Maybe It's a Monument to Hick

Looks like somebody built a monument out of the rip-rap at the low water bridge. The county highway department filled in the edge of the creek with those large rocks, because the silt keeps washing away when water goes over the bridge.

I stopped for the picture on the way home, because there's more room to pull over. Little did I know, until I was holding my phone out T-Hoe's window, radio playing 70s music... that there was guy standing about five feet to the left of the "monument," fishing!

Well! I was kind of embarrassed. I guess he might have turned and seen me attempting to steal his soul with my phone camera. I assure you, he was not that interesting. Not as unique as a pile of rocks! Sorry, dude.

Anyhoo... the reason I think this could be a monument to Hick is that, um, sometimes, he is not the sharpest tool in the shed. I'm not calling him thick as a brick, because that would imply that some planning and preparation had gone into his proclamations. Proclamations which make him look dumb as a rock. A box of them! A whole pile of rip-rap!

Sure, Hick is a genius at mechanical implements, carpentry, and making money from junk. It's the little things that trip him up. Here's an example.

Friday night, I chastised Hick when he came back from the non-auction (it was cancelled, apparently) for not answering my text.

"I didn't get no text."

"I just sent it five minutes ago. I heard you upstairs."

"I'm looking at my phone now. I don't have a text from you. In fact, I sent YOU a text. But it said 'texting not available.' I guess my phone ain't workin'."

"So you were just accepting that? And not going to tell me? Or try to fix it? TURN YOUR PHONE OFF AND BACK ON."

Let the record show that Val is not an expert on cell phones. In fact, on a scale of 0-100, her understanding is about a 2. On, off, touch an icon for email, phone, text, or camera. That's it. I don't really even need a smart phone. A pretty-dumb phone would do. One of those old Jitterbug toilet-lid-looking phones for old people. But I always get Genius's hand-me-downs when he gets a new phone. So my phone, at one time, was state-of-the-art, many years previous. But one thing I DO KNOW, is that when my phone is acting up, I turn it off and back on, which fixes it!

I went back to my lair. No need to stand at the bottom of the basement steps, waiting for Hick's phone to come back on. Shortly, I heard his phone chime, as with an incoming text. Heard it several times. I guess he had some waiting. Then my phone got a text from him.

",test" at 7:33

"Got it" I replied at 7:34

"Test" at 7:35

"Got it" I replied again at 7:35

"Just got your text" at 7:38, meaning he got the one I had originally sent him at 7:19

"Okay" I replied at 7:39, letting him know that I knew

I figured everything was fine with his phone, and that I could communicate with Hick again. Basically, that he couldn't use the excuse of his phone not working any more if he didn't answer.

Saturday, Hick went to his Storage Unit Store. I was on the way home from town when I got a text. I can't read them, of course, when I'm driving T-Hoe. I could see that it was from Hick, who comes in on my phone as "Dad," because, Genius and The Pony always set up my contacts for me. Like I said, I'm a 2 out of 100 on phone skills.

I called Hick.

"I'm driving. Can't read a text."

"Okay. I was just seeing if my text works. It didn't last night."

"Um. I KNOW. Remember, you turned it off and on, and then it worked?"

"Oh. It DID?"

"Yeesss... you sent me TEST, and I said I got it."

"Oh. I kept seeing GOT IT, GOT IT, GOT IT. I wondered where that was coming from. I thought it wasn't working."

"Noooo... you sent me TEST, so I said I got it. Every time you sent it, I said I got it."

"I only sent it once! The phone must have been doing it over and over."

"I don't think so. You used different punctuation and capitals."

"Huh. I'm pretty sure the phone did that by itself."

Well. Still. I'm pretty sure most people would have grasped the concept that every time they sent a TEST by text, and got a GOT IT back... that showed the phone was working again. Doesn't take an Einstein or MENSA president.

Like the comedian Bill Engvall used to say, "Here's your sign,"
I want to tell Hick: "Here's your monument."