The High Cost Of Working

Genius called last night, asking if I had his birth certificate. Not that he doubts being born, of course. And not that it was urgent. It's just that he'd sent me a text while I was on the house phone with Hick, and after 10 minutes of no response, he grew impatient, and called my cell phone. At least it allowed me to get off the phone with Hick.

Genius needs a passport. His job is sending him to TAIWAN. That's right. He's been working for eight weeks, and now he's going to be an international traveler. His trip isn't until July, to present a product for launch, but he's not one to let things go. He's getting that passport now.

I told Genius that I'm sure I have his birth certificate here somewhere...or at least a copy, that I most likely got if I couldn't find the original. Hick keeps some things in one of the giant safes, and I don't have the combination. So it might be there. I know he had to have it to get a driver's license seven years ago.

"This form doesn't say if it has to be an OFFICIAL copy, so I don't know if you could just run a copy of it, or scan it and send it to me."

"I'll just go get an official copy tomorrow at the county health center. You probably need one to keep on file for yourself. I'll get two while I'm there. So you can send one with the passport, and keep one. I think they cost $10, though."

"OOH! TEN DOLLARS! I think I can afford that."

"I'm sure you can. Better than me. You realize we're on a fixed income, right?" Thank goodness I hadn't sent Genius that picture of my $1000 slot machine jackpot from last Saturday!

"Yeah. I can pay you for it. There's no rush."

Soo...I downloaded the necessary request form last night, and went to the county health center this morning. Got there around 10:45, so I could pick up the certificates and put them in the mail by 11:30. Genius may say there's no rush, but he started doing his taxes on February 1st. The procrastination gene, so strong in me (and The Pony), must have bypassed Genius.

NOTE TO SELF: Do not go to the county health center near lunch time.

Yes, in Backroads, 10:45 is near lunch time! Let the record show that my school lunch time was 10:53, for the last 10 years I worked. The lady seated behind the glass window at the county health center was in the middle of a call to Subway. Do you know how long it takes to specify each individual sandwich for an office full of county workers? Pretty dang long!

Another lady came up and asked if she could help me. I could tell she didn't want to. She took my forms and scribbled on the back. She asked for my ID. And $53. I was also getting two copies of my mom's death certificate, because we seem to have burned through all but one copy given to us by the funeral home three years ago. Probably in the quest for that MEDALLION to redeem those series EE savings bonds. Looks like the price of birth certificates went up to $15. It's cheaper to provide proof of death, at $13 for one, and $10 for each one after.

"Can I use a debit card?" The website had said this was a permissible form of payment.

"Well...you caaannn...but there will be an extra fee."

Huh. Who knew a debit card has a fee? Not this ol' Val, that's for sure. I thought only credit cards required a fee. But then, I'm not a county government job insider. Lucky for me, I'd put three twenties (scammed from my casino bankroll out of my gambling purse) in my shirt pocket on the way out the door this morning. So I forked it over.

That lady took a good long time getting my copies. All the while, I was privy (heh, heh, did it a second day in a row) to the sandwich tastes her fellow employees, that one lady sitting there broadcasting it all through the building with her opera-quality vocal cords. I'd hate to hear her outside voice! Oh, and one of those workers is allergic to cheese! So you'd better not ever mess up their order.

Anyhoo...I'd barely beaten and old man and young adult in the door. It was only because they parked up in the handicap spot off to the side. They milled around, waiting on me and those sandwiches. Then another lady apparently came back from break, and asked another one, who'd been hiding in plain sight, to help them.

They wanted a PASSPORT! Alas, the county health center does not issue passports, but informed them that the courthouse does, so they had another ten miles to drive, after skipping the courthouse in their own county to drive 20 miles to our county health center. They weren't bitter, though. The old man was proud that his (grandson) needed a passport to go to college overseas. I didn't catch where. That sandwich orderer was too loud.

Around 11:05, the lunch order was made (to be picked up at 11:20), and people commenced to bringing their money up front. At least that gal stopped long enough to ask what she was supposed to do with those certificates and seven dollars laying on her desk. She hollered my name, and the reluctant helper hissed, "She's right there!"

I got my forms, stashed them in the manila envelope, and paid $1.00 at the post office, barely getting them in today's mail. I sent Genius a text that they were on the way, and that they cost me $15 apiece!

"Dad says work should reimburse you for the passport."

"It's funny, because they won't. But if I didn't get one, and they wanted to send me, they would pay THOUSANDS to ship me to Chicago to get one in two days, in person. As they've done in the past."

"That's ridiculous! It's like you're working for the government!"

I don't think they'll order him a Subway sandwich for lunch, though.