It's no secret that Hick loves his hot dogs. To the point of eating them six weeks old, already opened, from the back of FRIG II. But last week, Hick chose a new processed meat to have on hand for occasional lunches, and after-auction sneak-treats. Baloney. Yes, I know it's spelled bologna. I watched those Oscar Mayer commercials. But Hick pronounces it baloney.
Like some kind of freaky foreigner who doesn't understand Backroads cuisine, Hick also asked for pepper jack cheese. That's an abomination! Like eating strawberry jam on a PB&J, when everybody knows grape jelly is the standard. Baloney is meant to share the bread with cheddar. I also picked up some Nutty Oat Bread. It's the kind I usually buy, but generally goes to waste, even the half-loaf size, because Hick reaches for the Hawaiian Rolls next to it.
Anyhoo...Hick must have been really excited to have baloney in the house. Not only did he have it for lunch on the days he was home, working in the BARn, but he had it for supper too!
"Don't worry about supper. I'll just have a baloney sandwich. I really like it."
Far be it from me to protest that I was not being allowed to cook! Don't concern yourself that Hick went hungry. He makes himself TWO sandwiches for a meal. Sometimes with a mini bag of chips.
Saturday afternoon, as Hick sat on the long couch post-baloney, sharing his experience as Santa that morning, he said,
"My stomach is just churning. I don't know what's going on."
"I think it's probably your baloney sandwiches. More specifically, the Nutty Oat Bread. You go from having NO bread like that to sometimes having EIGHT SLICES in one day! That's a lot of fiber."
Of course Hick gave a chuckle, and condescendingly told me I don't know what I'm talking about. Don't worry. I'm used to it. Unlike Hick's colon and the Nutty Oat Bread.
Can't babysit another one, sorry. Does he eat fried bologna? Ha ha about the sawdust bread that will clean his intestines. You can make anything funny. Why don;t you send off to Erma Bombeck contest, due by Jan 1st?
ReplyDeleteThat is a major disappointment. I'll have to pawn him off on someone else.
DeleteHick DOES like fried bologna. Don't remind him. I'll have to be the fry-er.
I WILL look into Erma, thanks. I've entered before.
I love bologna! White bread and mayo for me...maybe a slice of Velveeta (a cheese-LIKE product.)
ReplyDeleteYou may want to close your eyes or read no further on the PBJ sandwich...
I use orange marmalade! It is a WASP thing.
NO! Just NO! The white bread is okay, but no mayo or Velveeta on BOLOGNA! Velveeta belongs in grilled cheese, and mayo on roast beef.
DeleteAs for the ORANGE MARMALADE on PBJ...that gets you the crazy temple swirly finger!
Mayo?? on bologna? on roast beef? (shakes head, mutters..) I do put mayo on a chicken sandwich, but roast beef gets sweet mustard pickles (spreadable) and bologna, which I think is your equivalent to our fritz, gets sliced tomato or tomato sauce.
DeleteTomato sauce on bologna? That would be like putting ketchup on a hot dog! So very wrong, but that's the only way The Pony eats his hot dogs.
DeleteMustard on Hot Dogs, ketchup on french fries and mayo on anything!
DeleteI accept a twirly finger for the Orange Marmalade.
Accepting the twirly finger is the first step...
DeleteMustard and/or tomato sauce for hotdogs. I like mine with both, but if I had to choose it would be mustard. Nothing on French fries except maybe a little salt.
DeleteBologna or baloney, it's consigned to my distant past.
ReplyDeleteNot Hick. He prefers it to caviar and lobster and truffles and chocolates trimmed with gold leaf.
DeleteIn fact, he said, "I like it like this, when it's fresh." As if I'd just gone out and slaughtered a fresh bologna. As if it wasn't processed seven ways to Sunday.
I'm a bit like Hick with Fritz. Probably a similar 'food' to Bologna, I go through a phase about once a year wanting fritz and tomato sandwiches on super-fresh white bread. Unlike Hick, I know when to stop, usually one such sandwich a day for two or three days. The Nutty Oat bread sounds really nice, I don't know if we have a similar thing here, we have lots of seed&grain breads that feel like I'm eating a mouthful of sand sandwich. And I hate all the bits getting stuck in my teeth, so I don't eat those breads. I'll have to read a few bread labels and see if we have anything like a nutty oat.
ReplyDeleteThe Nutty Oat Bread is best from Save A Lot. It's SOOOOO fresh! They only have a half-loaf version, which is usually fine for us. I can get a whole loaf at Walmart, but it's firmer.
DeleteTomato is good on fried bologna, but I've never put it on unfried.
Fried fritz with fried tomato and a fried egg on the side used to be a popular in-a-hurry meal when my kids were little and had been running around the neighbourhood all day with other kids in the school holidays. Good as a breakfast too.
DeleteThat sounds good.
DeleteI am sort of a cotto salami girl.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to worry about me stealing it away (Diet Coke is another matter). I've never been fond of cotto salami. Or any salami. Or pepperoni.
DeleteHungarian mild salami, sliced very thin, then sliced in half and put on a pizza, instead of pepperoni which I find too hot.
DeleteNope. Not gonna make a salami-eater out of me, even for pizza.
Delete