In theory, Hick helping me is a good idea. Of course, he got up and drove to his Storage Unit Store, even though the temperature hovered around freezing, and it WAS a Sunday. He was trying to sell a pair of skis, which he says are worth around $600, and he's willing to part with for $100. I advised him that all his deals have fallen through, because there's no snow. Let the ground get covered, and those skis will sell like hotcakes.
Anyhoo...Hick had two lookers coming to meet him, to see the skis in person, and to check the size, which nobody wants to believe over the phone exchanges. One was supposed to meet Hick before 10:00, because he was coming home to HELP me get our Christmas dinner ready to serve at noon. I'd done the majority of the preparations on Saturday, and only needed to cook three items, and warm the rest.
Let the record show that Hick's morning customer did not show up, and he returned home by 10:00 as promised. I'd just put some potato casserole and green bean bundles in the oven, and was headed to the shower.
"You can clean up your junk around the table, and wipe it off and set it. Plates, bowls, silverware. We don't have napkins, so we'll use paper towels. But fold them, so they don't look like paper towels."
Simple enough, right?
I returned from the shower to see that Hick had indeed set the table, and his junk was removed from the area. I only glanced. It's not like I did a white glove inspection. Hick had saved me some time. I took out the potatoes and green beans, and put in the ham and turkey to warm, and the roasted vegetables.
No. One potato dish ISN'T good enough for Thevictorians. When I asked Genius which wanted, the roasted potatoes/carrots/onions, or the hash brown casserole, his reply was: "I like the roasted veggies, but Friend likes the hash brown casserole better." Well. My actions could be interpreted like saying you love one child more that the other. Friend is like family, and I couldn't deny him his hash browns.
I made a 7-Layer Salad, and stirred up the gravy, and got the rolls ready to bake. I was washing up the dishes I'd used so far, with about 30 minutes until serving time, when I looked at The Table Hick Set. Let the record show that Val uses Bounty Select-A-Size Paper Towels. You tear them off, and it's like half a regular paper towel. A rectangle. That's what Hick had laid out as a napkin.
"Oh. I said to fold the paper towels. So they look like napkins, not paper towels."
"Huh. I set them out like napkins."
"Fold them in half."
I guess I should have been more specific about the folding. When I looked over the kitchen sink to see Hick's correction, I was amazed. Not in a good way.
Not sure where Hick has been dining, that gives him a long skinny napkin. Or as I described it, "A napkin shaped like a ruler." As you might imagine, I
Yes. I was pleasantly surprised with the diamond arrangement. Which is not to say I was feeling pleasant. I could forgive all utensils being on the same side of the plate. But Hick had still neglected to set out bowls for the salad. We won't even discuss a salad fork and a regular fork, since people have a habit of THROWING AWAY my salad forks!
Anyhoo...it's not like we eat off a linen tablecloth, and have linen napkins, or even clear away that 40-year-old jade plant that we have spent years ignoring, or the fake yellow flowers that came off my mom's kitchen table. But STILL... I don't think having a spoon, and a bowl to eat your salad, are asking too much of Hick.
I just need that second helping, to come by helping correct Hick's helping.
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For those of you worried about Hick's skis... he got a text at 12:45, as we were finishing up our meal, from the guy he was supposed to meet at 4:00, who said he was 15 minutes away, and wanted to see the skis. Of course Hick abandoned his 3rd-born son Genius, visiting for only 2 hours and 25 minutes to eat dinner and open presents, so he could meet a stranger for ski business.
Let the record show that Hick returned home at 1:15, having sold his skis, $100 richer.
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You never told us what the skis cost Hick.
ReplyDeleteHick paid $25 for the skis. Got them from "a guy up at the lockers." So one of his Storage Unit Store cronies. I swear, those guys mainly buy and sell most of their stuff to each other!
DeleteAs a proper WASP, I am mortified by that table setting. Plus I looked all over and do not see a silver salt tray with a cobalt insert and a tiny salt spoon! You probably serve your dirty water cocktails in a Dixie cup.
ReplyDeleteYou probably broke out into a cold sweat, under your pastel shirt. The photos were before I completely completely doing Hick's job.
DeleteWe had the 9-inch tall silver salt and pepper grinder thingies, given to me years ago by my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel. She's a classy dame!
O-M-G! I can't believe your knowledge of my culture is so very lacking! DIXIE CUP! We use red SOLO cups! Right out of their plastic sleeve, sitting on the floor of the pantry.
I said Dixie Cup, but I visualized the red Solo Cup...I think of Solo Cups as the NEW Dixie Cups.
DeleteHappy New Year. Won't be long before you find your first 2019 penny.
All right, I'll give you a pass on this one. Happy New Year to you and Mrs. C. I'll start my quest for that penny in a couple hours!
DeleteFOUND MY FIRST PENNY! At 1:02 p.m. Central Standard Time.
DeleteAs you know, I did more than my share of hosting this year, and while I prefer eating on proper plates, I stacked paper plates, a paper towel dispenser, and 3 solo cups filled with plastic utensils at the beginning of the line and told them all to have at it! No way was I going to clean up after 12 people!!
ReplyDeleteThat was my plan back when The Veteran threw Hick a retirement barbecue right here at my house. Then that girl asked me for a REAL FORK, and THREW IT IN THE TRASH when she was done!
DeleteI hope you didn't give anybody a real fork!
I'm surprised that Hick remembered to set the table at all!!
ReplyDeleteLet the record show that he DID require several prompts.
DeleteI like your table and Hick's setting isn't so bad. I've seen worse. I recall a "dinner" at the football club rooms one year where it was late in the season and the cooks were preparing to close up the kitchen, they cooked and laid out everything for the entree and main course, then later the dessert. BUT we all had to hold on to our forks for the evening as we were only supplied with one to reuse for everything. If you forgot and handed in your fork after the entree, you had to eat the rest of the evening with your fingers. It was a fun night.
ReplyDeleteThe actual table was my mom's kitchen table. I don't really like a pedestal table, and preferred my old one with four solid legs at the corners, but Hick spirited it away to the BARn, and has probably sold it by now, or given it away to some random former co-worker.
DeleteHeh, heh! I'm picturing you clutching your fork in your hand, and possible pounding on the table demanding the next course.
There was pounding, but not from our table.
ReplyDeleteKudos for showing restraint!
DeleteMy poor kids thought Chinette plates were our China. I used paper plates 90% of the time when they were little.
ReplyDeleteChinette! Looks who's hoity-toity! We use the everyday kind with fluted edges that stick together, from Save A Lot. They sit on the counter in a wooden holder labeled "Everyday China."
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