Val Might Have To Call Someone Besides Hick For Bail

Perhaps it's ironic (maybe not, I seem to have a mental block when it comes to irony) that Hick and I were just discussing LIVE PD on the very day that we were involved with the police. We're fans of LIVE PD, you know. Every Friday and Saturday night, Hick watches the later run of the live show when he gets home from his auctions. I record it to zap the commercials and the boring parts, like when they spend 10 minutes in a car chase. Heh, heh! I can catch them way faster than 10 minutes! Our viewing patterns kind of take the stuffing out of a live show, I guess. But we're okay with that.

Anyhoo, I sometimes tell Hick that I think parts of that show are fake. Some people show up more than once. They make some weird references that feed my conspiracy theory appetite. I know they only show the interesting cases. But come on, people! It's like every driver on the roads has a stash of weed! And why do they find so many...um...implements designed for sexual pleasure? Who drives around with that stuff?

Anyhoo...we were sweaving along the blacktop county road on the way to a funeral, talking about the last episode, arguing whether the drunk lady in the passenger seat, sitting on the side of the road, was really driving, or if her son had been, even though he wasn't at the car, and she said he went to get gas after his girlfriend picked him up.

"I think she was driving and moved over to that side. She was way too belligerent if she hadn't done anything."

"Well, her son came back, and said he'd been driving."

"Of course he did. He's her son! She might have called him to bring gas, and cooked up that story."

"She was stupid. If she hadn't kept running her mouth and cussing the cops, they'd have let her off. But she had to get up in their face, and went to jail. She deserved it!"

Anyhoo...then I asked Hick if we had enough gas. He's pretty careless about filling up A-Cad after his jaunts which he thinks I don't know about, but I do, thanks to my BFF OnStar. 

"Yes, Val. We have almost 3/4 of a tank."

"Huh. I can't see the gauge from here, but okay. I bet you never got that running light for my T-Hoe, either."

"No. I didn't get it yet."

"It's been two weeks! I'm going to get pulled over by the cops. Then they'll think I'm drunk because my ears with your Hickovirus won't let me walk a straight line, and my knees won't let me stand on one foot. Then they'll search T-Hoe, and find my bag of weed. Then they'll find my vibrator. THEN I'll run my mouth at them, and they'll arrest me for being disorderly in public!"

"Well, that last part is for sure!"

"I can't believe you think everything on there is real. Does HOS [Hick's Oldest Son] drive around with a vibrator in his car?"

"I don't know. He might. But I hope not."

Hick always opposes my viewpoints, just on general principal. Of course, he might not be as cynical, having not spent 28 years as a teacher.