Val Drives Mangy Jamaican Dogs Nutty

Val is in high demand these days. Her presence is requested at the end of her phone line. Mostly her land line. The current record is 36 calls in one day. NONE of them answered. I'm onto their tricks. Sure, they fooled me ONCE with that call from Hick. Even though my Caller ID showed that the call was coming from INSIDE the house! Imagine my surprise when I picked up, and did not hear the voice of my Sweet Baboo, but instead the gal calling about a problem with my Windows Computer. I'm a fast learner, though. Even though it showed our home phone number and Hick's name, it listed his last name first. So now I know to avoid it. As if seeing my home phone calling my home phone wasn't enough...

Anyhoo... now I'm a celebrity in high demand on my cell phone. Hardly anyone has that number. Monday afternoon, I was on my way to Walmart when it rang. I glanced at it, laying there on the console, but did not see Hick or the boys pop up, so I let it ring. Much later that night, I looked up the number. Huh. It appeared to be local. From over in Bill-Paying Town. I don't know anybody over there. No business name came up. I did a search and got a name. First name was Ronnie. I don't know a Ronnie. Nor anybody by his last name. Well, Ronnie, we need to find out more about you.

I did a search for Ronnie and his last name, over in Bill-Paying Town. RONNIE IS DEAD! In fact, he died three weeks ago. How popular AM I??? Now dead people are calling me! Let the record show that I blocked Dead Ronnie's number.

Tuesday afternoon, just as I sat down at New Delly's keyboard with my lunch, my cell phone rang. That is unusual. Except for Dead Ronnie, nobody calls me through the day on my cell phone. Hick knows to call on the house phone. Even Backwards Not-Hick knows that! So as you might imagine, I was suspicious. I glanced at the phone, to see the number.

IT WAS FROM JAMAICA!

Last time I checked, I did not know anybody in Jamaica. My favorite gambling aunt went on a cruise last month. I don't know if she went to Jamaica. Even if it was her, she'd have to deal with her own problems. She has a perfectly reachable son and daughter to call. And other nieces and nephews. Right after I blocked the Jamaica number, I got a voice mail. From Jamaica! I don't have any qualms about listening to a voice mail from Jamaica. Here's what it was about:

"Yes. Hi Darcy, it's Maureen. It's probably too late for this... to happen, but we have an emergency case of mange at the kennel? Which in the last 24 hours has taken hold of a lot of dogs and we cannot get any triatics here, which is one thing that works, and we cannot get any lime sulfur.

I don't know if, in the few hours you have prior to you leaving, if there's anything you can do, but we're desperate. Uh...the dogs--you would not believe how this thing has spread, and they're all extremely uncomfortable, and they're going nuts. I have nothing on the island to...haha...ah, what can I say? Um...hope you get the message. Take care. Looking really forward to seeing you guys.

Bye."

Well, Maureen. I'm not leaving to go anywhere. I compliment you on your remarkably accent-free diction. So sad about the emergency mange and uncomfortable nutty dogs. I don't know if you expect me to teleport myself over there with some triatics and lime sulfur, or commiserate with the canines telepathically. For a scammer, you seem sadly unprepared to take my money! Didn't even leave your number for me to call you back, and I've already blocked you so you can't call again. You're going to be quite disappointed when we don't show up, I guess.

Oh, yeah. And my name isn't Darcy, but you got the first three letters of Hick's real name, and the first letter of his last name. Even though he's not listed for my cell phone.