Thursday, June 3, 2021

The Lie Man Dumbeth

It's not enough that Hick continues to lie about the ALLEGED crimes of my poor little dog Jack. Nope! Now Hick also convolutes the story so much that I can feel my IQ drop while trying to listen. On the evening Hick blamed Jack for the brief theft (by Juno, captured in photos) of his tiny metal bowls that blew off Gassy G Jr, the grill on the side porch... he also let fly with another tale of outrage. 

"I know why we've been finding trash in the yard. It's from your dog Jack! Since I've been working on my new shed, I figured out how he does it.

I have my homemade trailer parked over there. I saw Jack jump up in it. He hops up on the tire, then over the side. He roots around until he finds what he wants. I saw him grab a Mountain Dew bottle and drop it out. Then he got another one, and dropped IT out! Then he jumped down, and grabbed one of them to chew on."

"Wait. Why does he get on the tire?"

"It's like a step. For him to get closer, to get over the side."

"A trailer isn't that high."

"It's my truck trailer."

"The one made from the bed of a pickup?"

"Yeah. My homemade trailer."

"I thought you meant your car-hauler trailer."

"No. HOS wrecked that one."

"I don't remember that truck trailer being over by Shackytown."

"It's not. It's by the BARn."

"Then how do you see Jack?"

"When I'm over at the BARn!"

"Okay. But you said you saw him while working on your new shed. How do your Mountain Dew bottles get in there all the way over at the BARn."

"I throw stuff in there, and when it's full, I take it to the dump."

"You haven't been to the dump in THREE YEARS!"

"Yes I have. I went six weeks ago."

"That's random. So you mean along with all the OTHER junk around here, we have the back-end of a pickup truck parked by the BARn, full of trash?"

"It's not like that, Val. I just toss my stuff in there."

"How can Jack get up on the tire of a pickup bed? There's not room for him to stand."

"It's not the tire of the truck bed, Val." [heavy sigh here]

"YOU said Jack jumps on the tire, then into the trailer."

"He does."

"I don't get it."

"He jumps on the tire, then into the bed of the truck trailer."

"That's not helping! There's a fender or something. A wheel well. Something over the top of that tire, that would keep Jack from standing there to jump in."

"It's not the truck tire, Val!"


"You can't understand ANYTHING! It's a tire over at the BARn that I have leaning against the truck bed!"

"Why didn't you SAY that??? That you have a spare tire leaning against the homemade truck bed trailer that you just drove six weeks ago to the dump?"
"It's NOT a spare tire! And I don't take the truck trailer, Val. I take the junk out of the back."
Well. I guess it's clear now, huh? It would help if Hick could tell a story with a logical beginning, middle, and end. Or at least a story with pertinent facts that don't require 20 (or more) questions to clarify, like how a half-dachshund dog can jump up on a truck tire and balance himself until bending enough to get over the side. Oh, wait! There has to be a random EXTRA tire leaning there...


  1. Replies
    1. One million goldfish, reading through one million pairs of bifocals, taking one million doses of ADD medication... slammed closed one million laptops and refused to read a post by Val ever again.

  2. Oh, the struggles you face when it comes sto Hick.

    1. Hick talks in a virtually undecipherable code which may have been useful during war time.

  3. He does go the roundabout way when telling you stuff. But there is a quick solution to the Jack problem, remove the spare tyre and keep the rubbish covered as much as possible. Since it would be too hard to retrain Hick to put his rubbish in a plastic bag by his side instead of just tossing it in the trailer.

    1. Oh, RUBBISH! I love that word! It makes our trash sound so REFINED! Jack is as smart as Hick, and easier to train, though both have a stubborn streak.