Sunday, May 30, 2021

URG, the Casino Version of a UFO

Some things you see at a casino defy explanation. Like a UFO is an Unidentified Flying Object, a URG is an Unexplained Rolling Gambler. They are rare, but certainly get your attention when they are present.
 
My Sister the Ex-Ex-Mayor's Wife was the first of us to spot one. I wasn't along on that trip, and it was many years ago.

"I was headed toward the back of the casino, and that's when the Half-Woman passed me."

Sis was not talking about somebody who was caught between genders. Nor somebody dressed like a bride on one side, and a groom on the other as a gimmick or a comedy routine. She was talking about a LITERAL half woman.

"She was on a stretcher, just a body. Not even a whole body. A half body. She wasn't sick. She was alert and everything. I guess it was her husband walking along with her stretcher. There were a couple of guys pushing it. I have no idea where she came from, but she acted like it wasn't her first time."

Okay. Sis tops me with that story. I've never seen a Half-Woman in a casino. But I did see something else not nearly as puzzling.

On the way out of the casino, I got behind an  old man pushing an old woman in a wheelchair. I assume they were husband and wife. He seemed quite protective of her. She was spindly, but sitting up, and alert. 

Old Man pushed her towards a gate next to the metal posts that they want you to walk through when you exit. All at once, the security guard manning the entrance started yelling.

"SIR! STOP! STOP! Do not open that gate! STOP! This way!"

Guard motioned Old Man and Old Woman to a gate on the other side of the entrance. It looked just the same, except it didn't have a big sign on it saying DO NOT OPEN.

"That's the emergency exit. An alarm will go off it you open that gate."

It was a lot of drama. I don't know if the Oldies were shaken up or not, but Old Man pushed Old Woman's wheelchair toward the bathrooms at the entrance. I was headed there myself, but I had to go out the regular exit, and walk around the cattle-chute set-up they have to funnel people past the temperature scanner (alleged, I've never seen it) and the camera where they have a sign that says "Lower Your Mask." 

The city mask mandate expired, so the casino doesn't require them anymore. They had a sign last time saying they were STRONGLY RECOMMENDED, but this time there was no signage about masks. They were no longer playing the recorded message every 15 minutes that masks must remain fully on the face.

Anyhoo... Old Man had parked Old Woman near the entrance to the bathrooms. Men go to the left, women to the right. No doors. Just an open right turn for me, then a right-angle left turn into the ladies' room. I waited a respectful distance behind the Oldies, not wanting to get in their space. 

Old Man locked the wheels, then helped Old Woman stand. She teetered a bit. I actually thought Old Man was going to walk into the ladies' room with Old Woman! And in that case, I wondered why  he didn't just push her in. She was not steady. 

After a few steps hovering behind her, Old Man veered off to his own bathroom. I followed Old Woman, hoping that she didn't fall. 

Let the record show that Val uses the handicap stall. I need the rail to hoist myself off the throne. If it's a high toilet, I can do without a rail. But the catch is, you only find high toilets in a handicap stall! Anyhoo... this bathroom has two handicap stalls. A big one suitable for a wheelchair, and a regulation size stall with handrails on each side. Doesn't matter to me which one I get. If a person is in there who looks like they might want the handicap stall, I wait.

Anyhoo... I was hanging back, waiting to see which stall Old Woman wanted. I'll be darned if she didn't stop midway down the row of stalls. Huh. Maybe she needed to rest her legs. She reminded me of Grandma Georgina and Grandma Josephine, bedridden for 20 years in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, trying to get up and do a song and dance like Grandpa Joe. Kind of wobbly. I wished she would walk along the wall and put a hand on it.

As I was wishing, Old Woman pulled down her mask under her chin. Didn't bother me a bit. But THEN she took a lighter and a pack of cigarettes out of her sweater pocket, and LIT ONE UP!

Okay. That's not against any rules in this casino. It allows smoking. Anywhere. In fact, I suspect some people STARTED smoking just so they could lower their mask and sit at the slots for the past year.

Old Woman veered into a stall. NOT a handicap stall! I guess her plan was to sit in there and finish her cigarette. That's the unexplained part!

WHY was Old Woman smoking in the bathroom? She could have been smoking during her ride to the front of the casino in her wheelchair. Or while parked outside the bathroom waiting for Old Man. Surely he knew that she smoked! I can't imagine her driving herself to town and going in for cigarettes.

Such a mystery. An Unexplained Rolling Gambler, the Old Lady "sneaking" a smoke in the bathroom.

2 comments:

  1. Perhaps the bathroom is the only place she sneaks a smoke because she isn't supposed to smoke. Probably her husband can smell it on her when she exits the bathroom, but allows this little indulgence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think he must be buying them for her. Unless she has a secret supplier!

      Delete