Bagging On a Double-Sticky, Two-Bowl, Fizzer of Ineptitude: Episode 3 of "This Is the Time of Day When We Talk About the Most Recent Things You've Done Wrong"

Sigh. The title alone has exhausted me. Hick has outdone himself this time. He BBQed some hot dogs for supper, on Gassy G-Lite. Sounds like a night off for Val, doesn't it? I knew better. As soon as I walked into the kitchen after ascending from my lair. Lucky for me, Hick came back into the kitchen while I was heating up some Maple Bacon Beans.

"I just stepped in something sticky, here by the sink and counter."

"Oh, well. I didn't pour my BBQ sauce there."

"The floor wasn't sticky when I got my lunch ready earlier. I wiped it up, though. It was kind of clear, but pulled the lint off my sock."

"I don't know what to tell you Val. I'm going back out to watch the hot dogs. Just came in for a plate. You know, my homemade beers are really good. But they fizz so darn much when you open them that I lose half the bottle!"

"AHA! It was beer fizz that I stepped in!"

"No. No. I didn't even open it until I was outside this time..."

"Sure."

I went out to give the dogs some old pizza crust, and look at frogs in the fake fish pond while Hick finished grilling the hot dogs.

"I didn't put any sauce on yours. Since you told me last time."

"Look at that! You wasted half a bottle of BBQ sauce."

"No. No. I just forgot that I wasn't putting any on yours."

"That bowl is half full of sauce that you'll have to pour out."

"I did get a little too much sauce... Here. Are these black enough for you?"

"I like them a little darker, but seeing as how you've already taken them all off the grill, they'll be okay. You could have held up ONE to ask me."

Hick continued getting his own hot dogs off the grill, handing me a plate, which I carried inside. I got out the new pack of SLAW to put on the cutting block with a spoon. Otherwise, Hick won't make the effort to eat any. Speaking of Hick, here he came in the door with his hot dogs.

"Yuck! I was setting out the slaw, and I put my hand in something really sticky on the edge of the cutting block!"

"Huh. That could be BBQ sauce. That's where I poured it in the bowl."

"Go ahead and get your plate ready. I'll have to put away the rest of the food before I can eat. I don't want any of this slaw. I'd rather have slaw with chicken. So you can put that back in the fridge." I bent over to get a container for the leftover beans. Hick chose that moment to get a spoon out of the drawer blocked by my ample rumpus. He's the moth to my flame.

"WHOA! That's a lot of beans! I need to get a smaller container for the leftovers."

"It's just a bowl of beans, Val. Not all that much."

"Most people just put a pile on their plate..."

I turned to see that Hick had already left the kitchen. I heard the La-Z-Boy kick back. I saw that Hick had put his hot dogs in the container I set out, but had left off the lid, not put them in FRIG II, and had also left the dirty paper plate for me to throw away. Oh, and he'd left out the slaw.

"Don't worry. I'll clean up your mess and put away the slaw."

"I thought you were having some."

"No. I clearly told you I DON'T WANT ANY SLAW. Oh, crap! I just put my hand in that sticky stuff again. I guess you didn't clean it up."

"Oh. I didn't know I was supposed to do that."

"Well, you admitted you made that mess. I figured you understood it should be cleaned up."

CRICKETS.

I wiped up the mess. Rinsed the slaw spoon. Put away the slaw. Contained the beans and put them in FRIG II with my own leftover hot dogs. I had my plate ready to go, then I went to the short couch to rest for a minute before descending the rail-less 13 stairs to my lair.

"This is the time of day when we talk about the most recent things you've done wrong." I swear I heard Hick chuckle.

"Well, I can't imagine what else I've done wrong besides all the stuff you just told me!"

"When I put the hot dogs in the fridge, I saw that you'd left the ziploc bag for the rest of the hot dog package BLOWN UP LIKE A BALLOON! You do realize, right, that we put stuff in the baggies to keep the air OUT. And having them inside a bag full of air is kind of useless. It's like when my dad used to blow up the bread sack and say that it was to INSULATE the bread with air, a good insulator, to keep it fresher. As if it was something that needed insulation!"

"I do admit that I didn't squeeze the air out of the baggie before sealing it. And I agree that blowing up the bread sack is not good for the bread."

See there? Our little Hick is making progress. Getting him to acknowledge his wrong-done things is half the battle.