Hick was home for lunch on Wednesday, after taking his friend to the city for her procedure that was needed before her chemo. She had a 7:00 a.m. appointment, so Hick was up at 4:00 to pick her up at 5:00 and make sure they got there on time. Of course she'd been given wrong directions, to an office that was not the surgery center. By the time they googled it and found out it was next to a fast-food restaurant four miles away...they arrived at 7:04. It did not affect her appointment.
Hick did not have to use the JAR he found for his pee-pot, because they allowed ONE person into the waiting room for each patient. They checked his temperature and all that. But at least he had use of the indoor facilities.
Anyhoo...Hick was home at noon for hot dogs and chips. He said he was going out to mow the yard. Shocking how much it grew over a few days. Spring has sprung. The dogs were excited to chase after the Gator as Hick drove over the get the riding mower. I could hear him in the front yard, and see him pass by the window on the mower, as I got ready to go to town for a few items from Country Mart.
As I stood at my mom's piano, in the hallway by the boys' room, under the pictures of Mom and Dad and a Glamour Shot of my grandma, one foot on the bench as I put on my socks... I heard the kitchen door creak open. I cocked an ear. Something wrong here. Then it hit me!
INTRUDER! INTRUDER!
Hick was mowing the yard. I heard the mower still running out front.
WHO WAS OPENING UP MY KITCHEN DOOR?
It dawned on me that maybe Hick had gone out that door, and not closed it until it latched. It will open if there's a draft. Like if somebody opens up the front door, the kitchen door will be pushed open from the air movement if not latched. But nobody was opening the front door.
As I was contemplating the possibilities, I heard the kitchen door creak again as it closed.
"HEY! HEY! What's going on?"
No burglar is getting in MY house while I'm around! I dashed through the kitchen, sock-footed, and flung the door open. Jack looked at me quizzically. "Oh. Hey, buddy. What's up?" I barged past him, that terrible, terrible watchdog, to look around the corner of the porch, toward the garage.
THERE WAS THE INTRUDER!
It was Hick. Putting on his vest that he'd gotten off a kitchen chair. He'd left the mower running out in the yard.
I'm pretty sure he's trying to kill me... this time by fright.
Sometimes I wonder if men realize what they do can reallly bother us wives. With our enforced quarantine, I have to remind him, not that it will do much good.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm pretty sure they REALIZE!
DeleteNo they don't, if they did they would change, wouldn't they? Wouldn't they??
DeleteOkay it is now time to put some Rum in your magic elixir.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh. I'm sure Hick has some over in the BARn. He has a buddy who buys storage units, who's a non-drinker, who give it to him. Also, Hick said he bought a big box of assorted liquor at the auction a while back. Don't know if there's rum, but he's definitely got whiskey.
DeleteWhen I make an unexpected entrance I Holler "It's JUST ME!" SO I'm pretty good about that; on the other hand it would take a cherry bomb to get me up at 4 am to drive a neighbor to an appointment. That Hick may have sharp toe nails but he also has a real big heart.
ReplyDeleteHick has a big heart AND a big mouth. If only he could combine the two to holler "It's JUST ME" when he comes back into the house unexpectedly (while leaving the lawnmower running as a decoy).
DeleteHe's taking his friend to another appointment in the city. This will be their 4th trip. I accused him of secretly dating her, but he said, "Where would I take her? Everything is locked down!" Which makes me hope he hadn't been considering it...
Hick says he told her to bring her paper showing her appointment. Because with everyplace on stay-at-home orders, he wants verification that he's allowed to be out!
Whew! Scary moment there. Hick should be more considerate and call out "it's just me, forgot my jacket", which won't mean much if you've dropped dead from fright.
ReplyDeleteTwice before, I've heard that kitchen door open, then close with a little slam. Both of those times, Hick had an alibi. This time, I actually thought of an intruder first, not paranormal activity.
DeleteOn the wall across from that door is my grandma's cuckoo clock that she gave to Hick. The one that went crazy swinging its weights all willy-nilly while I was washing dishes one day, no door or windows open.
My guy likes to go outside to putter and then meet me in the hallway as I'm coming out of the shower and say. "I just came in for..." gee whiz, he needs to announce himself.
ReplyDeleteI think he's counting the years he's taking off my life.
The worst regular frights Hick gives me are when I'm in my dark basement lair, underdesk heater rattling, music playing on New Delly...and he creeps in on little Hick feet, and bellows from the doorway behind me.
DeleteI HATE rattling heaters. My big winter heater has three bars and the middle one also has the fan connection which rattles and has since day one. I think they threw it onto the delivery truck and I couldn't be bothered going through the exchange process, so now I only switch on the top and bottom bars which is plenty hot enough to warm the bathroom for my shower, or the bedroom for dressing.
DeleteMy heater is quite old, and sounds like it's going to shoot shrapnel any second. It's a squealing, dolphin-like sound when it starts, then intermittent grinding. It's not predictable, and not consistent. Sometimes it runs like normal.
DeleteHeWho gave me a headset for Christmas, as I listen to audio books while going about my chores. It is now easy for him to suddenly appear with no clue. I usually scream, then slide down to the floor as my heart beat goes nutty. He is now announcing himself LOUDLY! Nothing quite so unsettling as thinking yourself to be all alone and find that you aren't!
ReplyDeleteNot even a pack of Tic Tacs, like Elaine gave The Sidler when she worked for J. Peterman, would help your situation!
Delete