Hick Makes His Pick

The Hickcision has been reached. Hick picked his cleanout crew for Cheap House.

"I'm gonna give it to HOS (Guy 2). I think him and his buddy will get it done on time, because there's two of them. They said they'd do it for $500. 

Guy 1 told me $600, but he said he could do it for $500. I'm just worried he won't get done on time. He's been trimming a tree for one of my Senior Center gals, and he still ain't done. I'm the one who recommended him for her. So if that ain't done, he don't need to be startin' somethin' else. I told him our deal is still on, though, to trim a tree at Cheap House.

Guy 3 might not be able to do it by himself. It will be hard moving some of the furniture and appliances alone. He never got back to me with his estimate. So I'm going with HOS." [Turns out Guy 3 just bought two storage units, and is too busy sorting through his new junk, so not available.]

Maybe there's a little Hickpotism going on in this selection. I can imagine the other Guys grousing about Hick giving the job to his son.

Anyhoo... not a paper has been signed to transfer ownership of Cheap House to us, but Hick has already rented the dumpster ($650), scheduled to arrive on Tuesday. And HOS and Buddy were in Cheap House on Friday, pre-junking.

"They wanted to get a head start. So I let them in, and they were breaking up the couches and getting stuff ready to carry out when the dumpster gets there."

"I really hope that house is OURS! You're putting a lot of money into it, and we don't own it any more than when you first looked at it last October!"

"It's ours, Val. The Savings & Loan cain't wait to get rid of it. To get it off their books. The gal told me she's gettin' the paperwork ready. They have to do the Deed of Trust and all that. She said she was gettin' stuff ready so we only have to make one trip to sign."

Uh huh. From the man who just told me a few days ago, "I don't think we'll have to sign anything." I wish Hick was this enthusiastic about Lap House. The one we're actually renovating. Sometime...

Crewcisions, Crewcisions

Hick has been taking bids for the cleanout of Cheap House. As you might imagine, this weighs heavily on Hick's head, because he knows a guy... Hick has guys who do odd work for him. Guys he does favors for, to help them out. Now he must choose among them! 

Guy 1 has been allowed to come out and sort through Hick's junk to sell for scrap. He's one I saw parked in the BARn field, and roaming along Shackytown Boulevard, and called from the front porch, "Hey, what's going on?" He swore Hick had invited him out here. Yet couldn't reach Hick on the phone to prove it. I let him go (heh, heh, as if I could have stopped him), and eventually Hick sent me a text that yes, Guy 1 had such permission. Guy 1 has also been on top of our metal roof, cleaning out gutters, and patching a leak. A risky task, with Hick only holding the ladder, for a paltry sum of $100.

Guy 2 is HOS (Hick's Oldest Son). He has been working some weekends at the annex of Hick's SUS2.5, selling items from that locker for a 40% cut.

Guy 3 is an older man. Hick knows him from the storage lockers. He hasn't done any work for Hick, but is always asking Hick if he has any work available.

Hick asked all the Guys for an estimate. He emphasized that he was renting an industrial dumpster for one week. If the job wasn't completed by the end of that week, Hick would deduct $25 per day from the agreed-upon price of the cleanout. That's the fee the company charges for overdue dumpsters. The Guys can have anything from the contents they want, to keep or sell for scrap.

Hick is now choosing his favorite considering his options.

"I'm not sure. Guy 1 has done jobs for me before. The thing is, he don't always finish them. HOS (Guy 2) has a buddy to help, which would be easier and faster than a single guy. But he ain't the most dependable. Guy 3 always finishes what he starts. But he'd be working alone, and he's older.

The decision is on the horizon...

Hick Has Already Met a Neighbor at Cheap House

Around 12:30 on Wednesday, I got a text from Hick:

"Look what are neighbors has here at Cheap House"

"Dang! They let it run free?"

"He had two of them outside"

"Showing off!"

Here's a close-up, but it's not very clear. I don't know my snakes, but I think it's one of those big yellow/white pythons.

I can't say I'm surprised that the neighbor of a convicted meth-maker is a snake. Or two. Hick said this guy is really nice, and was happy to see someone working on the house.

Hick Knew What We Were Getting

I believe the lack of bidders for the foreclosed Cheap House was due to fear of the unknown. It's not like they could schedule a tour to look inside. Anybody interested most likely took a peek through the bathroom window. I think the other windows were boarded up, or had shades.

Hick was lucky because he drove to see the location as soon as Loan Officer told him they were considering foreclosure, way back in October. The owner's sister was there to lock up the house, having come to check out its status when she took over his affairs. She invited Hick inside, and he made a handshake deal to buy the house for what was owed, plus a side deal for tools in the shed out back. 

Hick will never buy a house without seeing inside. In fact, he has been scolded by The Pony for just WALKING IN when a property is unlocked. Hick wants to get an idea of what renovations will cost.

Anyhoo... Cheap House is a 2-bedroom, 1-bath house, which has a room added on at the back porch which needs to be destroyed.

Are you ready? Grasp your smelling salts, or take a swig of an adult beverage...

This is the living room, at the front of the house as you enter:

Look, more artwork for Hick! Unless the demolishers take it.

There's a bedroom to the right of the living room, but Hick says it was being used as a living room also:

No need to worry about the moldy wall or the hole in the ceiling, as all that stuff will be torn out, down to the 2 x 4 framing.

The other bedroom is at the back left of the house:

You know it's a bedroom, because there's a mattress! I bet that guy kept rolling out of bed, heh, heh! And looks like he didn't put up his Christmas tree.

The kitchen looks roomy enough:

I'm pretty sure all those cabinets are getting ripped out. Hick says the hole in the floor is just to the right, out of the picture. I am horrified to see that cute shiny backsplash that Hick put in the pretty little kitchen of Bargain House. It sullies the pleasant memory!

The bathroom doesn't look all that bad:

Compared to some of the bathrooms in other flip houses, it's not a disaster. The tub/shower is to the left. Hick says it could be used. He won't be tearing that out. Probably leaving the toilet. Not sure about that sink.

I know the interior is in bad shape, but it's not as bad as what I had imagined. Hick has looked at a house with bags of trash piled in every room, and stinking from outside. Even it cost more than Cheap House!

As long as Hick sticks with his plan to do a gutting, structural repairs, and sell... I'm okay with this acquisition. If he starts trying to get fancy, he's gonna get an earful of Val.

Hick Knows a Lot, But Not as Much as He THINKS He Knows

Hick is on a roll with his misdirects concerning Cheap House. I think he might be setting a personal record for irritating me so many different ways on one topic.

Tuesday evening, I asked if he'd checked on an industrial dumpster.

"No. Not yet."

"What about the appliances? You're leaving them there, right?"

"No. The appliances are going away."

"But they'll fill up a dumpster! You already said you were worried about how big a dumpster we would need. For couches and a mattress."

"I'm not leaving appliances in the house. I'm tearing it down to the studs."

"The old appliances should be the problem of the new flipper who buys it. We're not fixing it up to make it pretty. Like you said how the bathtub was nice, and could be used. What do WE care? We're not flipping this house."

"I know, Val. But them guys I'm hiring to tear it out will get rid of the appliances. They'll want them for scrap metal. So they won't be going in the dumpster. They're all junk. I didn't even open the refrigerator. I don't want to know what's inside!"

"You better tell your guys not to open it in the house!"

"I don't care. They're the ones who'll be working inside and smelling it!"

Talk (my interrogation) turned to the closing date.

"So you don't know yet when we'll close?"

"I'm not so sure we'll have to. This is a foreclosure. All the title work has been done. There's no debts left. I don't think we'll have to sign anything. Just give them a cashier's check."

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard! Of course we'll have a closing! They're not handing us a house with nothing being signed! I was right about the cashier's check, wasn't I?"

"No. Not really. Loan Officer would have taken my personal check. It's that woman who said no."

"That's how she got to be in her position! NOT by taking personal checks from random people buying property!"

I can't imagine what cockamamie idea Hick will come up with next. Whatever it is, I'm sure he'll change his story when he turns out to be wrong. There's nothing bad about saying, "Oh, I was mistaken." He has to take it further, trying to prove he was right all along. Like I CAIN'T UNDERSTAND NOTHIN'! That's the irritating part.

I THINK the Cheap House Deal is in Progress

Loan Officer did not call Hick on Monday as promised on Friday on the steps of the courthouse. Hick called him on Tuesday. Then sent me a text. In his usual Hicktextic fashion:

"Talked with Savings & Loan. They are getting the dead and all made up and will let me know and I can do a wire transfer or cashier check"

Somebody unfamiliar with Hicktext might worry. It doesn't seem a good omen to hear that the dead and all are being made up! Why? To look more presentable? Even if you assume that Hick meant DEED rather than dead, being made up sounds like something is being falsified!

So much for Hick's declaration that a personal check should be fine at the closing, to buy a $15,000 house, because the main office of our bank is right across the street from the Savings & Loan. We've always used a cashier's check to buy our real estate. I wouldn't want to accept a personal check from any buyer.

You'd think Hick would be walking on daisies, in a jolly mood, pampering Val for allowing him to make this unwanted (to her) purchase, (even though Val was outvoted by Hick and The Pony). But no. Hick is being his usual cantankerous self! I swear, I might have to ask his harem to intervene.

As of Tuesday morning, Hick still hadn't looked up the two local websites that rent industrial dumpsters.

"I talked to my buddy who's doing the cleanout. He said he rented a dumpster once, and it was $450. We're gonna need at least a 20-yard dumpster--"

"I gave you those websites! There's the list right in front of you. Each one of them has a picture of the sizes, and the EXACT COST they charge, for how long!"

Hick picked up the list and fiddled with his phone. I don't know what he was looking at, but when he turned his phone to show me, there were NO pictures. Just a yellow box saying the size and price.

"I don't know what you're on, but it's NOT the company website!"

"It is too, Val! See here? There's the name, and their address. It says to call them for a quote."

Hick had googled the name of the company, and clicked on the first result. Which I assume was a paid advertisement for local trash companies, and not the specific website. I swear, you CAIN'T TELL HICK NOTHIN'!

"That's not their website. I'll show you tonight on my laptop. Besides, I told you to get an estimate if HE gets the dumpster, and one if WE get the dumpster. So we can see what's cheapest for us."

"Val. The guys I get cain't afford to get a dumpster. WE are paying for the dumpster!"

"That's not what we talked about. Besides, if WE are paying, what keeps them from taking too much time, and getting us charged for another week? AND, you just said that your buddy had rented one before! So obviously he had the money."

"WE are getting the dumpster. He'll give me a quote when I walk him through the house."

"Make sure you write down what the deal is! About how much time they have, the total price, and when you will pay them!"

Hick is being extra dodgy about his hired help, and I don't like it.

More Ominous on a Cloudy Day

Here's your first picture of Cheap House. The exterior is kind of cute when you drive by on a sunny day. However... this is the Glamour Shot of this lipstick-needy pigsty. 

Hick has already made a trip to Lowe's for padlocks and plywood. He's boarding up broken windows, to keep the city off his back. This is NOT the city which seems to persecute Hick. That's where Lap House lives. This is the city we've had reasonable relations with, despite them not granting a variance for the Double Hovel, nor fixing the city sidewalk at Bargain House. They don't go out of their way to nitpick, just follow their regular protocol as they would for any other property owner.

Despite the lack of tender loving care, Cheap House is not all that unappealing from the street. We've seen many run-down houses that seem to smell from the listing photo. AND for much more than $15,000. 

There's no plan to make this one into a safe, livable home. Just put in windows, patch up structural problems, tear the interior down to the studs, then offer it to a flipper.

I actually have a few pictures of the interior. I don't know if you're ready for such squalor. I may not post them, unless you promise to sit down, smelling salts handy, ready to close your browser.

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Welp! Hick has already broken one promise. I just got an email from the electric company that a new account  has been opened. So much for not turning on the utilities. I weep for Lap House. Hick has a new baby.

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