The Lug Nut Shortcut

Hick has been do-gooding again. He really needs to start up a medical taxi service. Thursday, he went to the Halfway City to pick up our across-the-road neighbor, the Dog Groomer's husband, at the hospital after a medical procedure. DG took him there, but had made some appointments during the time he needed to recover and come home. She's about as good as Hick at KEEPING plans, which is as good as Seinfeld's airport rent-a-car service is at KEEPING reservations.

Anyhoo... Hick was also a clandestine do-gooder on election day. He had been to town, but came home to pick me up and head out farther into the middle of nowhere to vote. As we got to the mailboxes, I saw a Creacher walking toward a parked minivan. He was perhaps early 20s, wearing jeans and carrying a red t-shirt.

"Oh, great. What's THIS one up to?"

"Huh. That's the guy I gave a ride to earlier this morning."

"WHAT? Why would you give him a ride?"

"I took him all the way out on the back blacktop road, the way I used to go to work. He has a flat tire. The Dog Groomer called me, and said she had stopped to ask what he was doing, and that he needed something to get a lug nut off. I stopped to look at it, and came to the BARn to get my socket set. All that did was ruin my [socket turner thingy, my mind wandered], which is no big deal, I can find another one pretty cheap."

"So you drove him home?"

"No. He said he had a friend up there who could help him. I dropped him off. He was headed towards their garage. I guess nobody was home, or they couldn't help him."

"He looks like he needs to take a swim in the creek. It's HOT."

"Yeah. Oh, well. He has a phone."

"Mine doesn't work down here."

"He could have been calling on his walk back. It's about 3 miles."

"On the blacktop?"

"No. He cut through on the road by HOS's (Hick's Oldest Son) old place. That's how I drove him out. He said he cuts through here every day."

"WHAT? I hope you gave him a lecture about this being a PRIVATE ROAD that we maintain! And that he shouldn't be cutting through."

"Nah. I didn't tell him."

Oh my gosh! If Hick's not WITH US, he's AGAINST US! I can't believe he didn't mention to the guy that he's trespassing every day.

Anyhoo... when we came back from voting, the minivan was gone.

"I guess he called someone to tow his van."

"I told him he could drive on the rim to get it up to his buddy's house. It's mostly on gravel anyway. I don't know how he's gonna get that lug nut off. It's an oddball size."

Even the do-gooder has his limit, I guess.