Live Backroads PD

Sunday afternoon, Hick's butt had help cashing the checks his mouth was writing. Good thing!

I was out on the town with Hick, having attended a funeral, bought Chex Mix supplies at Walmart, and picked up my 44 oz Diet Coke at The Gas Station Chicken Store. We were on the last leg of our journey, stopping by Orb K to pick up some scratchers for Christmas gifts. I try to buy them on different dates and different places, not wait until the last minute.

Anyhoo...Hick turned A-Cad right, onto the entrance to Orb K's parking lot. A thin guy in a brown Carhartt jacket and yellow sock cap (I think the Millennials call them beanies) was walking off the lot, turned around backwards, yelling and waving his arms, arguing with a dude following him.

"Look out! That guy is going to walk right into us."

We were probably going all of 5 mph. But what was Hick to do? The guy was barely a step away from A-Cad. If Hick stopped, he would for sure run into us. So Hick kept on, at the same speed, assuming, perhaps, that we'd get  out of Young Yeller's way.

THUMP!!!

"What in the NOT-HEAVEN was THAT?" It sounded like Young Yeller had thrown something on A-Cad's roof! Something heavy.

"That punk just hit the car!"

Hick does not suffer fools gladly. He put A-Cad in park, and jumped out the door. I could tell by the jut of his chin that Young Yeller was in for a rude awakening.

"Hey! Stop! Get back here!"

Surprisingly, Young Yeller, who had crossed that entrance and was now weaving through a used-car lot, turned and came back.

"You don't hit someone's car, Bud!"

"I didn't hit your car."

"Yes you did!"

"I pushed your car. Out of my way."

"You need to keep you hands off other people's cars!"

"Oh? Do I need to push YOU?" Young Yeller stepped to Hick, getting up in his space, and poking his finger in Hick's face. "Huh? Do YOU need a push? Huh?"

DANG! I was turned around in the seat, afraid that Hick was gonna open up a can of whoop-butt on Young Yeller! And he with a Pop-Arm!

"HEY! Don't you talk to that old man like that! Get on out of here! You'd better get going!" Another guy, who had been putting gas in his car (a Mustang, according to Hick, who always notices his cars), had left the pump and walked over to intervene.

So obvious was the fact that Hick and Young Yeller were about to throw down, the manager of Orb K ran across the lot. "I'm so sorry! We've called the police. This guy was in the store, and scared a little girl. He was waving around his bag of weed, too. He has no respect for anybody!"

Young Yeller turned and walked back through the used car lot. Midway up the hill (across from Hick's Storage Unit Store flea market), he took off running. Hick said later that he must have been afraid of that Mustang Dude kicking his rumpus. Hick thanked Mustang Dude (who apologized for calling Hick an old man) for getting involved, and shook his hand. He got back in A-Cad, and drove me over to my favorite parking spot, which had been vacated by a girl in a JEEP during the altercation. Who had driven by us, where the manager apologized to her profusely as well, and assured her that the police had been called.

Inside, the girl and boy clerks were talking about Young Yeller. Boy Clerk said, "We've had drunks in here before, but never one as belligerent as that guy!" And Girl Clerk agreed. "He didn't have any respect for anybody!" Which seemed to be a common consensus among Orb K workers. I guess they wished he was only drunk, and not under the influence of whatever made him so aggressive.

I bought the scratchers and re-joined Hick, who had been walking around A-Cad looking for damage. He though Young Yeller had smacked the back hatch, and didn't see a mark. We left Orb K and started towards home. Cresting the hill, we saw a police car with Young Yeller bent over the hood.

"I oughta pull in there and tell them what he did. To make their case stronger."

"Well, there's no room on that street, because of the police car."

"Yeah." Hick continued down the hill.

"You really should stop, though. Pull in that church lot."

Hick sat, debating whether to go tell the police what happened. "I'll walk over there. Just so they know." He started up the sidewalk, and stopped a little distance back, waving his hand. You can't just walk up on a policeman while he's cuffing a Young Yeller. By then, another police car had arrived, and came to take Hick's statement. They walked back to A-Cad, looking for damage. Hick said the didn't think there was a mark, but the policeman found the fist-dent on A-Cad's flank, right over the light.

The other cop came down and looked at the damage. He asked the one talking to Hick to give him a form to fill out for his statement. "So I don't have to walk all the way back to my car to get one." Of course Hick got in the car and handed it to me. Giving me a box of Family Size Cheerios from the back, so I had something flat to write on.  Both cops told Hick they thought the dent could be popped out by people who fix hail damage. Hick is supposed to get an estimate, and give it to the police to attach to his statement. The value might affect the charges for Young Yeller.

This is why we can't have nice things! Random Pot Heads punch your car when they're busy yelling backwards while fighting with other innocent convenience store customers.

Young Yeller got hauled down to the county jail (Crossbars Hilton, according to Hick) over in Bill-Paying Town. He was on probation (not sure for what) and his bag of weed didn't do him any favors. After capturing Young Yeller, the first cop left to take him either back to Orb K for identification, or on to the Crossbars Hilton. Hick's cop was headed back to Orb K to look at security camera footage, and see what he could of Young Yeller's antics. I don't know if the cameras have that wide angle to get the altercation at the edge of their lot. Maybe, if they use it to look at gas pump drive-offs.
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UPDATE: The estimate for A-Cad's repair is $922.95. Mick, Hick's on-call mechanic, says it would take about 7 hours. He also says he might be able do it cheaper, but that's what he'd charge an insurance company for repairs.
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Never a dull moment when Val is out on the town with Hick...