Sunday, January 23, 2022

Crimes Against Mailman-ity

Never a dull moment around here. I went to do my errands over in Sis-Town on Thursday, unawares that a crime was being committed on my route! I found out on Friday, by text, from The Pony.

"Someone threw out mail yesterday on Ancient Backroads Trail."

"NO! That's the route I took to do my errands!"

"Sometime around 3:30, on the way to Sis-Town, is what I heard."

"That's the time I was there! I didn't see anything unusual."
"It was off in the weeds. Every hundred yards or so. A carrier's wife saw it and reported it. This One Guy rode along with the manager after dark, hanging out of the back of the big van. He'd tell her when he spotted some, and she'd stop, and he'd jump out and get it. Some of it was still rubber-banded together."

"I guess someone will get fired."

"Probably. There's two potential suspects."

And hour later...

"Aaaaand I just saw and reported mail on the roadside on Ancient Fruit-Farm Drive. It's been there at least two weeks, but I thought it was just someone's bag of trash. After hearing about the other mail, I went back to look closer. Definitely mail."

"Dang! Is it a rural route? MY TAX DOCUMENTS!"

"No clue. But the first time it snowed, it was there, I think. Since I remember seeing the lumps under the snow. It would either be rural, or from the regular route before me."

The Pony said one of the higher-ups said of this situation: "How stupid can they be? To throw it away on the route back to the office! They could at least BURN IT!"

Hick thought maybe it just fell out of the window!

"Dad. We drive on the right-hand side. The mail was in the weeds. If it fell out the window, it would have been in the middle of the road. AND, with parts of it rubber-banded together, it's not going to just 'fall out' of the window by the shelf that's on our left."

No news in the paper about it...


  1. That is a felony! This is such a tragedy. So much was lost.

    1. It IS a felony! You can't tamper with the US Mail. Unless maybe you work for the USPS? I don't know the specifics of the law. I would say at the very least, a firing is in order, with proper proof.

  2. This is just terrible! There could be valuable documents, letters from loved ones, important medical mail! Tax refund cheques even. How dare they? Is there any way they can find out who would have done this? I doubt very much it would be in the papers, the PO won't want THAT news getting out.

    1. I'm pretty sure the first incident will be easier to prove, by looking at who had the route that mail was assigned to. The other one a couple weeks old will be harder.

  3. Somebody better be fired!! We had a tenant once who would come to the office daily to check for mail and I would tell her she could go to the box and just get hers out if I was too busy to get to it. She declined to do that, explaining that stuff was federal and she wasn't going to prison for touching the mail of others. Incidentally, her husband was the scripture quoter who ordered the purple pleasure device!!

    1. Maybe she knew more than you think! And didn't want to sully her hands with his pleasure!