The VALedictorian Outsmarts Herself

Oh, have I ever mentioned that I was high school valedictorian? Not that I'm trying to brag about my geniusness. Just stating a fact. Proclaiming, full-throated, through the rarefied air, nose tilted snootily, from atop my high-horse.

I filled my cart at 10Box on Tuesday, having gone 10 days without a store visit. I found everything on my list but the Puffs With Lotion, which continue to elude me. There were a few moments of panic when I kept seeing the same woman on a motorized cart, and the adult son following her. It's not like she was behind me, or in my way. Nor I in hers. She just turned up everywhere I went.

Back at the produce section, picking bananas, I was between mother and son. Both were staring at me. Oh, well. Maybe they'd never seen a valedictorian before, although I stop short of having a face tattoo of my accomplishment, and wear neither armband nor jacket to proclaim the honor. I moved off to the side, to the large bin of canned green beans, and consulted my shopping list. Here came that woman, motoring around the green beans.

"Excuse me, didn't you used to work at Newmentia..."

I looked up. No rest for the wicked world-renowned Chex-Mix-making brainiac. 

"Yes, I'm Val Thevictorian."

"I knew it! That's it! THEVICTORIAN! Mrs. Thevictorian!" shouted the son, as if a prize was coming his way.

"I used to be a custodian."

"Oh, I remember you! And you drove a bus too, right?"

"Sure did. It's nice to see you again."

We chatted few moments. I remembered her name, first and last. And which buildings (not mine) that she worked in, though I fell short on which bus route. She'd had back surgery at one time, which may or may not have been the reason for her motorized cart. Such is the life of a small-town celebrity, getting recognized when you least expect it. At least there was nothing embarrassing in my cart.

When I was ready to check out, only two lines were open. The first had only one cart ahead of me, though it was fairly full. I put my cart in line, and looked to my right, at the other line. I could see three carts waiting, the last being a man with only four items.

"Would you like to go ahead of me?"

"No. I think I'll stay in this one."

"You know, I think I might join you."

I had gotten a look at the checker, who is the one I had when my debit card wouldn't work. When she'd called a manager over twice, and let me bag up my groceries, and STILL that register wouldn't take my card. I had ended up writing a check, which would have been easier to do at the beginning if I had any inkling that this gal wouldn't be able to get my card to work. She gave me a mini panic attack when she mentioned, upon taking my check, "Now I get to do one of these." It had gone through just fine.

Anyhoo... as that guy moved forward, I pushed over to his line. Except down the aisle, out of sight, was a woman behind him! I waited for her to move ahead, but she said, "I'll switch places with you!" and got in my line.

I put my two heads of cabbage on the conveyor first, because they were awkward, not wrapped in plastic or in a bag. I kept setting out my other stuff, except the 4-pack of paper towels, and the 12-pack of toilet paper, which she could scan with a handheld thingy, since I had set them with their bar codes accessible.

"Oh, I'll do that in just a minute. These scanned wrong, so I have to get it voided. Well. I scanned them wrong. For some reason, I put in broccoli. Then I thought, 'Something is wrong here.' I KNOW they're not broccoli!"

So much for trying to take the register without problems. This gal was no inexperienced young 'un like the kid who didn't know what limes and lemons are. Plus, she had so many tattoos, I'm surprised she didn't have a labeled cabbage somewhere in her arm graphics. A manager came to void the broccoli, and then the rest went smoothly. 

If only I had a crystal ball to tell me which line would be faster, then I could stop overtaxing my valedictorian noggin.