In theory, Hick helping me is a good idea. Of course, he got up and drove to his Storage Unit Store, even though the temperature hovered around freezing, and it WAS a Sunday. He was trying to sell a pair of skis, which he says are worth around $600, and he's willing to part with for $100. I advised him that all his deals have fallen through, because there's no snow. Let the ground get covered, and those skis will sell like hotcakes.
Anyhoo...Hick had two lookers coming to meet him, to see the skis in person, and to check the size, which nobody wants to believe over the phone exchanges. One was supposed to meet Hick before 10:00, because he was coming home to HELP me get our Christmas dinner ready to serve at noon. I'd done the majority of the preparations on Saturday, and only needed to cook three items, and warm the rest.
Let the record show that Hick's morning customer did not show up, and he returned home by 10:00 as promised. I'd just put some potato casserole and green bean bundles in the oven, and was headed to the shower.
"You can clean up your junk around the table, and wipe it off and set it. Plates, bowls, silverware. We don't have napkins, so we'll use paper towels. But fold them, so they don't look like paper towels."
Simple enough, right?
I returned from the shower to see that Hick had indeed set the table, and his junk was removed from the area. I only glanced. It's not like I did a white glove inspection. Hick had saved me some time. I took out the potatoes and green beans, and put in the ham and turkey to warm, and the roasted vegetables.
No. One potato dish ISN'T good enough for Thevictorians. When I asked Genius which wanted, the roasted potatoes/carrots/onions, or the hash brown casserole, his reply was: "I like the roasted veggies, but Friend likes the hash brown casserole better." Well. My actions could be interpreted like saying you love one child more that the other. Friend is like family, and I couldn't deny him his hash browns.
I made a 7-Layer Salad, and stirred up the gravy, and got the rolls ready to bake. I was washing up the dishes I'd used so far, with about 30 minutes until serving time, when I looked at The Table Hick Set. Let the record show that Val uses Bounty Select-A-Size Paper Towels. You tear them off, and it's like half a regular paper towel. A rectangle. That's what Hick had laid out as a napkin.
"Oh. I said to fold the paper towels. So they look like napkins, not paper towels."
"Huh. I set them out like napkins."
"Fold them in half."
I guess I should have been more specific about the folding. When I looked over the kitchen sink to see Hick's correction, I was amazed. Not in a good way.
Not sure where Hick has been dining, that gives him a long skinny napkin. Or as I described it, "A napkin shaped like a ruler." As you might imagine, I
Yes. I was pleasantly surprised with the diamond arrangement. Which is not to say I was feeling pleasant. I could forgive all utensils being on the same side of the plate. But Hick had still neglected to set out bowls for the salad. We won't even discuss a salad fork and a regular fork, since people have a habit of THROWING AWAY my salad forks!
Anyhoo...it's not like we eat off a linen tablecloth, and have linen napkins, or even clear away that 40-year-old jade plant that we have spent years ignoring, or the fake yellow flowers that came off my mom's kitchen table. But STILL... I don't think having a spoon, and a bowl to eat your salad, are asking too much of Hick.
I just need that second helping, to come by helping correct Hick's helping.
For those of you worried about Hick's skis... he got a text at 12:45, as we were finishing up our meal, from the guy he was supposed to meet at 4:00, who said he was 15 minutes away, and wanted to see the skis. Of course Hick abandoned his 3rd-born son Genius, visiting for only 2 hours and 25 minutes to eat dinner and open presents, so he could meet a stranger for ski business.
Let the record show that Hick returned home at 1:15, having sold his skis, $100 richer.