Monday, August 17, 2020

Even Steven Finally Tracks Down the Elusive Hick

Hick had a story to tell me Saturday evening. He mentioned it before I even hinted at my good deed of buying a guy's whiskey and Pepsi on my own convenience store visit, so I know he wasn't making it up.

"After closing up my store, I went to get something to eat at Casey's. I had a soda and slice of pizza and some potato things. I noticed a guy watching me. Like he was afraid I was going to step up in his place and take his turn. He went to the register, and the lady said, 'This young man would like to pay for your purchase.'"

"That was nice of him. I guess I'm a disgrace because I only chipped in 33 cents for my guy."

"I told him, 'No, you don't have to.' He said, 'But I want to.' I told him, 'No, really, I can pay.' But he said, 'I want to pay it forward and buy your stuff.' I guess he had been looking at me to see what I had!"

"Yeah, to make sure you didn't have a large pizza and a case of beer."

"So I said, 'Well, you don't have to, but I'll let you do that. Thank you very much, young man. It's not often these days that I see your generation do stuff like that.' He was probably about Genius's age."

The Pony snorted.

"I don't know what YOU'RE snorting about! You wouldn't even help an old lady up off the floor that time she slipped in Walmart."

"She was a scammer!"

"We didn't know that until five minutes later! When her son started telling the manager that she slipped on water over by the bakery!"

"Still. She was a scammer. So I didn't get involved."

"Yeah, Pony. You'd never offer to buy anybody's stuff."

"Yet he'd give away 99 cents in change at the casino ticket-cashing machine in Norman. I saw him!"

"That goes to charity, Mother."

"You don't know that. It didn't specify. It just asked if you wanted to donate your change."

Hick said, "I know I have more money than that kid. Look at what I had in my pocket! (His Storage Unit Store kitty and the day's profits.) I didn't want him to have to pay. But I'll pay it forward.

If I thought somebody really needed something from my store, I wouldn't hesitate to give it to them. But now the other day, a guy came in trying to sell me tattooing equipment. He said he needed the money to get to his cancer treatments in the city. You know how you get a feeling about somebody. I told him, 'Buddy, you can go to the church store right up the street here, and if you need money to get to medical appointments, they'll give you a gas card. I see them do it all the time.' I hope that guy didn't really have cancer. But if he needed money to get to the doctor, I told him how to do that."

Heh, heh. I'm surprised Hick didn't just offer to drive him up there! He's got a clandestine medical transport service, you know.


  1. Two times I have had someone pay for me. Once, it was Tommy and I. It was a good feeling. Also, it was strange because both times it felt like he might want something. But, neither guy did. Okay, make it three when the guy paid for me in McDonald's drive up.

    1. I've not had that experience. I guess Even Steven compensates me in other ways for my do-gooding. I can't complain!

      Well. I complain all the time, because that's my nature. But I don't have any issues about nobody paying me forward!

  2. That "pay it forward" thing doesn't happen here in Australia, not that I know about anyway. People will buy extra sometimes and hand it to hungry looking homeless people on the streets, so I guess that's similar.

    1. Yes, that's similar, but they don't expect the beneficiary to do it for someone else, since they can't afford it.

      It seemed more prevalent around here a few years ago. Mostly people at drive-thru fast food, paying for the car behind them. And then they'd pay for the car behind THEM. Heh, heh. Hope a single person didn't have a van load of soccer players behind them!

  3. Hmmm. I'm not saying he couldn't handle more than one clandestine medical whatchamacallit. I'm just pretty sure he can spot a, well, fake whatchamacallit when it approaches him for moolah. You know what I mean? Hope so, 'Cause I don't.
    My brain is a bit overheated tonight. (And most days, of course.) A tornado demolished several buildings down the highway from us last week, and my husband is still telling
    people, "If it had been an inch to the !eft, we wouldn't be here now! An INCH I tell you." ?
    Oh come on. An INCH? now you can see how he may just be overheating my medulla oblongatta. Or my whatchamacallit.
    But I digress, as always.
    Getting back on the subject, I'm pretty sure your H. has taken on about all the clandestine "whatchamacallit" he's up for. At least for now.
    He knows too much of a good thing when it approaches him asking for money, which I assume Clandestine #1 doesn't do. Being the smart person he is, H. sent the interloper right off to church.
    Rural churches love to give out a ten spot, a New Testament, and a Big Mac combo once in awhile. So everyone gets their "feel good" on all at the same time, ya know.
    As always, being the stand-up guy he is, H. recognized
    overclandestinization when he saw it and acted accordingly.
    How many of us could have sorted all that out?
    Not me, I'll tell ya. Not me.

    1. I guess maybe an inch on a MAP might have made a difference with that tornado!

      Hick is getting people-wiser from dealing with so many customers at his Storage Unit Store.

  4. The world is a better place because of people like Hic.

    1. Hick seems to be adding to his fan club daily! He's going to need a schedule book to keep track of his unofficial medical taxi appointments.