T-Hoe Gives Hick the Finger

On Monday, Hick volunteered to drive me to the doctor for a routine test. We took T-Hoe, for my ease of getting in and out, since I also had three other errands, and of course a stop for my 44 oz Diet Coke.

As soon as we started up the driveway, Hick got all dramatic. He started shaking his left hand, and sucking on his middle finger.

"Your door handle cut my finger! The coating is coming off!"

[It's that little white section on top of the handle, where the fake aluminum-look coating is flaking off.]

"Yes. It's been like that for at least a year. I've never cut MY finger on it. How did you do that? Why were you grabbing the door handle when you got IN. Surely you didn't pull on that to close the door! That's crazy. It's not meant for that. It's meant for OPENING the door. A normal person would use the armrest handle to pull the door CLOSED."

[At the end of the fake wood, the gap and heavy-duty plastic molding makes an armrest handle to grab to pull the heavy door shut.]  

"No. No. Maybe I hit it when I reached up to hit the button that puts the seat in MY position."

"Huh. That's not even close. You shouldn't have hit the door handle reaching for the seat button."

"It HURTS, Val!"

"Stop acting like a dang toddler."

"It's BLEEDING, Val!"

"Then why are you sucking on it, to MAKE blood come out?"

"No. So I don't get it on anything."

"You don't care about getting your earwax on anything when you dig around and then put your hand back on the steering wheel."

"You don't even care!"

"You are being overly dramatic. Crybaby."

Let the record show that I never saw a single drop of blood, even though I gave him a Puffs Plus Lotion to wrap around it. Hick reminded me of those criminal fakers on TV, who sob and shake uncontrollably in their interviews, with nary a tear to fall.

"I have some black shrink-wrap in the BARn, I think. I might heat it up and cover the handle."

Yeah. I'm sure THAT will look attractive. The handle has never cut ME, after a year of daily trips to town for my magical elixir. Maybe I should pack a first aid kit with a tourniquet, for the next time Hick drives T-Hoe. Also, a pacifier and a squeaking squeezy toy to distract him.