I was sitting on the parking lot of Country Mart, writing in the checkbook, when I got a text from Hick, who I assumed was at his Storage Unit Store, where I'd seen his truck as I passed by around 1:30 on Sunday. Of course I read Hick's text! I wouldn't ignore something like that. Reading it is one thing. Understanding it is another.
"What is on his way out there Val Buddy is on his way out he's going to look at the side beside sitting over by the barn so if you see a silver truck over there as he is"
"Makes no sense, but a silver truck. Ok."
I presumed (it doesn't pay to ASSume with Hick) that somebody in a silver truck might be waiting for Hick by the BARn. And he was tipping me off not to go all vigilante and do something crazy like take a picture of his license plate. By the time I got to Dairy Queen, Hick had clarified a bit more, with a second text.
"He's looking at the old side by side ill be there pretty soon."
Okay. That made sense. Now I wouldn't accuse a Friend of Hick of casing the joint to come back later and steal our superfluous side-by-side. Which is like the Gator, only red, and an off-brand.
Had I been sending that text myself, I would have worded it differently.
"Buddy is on his way to our homestead. He's going to look at the Scout to see if he wants to purchase it as-is with the dead battery and carburetor problem. He will be traveling in a silver pickup truck, which you may see parked near the BARn, having left tracks through the field. Should you observe a strange fellow of whom you are not familiar, it is he."
Nah. I wouldn't text that. I hate to text.
This sounds like one of my husbands texts. They should have their own language.ReplyDelete
They DO have their own language! This evening, Hick said a friend of his went to the hospital for a test. A 'colonostomy'.Delete
"I think you meant a colonoscopy."
"Okay then. A colonostopy. Where they look in you for cancer."
"That's what I said! A colonoscomy. Anyways, she was fine."
I hate it when I think I'm done, and look back to see that Autocorrect has changed several of my words!Delete
I'd have sent "Don't sweat the silver truck, I know the guy, it's OK."ReplyDelete
Maybe Hick should send YOU the message, and let you sent it to ME! Because that was easy to understand. Be careful fraternizing with me, the enemy. You don't want to jeopardize your Guy Card!Delete
I refuse to text unless it one, maybe two words.ReplyDelete
I use it to avoid speaking to people!Delete
Cool your jets, Val. the guy's okay. Wait for me. nah, they don;t use words like we do.ReplyDelete
They don't use most things like we do.Delete
Going out on a limb here, but I venture that you would light a Mixed Berry Candle on the mantel of the fake fireplace, for light or fragrance, and not use the unlit version as a receptacle to dispose of your toenails!
I'm glad you are able to translate Hicklish, it would have taken me a bit longer to work out what was going on and by then Buddy and the side by side might be long gone.ReplyDelete
I guess it's a good thing he warned me, after all the thieving going on around here. Just today, Hick got a picture off the enclave's Facebook page showing a guy walking away from the mailboxes with a package. We'll see if anybody recognizes him.Delete
The lady who took the picture is the one whose house was broken into. This guy looked kind of similar to the one in her house. She just put up the picture and said, "Is anybody missing a package?"
If I was getting my package, and somebody took my picture, I'd stop and verify that I live here, and that I know about the recent thefts. This guy just kept walking. Got his face this time!
I say put that face on Facebook and let people know he is under suspicion of mail theft.ReplyDelete
It's on the Facebook of our enclave. Hick said nobody had mentioned a missing package yet. Then again, not all of us are on Facebook.Delete