Friday, December 20, 2019

Val and Her Ample Rumpus Present a Mean Cart Wheel

If only there was someone on whom to pin the blame! Someone to bear the brunt of the smiting that Val would like to deliver. Someone whom the smack could be laid down upon. Val's ophthalmologist is off the hook. He has prescribed and provided vision-correcting devices. Perhaps Val's ancestors should shoulder the blame. After all, they contributed to her nearsightedness, and to the temperament which makes her roam about the Backroadside without her spectacles. Figuring she can see well enough.

Last Saturday, I made a special trip to Country Mart for Chex Mix supplies. That gift isn't going to make itself, you know.

I was on the cereal aisle, perusing the wares. Aha! Just what I needed. I'd already put the Cheerios in my cart. And honed in on the generic Corn Chex on the bottom shelf. CORN CRISPS, they're called as Country Mart's "Best Choice" store brand.

I pushed my cart ahead, for better access. I sensed a man and woman behind me. Too bad, so sad. They were about to be ample-rumpus-ized. Wrong place at the wrong time, I guess.

Wait a minute! My cart didn't want to roll forward. Something was stuck under a wheel. I hate it when that happens! I pushed. My cart moved forward grudgingly. Scooting. Then it broke free as it rolled over the obstacle.


What a stroke of luck! I'd rolled upon a PENNY! A too-late-to-stop-the-presses penny! Of course I whipped out my phone for a picture.

Wait another minute! Something wasn't quite right. Was my penny injured? Bent? Or just dirty on one half? Of course I wasn't going to stop taking my picture. That ample-rumpus-ized couple was still there. They were going to get a double-rumping!

I bent to get the closeup.


NOOOO! What freak of nature and the US Mint was THIS? Was my penny vomiting snot? When I ample-rumpus-ed my way to the floor to get a grip, I KNEW something was afoot. My rightful penny did not have that firm metallic feel. It was too light! Wasting away. I put it in my shirt pocket anyway. Not knowing if I was more of a fool for keeping it than I would have been for taking two pictures and leaving it behind. Heh, heh! I said behind after dwelling on my ample rumpus!

My penny was not a penny at all! It was a circle of cardboard from the box that must have held the cereals. You can see the glue on the corrugated part, where I peeled it open with my cart wheel.

It's not nice to fool Val Thevictorian.

8 comments:

  1. Maybe you could fool Mr. McGoo and pawn it off on him for the real thing.

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    1. I might not know what I was giving him. What if it was a rare cardboard coin from the year 100 AD? I think we share the same optometrist.

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  2. Replies
    1. Yeah, him too! Heh, heh, I knew who you meant. Because when I was growing up, we ALWAYS had a TV, and it was ALWAYS on. Not PBS, either!

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  3. That post is absolutely cents-less. (heh-heh)

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it literally is. The Truth in Blogging Law barred me from using it in my Saturday CENTSus.

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  4. Were you wearing your glasses in the store? Even through my computer screen I could see that disc wasn't a penny. I think perhaps you should wear your glasses while driving too.

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    Replies
    1. I WAS wearing them...on top of my head! I need the bifocals to check expiration dates. They don't help on floor items. When an ice cube evades my bubba cup coming out of FRIG II's dispenser, I have to move my glasses up on top of my head, so I can search for it on the floor with my NAKED eyes!

      I'm okay driving. I have one nearsighted eye, and one far-sighted eye. Not many people ask to borrow my glasses if they forget theirs!

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