Inside Lap House

The tour of Lap House won't take long. It's not that big. Just a living room, kitchen, two bedrooms, and a bathroom. I haven't seen the partial basement yet. That will have to wait until my official photographer can fit it into his schedule, heh, heh.

Living Room. The old guy who sold Hick this house had apparently been doing a little work on it. Looks like he ripped out carpeting, and painted some walls. I didn't ask if the wood floor is salvageable, but I imagine Hick has budgeted in his mind for laminate flooring.

Front Bedroom. It looks fairly decent, but might need new windows. That's me talking, from one photo, not Hick, who has walked through several times.

Kitchen. It seems cheery, with lots of light. Again, that might mean a lot of windows to replace. Pretty much everything in here has to go. EXCEPT... the countertop. Hick says it's the old granite kind of counter, and he'd like to try to save it. It's short, though. Just the part with the sinks.

Middle Bedroom. This might be the "problem" room. Due to its location, and awkward shape. Hick thinks it might be the only place to fit a washer and dryer. Not ideal, but I'd rather have a second bedroom, even if it meant having the laundry in there. Just like I'd rather have a washer and dryer in my house, as opposed to not having them. The other option would be the kitchen. I've had a washer and dryer in a bathroom before, but this bathroom is not big enough.

Bathroom. At first glance, it looks horrific. Upon closer inspection, the tile seems good. The floor looks interesting. The toilet is in decent shape. The tub is not pink, as I thought. Hick says it is kind of brown. He said it looks usable, which could save $1000 for a new one. He would paint it to match the toilet. I haven't seen the sink yet.

For handy reference, here's the outside view again.

Lap House isn't big enough to create new rooms. So there won't be a second bathroom. Hick DID note that there's room in the bathroom to put inside access to the basement. He said it looks like that's where it used to be, before somebody moved the entrance to the outside of the house.

There won't be much to see in the beginning. Hick plans to start with the electrical wiring. He will have to take off some siding, because some genius ran wires on the side of the house and covered them with siding! Then he will work on the plumbing. Not sure what's going on with that, other than there being several different kinds of pipe, from galvanized to PVC. 

I'm going to suggest that Hick work on the outside of Lap House while the weather is good. And save the interior for when the weather gets too hot or cold. Not that Hick is one to take my advice...

I'm a BeLIVER

My faith in Hick as a provider has been restored! Not only did he bring me a Reuben from the Senior Center lunch this month, but he also brought me LIVER! Yes. I asked for it. We both like liver. Hick also brought one home for himself for supper.

The menu listing for the day was:

Ham & Beans

Spinach & Breaded Tom

Cornbread

OR

Liver & Onions

Mashed Potatoes, Veg, Cornbread

Blueberry Pie OR Fruit

I thought Hick might have the Beans & Ham for lunch, and bring home the Liver. But no. He ate liver at lunch, and also brought a meal home for his supper. The two containers had Hick's name written on them. Which could be suspicious if you have enemies, but the cooks there LOVE Hick! I saw the first one, and asked if his name was on both. Yes, it was. But I'm sure you can still tell that one was meant for Hick specifically...

That was the container on top of the stack. Whether you like liver or not, you've gotta admit that's a good-looking serving of liver! We had mashed potatoes, and the Breaded Tom, along with a cornbread square.

Now let's take a look at MY dinner:

Where's all the liver love for Val??? I might have had a part of a sliver of onion. At least I got the corner cornbread. Which I sliced off and gave Hick the other 2/3 of it. I was at first repulsed by the tomatoes. I thought they had jalapenos in them, but Hick said it was zucchini. I actually ate those tomatoes. Not too bad. The mashed potatoes were again tasteless. In the future, I'll give them to Hick. The liver was delicious!

Hick said he was too full to eat his dinner that night. Well, no wonder! I can imagine how they must have piled his tray high with liver at lunch, him being their pet. Hick went on and on about how tender that liver was. He said the gal told him she soaked it in milk overnight.

Anyhoo... Hick wasn't too full for dessert. Shocking, I know.

A filling dessert it was, too! They sure didn't play favorites with the lemon meringue pie! It's almost as if they know that I always give my dessert to Hick. Hick says they don't bake the pies, they buy them from the deli of the local grocery store. This pie sure looks fabulous. I wish I had tried just a bite, but it's too late now.

Next time liver is on the menu, Hick should be bringing it home for our supper.

Introducing: Lap House

Yes. The photographer is of questionable talent. At taking photos. But he's a whiz at fixing up old houses. Hick was sitting in SilverRedO, parked across the street in front of an apartment building, when he took the front picture of Lap House for me. You may recall that Lap House is so named because the deal fell into Hick's lap when he was least expecting it.

Lap House has a generous yard. Out of sight on the left is an old brick church. A street runs by on the right side. There's a public sidewalk out front, but strangely, no sidewalk to the house. I image any residents would park in the back, off the alley, and use the back door.

Let's zoom in a bit, so you can see the actual house, and not a panoramic view of the neighborhood.

Lest you think the previous owner was a patriotic sort, let the record show that the school colors in this town are red, white, and blue. So the windows in the front door, and the railings by the back door, as well as the foundation, are likely those colors to support the team.

The roof has a few missing shingles from where the wind took them. Hick has not been in the attic yet. He says it's possible that the roof may need to be replaced, depending on what he finds there. Or it may just needs a patch. The tall vent pole on the front of the house will go away. Hick has already talked to his HVAC Guy, who says that there's a new way of doing the vent for the gas. Hick is planning to put in a new furnace and add central air, because the only cooling the house has now is a window unit. The vinyl siding is fine, it just looks wavy from the shadows, and my zoom-in on the original photo.

The front left window is the living room. The front right window is a bedroom. The kitchen is the part sticking out at the back with the back door. There's a single bathroom, behind that front bedroom. And behind it is a second bedroom. It's basically a 4-room house. I guess five if you count the bathroom. From the looks of them, the windows are old, and might need to be replaced. Hick hasn't mentioned that specifically yet.

Interior views will be coming soon.

One of Hick's Harem Has a Stay at the Crossbars Hilton

Hick brought our puppy Pepper home from his second vet visit on Monday. He's up to 13.6 pounds now. We didn't have time to discuss Pepper's shots and next visit(s) though, because Hick got a phone call. From one of his harem.

"I've told you before. I cain't help you with that. You all need to get along, or stay away from each other. If you think it's serious enough, then call the police."

This was around 3:00. According to Hick, the caller complained that the lady who drinks had spit on her, and she had three witnesses. The caller/spittee was NOT the same resident that the drinker had gotten into it with the last time the police were called. Hick called his boss later, who said, "We're not getting involved in that." Which is what Hick had told his harem.

Later that evening, Caller/Spittee told Hick that Spitter had been knocking on her door, and she wanted him to come do something. Hick said, "Well, she realizes she done somthin' wrong, and she's most likely tryin' to apologize. That's how she is. If you don't want to talk to her, don't talk to her."

Later, Caller/Spittee said she had gone to the police station (which is two blocks away), along with her witnesses, and they all had paperwork to file complaints against Spitter. Hick had replied, "Well, you have to do what you have to do."

At 9:30 the next morning, Hick got a text from Spitter that she was sitting in jail, and when was he going to talk to her about this incident. Hick said he had nothing to say to her about it. That was between her and the other elderlies. Spitter said she didn't want to lose her home. Hick said he wasn't planning to kick her out, but that she needed to calm down and get along with the other residents.

Hick and his boss agree that no matter if they evict 10 residents and get 10 new ones, there could just be 10 new problems. That there are always going to be disagreements between people, and it's not their business to get involved in that pettiness. If it's between residents, and not damage to the apartments, then it's up to law enforcement to handle the residents' complaints.

Of course when Hick went to lunch (LIVER AND ONIONS!), another gal sat right down to tell him all about what happened. Hick said she is always stirring the pot. Said a bunch of them were sitting out in the courtyard smoking, and Caller/Spittee and Spitter got into an argument. According to Spitter's story, she was sitting at a table all by herself, and Caller/Spittee came over to her, and Spitter spit on her. Which she knows is wrong.

Hick says Spitter picks up litter and straightens up stuff in the building. She is the nicest little lady you'd ever want to meet. Until she drinks. Then she's really mouthy and loud. Hick says Caller/Spittee is generally cranky and anti-social, and keeps to herself. These two live on different floors, at separate ends of the building, and there's no reason for them to even be in contact with each other, unless they run into each other picking up their mail. I have no idea what happened in the courtyard. 

My ex-teacher mind thinks that maybe Spitter had a snootful and mouthed off to some others, who were likely mob-bullying her in the subtle way of women, and Caller/Spittee took offense to Spitter's mouthing, and went to her table to share a piece of her mind. Spitter has limited mobility and uses a walker, and perhaps used spit as her defense/aggression mechanism. That's pure speculation, of course.

Anyhoo... the city police came Tuesday morning, and hauled Spitter down to the county jail, since they don't have their own lock-up anymore. Nobody knows how Spitter gained her freedom. Hick says that the city police would have been the ones to drive her back home, since charges were filed in their jurisdiction. Spitter told Hick she has a court date. 

I'm sure Hick will hear all about the eventual case...

Bargain House Demands

The last update on Bargain House was when we signed a contract on March 8. The Buyer scheduled an inspection the following week. So we've been in a holding pattern waiting to see how the inspection might affect the deal. 

Well. Hick thinks the Buyer's inspector was out of his mind. Let the record show that Bargain House had already been approved for occupancy by the CITY building inspector, with no issues.

Hick got an email from Realtor Guy early last week, with the Buyer's inspector's report attached. In no particular order that I recall, the issues listed included:

roof not safe to walk on

roof needs to be replaced

loose screws in roofing metal

gas vent on roof needs to be replaced

two vents of unknown origin on roof

windows need to be replaced

screens on windows need to be replaced

missing electrical plate in kitchen

bedroom door opens into kitchen door

bolts missing on supports for patio roof

sidewalk not level with yard

I told Hick, "Why don't you just tear it down and build the guy a whole new house?"

Hick called Realtor Guy, and said no way was he replacing the roof and windows. And that nobody wants a sidewalk level with the yard, because when it rains, you get mud and water pooling on the sidewalk. And any idiot should know that the vents on the roof are from the two bathrooms.

Realtor Guy stopped him and said, "Didn't you read the counter-offer?" Which Hick had not, because he only saw the one document. So Realtor Guy sent it again, after telling Hick that all the Buyer asked for was a new roof and new windows, but he was pretty sure the Buyer didn't EXPECT to get a new roof.

After looking at the actual counter-offer, and going over to inspect Bargain House roof for himself, Hick came up with a counter counter-offer. Realtor Guy wrote it up, but Hick explained it to me.

"I will tighten all the screws in the roof metal. I will paint the piece of metal where a tree rubbed on it, to match the rest of the roof. I'll sand the rust off the gas vent and paint it, but if it looks unsafe, I'll replace it. I DID forget to put the nuts on the screws holding the metal plate to the concrete for the patio roof supports, so I'll screw them on. Same with the electrical outlet plate I forgot in the kitchen cabinet above the microwave. There are four of the eight double-paned windows that need their vapor barrier fixed. I'll get that done. I will replace the two screens that are torn."

Hick got all that done in two days. Except the windows. His glass guy said he'll have to order parts, and it could take two weeks to get them. He also said that for an extra fee of $95, he will come to the house and fix the windows, so Hick doesn't have to remove them and drive them over to Bill-Paying Town for repairs.

Realtor Guy said it seemed reasonable, since Hick is doing extra things that were in the inspector's report, but which the Buyer didn't actually ask for. He "only" wanted a new roof and windows. Indeed, the Buyer agreed to those fixes. I don't think Realtor Guy has since mentioned that the windows might not be done in time for the closing. 

Hick told Realtor Guy that if the window repairs aren't done on time, he will pay for the windows and the on-site fee, and present a receipt to the Buyer at closing on April 6. So the window repair is guaranteed, and the Buyer won't have to do anything except let Hick's glass guy repair them at the house when the parts come in.

Hick says the window parts are supposed to be in Friday, and his glass guy will fix the windows next week. I guess we'll be headed for the closing with a signed receipt for the window work, in the event that these repairs are delayed.

Somebody Throw Hick, the Jokester, a Bone

I'm pretty sure Hick was born without a funny bone. I don't have x-ray evidence, but living with him over 37 years has provided me with plenty of the circumstantial variety. He doesn't find comedy funny. And I don't get his jokes.

Hick watches old reruns like The Andy Griffith Show. And MASH. He will sometimes chuckle. But any modern shows that I watch, Hick does not grasp the humor. "That's entertainment for morons!" Huh. Maybe it's just Hick's way of calling me a moron...

When HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and The (Little Future) Veteran were elementary school age, Hick had a habit of grabbing them by the nape of the neck. Just to mess with them, when they were doing something else and didn't expect it. I little pinch which Hick held, saying, "What's that?" They'd hunch their shoulders in surprise, and say, "What?" Then Hick would say, "Turkey peekin' over a log!" And guffaw. Is it just me? I don't get it.

Now we come to Hick's latest. Remember how he fell at the Senior Center, and busted his lip on the floor? And I (almost) felt sorry for him? It swelled up a little bit. So Hick had a fat lip. It was quite dark purple in a spot the size of a dime on his lower right lip.

Hick came home from town Wednesday, saying people at the Senior Center, and some of his buddies, had been asking him what happened to his lip.

"I told 'em that I thought you said 'Shut up,' but what you really said was 'Stand up!' They all thought that was really funny."

"What? That's not funny. I don't get it."

"They thought you hit me!"

"I get the part about you pretending I hit you, rather than you falling down all by yourself when I was miles away. I don't even mind you making it about me being an abuser, instead of your own clumsiness. But what you're saying is not funny. It doesn't make sense. If you'd just said, 'Oh, I made my wife mad,' THAT might have been kind of funny."

"It's the same thing, Val. Everybody laughed."

So did the gal at the title office when Hick told his same "joke" at the closing for Lap House. I'm pretty sure she was just being polite.

Val's Lyin' Eyes

I might need new glasses. Or maybe just to wear my glasses while driving. Or maybe to stop casually chatting with The Pony while I'm driving.

We were headed home on Errand Day. Stopped at the 4-way stop sign with Subway on our right, Hick's apartments and the Senior Center across from it, a municipal parking lot on our left, and the old Roseland Theater across from it.

That movie theater is where I had my best viewing experience ever, while in high school, watching "Carrie," and the audience almost having a collective heart attack at the ending when Sue Snell was in Carrie's yard laying flowers. It's where we took little Genius to see his first movie, "Mouse Hunt," and had to leave in the middle because he would not stop talking out loud.

This theater has undergone several phases. It was turned into a two-plex. It stopped being a move theater. For a while it was some kind of church. And now it seems to host assorted events.

I was driving, you know. Stopped at the intersection. Watching the other three cars to make sure I took my proper turn. I glanced at the marquis of the theater.

"Huh. How can they put that up there? The 'Mexican Awards.'"

Let the record show that Sis-Town has Mexican residents. Some work at the local greenhouse. Some work at a produce company, loading and unloading trucks to distribute vegetables. When I lived in my $17,000 house, I would see them walking to work, carrying their lunch in Walmart bags. So it's not a stretch that I might think some entity was hosting a night of "Mexican Awards." Though these days, you'd think they could come up with a better title.

"Mom. I can't believe you said that! It says: 'Magician. D.J. Edwards.'"

Oh. Well. Nevermind...