Friday, December 27, 2019

As Usual, Val's Problem is Magnified

Our recent trip to Oklahoma to meet The Pony has provided a plethora of topics to share with hard-core Val followers. And we ain't done yet!

Thursday morning, we trekked down to the breakfast buffet for a hearty repast before starting our 5-hour drive home. The Pony usually orders off the menu. Pancakes. But he's learned that his plate generally does not arrive until those around him have finished second and third plates from the buffet, and people are antsy to get moving, either to gamble at other casinos (on a two-day trip), or to hit the road home, as was the case this time. The Pony decided he could survive on the buffet.

As you might guess, the casino's breakfast buffet was not crowded at 8:00 a.m. on Thursday, the 19th of December. There were only four tables occupied in the front section of the dining area. So imagine Val's surprise when the hostess seated her party at a table off to the side, on the walkway between the dining room and servers' area. Okay. That was a little farther away from the buffet than necessary. But still in the front room. Back-and-forth traffic of coffee-refillers created a slight breeze, but Val had her jacket. The most egregious detail of this table choice was


Of course The Pony and then Hick pulled out chairs that kept them out of the blinding illumination. Hick had his back to it, missing it by a shoulder width, and The Pony was perpendicular to it. That gave me the option of sitting where the server laid my menu, across from Hick, and facing it full-on. Or across from The Pony, where the light burned my right cheek like I was a bug under the magnifying glass of a bully. Let the record show that I chose to be a charred insect, rather than lose my sight and undergo an unwanted facial peel.

That ray of light was brighter than the beam that shone through the headpiece on Indiana Jones's Staff of Ra in Raiders of the Last Ark! I could feel it burning into the side of my face. The crazy twirly finger temple area! No direction of leaning could escape it.

Of course Hick did not ask for another table. Or for the shades all the way across the dining room to be adjusted. He just said, "That's too bad." Indeed. It WAS excruciatingly TOO BAD.

The Pony just made a sound like "Awww."

Of course the servers were nowhere to be found when you want to complain about the right side of your face melting off. Darting here and there with coffee pots, refusing to meet your eye. Probably afraid of being blinded themselves, should they enter my proximity.

I entertained The Pony by making shadow hand-puppets on the wall. The chomping alligator is my specialty. It looked like a chomping alligator trying to escape from a hulking monster, that which was my silhouette.

Here's a view of part of the beam, on my breakfast plate. It almost over-cooked the eggs.

Let the record show that I did not eat all that food. Oh, I fully intended to when I filled my plate! When we're traveling with my sister the ex-mayor's wife, we head off to six more casinos, and you never know if you'll get another meal before supper around 8:00 p.m. This time, we were only headed home. I got full. The two muffin-top cookies I took with me for the ride home. I left a hash brown, and a sausage, and the biscuit I'd used to make a sausage patty sandwich. I did enjoy the cinnamon roll, the eggs, and the bacon.

I had a free buffet on my player's card. Hick would have had one, too, but he left his player's card in the car for the second time this trip. That man! He simply can't provide for his family in the manner he should! I also used $6 in credit from my player's points. So I saved us $18 all together.

Yes, not to be out-criminal-ed by Hick the accidental abandoned slot money thief, I absconded with those two muffin-top cookies. A blueberry muffin and a chocolate chocolate chip muffin. Wrapped them in my napkin, and put them in my jacket pocket. That was kind of awkward. It made the pocket stick way out. I had to keep a hand in there. Probably looked like I was about to rob someone. I wished I'd taken my gambling purse down to breakfast to stash that contraband. I might have taken the hash brown, too!

Of course the bus girl leaned against the wall, watching. Where was she when I wanted to escape that laser peeling off the side of my face? Maybe she was just mesmerized by the melting flesh. Maybe the staff had a pool on how many minutes it would take me to spontaneously combust. Once she darted to clear some dishes, into my pocket went those muffin-cookies.

Anyhoo...that's the story of my casino breakfast. Top o' the muffin to ME!


  1. They always try and get rid of the crappy tables first. I used to go along with it, but now if there is a problem I just move to another table. Never ask if you can move, just do it.

    That is about the limit of my ability to rebel.

    1. I just came to say the same thing - just move to another table, don't wait for permission. But I do see how that would have ruined the wrap up of the staff watching you take the muffins ;)

    2. When I'm with my favorite gambling aunt, we move if we don't like the table. Most notably at Pizza Hut, where the tabletops are sticky (due to old surfaces, not unwiped ones), and the tables wobbly. Auntie is very bold, and I develop a sense of bravado in her presence. We've never been told to move back. She wasn't with me that day...

      I didn't know I was going to take the muffins at this time. I didn't even HAVE any muffins, or a plate. Nor any inkling that the staff would be watching me. Can't mentally write the wrap-up before the events unfold! There might have been a better story if the server and I got into a kerfuffle over the table...

  2. Replies
    1. They're free at this casino, if you lose enough money to get a breakfast buffet comp!

  3. A guy I know ALWAYS asks for a different table, whether there's a reason for the change or not. Then he tries to palm them a 20. I think he's seen too many old movies.

    1. Hick would be more likely to palm them a stick of Fruit Stripe Gum, like the Home Alone boy at the Plaza Hotel.

  4. You were led to a table with a ray of light direct from the sun itself and you DIDN'T say, "Oh this is far too bright could we sit somewhere else please?" No? Then the suffering is all yours, on you. your plate certainly does look full and I would have taken the cookies home too and probably the cinnamon bun, since I couldn't possibly eat that as well as the eggs and bacon. The eggs look delicious and perfectly cooked. The has brown would have "accidentally" become a frisbee....

    1. The server threw down the menus and disappeared. I didn't see the light until I started to sit where she put my menu. I moved to the other chair, and realized it was almost as bad there.

      Hick and The Pony, didn't see any problem with the table, since THEY were unaffected. They were already sitting down, looking at the menu, when I started whining. So yes, it's on me for not making a scene. Sometimes it's easier to deal with the side of my face melting off than with one of Hick's moods.

      I had to eat the cinnamon roll because it was too sticky for my pocket. The hash brown would be the most tasty frisbee ever! Nice and crisp on the outside, with a little spice of some kind. Flaky on the inside. Now I wish I could have stuffed the other one into my gullet as well!

  5. They wanted YOU in the spotlight. Ever think of that? They know you are a rising star.

    1. Yes...well...surely they've heard that I'm already BRIGHT ENOUGH!