Reuben Is Not Himself

This not-pneumonia is living rent-free in my nasal cavities! As I type this, it's the 9th day of my Hick-credited malady, and I still have not regained smell or taste. My estranged BFF Google says it might take up to two weeks! That's due to inflammation and swelling in the sinuses, preventing the molecules from lodging on the little patch where they are recognized by the brain. I might as well start chomping on onions and pretending they're apples.

Even though I didn't have Hick bring me a Reuben Sandwich from the Senior Center on Thursday, I DID have the pleasure of re-warming his. That's when I noticed that Reuben was not himself. He seemed different. Not as different as Becky on the Roseanne show, who seemed to turn into a different person during the middle few seasons. But not the old Reuben I had been accustomed to month after month.

I take the bread off the Reubens and put the slices in the oven to crisp them up again. I set the meat with the cheese, sauerkraut, and orange dressing aside, then add it to the foiled pizza pan holding the bread at the last minute. I don't know if they use Russian or Thousand Island Dressing on the Reubens, but it's always just pale orange. The bread was the same, that delicious marble rye. The beef was the wafered kind that comes in a packet, perhaps Buddig brand, at the store. Sauerkraut is sauerkraut, shredded.

WHAT was I noticing? Maybe too much dressing? The top looked extra gooey. Wait! What was THAT? I have a sneaking suspicion that some recycling was done with the Reubens. It looked like maybe a bit of NACHO CHEESE had been added! The white cheese slice was still next to the meat. But on top, with the dressing and sauerkraut, was extra gooey orangeness. With flecks of red and green! About the size of a large-grade glitter. To me, it looked like a fine dice of red and green peppers that might be in liquid nacho cheese. I pointed it out to Hick, who had no idea, and didn't care, having already eaten an entire Reuben at lunch without noticing.

Unable to smell or taste, I could not determine the origin of this change in Reuben. Though it did not escape my attention that two days previous, on Tuesday, the menu was "Taco-ish Tuesday," with a Chicken Tortilla Bowl as the main course. Perhaps they had some canned nacho cheese left over...

Hick actually brought home 2.5 Reubens! I thought that was so sweet, Hick knowing how much I love Reuben, and making sure there was one for me, just in case my taste suddenly returned before supper. As in Coyote Ugly, when Rachel told boss Lil, "Let's not start polishing a Grammy," in reference to Violet singing on the bar... I will advise you not to confuse Hick with Mother Teresa in his Reuben-bringing. 

"[Elderly 1] didn't want hers. And [Elderly 2] could only eat half. So I brung theirs home, too. You can have one if you want."

I would have had no shame taking one and devouring it. If only I could have tasted it. So I left them all for Hick. He had one Thursday night, planning for the 1.5 on Friday night.

I remain ever-hopeful that my smell-and-taste return is imminent. They're probably hiking along the gravel road right now, their kits-n-caboodles bound up in red handkerchiefs tied at the end of sticks, whistling a little tune, about to take a shortcut through the BARn field to be reunited with me by suppertime.

The new jar of Vicks VapoRub that I'm wafting under my nose says different.

Val Rebuffs Reuben!

In an earthshattering move of uncharacteristic behavior, Val has turned her back on Reuben! I join you in disbelief. I never saw this coming! For four weeks, I have been watching the menu from the Senior Center. I KNEW that Thursday was Reuben Day. Even though they changed the menu listing. Soup is not the headliner any more. I guess this is the summer menu.

Grilled Reuben

OR Cheeseburger Wrap

Macaroni Salad

Sweet & Sour Beets

Brownies OR Fruit

I don't know what kind of miscreant could possibly choose a Cheeseburger Wrap over a Reuben Sandwich. The rest of the menu doesn't actually call out EAT ME to Val. But that's not the reason I told Hick to NOT bring a Reuben home for me.

"I know tomorrow is Reuben Day, but I don't want one. Don't bring me a sandwich. I'm still getting over your not-pneumonia, and I can't taste anything. No need to get me a Reuben."

"It ain't no problem. I'll probably bring one home for my supper. I can get you one."

"No. It will be bad enough warming up YOUR Reuben. I'm not making that effort when I can't even taste it. I'll just have some soup."

Yes. Reuben is handled with care. His innards are separated from his outtards. The bread gets re-toasted in the oven. Then the meat with cheese and sauerkraut/dressing is slid onto the pan at the last minute, to get a little melt on the cheese again. Then I reconstruct Reuben, and slice him in half diagonally. The sides are just microwaved if needed.

I'm sure Hick will enjoy his Reuben. I will be sad about not having one. But I would be sadder if I ate a tasteless Reuben.

Scare 'Em Harem

Monday night, we had bad weather rolling through. Seems like it had been hyped by the TV meteorologists for over a week. Even though there was a less-than 10 percent chance we would get an actual tornado. The conditions were there! It could be coming! Tune in for continuous coverage.

I'm not knocking the forecasters for being there to inform people. It's just that they get viewers whipped into a frenzy. Of course people who have been through a tornado are anxious. They want to be prepared. The schools pick up on it. Lots of early dismissals that day, even though our main window for the storm to pass through was 5:00 to 7:00 p.m.

I had been listening to the TV when Hick got home. Sounded like the timing had changed to around 8:00 to 8:30. Around 8:00, the wind started howling a bit more. We both got a weather alert on our phones, saying a tornado was approaching the town we live five miles east of, and to take cover immediately. I went to the living room to watch the radar with Hick.

"It looks like it's going to slide through south of us, and north of The Pony. It's really a narrow band."

"Yeah. Pony sent me a text saying the sirens were going off, but it didn't look bad enough to go sit in the closet."

"It's definitely here now. But it doesn't seem as bad as some storms, when the chairs blow off the porch."

Just then, our satellite went down. No TV. Hick's phone rang.

"Yeah. Well. He's probably asleep. It will be okay. It's probably almost past by now. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Your harem?"

"Yeah. The sirens are going off. They'll all under the stairs. They couldn't get the one guy to come to the door. He probably already went to bed."

"Sounds like they're doing what they're supposed to do. I can't imagine what they thought YOU were going to do! Drive out in the storm to go check on him?"

"You never know."

Hick's Harem is quite attached to him. They seem to think he's Superman.

Lap House Intentions

It's been a month since we closed the purchase of Lap House. Since then, almost nothing has been done. Hick says he cleaned some stuff out of the basement, but I have a suspicion that the "stuff" was the tools he made a separate deal for with the previous owner.

Anyhoo... one evening Hick came from the shower to the kitchen, and said,

"I've got it! I know what I want to do with the house. This one has taken a while. Usually I can see a plan when I walk through it. Remember how it has that funny layout where you have to walk through a bedroom to get to the kitchen and the bathroom? I'm putting in a short hall, and moving the living room to where that bedroom is. So the two rooms on the front of the house will be bedrooms. You'll go down a short hall as you enter the front door. It leads to the living room and kitchen. The bathroom will be off the living room.

I want to get entrance to the basement from the inside of the house. I'll do that by extending the roof that's on the outside entrance to the basement now. Then I'll cut a door from inside the bathroom to get to those steps leading to the basement. There's no way to move the steps. They're concrete."

Here's the outside of Lap House. The front left is currently the living room, and the front right is a bedroom. The living room will turn into a bedroom, and the back bedroom will turn into the living room.

Here's the back, showing the basement entrance that Hick hopes to connect with a roof and a door into the bathroom.

Hick had his regular roofing buddy take a look at Lap House. A guy from his SUS2.5 said that he does roofing, and could give Hick an estimate. Hick was pretty sure Lap House needs a whole new roof, not just a patch job. It's a good selling point, too. Anyhoo... the SUS2.5 guy said he could do it for $8200. Regular Roofing Buddy said he will take $6300. I guess Hick knows his roofers! That's why we've been using the one guy all along.

Hick plans for the roof to be metal, and black. He hasn't decided on whether he will paint the red porch black, or the same color as the siding. Hick's HVAC guy also gave his estimate for heating and cooling, which Hick said was either $7600 or $6700. He can't remember (CAIN'T REMEMBER NOTHIN', heh, heh) because it was by a phone call, not a text.

I don't know when Hick will get all of this in motion. His harem is pretty needy lately, heh, heh. But at least he's taking my suggestion to get the roof and HVAC done now, while the weather is mild, so he can do inside work through the heat of summer and cold of winter.

Following the Trailer's Money Trail

A couple weeks ago, Hick "gave" his wrecked trailer to his boss from the senior apartments. That's what he said, anyway. That he was "giving" him the wrecked trailer, to get rid of it, because the guy needed an axle off of it. I took Hick for his word. Other people can trust him. Why shouldn't I?

The more I thought about it, I figured it was unlike Hick just to give something away without a trade of goods or services. Especially when there were several hundred dollars we had not recouped from the payback deal with the borrower who wrecked it.

"Are you sure you just gave away your wrecked trailer? Your boss didn't pay you ANYTHING?"

"Well. He give me $175 for it. But I paid $183 to have it hauled out here! OUT OF MY POCKET!"

I can believe both. Hick never asked me for money to pay for the tow. I figured it wasn't free, even if a buddy did it. I can also believe that Hick thought he would get away with not admitting his boss paid him for the wrecked trailer. If it was actually those amounts, why wouldn't Hick bother to tell me?

So, I'm not really fired up over this hoodwinking, if Hick wasn't actually making a profit off something WE bought for him originally. But I don't appreciate the deception.

The trailer tale does not end there!

On the day Hick's boss came out to get it, I passed them in the field, trying to load the wrecked trailer onto the boss's trailer. The boss had his truck parked in the field, and was standing back away from it. Hick was on his blue tractor, with the bucket under the side of the wrecked trailer, lifting it up, to load on the boss's trailer. I gave a wave and drove on by, not offering my totally useless and un-asked-for help.

That was two weeks ago. Hick had to wait to do this transfer until he got his blue tractor back from HOS (Hick's Oldest Son), who had used it to dig a trench for a sewer line. When Hick went to fetch his tractor (on the day he was so late and his text didn't come through), his tractor wouldn't start.

"Oh. So you loaned your tractor, and now something is wrong with IT! Maybe you should stop loaning your stuff!"

"It wasn't nobody's fault, Val. HOS didn't break my tractor. He had it parked on a slope. There must have been dirt in the gas tank, and it settled wrong, and we had to get it out. I made HOS blow in the hose, though!"

Hick had told me that right after he came home from retrieving the tractor. I didn't think anything more about it. Until Hick came to the house a couple days ago, after working over at the BARn. He threw a receipt on the kitchen table. I think it was around $59.

"I had to get a part for my tractor. The hydraulics are all messed up."

"Oh. Right after you got it back from loaning it..."

"No! It has been going bad for a while. I noticed it when I tried to load the trailer for my boss. My tractor couldn't do it! It didn't have the hydraulic power to lift it. So we went down and got Neighbor with his tractor, and got it loaded."

"Good thing he was home to help out."

"Oh. And I'm going to need a check tomorrow. I went by Mick the Mechanic's shop and ordered two tires my tractor."

"Right after you got it back from loaning it!"

"They was dry-rotted, Val. And trying to lift that trailer was too much for them. It wasn't nobody's fault. It's the front tires. For $300."

This is turning into a "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" scenario!

The Everchanging Story

Hick is sometimes a bit devious. Sometimes a bit wishy-washy. And sometimes rewrites history. He thinks he can play me for a fool, or else he regrets something he's done, and rather than take ownership, declares that I CAIN'T UNDERSTAND NOTHIN'!

All this to get me off his back. Can you imagine??? I am only trying to determine facts. Whether for my self-satisfaction, or to keep our financial records straight for the flip house expenses.

Remember when we bought Lap House? Surely you do. It was only last month. At the time, Hick said he was making a deal with Some Guy for a truck sitting on the property. It's right there in my blog, plain as day! Hick was trading a couple of guns from his shop for the pickup truck. This was a transaction for Hick's business, for which he is federally and locally licensed. Everything above-board with the legalities for transfer of both such items. Background check, title and license, etc.

THEN Hick asked me for the $2000 to pay Some Guy for the truck. Which I gave him, because he said it was just another cost to get Lap House. That the deal had to include the truck. Yet I distinctly remember Hick coming home from his SUS2.5 that week, complaining that Some Guy was picking out his most expensive item, and wanting another one also. 

NOW Hick says that he was never trading guns for the truck. That WE bought the truck as part of the house deal, and HE was trading Some Guy two guns for all the tools in the basement. Some Guy had asked Hick if he wanted to buy the tools, and said he couldn't move them. Which is also a bit of a fishy transaction by Hick, because it seems to me that the tools came with the house we bought. Any other contents when we've bought a flip house were part of the deal. Whether we had to pay to dump them at the landfill, or it was furniture that was usable, Hick didn't pay the dump fee or reap the rewards. If The Pony and I didn't find the contents of any value, we told Hick he could have them for his shop. That didn't happen with the tools.

Anyhoo... this question arose because of new developments with that truck. Old Buddy has it at his house. Hick had it towed there, for Old Buddy to work on and get it running. Put the title in Old Buddy's name. The cost being taken out of Old Buddy's pay for working on the flip houses. Yet on Wednesday, Hick said he paid Old Buddy for moving furniture out of Bargain House after the sale.

"Wait! Why are you PAYING Old Buddy for work, when he's supposed to be working off that $2000 truck?"

"He ain't got it runnin' yet, Val!"

"It doesn't matter! He still has that truck, with the title in his name."

"Yes. But I told him he didn't have to pay until he had it runnin'."

"Well, isn't THAT an incentive! He can just keep working, getting paid, and say he doesn't have it running yet. And we're out $2000."

"Nooo. I'm gonna take out half his pay when he has the truck going."

"HALF? That will take twice as long! You only pay him $45 a day, four days a week!"

"He'll pay for the truck, Val."

Oh, really? Well, on Thursday Hick talked to Old Buddy about the truck. Old Buddy said it was a lot harder to figure out what was wrong than he thought. So now Hick says he will take back the truck because Old Buddy doesn't seem to want it. Hick will have one of his mechanic buddies tow it to his place, and fix it. But that we'll have to pay him for the work. And then Hick will sell the truck. But we won't make much.

Won't THAT be a nightmare to deal with in my records for expenditures for Lap House???

I talked it over with The Pony. We are in agreement that the $2000 truck should NOT be counted as part of the deal on Lap House. The Pony should not have to contribute to that cost. Hick and I are responsible for that truck, and money from the eventual sale should go right back into our household account to cover the outlay for its purchase and repair.

Hick says the truck $2000 should be added to the cost of the house. I tried to explain that at tax time, we will have documents from the closing that report the sale price of Lap House. Which does not account for that $2000. He's hard to convince when he's arguing to have things his way!

Hick needs to keep his wheeling and dealing to his business from now on.

Hick Beds His Harem

The Buyer for Bargain House didn't want any of the furniture Hick had left in it. He and Old Buddy and The Pony moved out a small bed and a bed frame and dresser, along with a small table and a wall mirror, plus pictures hanging on the wall.

"I just rented an apartment to a new lady yesterday. She don't have nothin'. Her rent, after HUD, is only $71 a month, instead of the regular $575. I'm giving her the bed and the dresser. There's another lady there who can use the bed frame. So I don't have to do nothin' with those, except put them in their apartments."

He's a good guy, our Hick. Towards his harem, anyway.

I hope this doesn't start an issue amongst them! Once the others find out Hick has bedded two in their midst.

Slamming the Door on Bargain House

The deal is done! Bargain House is sold. Checks are in the bank. The electricity, gas, and water services have been stopped from our end. Hick also went by the insurance office Thursday, to cancel the policy on Bargain House that was paid for six months on Monday, having been due on Tuesday. Now we just have to wait for our insurance refund, and the final bills for utilities. The water had a $150 deposit, which we should get back, once they subtract the pro-rated service up to the date of disconnect.

Until the final bills/refunds arrive, I can't calculate our exact profit on Bargain House. I do know that this will be our most profitable flip to date, and probably forever. We got it for such a good price, and the majority of repairs were not expensive, being handled by Hick. I think the most costly was the HVAC system we installed last year for $4800.

Here's another odd thing from the closing. The Closing Gal asked Hick and Realtor Guy if major renovations had been done on the property this year. If they had some kind of forms to show that there were no liens against the property. Hick said no, that he did most of the work himself. Realtor Guy said he had the receipt from the window replacement. Hick mentioned the HVAC, which was the only thing I recall being contracted out, besides the windows. Closing Gal said it was okay, since it was not done this year.

Closing Gal told Hick the name of the form, which I forget. But that on any future property, he needed that to keep on file for any contracted work. To prove that all the work was paid for, and nobody could come back and make a claim against the property.

Hick remembered a time we had some work done on my $17,000 house in town. I think it was when we bumped out the living room to make an office alcove. The guy who did it was Hick's ex-brother-in-law. He did really good carpentry work, for cash. Unfortunately, he didn't pay for the concrete he used for the foundation. Hick was friends with the local concrete guy. He came to talk to Hick, saying that [REDACTED] had not paid for the concrete. So Hick paid it.

That was not a big deal at the time. It might have been the couple weeks that we were left with only plastic closing in our alcove, because [REDACTED] didn't show up to work. We found out later he had been locked up during that time. It didn't stop us from using him. He did really good work. But he also liked to have a few drinks and get in bar fights on the weekend. Which might tell you a little about Hick's "guys" that he has in every trade, heh, heh.

Anyhoo... back to our Bargain House closing. Hick explained that he sometimes got a discount because he paid cash to these tradesmen. Closing Gal said he could still make sure to have that form showing he paid. And to get such a thing for materials as well. Hick said he'd tried to get it from Lowe's this time, but they wouldn't give it. Said he had to call somebody at corporate headquarters, and I forget what their issue was. Hick thinks he can get around that in the future by using his Lowe's Pro account and coding purchases to a specific address. Their statements are not good about itemizing the purchases. It lists materials bought on a certain date, but doesn't show the price on each item. Just a total for that purchase.

Anyhoo... when Closing Gal left the room to make copies, Hick told Realtor Guy that in all the houses we've done, nobody has asked him for such documents. Realtor Guy said (in a whisper, lest he be overheard) that it depends on which title company you use for the closing. Hick said he could understand, because the title company is the entity on the hook if somebody comes back to make a claim for payment, since they are the ones doing the search and issuing the title insurance.

That's a lot of boring stuff that doesn't say much of anything. Except that Bargain House is sold, and we are rolling in dough until we start forking out money for a new roof on Lap House, and also an HVAC system after Hick upgrades the electric.

Seems Like Renovations Were the EASY Part of the Bargain House Flip

As we got our folders of documents at the close of the closing on Bargain House, I asked if the 1099 tax forms were in it, or if they would be mailed next January.

"We give them to you now, but I can't give them to you YET. It's not legal to issue them until after The Buyer has signed, and the closing is complete. You will get them when you pick up your checks."

I reminded Hick of this as we were getting in A-Cad. He said no, they'll come in the mail at tax time. That's how much Hick pays attention when the attention isn't on HIM, heh, heh. I sure hope he remembers when he picks up the checks. Hick said he had other things to do Thursday, and that I could deposit the check. Rather than driving it all the way home, I told him to sign our check, then leave it with The Pony, and we could take them to the bank that afternoon.

As we were buckling up, I saw our Realtor Guy running across the street where he was parked, to knock on Hick's window. That's Hick's blind side.

"Um. Dad! The realtor wants you to roll down the window!"

Realtor Guy said he had a message from The Buyer, asking if there was anything in the house.

"Yes. There's them two beds. A dresser. Some pictures on the walls. A table. He can have it all if he wants it. Or if not, I can go home and get my truck, and move it out."

Realtor Guy sent a message back to The Buyer, to find out what to do. Said he'd let Hick know. The Pony volunteered to help moving furniture. Hick said, "Well, I cain't move it all by myself!" Rather than saying thanks for offering. It's all about Hick.

We drove back to The Pony's house. Hick dumped us out real quick. It was 10:58.

"Are you going home for the truck? Or going to lunch?"

"I'm goin' to eat lunch! I ain't heard nothin' back. So who knows if I'll have to move it."

Well. Hick got his comeuppance later that night. He was SICK! Almost vomiting sick. Couldn't eat all his supper. I said it must have been his lunch: Gourmet Chicken Salad/Choice of Breads/Tomato and Cucumber Pasta/Strawberries and Marshmallows. Hick DID say that it wasn't very good...

Anyhoo... Hick ended up coming to get SilverRedO after lunch. He called Old Buddy, and the three of them moved out the furniture from Bargain House. I have no idea why he left it there. It was from another house, the QuickFlip, that we only had for a month before selling.

I told Hick he should have agreed to move the furniture, then stretched it out for six weeks before finally getting everything out, heh, heh.

____________________________________________________________

The Buyer must have showed up to his 2:00 closing appointment, with actual money, because Hick was able to pick up our checks this next morning. I just verified that as I typed this. Hick dropped them off at The Pony's house, so we can deposit them later this afternoon during Errand Day.

Of course, in true Hick fashion, he did not do the logical thing as I had instructed him the previous day. I had an inkling. So I called back, while he was having lunch with his harem: BBQ Chicken/Scalloped Potatoes/Hot Cabbage Slaw/Roll/Peach Pie.

"Did you get the 1099s?"

"Yes."

"Did you sign the check?"

"Oh. No. I didn't think about that. They should let you deposit it in our account anyway."

"I've tried that before with an insurance refund. They sent it back out and wanted a signature. So we drove around the block and I forged it! I'm not doing it on a check this big. You go by The Pony's and sign it! It's only a few blocks away."

"Okay. In about 20 minutes when I'm done with lunch."

Hopefully, everything will be in order, and we'll have our checks deposited this afternoon. Then again, The Universe likes to toy with Thevictorians.

The Closest We've Been to a Closing without it Being Legally Closed

Wednesday morning, we met at The Pony's house, and Hick drove us over to Bill-Paying Town for the closing on Bargain House. Our time was 10:00 a.m. As we had climbed into A-Cad, Hick said,

"The Buyer ain't gonna sign until tomorrow at 2:00. So we won't be getting a check today."

"WHAT? He better show up! I don't want to sign away our house and not get anything!"

"That ain't gonna happen, Val. But it does seem kind of strange that he doesn't close until tomorrow. I asked our Realtor Guy about that, and he said it was not all that unusual."

"You didn't lock the keys in the house yet, like he told you. DID you?"

"Yeah. I already left the keys in there."

"But we can't get in if he doesn't pay!"

"We can get in, Val. My glass guy still has a key to the back door. And the realtors' box is still on the front door for people to show it."

We were early for our appointment. Went in at 9:50, and had to wait on Realtor Guy to get there. The table in our closing room had a bowl of candy, and a little can of ink pens at one end. That's where The Pony chose to sit. Hick was on The Pony's left, I was on the right, across from Hick. 

Hick and The Pony fell upon the candy like locusts! It was good candy, too. Not just the individual wintergreen Lifesavers like the title company we usually do business with. This was KitKats, Baby Ruths, Nestle Crunch, and foil-wrapped Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Hick and The Pony each had a couple, bemoaning how they really shouldn't.

Forget the candy! As a 28-year teaching veteran, I was all about the INK PENS! They're like catnip to a teacher!

"Pony! Give me a yellow one, and a green one. Oh. I might want a pink one. I can use that when we sign. Here! Keep them for me. I didn't bring in my purse."

The Signing Gal had shown us in, and offered us candy and water or soda. Hick wanted water, so she left to get it. When she returned with Hick's mini bottle of water, she reached for the candy and the pens. "Here. I'll just get these out of your way." Heh, heh! They must have a hidden camera, and figured they were losing money on us.

Signing Gal left again to get copies of our picture IDs. Otherwise called Driver's Licenses.

"Wow! She made sure you guys didn't eat all the candy! And stopped me from adding to my pen collection!"

"They don't care how much candy we eat, Val. Or how many pens you take. They write it off as a cost of doing business."

"Whatever. It seemed kind of abrupt!"

Realtor Guy arrived, and Signing Gal outsmarted me once again. She grabbed three pens out of the can and slid them to us to sign with. The Pony and I had the drab country blue pens, and Hick got a yellow. We signed about 20 papers each. Signing Gal said that she couldn't issue our payment until after The Buyer had come in to complete his signings. We could have checks, or wire transfers.

"When could you have the checks ready?"

"Oh, I'd say 3:00."

"So 3:00 tomorrow? I can come by and pick them up."

"No. That's 3:00 today."

"I thought The Buyer wasn't coming until tomorrow."

"No. He'll be here at 2:00 today."

"Well Realtor Guy told me he was coming tomorrow."

"Did I? I didn't mean to do that!" Said Realtor Guy, checking his phone for the text. "No. I told you today."

"But my text says 'tomorrow.'"

"Well, I sent it last night. So TODAY is TOMORROW."

Signing Gal chuckled. "No wonder you were asking me if that's normal. It's fairly normal on the same day, for a buyer to close after the seller. Let that be something else you've learned, Realtor Guy! When you put something in writing like 'tomorrow,' you put the day of the week after it in parentheses. So the person knows for sure."

"Yeah. Well. That's kind of my fault. I READ it this morning, even though it was sent last night."

"We'll have your checks ready after 3:00. Today!"

"I'll come get them tomorrow."

"I could pick them up and bring them to you when I pick up ours, " said Realtor Guy.

"I don't know where I'll be then. My dog has to go to the vet for shots at 3:00, and I've got some mowing to do at home. So I can get them tomorrow, but thanks anyway."

So... we had OUR part of the closing. No checks yet.

But there's MORE! Tomorrow...

For Real This Time?

Thevictorians continue to chase the carrot at the end of the stick. That carrot being the completed sale of Bargain House. Right now we feel like three Charlie Browns, running to kick that football held by The Buyer, Lucy.

Let's see... when we last discussed Bargain House, our Realtor Guy had issued an ultimatum to The Buyer's Realtor. It was Friday evening, April 17. If we didn't have a closing date and time by Friday, April 24, the deal was off.

After Hick had gone to bed, he got a text from Realtor Guy saying that The Buyer's Realtor thought they would be ready on Monday or Tuesday. But he was willing to give them until Thursday. Well. That raised more questions. Ready to actually close? Or ready to give us an appointment date and time for closing? How were they going to get a closing date set on Monday, with financial institutions closed over the weekend? And you can't just call them on Monday, and say, "We want a closing appointment for today."

It's like we keep getting updates with no real information. That's not our Realtor Guy's fault. He can only tell us what THEY tell him. Monday came and went, with no further communication. Just as we expected. Until Hick checked his phone at 5:30 a.m. Tuesday, and saw a text from our Realtor Guy at 9:30 Monday night.

"Sorry for the late text. I just talked to The Buyer's Realtor a couple hours ago. He said he thinks the financial institution will be ready to close tomorrow [Tuesday]. The Buyer should be able to sign then, too. I'll have to talk to [redacted] at the title company to get a time."

"Wait! So that means TODAY? We're closing TODAY? But we don't have a time yet? How can that be? And what does it mean about the buyer? There's no closing until The Buyer actually BUYS the house! So it does no good if we show up to sign and he doesn't!"

"I don't know, Val. I'm just reading what he sent me."

"So I'm supposed to get ready and sit around and wait to see if we get a time? Then you'll have to come get me, and we go pick up The Pony? That seems like really short notice. If you take the Acadia today, I can pick up The Pony and meet you in town so you don't have to come all the way out here."

"Like I said, I don't know. Maybe it won't be today. Maybe The Buyer works, and will have to get a time when he can get there. I'm going to be mowing yards in town. I'll let you know if I hear anything."

I called The Pony at 8:00, to be ready and on-call in case we had to get to the closing. "Dad thinks he probably won't hear anything until after 9:00, and that he has things to do until 10:00. But it COULD be any time after that. So I guess just be prepared."

I took my meds early. Took a shower early. Then settled down to the business of actively waiting. At 10:43, I got a text from Hick saying we would close on Wednesday morning.

We'll see...

Of course this comes after I paid the three utility bills, and the day after Hick took the insurance payment for the next six months. I would have paid them a couple weeks  earlier if I knew The Universe would use that inconvenience to kick this closing into action.

Hick said he's NOT mowing the yard at Bargain House. The Buyer can do that himself!

Who You Gonna Call? Hick Fixer.

Hick seems to be on-call 24/7/365. It's not part of his just-over-$300 a month "job" with the senior apartments. The other guy was never on call like that. He basically just collected the rent every month, for the four apartments that were occupied at the time. For the same money Hick started at, and worked the first year. Nobody would have thought to call HIM for the most recent problem.

"My friend who runs the kitchen called and said there was water dripping from the ceiling. I went by, and found out it was a water heater leaking up in one of the apartments. So we had to get a new water heater. I took out the ceiling tiles in the kitchen. Now I have to get new ones and put them up. 

I told my friend, 'Maybe I should just leave it like it is. Because of that guy with the city, who complained that I shouldn't be doing any work on this building, because I'm not a licensed contractor.' She said, 'Now let's not be too strict about this. Maybe you should go ahead and fix it, and see if he complains. Then you can say you are sorry.' I told her, 'I can say that since it was OUR water heater that caused the problem for HIS kitchen, I thought I was the one responsible for fixing it.' She said that sounded like a good plan."

"You'll get paid for doing all that work, right? Other than just your salary?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll get my contractor's fee."

Heh, heh. Even though he's not a licensed contractor. Hick is paid by the board of the nonprofit organization running the apartments, not by the city, which technically owns the building, but leases it to the nonprofit for a dollar.

Procuring Drugs Has Become More Difficult

I used my pharmacy's automated system to call in two prescription refills on Friday morning. It was before 8:00. Both of them had refills remaining, so I believed the message that told me they would be ready after 11:00. I get a text once they are done and ready for pickup. When I hadn't received that text by 2:00, I called the pharmacy. 

"Just checking to see if my prescriptions are ready."

"Let me see... No. We are running behind. Our automatic pill-counting machine is down, so it's taking us extra time. I can have your prescriptions ready in about an hour."

"Yes. That will be fine. It will take me that long before I'm in town. Thank you."

In fact, it was only a speedy 50 minutes before I got the text. I was able to pick up my drugs with no problem at their drive-thru window.

Meanwhile, Hick was having his own drug-seeking issue. He has glaucoma, and had just been to the eye doctor on Wednesday for a regular appointment. Hick came home on Friday evening, and immediately thrust his phone into my face.

"I can't get my eye drops at my pharmacy unless I go to this link and update my payment information."

"That sounds sketchy. I don't know about that..."

"Here. Look at it."

"Is that even their website? Maybe it's a scam."

"The gal in the pharmacy sent it to me. I told her no, I'll just pay for it here when it comes in. She said they cain't do that. I'd have to drive to the city to pick it up if I wanted to pay for it in person. I have to go to this link and update it. They they'll send my eye drops here to my pharmacy."

"That's crazy! Let me see what it looks like. Well. It says it's your pharmacy in the URL. The page looks official. It wants your birthdate. That seems sketchy! I guess I'll put it in. Since you got this from the gal at your pharmacy. Okay. Now it wants a type of payment. I guess we'll use the debit card. Read me your numbers..."

I had all the info entered. Then when I hit the DONE button, the screen stalled.

"Here. Take your phone outside, and maybe it will go."

Hick wandered around on the back porch. Then went to the front porch. Then came back in.

"It got this message at the top, in red."

SOMETHING WENT WRONG. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.

"When do you need this medicine?"

"It's no hurry. Just by Monday."

"Well, since they have to SEND IT FROM THE CITY, I guess we'll have to try this again tomorrow or Sunday. So the info will be in Monday, for them to send your medicine down here."

We tried on Saturday morning before 6:00, and the info went through. Of course we had to enter it all again.

These newfangled ways are almost harder than when an old granny-lady foraged in the woods for roots and herbs to grind with a mortar and pestle.

Walking Papers Might Be in Order

Hick talked to Realtor Guy on the phone Friday. Realtor Guy still had no new information. He said he had sent an email to The Buyer's Realtor earlier in the day, and was supposed to hear something by that evening. I don't know if he actually did, or not.

Hick had called to tell Realtor Guy that the work on the Bargain House windows was completely finished. It cost us another $200, because one of the windows was a different size, and needed other parts than the ones that worked for the other two windows. Hick said he will also get a bill for the second "house call" for the repairs. But that the windows are done.

Realtor Guy sent Hick a message later, thanking him for being patient, and acting in a professional manner to complete his part of the agreement for the contract on Bargain House. He also said that he had told The Buyer's Realtor that he expects a closing date and time by the end of the day Friday, April 25. If there is no closing date scheduled by then, 

WE ARE WALKING! The deal is off!

Thevictorian triumvirate agrees with this tactic. Bargain House has been tied up now, waiting on a closing date, since March 8. It needs to go back on the market if The Buyer and his so-called realtor can't get it together. As The Pony says, the families with school-age kids who are looking to buy a house will be ready to view properties and get a deal done over the next few months. 

We're not here to hold a house in lay-a-way for a wishy-washy buyer and incompetent realtor.

Hick Gets a Diagnosis Off His Chest

After 18 days of waiting to find out what his nurse practitioner saw in his chest x-ray, Hick finally got an answer. It came from a cardiologist on Thursday. 

"The pressure on my spine is from arthritis. She says I have some blockage in some coronary arteries. That it's not unusual for a man my age, with diabetes and high blood pressure. But she doesn't want to okay me for the surgery until I have a stress test and some other test. She doesn't think there will be time to have that done by next Friday's surgery date. So I'll tell my NP's office to have the surgery re-scheduled."

Which they did, and Hick's surgery will now be in August. He doesn't have a date yet for the stress test or whatever else. This is Hick's rendition from his conversation with the cardiologist. I'm hoping it's fairly accurate. Hick is sometimes an unreliable narrator!

Turns out the MRI that Hick has been harping about, trying so hard to get scheduled, was actually a CT Scan all along! You'd think he might have let that slip at least once, in the 18 days he's been talking about it. But no. He called me after the cardiologist appointment, referring to a CT Scan, and I had to ask if he'd had some other test. Nope.

Anyhoo... we don't feel too concerned about the cardiologist's findings. We'll wait (who knows how long!) to see what the stress test reveals.

House Hold Update

We are still waiting for a closing date for the sale of Bargain House! It seems like this has taken forever. The original closing date was April 6, which was one month after we signed the contract (March 8), which was 16 days after the listing went up.

WHY is this sale still on hold? Hick communicates regularly with our Realtor Guy. Who only knows what The Buyer's realtor tells him. 

At the risk of being a pest, Hick sent a text on Tuesday night, asking Realtor Guy if the house is sold or not. Should we open up the listing? In case this sale doesn't go through?

Realtor Guy replied on Wednesday morning that he was expecting a reply from The Buyer's Realtor later that day. But that if the deal continues to stall with no explanation, we might want to back out of it.

Here's the latest, from Wednesday (April 15) afternoon. Realtor Guy sent Hick a copy/paste of the message he got from The Buyer's Realtor. It went a little something like this:

"The Buyer still wants the house. His financial institution has approved his loan for the house. We are waiting on HUD to approve the contract."

Well. That certainly clears it up, doesn't it? What in the Not-Heaven does that mean??? Will HUD have to send an inspector or an appraiser? Or just look over the contract? It's a federal entity, you know. So nobody can guess how long this process might take.

Meanwhile, it seems like we've sold Bargain House. Right?

Val Should Have Tossed Some Smelling Salts into Her Cart

I made an unscheduled trip to Country Mart on Tuesday. It couldn't wait until Errand Day on Thursday, because I needed SLAW. Hick was grilling some sausage patties (or as I call them: deconstructed bratwursts) that evening, and slaw goes great with them. Besides, I could get my scratchers out of the two machines at the front of the store, rather than my daily trip to the Gas Station Chicken Store.

First I went down the soda aisle, and saw that Hick's Diet Mountain Dew was still on sale 2 for $9.00 on the six-pack bottles. I put two on the side of my cart and continued down and across the back aisle. The cookies are there, and Hick has bemoaned a lack of treats since he finished the Easter cheesecake, and took his bag of shortbread cookies and his snack pies to "work" at the SUS2.5. I got him some strawberry wafer cookies, and a pack of generic iced oatmeal cookies.

The next stop was the produce section, where I picked up a 3-lb bag of Vidalia-style onions, and then the slaw. It was the 44-oz container, for $8.99, which is expensive for slaw, but more economical than the 14-oz container for $3.99. Slaw does not go to waste at our house.

All that was left were the scratchers. I thumbed my nose at protocol, and wheeled my cart with groceries down an empty checkout lane to get my tickets before getting in line to pay for the food. I scanned in my winners at the right side machine, and was picking my tickets when a man walked up to the left machine. I had to wait a couple minutes for him to finish. Which I did politely, behind him by the empty checkouts, not breathing down his neck and sighing heavily.

He finished and went into the aisles, and I got my tickets and went towards the only open checkout. A man was paying, and a woman with a full beeper cart was waiting. As I was turning my cart to get into the line, here comes the Ticket Buyer. He was probably early 40s, in navy blue track pants with a double white stripe, and a white shirt, black hair in a short cut.

"Go ahead." He only had a couple things in his hands.

"No, you can."

"I'm okay." 

I was moving on back before turning my cart into the line when another man walked up. He was 50-ish, in jeans, kind of balding.

"Oh, you can go in front of me."

"Are you sure? I don't have to."

"It's fine. Both of you have less than I do."

Baldy got in line, and I turned in behind him.

"I only need one item."

"I would, too, if it wasn't for my husband, heh, heh!"

Another checker girl came up and opened the next line. She called for people she could help. I told Baldy to go ahead. He was wanting a can of Skoal. Then another lady with a full cart came up and hurriedly got into that line. Not that I cared. 

The beeper cart lady paid, and was having her groceries put into her beeper cart. They called a stockboy up front to help her load them outside. Ticket Buyer moved up. He only had a couple things, no cart. He paid in cash. The checker had trouble counting his change out of the tray, then handed it to him. 

I had my groceries already on the conveyor. I waited for Checker to scan my two sodas on the side of the cart. She did, and rang up my stuff, and put it in bags. Ticket Buyer was still standing at the end of the conveyor, counting his money. I wished he would do that somewhere else, so I could move up to the card-reader. THEN he asked Checker something, and counted out more money and handed it to her. Huh. He must have forgotten something. Maybe he also got some tobacco product while I wasn't paying attention.

"There you go! You're done." Checker brought my bags up over the conveyor, and put them in my cart.

"Oh. No. I still have to move up to pay!"

"No you don't!

That's when it dawned on me. TICKET BUYER HAD PAID FOR MY GROCERIES! He turned and smiled.

"Oh, that's so nice! You didn't have to do that. Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome." He turned to walk out.

"Good luck on your tickets!"

"Thanks."

I really hope he won something. I barely won money back. But then, I was ahead $28 and change, from the price of my groceries he paid for. I'd give you the exact amount, but I didn't get the receipt, heh, heh!

There IS hope for humanity! I plan to contribute by paying for somebody's groceries. I'd like it to be for somebody elderly, or maybe a harried mom, or an old guy buying ice cream and chips and beer. We'll see who checks out before or after me in the future. 

I'll have to be careful not to insult anybody. Some people have too much pride. 

Not this old Val!

Remember Hick's Wrecked Trailer?

Since the borrower's relative wrecked Hick's trailer a while back, that trailer has been sitting at the top of the BARn field. Originally, Hick was going to let the borrower junk it out to help pay back the debt. He's an old guy, though, and he and Hick reached a payoff agreement. Yet the trailer still sits.

That's from back in December. The trees are now leafed out, and grass grows in the field. Hick mows around the trailer. I'd given up asking what he was going to do with it. It's not pull-able. A tow truck brought it out here (paid by Hick) after the accident. There's still scrap metal to be had.

Tuesday morning, Hick said matter-of-factly:

"My boss from the senior apartments is coming out to get my wrecked trailer today."

"How's that? And why? What's he going to do with it? He can't just pull it away."

"I'm coming home, and we're going to load it on his trailer. I'll use the tractor to lift it up and put it on his trailer. He needs one of the axles off of it."

"Is it still good? I thought the axles were wrecked, too."

"One of them might be okay."

Well. What could possibly go wrong? Hick on a tractor, lifting a wrecked trailer onto a working trailer. I guess the other trailer can handle it. They haul cars on trailers like this. I'm sure a trailer weighs less than a car.

The question I SHOULD have asked is: "Will your boss be paying you for this trailer?" Because, you know, WE bought Hick's new trailer, which cost a few hundred dollars more than we got for the wrecked one. I don't mind if he gives it away. But if there's money coming in, that should go into the household fund that bought the new trailer. Not into Hick's pocket, as HIS money!

Val Gets Petty With It

Hick went to the annual dinner at our credit union on Saturday evening. It wasn't actually AT the credit union itself. They had it catered elsewhere. I used to go, but I don't like crowds much. The old venue had us crammed in like sardines, sitting on folding chairs, with buffet tables set up to serve yourself. The thought of that lately is not something I would want to subject myself to. We used to have a good time with my sister and her husband the ex-mayor. The Pony even went a couple years.

Anyhoo... since the credit union stopped sending out quarterly statements in favor of online accounts, we do not get the newsletter promoting this dinner. Hick would go anyway, for the free meal, you know, and socializing. But even more importantly, attendees can get a 1 percent bump-up in interest on a CD if they bring the program from that evening into the office within four months. That can be a lot of money if you have a sizeable CD.

Anyhoo... Hick went to the dinner, even though we didn't know the menu, since it wasn't on the website. Which I had checked to see if they were open Good Friday, to deposit The Pony's house payment, and saw that it was too late to RSVP for the dinner. Hick said, "They'll let me eat. I'm going anyway. They're not going to turn me away!" Thankfully, when he took The Pony's checks on Monday, he said he'd like to go, and they put his name down for the dinner.

Saturday evening, I got a call from Hick.

"I'm leaving now. I have the program to use for the interest. I'm bringing you some pulled pork and brisket."

"Ooh! That'll be good!"

Hick came in the kitchen door and opened up the container to show me. YUM! I immediately thought of how this would make three meals for me, once I made some sides to go with it. And a meal for Hick on Sunday night. He already had plans to go to a special dinner at the senior center on Monday evening.

Doesn't that look good? Pulled pork and brisket. Smoked, no sauce. Here's another view of the same container:

"That's good. You can have some for your supper tomorrow night. Instead of bacon sandwiches from the leftover bacon.

"I'm taking it in my lunch."

"What? You're not taking that for HOS, are you?"

[HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) has been working in one of Hick's auxiliary storage units, selling Hick's stuff for a percentage of the sale. Hick picks him up on the way, and takes lunch for him as well. It's usually Hot Pockets and chips, but I've been making ham and cheese sandwiches for them with the Easter ham. I don't begrudge HOS a sandwich. It's as easy to make two sandwiches as one.

I DO, however begrudge HOS and Hick this bounty (that Hick said he was bringing home for ME) to eat for their working lunch. Hick is such a carnivore. I could imagine this bounty disappearing before my very eyes.]

"Yeah. I take him lunch."

"When you called, you said you were bringing it to ME."

"Val. There's way more than plenty for everyone."

I beg to differ. Hick has been caught with a towering bowl of vegetable beef soup, with an entire shredded arm roast, a few assorted vegetables, and no "juice." I do not trust him with a container of smoked meats!

Yes. I'm being petty. Don't say you're bringing me food, and then say you're taking it for two lunches! It would have been fine if he'd said, "I'm bringing home meat for lunch for me and HOS, and you can have some." Then I know its purpose, and am happy to get a taste. 

Anyhoo... Hick set the container on the cutting block. I said I'd get some out for my supper, and put it away. What I did was take half the meat for me, and left half in the container for Hick.

"Okay! I've got mine in a different container. I took half, and left you half."

That's fair enough, right? Hick brought it for me, and I only took half! How generous I am! 

Anyhoo... Sunday morning, I heard Hick in the kitchen, filling his bag with lunch to take to his SUS2.5. I figured he was just taking the container, and probably putting some bread into baggies, or taking the rest of a loaf. I had set out mini bags of chips for each of them. Hick had already taken a bag of cookies that I'd bought him for home snacks.

Imagine my surprise when I opened FRIG II later, and saw Hick's container of meat still there. I asked him when he got home.

"Why didn't you take that meat for you and HOS?"

"Oh, I just decided I'd take the Hot Pockets."

Yeah. So he could have all that meat himself for supper. Which he did. With four slices of bread. Meanwhile, I had eaten a slice of the brisket on Saturday night, and made super nachos with some pulled pork on Sunday night. And will cut up the brisket and use the remaining pulled pork on nachos for Monday night.

What's good for the gander is better for the goose.

Monkey Wrenches Left and Right

We still don't have a closing date for the sale of Bargain House. Monday will be one week past the original closing date. Maybe Hick can get some information from Realtor Guy then.

Now the situation has become extra irritating. The water bill is due on April 15th. We usually get the bill around the 2-5, and I mail it. The city doesn't process the payments until the 15th. Hick had told me not to pay this one, because, you know, the closing was April 6. 

Last time we paid the water bill on time, for the Double Hovel, the title company also subtracted the water bill from our proceeds at closing. So we paid double, and had to go to the city with the closing papers to eventually get reimbursed. It was a pain. Now Hick will go in person on Monday, the 13th, to pay that water bill. It will likely result in a double payment again.

Also, the insurance on Bargain House is due April 21. If we don't get a closing date before that deadline, Hick will go pay that bill in person as well. Then after we finally have the closing, he'll have to go back and start the process of canceling the policy and getting a refund for six months of insurance.

It's still another week or so before the gas and electric bills are posted. They are usually due around the first of the next month. So we might be able to wait on those, depending on a closing date.

It's not that these are large amounts of money. They are loose ends that need tying. It's a pain for my record-keeping. And The Pony pays half, and is entitled to half the refunds. What should have been a smooth transition is now a pain in the rumpus.

In other news, Hick had his MRI on Thursday afternoon. The results were in his Nurse Practitioner's office on Friday, when Hick stopped by for a regular weekly shot. Of course his NP wasn't there. He asked if one of the other doctors at the practice could read the MRI results. No. But one of the nurses took a look at the radiologist's report. 

The nurse said she wasn't sure what it meant. Of course she was trying to do Hick a favor, but it's not really her job to interpret test results. She said it showed neither pneumonia nor a collapsed lung. But something was pressing on Hick's upper spine. 

"She said the MRI shows nothing wrong with my lungs, but some compressed area on my upper spine."

Those are Hick's words from a nurse's words from a written report and image. So who knows WHAT that might be... Maybe it's "just" a disc problem like Hick had with his lower back.

Hick will talk to his NP about it at an appointment he has on Thursday.

Meanwhile, it's hurry up and wait for both situations.

Harem's Gonna Harem

It was Friday night at 6:45, so of course Hick got a call from his harem. I could only hear one side of the conversation. I actually heard a harem voice, because Hick's phone is so loud, but I couldn't make out the words.

"You can get the key out of the key box. The number is XXXX. That'll open it so you can get out the key."

"Blabbety blabbety blab blab blab. Blabbety blabbety blab."

"[REDACTED 1] on the first floor has a key. In Apartment 1. Well. [REDACTED 2] knows how to get in. She should be back from church pretty soon. No. You're fine. It's just--"

"Blabbedy blabbety blab. Blabbety blab."

"There's [REDACTED 3]. You know her, don't you? She can go down and get the key to let you in. She's on third floor. That's a lot easier than me driving all the way to town from way out here to let you in."

"Blabbety blabbety blab."

"It's okay. Just go knock on her door and she'll get you in. I'll call her and tell her. Okay. Talk to you later."

I was in the kitchen, waiting to hear about the resolution. I did NOT hear Hick making a phone call. 

"Should some of these people even be living alone? Aren't you going to call [REDACTED 3]?"

"Yeah. I'm calling her now. It's my drunk lady who's locked out."

"Huh. Such a shame she's in trouble with the police, or she could call them and they could come use the key box to let her in!"

"Yeah. But [REDACTED 3] will do it."

Hick made the call and explained the situation. Ten or fifteen minutes later, [REDACTED 3] called Hick. He thanked her. They had a brief exchange. Then Hick told me...

"Her door was already unlocked!"

"What in the Not-Heaven! I bet she was just trying to lure you over there! On a Friday night! Since it seemed like she was not very receptive to your several solutions, and kept wanting YOU to come let her in. Maybe her door wasn't locked at all! Or maybe she went and got the key herself."

"I don't know. But she got in."

Hick's harem does not seem to understand boundaries...

The Universe Tries to Get Hick in Trouble

Hick normally doesn't need any help getting himself in trouble. Thursday evening, The Universe gave him an assist. 

I knew that Hick was spending the morning working in the more remote nowhere of former Backcreek Neighbors Nick and Bev's house. Then he would be at his SUS2.5 puttering around until his long-awaited MRI at 3:30. I was off running errands with The Pony, and returned home at 4:30.

I was hoping for some kind of update on the MRI. The technician is not supposed to tell you anything. But we had a friend who worked in the radiology department of a local hospital, who told us The Pony had pneumonia when he was four. Good thing! Doctors had him seeing a cardiologist because he tired out so easily, and was listless, and didn't even want to play at Chuck E. Cheese. With her input, we were able to advocate for The Pony to get treatment for pneumonia, though we kept the cardiologist appointment, and heart issues were ruled out.

Anyhoo... I didn't hear anything from Hick. He's usually home by 5:00. I thought he might have gone back to his SUS2.5 after the MRI. Maybe he had a customer he was meeting. His phone doesn't work (for me) from inside his SUS2.5. I sat down to scratch my lottery tickets. 5:00 came and went. No Hick. No text or call. Maybe the MRI appointment ran late.

By 5:30, I was getting worried. It shouldn't take that much longer, even with a late appointment. Surely Hick would have let me know. He must be on the way, thinking he wasn't all that late to warrant communication.

By 6:00, I couldn't stand not-knowing. What if they saw something on the MRI, and were rushing around trying to get Hick admitted to the hospital! It had been such a long time getting that appointment. Maybe Hick's conditioned had worsened!

I didn't want to bother Hick if he was not able to use his phone. But I couldn't take the suspense. I called him at 6:05.

"Where are you?"

"Didn't you get the text?"

"NO! I didn't get any text!"

"I sent one around 5:00. I went by to pick up my tractor from HOS [Hick's Oldest Son]. We brought it home, and now I'm taking HOS back. We're about halfway to his place."

"Oh. Okay. See you later."

I don't like to talk to Hick while he's driving, because HOS's roads are even more country than ours, and Hick is not the best driver even when he's not distracted. I checked my phone again. Nope. The last text I had from Hick was 11:30 a.m., when he had acknowledged the text I sent him at 10:45, telling him to use the debit card to pay for the MRI.

Huh. Hick SAID he sent me a text. But maybe he forgot to actually hit SEND. Or maybe he sent it to the wrong person. He'd better not be making this up, just to stay out of trouble!

When Hick got home just before 7:00, he immediately got out his phone to show me. 

"See? I sent it at 5:05! Telling you that we brought the tractor, and I was taking HOS home."

"I see it there. But it doesn't say DELIVERED. Mine either says DELIVERED, or it says READ after the person opens it."

"Mine don't do that. It changes color."

"Well. I guess you sent it. But I didn't get it!"

"I wondered why you didn't answer me back like you usually do."

Hick is off the hook for this one. The Universe is a pot-stirrer!

No, I Didn't Forget

Time once again to show the holiday feast for Thevictorians. We had our Easter Dinner on Good Friday, to accommodate Hick's greedy busy sales schedule at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). There's nothing new. Same old foods. But who doesn't like to look at food, right?

That is The Pony's plate. The Pony loves the roasted vegetables, which we refer to as "vinchtables" from childhood pronunciations. Also stuffing (from a box). There's some ham waiting to be put on mini sandwiches made with Sister Schubert's Rolls, along with some pepperjack and swiss. Red onions. Deviled eggs, of course. And some chips. The white stuff on the plate is French Onion Dip, I think. And salad, which I don't remember making separately this time, so The Pony must have had to do it (!).

Hick's plate is more ham-heavy. He's quite the carnivore. Hick also took a healthy (?) serving of potato salad. Which I was disappointed not to see on The Pony's plate, but The Pony likes it at room temperature, so was likely waiting to have it that way later with leftovers at home.

How dare Hick only take that much of the 7 layer salad!!! It seems like a mere token.

THIS is how you eat 7 layer salad! In a bowl piled to the top! So what if the rest of my plate "suffers" from having less? That salad is the main event.

Once again, I forgot about the dessert. It was only a variety of store-bought cheesecake slices. Hick and The Pony like them. I just had a couple of PEEPS.

The leftovers are all gone now, except a few slices of ham that we're eating in sandwiches. The bone is in FRIG II's freezer for a pot of beans. I'm missing my 7 layer salad already. I had been putting it on a wrap with ham for my suppers. Hick did not mind. He got the deviled eggs and potato salad and vinchtables.

When No News Might Be Good News

Here it is, two days past the original closing date for our sale of Bargain House, and we still have no check and no inkling of when we might get a check.

Hick has been communicating with Realtor Guy. It's not like he is ghosting us. He just has no information to give. The last we heard, the Buyer's financial institution had scheduled an appraisal of Bargain House on April 3, which was Good Friday. The Monday, April 6, closing date came and went. No closing.

On Monday, Realtor Guy informed Hick that the reason for the last-minute appraisal was because "The Buyer's financial institution had the wrong closing date."

How does that happen? Three ways possible, I'm guessing. The financial institution got the wrong closing date from Buyer, or Buyer's Realtor. Or they got the right date, but a worker at the financial institution itself recorded the wrong date.

Anyhoo... Realtor Guy told Hick that the appraisal report should be in "tonight." What does THAT mean? Do they work 24 hours? Where does it come "in?" To the financial institution, maybe? Then what happens? Do they have a board that has to approve the loan? 

Hick told Realtor Guy on Monday that if our closing could not be scheduled for Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, it would have to wait until next week. As I type this, it is Wednesday night at 9:00. Hick talked to Realtor Guy this afternoon, and he said he still had no information on a closing date.

Looks like it will be next week at the earliest. Hopefully, it won't conflict with Hick's as-yet-unscheduled diagnosis/treatment of his lung ailment. Meanwhile, Hick's glass guy is fixing the windows at Bargain House on Friday.

Surely it's at least good news that we haven't heard anything, right? Wouldn't we know by now if Bargain House was not appraised at the amount needed to justify Buyer's loan? We're not counting on anything for certain...

Hick's Harem Informant

Monday evening, Hick and I were watching the finale of Extracted. It's a reality survivor show that we've followed since January. It was in the last 10 minutes, just ready to reveal the winner, when Hick's phone rang. He answered. It was one of his harem from the senior apartments.

"You know that table that was in the upstairs hall? Well, I just thought you should know, it's gone. Somebody took it."

"Yeah. I know. I have it."

"Oh. I thought you'd want to know that it was missing."

"It's fine. I have the table. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

That was pretty quick for getting one of his harem off the phone. After we finished our show, Hick said:

"At least it only took her 12 hours to notice that the table was gone, heh, heh."

"What did she expect you to do, rush over there tonight with a magnifying glass and look for fingerprints? Go door to door and search all the apartments?"

"I don't know what she expected. You never know with them gals."

Maybe Hick can organize his harem into a "neighborhood" watch group, one on each floor.