Faux Springtime, When a Middle-Aged Weirdo's Fancy Heavily Turns to Thoughts of Val

The weirdos have been coming out of the woodwork lately to swarm our gal Val. Well. They have been coming out of the casino, and the parking lots. Maybe it's the unseasonably warm weather of late. Faux springtime, when a middle-aged weirdo's fancy heavily turns to thoughts of Val. Or perhaps a pheromone Val is exuding unbeknownst to her. 

First it was the guy in the casino who thought it was his business to sit next to me, put a twenty in the machine, and push the button every minute or so, while watching MY slot play, and commenting on what I was winning. The second was a more indirect weirdo, whose encounter will be discussed in the future. The third happened Tuesday, at 10Box. That is our tale for today.

All the handicap spaces were taken! I did not do a close inspection of license plates, nor placards. I was in a bit of a hurry to get home and enjoy my Hickless time while he was at Tuesday night bingo, from whence he returns 90 minutes earlier than from his previous Wednesday night bingo.

Anyhoo, I was lucky enough to find open the far left parking space in front of the store. I like this one, because I don't have to walk across the driving lane, and the spaces are offset so nobody can block T-Hoe's door while I'm inside. I was only there for bananas, trash bags, and baby dill pickles.

As I parked, I saw a guy with a bicycle sitting on the employee smokers' bench. He was probably mid-40s, average size, average haircut, wearing khaki shorts and a tank top. Temps were in the upper 70s. He has been there before, but not for several months. Here's a picture I got later, without the weirdo. More on that in a bit.

I got out, clicked T-Hoe's doors locked, and grabbed a cart that had been left there at the corner of the store and the propane tank lock box. Weirdo gave me a reverse head nod, and said, "What's up?"

I nodded back, and said, "Hey." Just a generic acknowledgement. 

"I'm here every day if you want to go for a ride."

EWWW! That is just inappropriate! Seriously! I imagine you have a fairly accurate image of what Val looks like. It is definitely not a physique which one might associate with going for a bike ride on somebody's handlebars!!!

I ignored that invitation, and cart/walked myself in and did my business. When I came out, I didn't see Weirdo as I put my meager purchases in T-Hoe's rear and pushed the cart back up against the propane tank holder. Once in the driver's seat, getting ready to write down my receipt total, I saw Weirdo come walking across in front of those stacked bags, to sit down again.

Aww, NOT-HEAVEN, NO!!!

I wanted to get a picture, but not with Weirdo watching me. And I did NOT want to sit there to write down my receipt total. I started T-Hoe. With that, Weirdo got up and walked toward me (!) but was actually turning the corner to go toward the store entrance. The minute his back was turned, I reached for my phone.

BUT WAIT! Weirdo turned back around! I put it down. He was motioning to me! Looked back and forth at the driving lane, and gave a grand gesture for me to back out. What in the actual Not-Heaven? From that end parking space, it is easy for me to see what's coming. I stubbornly waited. Just because. Weirdo turned around and walked to the store double-doors. I got my pictures, then backed out and drove up to the other end of the lot to write down my receipt and on my scratchers.

If any of you elderly, lame, ample-rumpused ladies would like a bicycle ride, your chariot awaits. The driver might be inside, sprucing up in the bathroom sink.