Nobody Puts Val Behind a Closed Camper Door

Getting ready to write my weekly letters to Genius and The Pony, I was struck by the realization that nothing happened this week. Well. Except for finding a towering rock monument down at the low water bridge, and almost severing my had-none toe in the shower with a shampoo bottle, and the whole town almost collapsing into the old lead mine, and getting an emergency call from Jamaica about some mangy dogs, and that camper being stolen from up by Hick's Storage Unit Store. Other than that, it was the same ol' same ol'.

I can't even really rant about Hick. I was sure he was deliberately snubbing me when I got back from town yesterday. As I came up the driveway, he was fiddling around in the back door of SilverRedO, which was parked beside the camper in the front yard. I knew he'd been planning on putting in some trim, but it had been too hot. The temperature was about three degrees cooler than the previous day, so I guess Hick was making hay while the sun shines. Hopefully, his board-trim-hay was made better that the Hick House Trust lawyer's hay.

Anyhoo... I fully expected Hick to walk over and greet me in the garage. If he's around, he generally does that. Offers to carry in any groceries I might have stashed in T-Hoe's rear. I didn't have any groceries this day, but Hick didn't know that. I waited a couple minutes before putting down the garage door. No need to decapitate Hick if he was going to help. No sign of him, so I closed the door. Even my Sweet, Sweet Juno had come into the garage. She never does that! Because we closed her up in there the day she came home from the vet after her very special operation, because she was all woozy from her medicine, and the vet said not to let her out to run for 24 hours. So Juno associates the garage with a prison where she had her insides ripped out.

Anyhoo... still no Hick, so I carried in my 44 oz Diet Coke, gave the dogs some stale bread as a treat, and started to get my lunch ready. I figured I'd ask Hick if he wanted some lunch, too. He usually isn't home. I don't want to spoil him with TWO prepared meals a day, but I was only warming up some frozen taquitos, and it wasn't too much trouble to toss a few extra onto the pan.

I went to the front porch, planning to holler at Hick and ask if he wanted some lunch. Can you believe he was inside the camper WITH THE DOOR CLOSED? Ain't that a fine how-do-you-do! I was going to offer him some lunch, but he was deliberately snubbing me. He KNEW I just got home. Huh. I'd still offer him lunch, but he was going to get a piece of my mind as a side dish, for snubbing me with a closed camper door! I got my cell phone to call him. You don't think I'd walk down the steps and across the yard to talk to him, do you? He CLOSED THE DOOR almost in my face!

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Yes. That's 10 rings. Just as I heard the caller unavailable voice pick up, I ended the call. Part of me hoping that it was Hick finally answering. Which would mean I hung up on him. Like he'd CLOSED THE DOOR almost in my face! Huh. No lunch for you, then!

Thump thump thump, thump.

That was the sound of Hick's feet on the porch steps. He walked all the way around to the kitchen door. I guess he didn't have his key. He came in all sweaty, and plopped down on the long couch. "Hello hello." I, of course, was in the La-Z-Boy.

"I can't believe you didn't walk over to talk to me! You saw me coming up the driveway! I saw you at your truck! And the dogs even barked and ran over to me! Not only didn't you come to talk to me, you SLAMMED THAT CAMPER DOOR SHUT! I was going to holler at you from the porch, to see if you wanted lunch."

"Actually, the WIND slammed the door shut. So then I turned on the air conditioner, because I've been sweating to death out there. I came in to let it cool off for a minute. I already ate lunch in town. I had to go get a board."

Well. No lunch for HIM! Good thing he ate in town. Seeing as how he hadn't even come in to talk to me, but only as a coincidence, to avoid heat stroke, with no explanation at all as to why he snubbed me when I arrived home.