Moose Pooping Money Butt

Do you ever feel like a Christmas stocking-stuffer plastic moose that poops out jellybeans? Probably not. Because my readers are all sophisticated cool cats who never poop. Not even jellybeans! 

 

You are a starched collar on a tuxedo shirt, while I am the madras shirt from the bottom of the hamper. 

 

You are a newly-completed section of the Oklahoma Turnpike, and I am a long and winding road littered with fast food wrappers, that turns to gravel, and then becomes a pig trail through the underbrush. 

 

You are a shiny scalpel fresh from the autoclave, and I am a rusty razor blade found in an upside-down coffee can nailed to the floor of a ramshackle shanty undergoing demolition.

Yet still, I feel like a Christmas stocking-stuffer moose lately. The Universe pats me on the head, and money falls out of my butt! Forget about jellybeans!

Monday, I got an envelope out of EmBee. It looked like junk mail to me. I was about ready to throw it away with the catalog from Uncommon Goods, and the AARP Bulletin. But since it was addressed to ME, and had the word INSURANCE in the return address, I ripped it open while sitting in T-Hoe.

 

It was a CHECK, by cracky! A check for $54.50. Val was not born yesterday. She has gotten many a fake check in her day. Checks that look like checks, but are only applicable to specific merchandise that you purchase from the entity who sent out the check. Not a REAL check. So I started reading what came along with this check, which was from a supplemental insurance company we shall call PISSY. I had not had any PISSY dealings for at least two years. Maybe three.

____________________________________________________________________

Dear valued PISSY policyholder:

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, many members have had to delay things like routine dental care. It's why Untied CordCONia D-Mental is issuing the enclosed premium refund. Throughout the pandemic, PISSY has partnered with Untied CordCONia to remain focused on supporting our customers while delivering a safe and remarkable dental health experience. This refund is another way we can assist our customers during these unprecedented times.

Attached you will find your refund check, which is 50% of one month's dental premium.

Thank you for the continued opportunity to serve you.

____________________________________________________________________

Here's the problem. I am not currently a PISSY policyholder. We tried it for one year, for optical and dental insurance for Hick, me, and The Pony. I think Genius was included, since once you put one kid on, it was a family thing. A year of coverage was somewhere between $1100 and $1800. Not bad if all four of us used it to the hilt. But we found that we did not. So I did not renew the policy when it came due. 

The policy year ended. A renewal letter came, stating that if you did not pay within 30 days, the policy became void, and you could not re-join until 3 years had passed. Fine with me. I had no intention of buying the service again.

Well. Several times a year, I would get an offical-looking statement from PISSY, telling me that I needed to pay my premium for this insurance. No. I did not. I had let it lapse months ago, and was not able to rejoin for 3 years. STILL, they would send letters saying I still had time to re-join. A less suspicious oldster might have fallen for this tactic. Not Val.

SO... since I have not had this coverage for over two years now, I don't think I am entitled (well, I DO think I'm ENTITLED, but not to this) to reap the benefits of a refund check for a premium for which I do not pay!

 

 

Hick thinks checks got sent to all customers of PISSY, and that they'd have no way of knowing if a lapsed person got the refund check and cashed it. I say they DO know. The check is written by PISSY, according to the front of the check itself. In the "notes" it says: PISSY Dental Covid Refund.

I think this is a trick by PISSY to get people to cash the check. Then they will claim that it was a refund for a part of the PREMIUM, and demand that you pay the entire premium.

Not gonna do it. That $54.50 check is not worth a tussle with PISSY over paying a $1100 to $1800 premium for a service which I no longer want. Don't you worry about Val missing out on $54.50. In town, I bought two scratchers. One of them won $50. 

The other scratcher?

A $100 winner. Better than a PISSY partial refund for an insurance premium I didn't pay for.