Like Feeding Candy to a Harem

Hick doesn't go to the senior apartments on Saturdays. So he handed out his valentines to his harem on Friday.

"The girls all liked their valentines."

"But what about the men?"

"I didn't give no men no valentines!"

"I KNOW! That's the point. I wondered if any of them had anything to say."

"They don't know. I didn't give them out in front of the men."

Well. That might be the most common-sense thing Hick has done in 20 years. I wonder if he told "the girls" to keep their mouth shut.

______________________________________________________________________

Further questioning led to the revelation that Hick had "knocked on their doors" to distribute his valentine candy to his harem.

"So you just went door to door? Didn't have a meeting? What if they think they're the only one getting a valentine from you, and then they all start talking, and get mad?"

"They ain't gonna get mad. They loved their valentines. But here's something I don't think is right. My friend there that runs the lunch program had a valentine party. But she only invited the people she likes!"

"Wait. She had it there in the building?"

"Yeah. It was a bunch of the people who deliver meals. And she only invited three of the gals from upstairs."

"Was it an actual work party? Like for the delivery people? Do the three women she invited help her out in some way?"

"I don't know if they help or not. It wasn't an announced party like she has on some holidays for everyone. Just people she had invited, and it was there in the building."

"You know this will probably start an argument with the ones who weren't invited! Were YOU invited?"

"No. I wasn't invited to the girls' valentine party."

"Then that can be your answer when they all get into it. 'Hey, I wasn't invited either.' Anyway, I guess someone is allowed to have a party and invite their friends, without including everyone. It's just odd that it was held there in the building, but not for everyone."

"Yeah. I don't think it was right that she didn't invite them all." Said the man who only gave candy to the elderly women, and nothing to the men.

Bargain House Is Ready for Her Closeup

Hick gave the Realtor Guy a walk-through of Bargain House on Tuesday. Supposedly Hick had moved all his tools out, but left the furniture there. I'm hoping he actually put the bed together in the front bedroom. I'd rather have everything cleared out, but Hick said he wanted to show how a bed would fit. I think that takes the prospective buyer out of their dream. They want to imagine their own stuff inside a "new" house.

Anyhoo... I've seen worse pictures on listings, with a tenant's clutter and dirty clothes and hoarded treasures and wall hangings with questionable taste. So a couple beds in the bedrooms are not the end of the world. I did suggest that Hick take down the hand towels hanging in the bathrooms, and let the main tub go without a shower curtain, to emphasize its newness. Hick did the Beauty Shop no favors with his choice of a shower curtain.

Speaking of bathrooms, Realtor Guy said he will list it as a 2-bredroom, 2-bathroom house. That these days, nobody calls a bathroom with just a shower a 3/4 bath. 

Realtor Guy wants Hick to fix a minor problem with the front porch. He said some bricks are loose, and they will be noticed in the picture of the front of the house. He asked how Hick got away without a handrail on the front porch, and Hick said, "Huh. I don't know. I guess the inspector likes me." Hick says Realtor Guy didn't mention it, but he still wants to put another coat of green paint on the front door. Which matches the roof.

In the cellar, Realtor Guy found a board that shows old termite evidence. Hick gave him a copy of the certificate that Bargain House was treated for termites by a licensed exterminator just a couple months ago. Hick said he did that because he had also seen old evidence on some boards up under the house, but never any signs of active termites. Realtor Guy said that's good, and took the certificate, and told Hick to cover up or get rid of that one board in the cellar.

Realtor Guy liked Bargain House. He asked Hick if he'd done all that work himself, which Hick confirmed. Not slighting Old Buddy. Just emphasizing that a contractor was not needed for the renovation. Just a couple of professionals here and there, like for the ceiling patch-and-match in the kitchen, and digging out and replacing the sewer line. Realtor Guy was impressed, and Hick was VALidated.

Realtor Guy is sending his photographer on Monday or Tuesday. He said he will honor our contract with Realtor, and only take 5% for his commission. He's doing it for all her properties. He mentioned the price Hick had originally mentioned to Realtor when Bargain House was about half done. Realtor Guy said, "That's not enough!" Hick agreed, and added $19,000 to that, for a starting price.

Realtor Guy said he's going to push Bargain House with a certain type of loan that I forget. He told Hick that he might need to put in a vapor barrier under the floor with this kind of loan. Hick said we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. He's not sure how much that would cost, and what type of buyer we might get. In case they don't need that kind of loan.

This is a good time of year to get a house on the market, I think. 

The SUS2.5 Has an Eclectic Inventory

Hick went to the city yesterday, to his honey hole of treasures he found when picking up his new used trailer. He didn't take the trailer back to load it up, but he DID take his toolbox out of SilverRedO. Unless he bought a new toolbox. Because I saw a silver metal truck toolbox sitting on the sidewalk by the carport, so he's either missing one, or gained one. Anyhoo... he picked up a lot of stuff for his Storage Unit Store 2.5.

Hick said he bought the two bicycles that lady had for sale. I haven't asked yet what he paid for them. He only said, "I hope I come out good on those bicycles." 

Hick also has ANOTHER bicycle that he got for FREE along our county blacktop road. It was parked outside the gate, with a sign labeled FREE leaning against it. I tipped off Hick on his way home, to tell him to look for it. It was getting dark that night, but he stopped, and came home with the bicycle. It's a sturdy bicycle. Looks kind of like a mountain bike. I don't know the brand, but it looks fairly new. As Hick said, "The only problem I can see with it is that it don't have a seat." Well. I'm sure Hick can find a bicycle seat. That doesn't seem to be a good reason to get rid of a bicycle. Though it might be, if you don't ride it anyway.

Meanwhile, Hick sent me a text earlier this week:

"My new can holder."

I suppose such an item will appeal to his clients who collect beer memorabilia. I, myself, am not so impressed with this new item. 

I guess Hick has a little bit of something for everybody. I can't even tell what the other things are in that case. Some old matchbooks, and multipurpose knives, maybe. But it's not his case of vintage pocketknives. The beer cans themselves are old, still with the pull tab. Sometimes Hick gets them with the beer still inside. I wouldn't recommend drinking it!

Hick Makes a Liar Out of Val

Hick has a way of upsetting Val's applecart. If it was an actual applecart, Hick would barge into it, sending apples flying all willy-nilly, then give a short lecture on how it was Val's fault for placing her applecart in plain sight, and proceed to rebuild it into a better applecart, and fill it with twice as many apples, which he had been given by an apple-growing buddy.

We're not here to talk about apples. We're here to talk about Val's blog posts. Which won't keep the doctor away, despite reading one every day. And don't make a very good pie, nor a crunchy snack with a spoonful of peanut butter or slice of sharp cheddar.

I write my blog posts the day before, usually around noon, and set them to publish the next day at 8:00 a.m. Sure, I COULD go in to correct things, but that would eliminate the satisfaction of having them done and ready to go, with my afternoon and evening free for scratchers and TV and other innernetting.

The tale of Hick's do-gooding with rent subsidies was already in the can by Tuesday evening. Which I concluded with the revelation that Hick gets nothing extra for going to the trouble of getting the HUD paperwork done, to hopefully qualify his residents for lower out-of-pocket rent. Nor for all the other "little things" he does to make apartment life easier for the elderlies.

Hick had to come home and make a liar out of me, when the ink wasn't yet dry on that story.

"I was waiting for our monthly meeting to start, with the apartment board, and my boss called me out into the hall. He said, 'I just want you to know, before it happens, that I'm going to ask for you to get a $100 raise for the good job you've been doing here.' That made me feel really good. And then the board voted to approve it."

So now, Hick makes less than $400 a month for taking care of the apartments! That's a 25% pay increase. Shh... don't tell anyone, but I think Hick would probably do it for free.

A Regular Do-Gooding Crusade

Hick is on fire with his do-gooding crusade. He couldn't find the valentine hearts for his harem at Save A Lot, but he DID find some at Walmart. So that plan is in motion, and 10 elderly ladies will be sweetly surprised on Valentine's Day. Or more likely, the day before. 

Sorry dudes! Hick would think it weird to give a valentine to a guy, and those elderly men would likely feel the same way. They might secretly be disappointed about not getting chocolates, but I doubt any will say anything about it. It's a generational thing. They didn't grow up with everybody getting a trophy.

Hick hasn't forgotten the dudes, though. He was doing his best to help one yesterday, stopping just short of arm-twisting! I guess having good done for you is not completely painless. I was on the phone with Hick when this went down.

"Where are you?"

"Walking to my office at the apartments. 'Bobby! Bobby, come in here a minute.'"

"I'll let you go if you're busy."

"I want to talk to him about HUD. See you later."

HUD is one of the bones Hick had to pick with the city officials. He thought the residents might qualify for subsidized rent, but nobody at the city had completed the necessary paperwork to allow them to apply. There was some confusion about it being for the whole building, and not for individuals. I don't know anything about it, other than from Hick's friend Buddy (of the Badly-Blacktopped Hill) renting houses to people who qualified for HUD. He had to meet certain requirements in his houses, but part (or all) of his rent was guaranteed by HUD, and the residents paid less out of pocket.

Anyhoo... this HUD situation has been rectified, and several of Hick's tenants are getting a discount. I think the rent there is between $550 and $600 a month. Hick said those who have qualified for HUD are now paying around $265 per month. According to Hick:

"That's a big difference, when they might only have $1100 a month income."

Anyhoo... Hick talked to Bobby, who said he hadn't bothered with the paperwork, because he figured it would only be about $20-$30 a month discount. Hick told him about the others, and how much they got discounted, and Bobby said:

"Give me those papers! I'll have my daughter get started on them tonight!"

Of course that made Hick happy. He gets nothing for doing this. No kickbacks, no glory. But by cracky, Hick is gonna help those elderlies, whether they want him to or not!

Hick Has Plans for His Harem

Shh... don't tell anybody, but Hick has a plan for his harem of elderly women at the senior apartments. He's going to give them valentines! Not the paper kind, like a kid at school. Though the thought of that makes me smile: the little old ladies making themselves a valentine box, decorating it to impress Hick.

Hick is wanting to give them candy. A little valentine box of candy. He had The Pony and me checking around to see if we could find something suitable on our Errand Day. We found a little heart-shaped box of candy at Country Mart. It looked like the right size. Cost $3.99. Then The Pony looked closer, and saw that it only contained three pieces! That's not enough. Not for that price. The next larger box was $8.99. I don't know how many pieces of candy, but that's too much to pay for 10 elderly ladies. That's almost 1/3 of Hick's monthly salary, heh, heh!

When I was in Save A Lot, I saw a small heart-shaped box of chocolates. It was $1.69, and had five pieces. That seemed right. I bought one, and brought it home to show Hick. He was reading the back of the box, where it listed what kind. I remember caramel and strawberry cream. I told him I bought it as a sample, and that he could open it. To which Hick declared: "I'll eat that later!" Meaning the whole thing.

Anyhoo... I hope Hick goes to buy them soon, before the store runs out. I COULD do it, but this is Hick's good deed, and Hick's harem. I am not making a special trip to buy his treats.

To the Hickster Go the Spoils

I asked Hick what kind of things he found while cleaning out the apartment of the elderly woman who recently passed away. Meaning what kind of treasures he might have gotten. Hick's answer was, "Lots of trash." Of course I had to interrogate inquire further. A lot of the trash was paperwork, like old tax forms and receipts.

Hick paid Old Buddy for help in cleaning up. It was three hours of work, so Old Buddy got $60 of Hick's $250 fee. Hick also gave him some things from the apartment.

"I took the clothes to donate them, like the daughter wanted. There was some purses. I took half, and Old Buddy took half. I found a little baby quilt, and I kept that. And an iron stand. It's like a metal plate with feet, that you set an old-fashioned iron on. I also took a couple of knick-knacks. Two birds. Then after we'd been to the dump, and had taken the other stuff down to my locker, Old Buddy found a hanging rack of shoes on the back of the door. I said he could have them, because I didn't want to drive back down to my locker. There was all kinds of shoes. Tennis shoes, slippers, and regular shoes. People buy them. So Old Buddy can have them."

Hick said he also found a "bunch of blankets." Meaning those fleece throws that were given as bingo prizes. He kept all them at the apartments, in his office. He's going to give them to other residents. I don't remember what the dump cost.

Hick didn't make a fortune off of his $250 service. But he cleared some cash, and got a couple of collectibles, and just what every man needs: some purses.