Monday, August 3, 2020

Do-Gooder VALkaren Tries to Thwart a Raper (PART 2)

We had just left CREACHER, the environment-raper, with his hose dangling into the creek. Val and T-Hoe were chewing up blacktop, cresting the hill on the way to town, keeping one eye on the mirror like Carly Simon's vain song inspiration.

The farther I went, the more incensed I became. I was like a teakettle ready to boil. As soon as I got to the county blacktop highway (where the STOP sign was as lacy as a fine doily, from bullet holes), I turned left instead of right. I headed for the alternate route I use when the bridge is flooded, which takes me back to the scene of the environment-raping, coming in from the other direction. I started taking pictures for evidence.

A black truck had been sitting sideways across the road at Mailbox Row. I guess he saw me stopping, and left saving the Creach to me. Or else he thought he was in the way. There he goes, up over the hill towards town. I wasn't satisfied with this picture. Maybe I wasn't close enough. I crept forward, for a closeup of the license plate.

And also the name of the company. The CREACHER didn't seem at all concerned. I couldn't see him but I assumed he was still behind the truck holding his hose. Closer I crept, ready to roll up the window and take off if he... um... objected. Or jumped up and started swinging a bat at me.

THAT should surely be enough evidence! Company name, town, and phone number! Notice the water in the tank? All that sludgy stuff? THAT'S what concerned me when I saw CREACHER getting out his hose. As I made my getaway, CREACHER was indeed crouched behind the truck, holding his hose, pump running.

I called Hick, still shaking from my bold crime-fighting mission.


"I did! I have several pictures. Of the guy, what he's doing, the tank, and the license plate and business name." 

I was quite proud of doing my Creachly civic duty.

"The bug shield says Blankety-Blank Drilling Inc."

"Oh. I know that guy. He'd never do that."

Said Hick. Who has had a plethora of shady friends doing odd jobs for us over the years. One who came out of his trailer with two pitbulls, pointing a shotgun at us when we stopped by to ask if he would do some concrete pouring and finishing in the basement of my $17,000 house. And another one who left us with a gaping hole in our front wall one October, covered with a blue tarp, because he got locked up in the county jail during the building of our computer nook.

Anyhoo... I didn't doubt Hick's declaration that such a drilling company would be sucking water OUT of the creek, not discharging sewage INTO the creek.

"Oh. That's too bad. Well, I don't mean TOO BAD that he's not raping the environment with raw sewage. I mean TOO BAD that I thought I was doing a good deed by catching him in the act, but I wasn't. I guess I'm not a Karen."

In hearing my story, The Pony said, "Oh, you're still a Karen alright."


"Because you thought he was doing something wrong, when he wasn't."

"I DIDN'T KNOW! It was dirty water to the naked eye! How could I tell if he was pumping water IN or pumping water OUT?"

The Pony stands by his JUDGMENT on my intentions, when all I wanted to do was save the environment from a raping. I think that makes The Pony a Karen...


  1. Well, you tried. Maybe we need MORE Karens ...

    1. We had 1.5 Karens there at the mailboxes. The half-Karen tried to put it all on ME!

  2. I went back to the previous post and compared the tanks, Hick is correct on this one, the first tank looks pristine, while the second set of photos are just plain yukky with the muck from the creek. Ignore my suggestion to phone the company.

    1. That's a good theory, but somehow the pictures lied. I never saw any blue water, except when I reviewed the photos. I would not have assumed it was septic tank water if it was blue! Neither would that mailbox lady. One of us might have hallucinated, but not both!

      I don't know how that tank appeared pristine in my first photos, as the CREACHER was getting out his hose and pump. I plainly saw it up the road by the waterfall, and it was dirty water. Maybe the sun on the plastic gave it that tint, compared to the greenery in the pictures. Like that freaky dress on the internet that some people saw one color, and others another.

      Besides, how did the muck get up above the water line in the second set of photos, if it came from the creek? It got there from the sloshing water as he drove out the gravel road to park on the bridge. Our creek water is clear, with a flat rock bottom. He could only get mud if he put his hose on the bank. Then had something spray it up above the tank water.

      I DO believe he was filling the tank from the creek, not dumping it. Not because I take Hick's word, but because The Pony pointed out that the water level in the first pictures was below the strap, and in the last pictures it was above the strap.

  3. Got to watch those creachers. In Florida a guy sucked up a sea turtle and they fined him thousands of dollars and closed down his business. Watch out for the crawdads.

    1. Was he supposed to have a sea turtle filter? It's not like he was out harvesting them with a hose, I presume.

      We probably have crawdads. The long-legged birds are often walking around in the creek. I see people with minnow traps on the side where CREACHER was sucking.