Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Made a Laughingstock By the Mockingsocks

The Pony does his own laundry. I barely know when he's been in the laundry room. He uses his own detergent (Tide Pods that didn't get eaten), and cleans out the lint trap in the dryer. But last week, I saw a sign. Two socks on top of the dryer.
They were what we used to call "footies" in the 70s. The low sock that only covers the shoe area of your foot. Mine always had those dang pastel yarn balls on the heel, to keep my shoe from eating them. They were not much of a deterrent. 
Anyhoo... today's socks must be made of some magical fiber, perhaps shed by unicorns as they dream. No pom-poms on the heel. They stay in place. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own two nearsighted eyes. The Pony peeled off his socks as if they were a layer of skin applied for the express purpose of 11 hours of shoe-wearing. They hadn't inched an inch down into the shoe.
In fact, The Pony appears to be wearing socks even when he is barefoot! His feet look like those of our dear departed (although HE hated US 23 hours and 59 minutes a day) tuxedo cat, Stockings. Dark legs, white feet. It's an occupational hazard for mail carriers, according to Reddit.

The socks on my dryer did not match. Same style, different color. One white. One black.

"Pony. You have two socks on the dryer."

"Yeah. They're not a pair. I can't find the mate of either one."

"I knew they weren't a pair. One white, one black."

"Your eyes must be really bad! There's no white sock in there."

"Is too! I'm not color blind!"

"I'll prove it to you... 
Huh. I don't know how THAT happened. I could have sworn it was gray."

"Maybe it got too clean. Did you hear anything while you were in there?"

"No. Like what?"

"Some music. A song. Singing?"

"No. Why would I?"

"I'm pretty sure those socks were mocking you. I heard them! They must be fans of Three Dog Night: 'A sock is white. A sock is black. Together we conspire, to hold you back...'

"Um. Yeah. That didn't happen."

The Pony sat down to put on his socks before his afternoon shift.

"There's only one sock now. See this? I'm wearing the black one. I'm not sure these socks really match. But they're the same color."

I guess The Pony is better with socks than with belts. Or maybe not. Considering that another black sock must be missing for him to use an odd one and have a mismatched pair.


  1. Another washing machine sock mystery.

    1. Time to break up that rotating poker game with Columbo, Kojak, Jessica Fletcher, Longstreet, the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Mannix, Barnaby Jones, and Scooby Doo. There's work to be done! Besides, Longstreet is probably losing his shirt...

  2. I know a woman who went into a meeting wearing one brown and one navy sock with open toe shoes. She almost croaked when her big toe pocked out a hole.

    As long as his shoes match he'll be fine.

    1. I know a woman who went into an unemployment office on South Broadway wearing one blue shoe and one black shoe. She tripped stepping over the curb while carrying a celebratory cake. Nobody was hurt, and cake was saved. The lack of carnage did not mean those of us sitting outside on break enjoyed the spectacle any less. I guess she was noticing her mismatched shoes when she stumbled.

  3. I don't understand all this missing sock business. I've never lost a sock in my life.

    1. There's probably a secret hidey-hole where lost socks are laying about, limp as a Dali clock, commiserating about their horrible work conditions. Until a pair of tighty-whities crashes their party, and says, "You think YOU'VE got it rough..."

  4. There is a black hole in the universe where all the lost socks are waiting to form a giant lint ball that will destroy our world as we know it ...

    1. I KNEW they were conspiring! I'm pretty sure I heard the opening verse of their encore: "It's the End of the World As We Know It."