Val and Her Ample Rumpus Present a Mean Cart Wheel

If only there was someone on whom to pin the blame! Someone to bear the brunt of the smiting that Val would like to deliver. Someone whom the smack could be laid down upon. Val's ophthalmologist is off the hook. He has prescribed and provided vision-correcting devices. Perhaps Val's ancestors should shoulder the blame. After all, they contributed to her nearsightedness, and to the temperament which makes her roam about the Backroadside without her spectacles. Figuring she can see well enough.

Last Saturday, I made a special trip to Country Mart for Chex Mix supplies. That gift isn't going to make itself, you know.

I was on the cereal aisle, perusing the wares. Aha! Just what I needed. I'd already put the Cheerios in my cart. And honed in on the generic Corn Chex on the bottom shelf. CORN CRISPS, they're called as Country Mart's "Best Choice" store brand.

I pushed my cart ahead, for better access. I sensed a man and woman behind me. Too bad, so sad. They were about to be ample-rumpus-ized. Wrong place at the wrong time, I guess.

Wait a minute! My cart didn't want to roll forward. Something was stuck under a wheel. I hate it when that happens! I pushed. My cart moved forward grudgingly. Scooting. Then it broke free as it rolled over the obstacle.

What a stroke of luck! I'd rolled upon a PENNY! A too-late-to-stop-the-presses penny! Of course I whipped out my phone for a picture.

Wait another minute! Something wasn't quite right. Was my penny injured? Bent? Or just dirty on one half? Of course I wasn't going to stop taking my picture. That ample-rumpus-ized couple was still there. They were going to get a double-rumping!

I bent to get the closeup.

NOOOO! What freak of nature and the US Mint was THIS? Was my penny vomiting snot? When I ample-rumpus-ed my way to the floor to get a grip, I KNEW something was afoot. My rightful penny did not have that firm metallic feel. It was too light! Wasting away. I put it in my shirt pocket anyway. Not knowing if I was more of a fool for keeping it than I would have been for taking two pictures and leaving it behind. Heh, heh! I said behind after dwelling on my ample rumpus!

My penny was not a penny at all! It was a circle of cardboard from the box that must have held the cereals. You can see the glue on the corrugated part, where I peeled it open with my cart wheel.

It's not nice to fool Val Thevictorian.