Thursday, September 17, 2020

Gone in 360 Seconds

You might sense that I garner no joy in cooking for Hick. I do it. But I don't have to enjoy it. No matter how much or how little effort I put in, the meal is hoovered up like the blueberry pies by Davy Lard-Ass Hogan in the story told by Gordy LaChance in the movie Stand By Me

Tuesday evening, I made deep dish pizza for Hick and The Pony. They both love it. Nothing elaborate. It's from the box mix by Chef Boyardee. You mix the packaged dough, let it rise, pour on the canned sauce, and shove it in the oven. Easy peasy, but time-consuming. Oh, and while The Pony likes his pizza right out of the box, Hick must have MEAT on his portion. So I fry hamburger to add on top.

I'd already devoted 50 minutes to the endeavor. The Pony had just slid the puffy creation into the oven. I was washing up some of the dishes when Hick traipsed through the kitchen, and said,

"Now don't take this wrong. But what do you say... it's going to be... maybe 20 minutes until it's done?"

"Yes. Twenty minutes."

"Okay. Because my buddy just called, and wants some numbers off a gun that I have up at my store, so I'm going to run up there and get it. I should be back when it's ready."

"Whatever."
 
"I can warm it up."
 
"I'll set yours on the stove. I want to get the pan washed."

The trip to town is 10 minutes. The trip back is 10 minutes. I KNEW Hick wouldn't be home when the pizza came out of the oven. In fact, The Pony had finished eating his portion, and was already soaking in the big triangle tub as per his nightly ritual, and I'd washed up all the dishes involved.

Hick was gone for 50 minutes. 

He picked up his deep dish pizza from the stove, and headed for the living room. By the time I wrapped up The Pony's tomorrow-supper and went to sit on the short couch, Hick WAS DONE!

I had devoted an hour and forty minutes to that meal, and Hick ate it in six minutes. I'm glad I didn't whip up a gourmet feast.

16 comments:

  1. I used to make those a lot with hamburger and extra cheese when the kids were still home. Now I usually but a dozen and add whatever. I do have fond memories of those boxed pizzas though! No matter what you cook, it can be inhaled much faster than you think! 😯

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    1. One of my students (8th grade) used to come to school all exited on nights his family was having Chef Boyardee. He had three brothers. I imagine it took more than one box pizza, and it was a free-for-all at the table!

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    2. You know, I really need to check my replies before I publish them.
      I didn't mean a "dozen" pizzas, I meant "frozen". Of course, I probably cooked one a week for at least 30+ years of the 54 we've been married. I should get a few boxes to keep in the cabinet in case we don't have a frozen one. It's so much better. I used to top them with cooked crumbled hamburger and yes,even cheddar cheese + the Parmesan included. (We didn't know about "real restaurant pizza" back then with their "fancy" Mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses and pepperoni, which we didn't know what it was.) There were no pizza parlors near here and of course, we couldn't afford to eat out, Yep, as backwoods as you can get!
      Of course, I can grab one out of the freezer now and cook it before I can get the dough ready from the box, so there is that.😍
      Now I'm hungry for pizza!!

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    3. Heh, heh! When I saw "a dozen," I thought, "They must REALLY love pizza!" But I'm not one to judge, especially where pizza is concerned.

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  2. That would be aggravating, to say the least.

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    1. If he'd told me before I started making it, he could have picked up some pizza for ME in town!

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  3. Hamburger on canned sauce on a chef Boyardee crust and 50 minutes? $12 gets a Jersey pie from Mario, ten minutes to pick up, and it is REAL PIZZA just the thing to go with a dirty water cocktail.

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    1. They could probably deliver one HERE in less time that it took me to make it! I needed a dirty-water cocktail after that. I was sweating like I'd been sliding pizza in and out of a wood-fired oven!

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    1. The Pony said it was good. Hick might have grunted, though I'm not sure it was meant as a compliment.

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  5. I brought a guy brownies and coffee to the living room. By the time I picked up my plate of brownies and the glass of milk I had sitting on the counter, he had inhaled the brownies AND the coffee. I was insulted and furious.

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  6. You don't add any other toppings to the pizza? Onions, bell peppers, tomatoes, cheese? Olives?

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    1. It had grated parmesan cheese on top (doesn't come in the box anymore!), and Hick's part had hamburger.

      When I make individual pizzas with the little crusts, I always add green pepper and onion and black olives to mine. Hick hates peppers, but he likes mushrooms and onions. The Pony usually prefers only cheese. Sometimes I make a shredded chicken pizza with BBQ sauce and onions.

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  7. It has been years since we've had one of those pizzas. Now guess what he's having tomorrow. He gulps in two bites, too.

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    1. The deep dish version is SO GOOD! If it wasn't in such great demand around here, I'd have a portion of it, too. Mmm, the bready crust, with its own crust around the edges, from cooking in the oil used to grease the baking dish...

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