Wednesday, January 5, 2022

If The Pony Was a Cow, He Might Have Invented a Cud Substitute

Never a dull day when The Pony is on the job. He thought he might get off early Tuesday, since he was doing the route he put a hold on. 

"Don't worry about supper for me. If I get off by 4:00 or 5:00, I'll probably go to Steak N Shake. Or come home and make ramen noodles."

We didn't hear from The Pony until 5:43.

"Clocked out. Going to Steak N Shake. Have a story for you when I'm home."

Ooh! A STORY! Hick and I don't have much excitement these days. We couldn't wait for The Pony to roll in and share his day with us.

"I'm surprised he's driving over to Steak N Shake so late. He probably won't be home until 7:00."

"I'm guessing more like 7:30. He takes forever to eat there."

"It takes a long time to eat two burgers and two fries!"

"Yeah. He DOES eat a lot."

The Pony got home at 7:10. He didn't even sit down before telling his story.

"I know it's kind of late to be going to Steak N Shake on a work night. But I HAD TO! You'll understand when you hear what happened.

See that Pringles can? I took one with me in the LLV, to snack on through the day. You know I don't like to have lunch, because I'd rather get paid for the time, and I don't want to feel weighted down or have to go to the bathroom. So I just get snacks on my regular bathroom break.

Anyway, I got back from my route, and was gathering up my stuff. I was getting kind of hungry. I'd finished my Pringles earlier, and when I picked up the can to throw it away, I turned it up to shake all the crumbs in my mouth. But when I started crunching them, THERE WAS SOMETHING EXTRA CHEWY IN MY MOUTH!

I spit it out, and saw that it was a rubber band! You know how we use so many, to bundle the mail for each house. Who KNOWS how many sweaty wrists that rubber band had been on! It must have fallen through the grid of the shelf where I set my mail tray. The Pringles can was sitting right under there."

"Whew! That was a relief. Because I thought maybe you ate a ROACH, considering the condition of those LLVs!"

"I was going to say a MOUSE!" 
That's Hick's most horrific thought, ever since he plunged his hands into the pockets of his coveralls hanging over in the BARn, and screamed like a schoolgirl when he touched a nest of hairless baby mice.

I'm guessing The Pony will look into the Pringles can next time, before eating the crumbs.


  1. Eeeew! I thought mouse too. I once reached into a large bag of pistachio nuts and touched a mouse, still skeeves me out just thinking about it. I'll take dirty rubber band over a mouse every time.

    1. What is it with guys automatically assuming something foreign and chewy is a MOUSE??? I guess you all just scarf down that food without looking!

      Pistachio nuts? That's what you get! I'm sure that would never happen in a bag of the common people's nuts, like peanuts salted in the shell.

    2. At my brothers in Atlanta I had to try what was called "Bald Peanuts" supposed to be really good, but seemed like a weird name to me...turns out that is what they call "Boiled Peanuts."

    3. joeh,
      Heh, heh! You got me on that one!

      Do you put them in Coke? I've never tried it, but I hear it's all the rage down south.

  2. I just knew it was something live. Didn't know whether it was a mouse or a roach or a teensy Geico Gecko but I knew it wasn't good.

    1. GECKO? Such active imaginations in you guys! The worst nightmare for me would have been chewing on a MILLIPEDE. But that didn't even come to mind until I started reading about your critter guesses.

  3. I can't tip up anything to shake crumbs into my mouth, I end up choking, so I tip crumbs into my hand and "hoover" them from there. It doesn't look pretty so I only do that when I'm at home.

    1. Consider yourself lucky to have such a condition! It saves you from chomping on mice, geckos, millipedes, and rubber bands!

  4. I nearly wet myself at the image of Hick screaming over a litter of baby mice in his hand! Poor Pony was no doubt gagging at the thought of all the hands that had touched that rubberband!

    1. Hick might have wet himself when it happened! The older boys love to tell that story.

      The Pony says that as they deliver the mail, they roll the rubber band back on their wrist, then when they get back to the LLV, they roll them off into the tray to be used again. And they use those rubber bands for each walking loop, not each house. I mis-typed.