yard is muddy.

T-Hoe has four new tires, and a new oil gauge. We are planning a casino trip, but T-Hoe will not be our mode of transportation.

Oh, and we have a new puppy named Pepper. He's too feisty to get a good picture right now. He's a white spotted cutie, half blue heeler, half something that might have beagle in it.

The temperature is supposed to hit 75 today. Life is good. The only bummers pending are the act of doing taxes, and my knee appointment in a couple weeks.

Hick is Left Holding the Bag

As with many Hicktales, this one borders on asking you to suspend belief in the natural laws of The Universe. What are the odds that one man can have so many coincidences align to put him in such a position?

I guess I shouldn't try to make sense of it. Just relay the telling of Hick's tale.

"One of my customers called me this afternoon. He's older than I am. He started out asking me how much I trusted the police. I said pretty much. That I have several troopers and policemen who buy from me. He said he knew that, and that's why he was asking.

Old Customer was driving, from down below Bill-Paying Town. I was at my store. He said he saw a black bag laying in the middle of the road. He stopped and picked it up. It had a bag of weed in it. He wanted to turn it in, and was wondering if I would do that for him. I said I guessed I could. He brought it by. It was a good-size bag of weed. Wrapped in plastic.

I called my buddy who's with the highway patrol, and told him about it, and he said he'd come by tomorrow and get it."

"So you have it in your storage locker?"

"Yeah."

"That can't be good for your FFL!"

"I know, but I'm turning it in. It's legal now. Just not for me to have with my license."

"It's legal if you have a license to sell it. But if somebody buys it and then sells it again without having a license to distribute it, I think it's not legal."

"Well, I know the person who lost the bag didn't have it legally, because also in the bag was papers WITH HIS NAME that he had a warrant for his arrest!"

"This seems odd. Why would he be carrying that in his bag with his weed? Even if he bought it legally. Because with a warrant, he's probably on probation or parole, and not supposed to have it."

"I don't know. But I guess that's the first person the law will start looking for."

"Won't they want to talk to your buddy? To ask him about exactly where he found it?"

"It was on the road! Between Other Town and Bill-Paying Town."

"Oh, that narrows it down to a 20-mile stretch. Why would it be in the road, unless he was trying to get rid of it out a car window while being chased?"

"I don't know. I'm just turning it in. They can do what they want with it."

I am interested in hearing the rest of the story, if Hick's trooper friend shares any details. We've finally found an item Hick won't sell, even if he got it for FREE.

Hark! The Harem Elderlies Ring!

Hick sent a text at 2:30 on Sunday. Here it is. You can decipher it. This one's pretty understandable, despite Hick's penchant for leaving out words and using creative spelling:

"I have to run by the apartments on my way the ladies have called and said they hurd a explosion in the trash room"

Okay. I assumed Hick meant on his way home. A journey which he does not usually start until 4:30 or 5:00. Yet this text didn't seem like he was rushing over to the apartments. You'd think an explosion might merit a sense of urgency. 

When Hick got home around 5:30, he said he found nothing amiss in the trash room.

"Heh, heh! How many ladies called you? It's those valentines. Each one thinks she's your special sweetheart, and doesn't know about the others. They just wanted a way to lure you over there on a Sunday."

"Two of them called. They actually heard it on Saturday."

"But they waited until Sunday to call you? For an EXPLOSION?"

"Yeah. I don't know what they heard. I looked all around and didn't see nothin' that exploded. There was a crack in the drywall. I think maybe there was an earthquake. I looked it up, and there was a 2.1, and I saw people on Facebook talking about it. But I thought it was a few days before Sunday. It's an old building. It might have settled, and cracked the drywall."

"Was it cracked before? And just now got noticed?"

"I don't remember it being cracked before, but it could have been. Just a thin crack, like that one we have between the kitchen and living room ceiling."

I tried to look up earthquakes. There WAS one, but it was in Caruthersville, which is quite a distance from the apartments. I don't know if such a minor earthquake could even be noticed around here. Then again, our towns sit atop a honeycomb of lead mines.

Many years ago there was an earthquake when I was lying on the couch in my $17,000 house that is just a couple blocks away from the senior apartments. I thought a big dump truck was going down the street out front. I felt a vibration, and the windows rattled. I suppose such an event might crack old drywall. But it didn't sound like an explosion.

Hick said there are rules to NOT throw glass containers down the trash chute. Something like that could land on the metal slide part in the trash room, and make a loud noise. He doesn't know what it was, but everything looked safe.

Reminds me of the time I heard an explosion here in our current hillbilly mansion. It was an expired can of biscuits in The Original Frig. That's when we got FRIG II. Exploding biscuits can do a lot of damage to the inside of a refrigerator. I don't know if such a sound would carry through apartment walls. I imagine it could put a crack in drywall. 

I'll have to tell Hick my theory!

Nothing is Certain but Death and Taxes, and People Not Doing Their Job Correctly

Last week, on the heels of the kerfuffle that was holding up our payment for HIS LAND, Hick got a letter from the county clerk. Actually, it was addressed to both of us. It was a notice. 

DELINQUENT TAXES!

Let the record show that Val pays the taxes. There is a plethora of tax bills sent to our hillbilly mansion. From the personal property items to the mansion itself upon 10 acres, the 10 acres next to the BARn field, the upper 10 acres (which we sold last year), Pony House, (which is still in our name as it's being paid off by The Pony, who reimburses us), Bargain House, and five assorted lots which we do nothing with and are trying to unload. 

I know the taxes we owed were paid, because I wrote out the checks for them, and Hick took them to the courthouse to pay, when he went to buy his new business license and pay his business taxes. In fact, I was a bit upset when Hick reported that the worker who took his payments said snidely, "She could have written just one check." No. I write separate checks for the bigger properties, and then one for the five assorted properties, with an itemization of their addresses in the memo line on the check. If there's one thing I know about dealing with government entities, it's CYA. Checks are a record of payment. The gal who took Hick's payments the previous year had complimented Hick on my attention to detail. I was VALidated!

Anyhoo... we also sold one of those five assorted properties last year. The lake lot(s). Our last deal with Realtor. We had quite a laugh at the closing, about the tax bill of $5.18 being pro-rated and a portion of it reimbursed in our check. So we were not supposed to get a tax bill for it in November, since it was no longer ours. As expected, we did NOT get a tax bill for that property.

THEN THE DELINQUENT LETTER! Which was for that lake property. Now there was a penalty! And the amount owed was $5.85! Of course we got it on a Friday afternoon. Everything was closed by the time Hick brought in the mail. So I stewed over it all weekend.

"WHY are we getting a delinquent tax notice? That's not even our responsibility now."

"Probably the bill got sent to the new owners. Maybe they didn't pay it."

"But it's in OUR NAME! Shouldn't the title company have handled that? They did the paperwork. It should show that we're not the owners. We paid our part of the tax when we sold it."

"Maybe the title company didn't get it recorded. Or maybe the people at the assessor's office didn't get it recorded. That's probably what happened. I'll go by the title company and show them this letter."

Which I thought Hick would do on Monday, but he was so busy with his harem and his SUS2.5 that he waited until later in the week. He said the gal we always deal with at the title company said she'd take care of it. I still like that office, and want to do our closings there.

Hick kept saying it was no big deal. Yeah. Until he goes to renew a car license, or (finally) get my name spelled right on his new old trailer registration. Missouri requires proof of paid taxes for such licensing. So we'd be listed as having delinquent taxes, and Hick would have to find proof that we don't owe anything. A big headache.

Supposedly, it's being taken care of.

Like Feeding Candy to a Harem

Hick doesn't go to the senior apartments on Saturdays. So he handed out his valentines to his harem on Friday.

"The girls all liked their valentines."

"But what about the men?"

"I didn't give no men no valentines!"

"I KNOW! That's the point. I wondered if any of them had anything to say."

"They don't know. I didn't give them out in front of the men."

Well. That might be the most common-sense thing Hick has done in 20 years. I wonder if he told "the girls" to keep their mouth shut.

______________________________________________________________________

Further questioning led to the revelation that Hick had "knocked on their doors" to distribute his valentine candy to his harem.

"So you just went door to door? Didn't have a meeting? What if they think they're the only one getting a valentine from you, and then they all start talking, and get mad?"

"They ain't gonna get mad. They loved their valentines. But here's something I don't think is right. My friend there that runs the lunch program had a valentine party. But she only invited the people she likes!"

"Wait. She had it there in the building?"

"Yeah. It was a bunch of the people who deliver meals. And she only invited three of the gals from upstairs."

"Was it an actual work party? Like for the delivery people? Do the three women she invited help her out in some way?"

"I don't know if they help or not. It wasn't an announced party like she has on some holidays for everyone. Just people she had invited, and it was there in the building."

"You know this will probably start an argument with the ones who weren't invited! Were YOU invited?"

"No. I wasn't invited to the girls' valentine party."

"Then that can be your answer when they all get into it. 'Hey, I wasn't invited either.' Anyway, I guess someone is allowed to have a party and invite their friends, without including everyone. It's just odd that it was held there in the building, but not for everyone."

"Yeah. I don't think it was right that she didn't invite them all." Said the man who only gave candy to the elderly women, and nothing to the men.

Bargain House Is Ready for Her Closeup

Hick gave the Realtor Guy a walk-through of Bargain House on Tuesday. Supposedly Hick had moved all his tools out, but left the furniture there. I'm hoping he actually put the bed together in the front bedroom. I'd rather have everything cleared out, but Hick said he wanted to show how a bed would fit. I think that takes the prospective buyer out of their dream. They want to imagine their own stuff inside a "new" house.

Anyhoo... I've seen worse pictures on listings, with a tenant's clutter and dirty clothes and hoarded treasures and wall hangings with questionable taste. So a couple beds in the bedrooms are not the end of the world. I did suggest that Hick take down the hand towels hanging in the bathrooms, and let the main tub go without a shower curtain, to emphasize its newness. Hick did the Beauty Shop no favors with his choice of a shower curtain.

Speaking of bathrooms, Realtor Guy said he will list it as a 2-bredroom, 2-bathroom house. That these days, nobody calls a bathroom with just a shower a 3/4 bath. 

Realtor Guy wants Hick to fix a minor problem with the front porch. He said some bricks are loose, and they will be noticed in the picture of the front of the house. He asked how Hick got away without a handrail on the front porch, and Hick said, "Huh. I don't know. I guess the inspector likes me." Hick says Realtor Guy didn't mention it, but he still wants to put another coat of green paint on the front door. Which matches the roof.

In the cellar, Realtor Guy found a board that shows old termite evidence. Hick gave him a copy of the certificate that Bargain House was treated for termites by a licensed exterminator just a couple months ago. Hick said he did that because he had also seen old evidence on some boards up under the house, but never any signs of active termites. Realtor Guy said that's good, and took the certificate, and told Hick to cover up or get rid of that one board in the cellar.

Realtor Guy liked Bargain House. He asked Hick if he'd done all that work himself, which Hick confirmed. Not slighting Old Buddy. Just emphasizing that a contractor was not needed for the renovation. Just a couple of professionals here and there, like for the ceiling patch-and-match in the kitchen, and digging out and replacing the sewer line. Realtor Guy was impressed, and Hick was VALidated.

Realtor Guy is sending his photographer on Monday or Tuesday. He said he will honor our contract with Realtor, and only take 5% for his commission. He's doing it for all her properties. He mentioned the price Hick had originally mentioned to Realtor when Bargain House was about half done. Realtor Guy said, "That's not enough!" Hick agreed, and added $19,000 to that, for a starting price.

Realtor Guy said he's going to push Bargain House with a certain type of loan that I forget. He told Hick that he might need to put in a vapor barrier under the floor with this kind of loan. Hick said we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. He's not sure how much that would cost, and what type of buyer we might get. In case they don't need that kind of loan.

This is a good time of year to get a house on the market, I think. 

The SUS2.5 Has an Eclectic Inventory

Hick went to the city yesterday, to his honey hole of treasures he found when picking up his new used trailer. He didn't take the trailer back to load it up, but he DID take his toolbox out of SilverRedO. Unless he bought a new toolbox. Because I saw a silver metal truck toolbox sitting on the sidewalk by the carport, so he's either missing one, or gained one. Anyhoo... he picked up a lot of stuff for his Storage Unit Store 2.5.

Hick said he bought the two bicycles that lady had for sale. I haven't asked yet what he paid for them. He only said, "I hope I come out good on those bicycles." 

Hick also has ANOTHER bicycle that he got for FREE along our county blacktop road. It was parked outside the gate, with a sign labeled FREE leaning against it. I tipped off Hick on his way home, to tell him to look for it. It was getting dark that night, but he stopped, and came home with the bicycle. It's a sturdy bicycle. Looks kind of like a mountain bike. I don't know the brand, but it looks fairly new. As Hick said, "The only problem I can see with it is that it don't have a seat." Well. I'm sure Hick can find a bicycle seat. That doesn't seem to be a good reason to get rid of a bicycle. Though it might be, if you don't ride it anyway.

Meanwhile, Hick sent me a text earlier this week:

"My new can holder."

I suppose such an item will appeal to his clients who collect beer memorabilia. I, myself, am not so impressed with this new item. 

I guess Hick has a little bit of something for everybody. I can't even tell what the other things are in that case. Some old matchbooks, and multipurpose knives, maybe. But it's not his case of vintage pocketknives. The beer cans themselves are old, still with the pull tab. Sometimes Hick gets them with the beer still inside. I wouldn't recommend drinking it!