They Know How To TAKE MONEY for Shipping. They Just Don't Know HOW TO SHIP.

Everywhere you turn these days, somebody is out to defraud you! Intentional or not, I have grown tired of being bamboozled. I'm mad as Not-Heaven, and I'm not going to take it any more!

On Thursday, I had a visit planned with my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel, the occasion being her birthday. Yes, the visit was after her birthday. We have booked-up schedules, Mabel and I, what with being retired ladies of leisure. I knew what I was getting for her gift. It required online ordering.

HOWEVER...due to a visit planned with The Pony over Thanksgiving week, I was leery of ordering too soon. It would not be prudent for the present to arrive while we were away. Let's not forget that we are only three years out from the case of  Jack vs Genius's gift wallet made of Bison leather, monogrammed, with RFID blocker, from Sharper Image. AND the replacement.

When we returned from our Thanksgiving trip on Friday evening, I knew that my order would not go out until Monday. Knowing such, I placed my order, using 2-Day Shipping. I knew it would be two business days. The gift would ship on Monday and arrive on Wednesday. Easy peasy. It would be all ready to load up in A-Cad for our luncheon visit on Thursday.

Val plans, the USPS laughs. Wickedly. BWAH-HA-HA-ly. Monday afternoon, I got an email that my order had shipped. It contained a tracking number. Information on the USPS Tracking website showed that my parcel would be delivered Wednesday, by 3:00. Easier peasier. I had a timeline, and a way to track the progress of my order.

Wednesday, I was around all morning, jumping up every time the dogs started baying, to peep outside and see if perhaps the dog-shy FedEx man was quivering in his van with my package. Or maybe it would be the more sensible UPS driver who flies up the gravel road at 100+ mph. No wonder they sponsor a NASCAR driver.

That's the thing, you know. Just because the order is supposedly sent by the USPS doesn't mean the final delivery will be by them. Or maybe it works the other way. But I know previous packages have arrived by a combination of USPS and FedEx resources. I just did not know for sure how this one would get here.

Anyhoo...on Wednesday, I was only gone for one hour. From 1:00 to 2:00, to get my magical elixir and scratchers, and a loaf of Nutty Oat Bread, two bottles of Worcestershire Sauce, and one bottle of Honey Mustard Dressing. I checked my mailbox for a key to the lockbox. Nope. Nothing delivered that way. No boxes in the yard or on the porch when I got home.

I was sitting in the La-Z-Boy when the brown UPS van went barreling up the road at 3:10. I decided to keep an eye out, in case it made a stop here on the way out. I had been waiting 7 minutes for its return when the phone rang. Hick, of course. Which pulled me away from the window to answer the landline. When I got back to my post, I didn't know if UPS had escaped. The dogs were silent, snoozing in the front yard. I waited another 35 minutes. That UPS van did not appear. I was sure it had left the compound.

Anyhoo...further checking after 6:00 p.m. still said that my package was being delivered by 3:00 p.m. But the details showed that it had been in the city at 9:59 a.m., and arrived down in New Favorite Casino Town at 11:59 a.m. Huh. for sure it hadn't made it to my house by 3:00.

Thursday morning, while getting ready to leave for Mabel's birthday lunch without a gift, I saw that my package was now OUT FOR DELIVERY. Of course it wasn't at our mailbox by the time we left. I figured it would be there by the time I got home. But it WASN'T! All I had was an orange note to PICK IT UP AT THE POST OFFICE the next day!

Am I wrong to be mad as Not-Heaven over this shoddy delivery for which I paid a pretty penny to get in TWO DAYS? That was not in my hands until FIVE DAYS later?

Yes. A call has been made to the sellers of Mabel's gift, who OWE ME A BIG REFUND ON SHIPPING! More on that another day.