Back-of-the-Book-Blurb #98 "The Umm-Try-ers Seek Facts"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. If you've even known a teacher, or toiled in the trenches as one yourself, you know one thing for sure...every 4-8 years, a new teaching model is mandated. Yes, you'd better jump on the bandwagon, or risk getting thrown under the bus. Sometimes, change for the sake of change is not in the best interests of the students. Oops! Did I type that out loud? Makes me no nevermind any more, because I'm RETIRED, by cracky! This week, Val makes use of her many years of indoctrination experience, and presents her latest fake book, an expose' of the latest fake classroom craze. In the future, in a classroom close, close to you...

The Um-Try-ers Seek Facts

Mrs. Snowflake's fourth grade students are busy trying out their new research skills. The school has banned books, internet connections, and guest speakers, in favor of the new Self-Education curriculum. Students spend class time sitting atop their desks, letting enlightenment flow into their developing brains. This is achieved as they softly chant, "Ummm..."

A rogue parents' group has petitioned the school board to stop the new curriculum. Or at least scrap all desks, replacing them with stand-up desks. In addition, games at recess have been prohibited. Parents complained that not everyone could win, and they did NOT want their child to be termed a loser. Now proper playground procedure requires each student to play with himself/herself.

Will the movement for stand-up desks have legs? And will the little blond girl lurking in the background find an answer to why she has been excluded from the all-brunette classroom? (147 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Sit N Spin..."My head is dizzy from trying to read Thevictorian's fake book! She goes round and round, never making a point." 

Sitz Bath..."I must give this fake author credit. Since she started fake-publishing fake books, I have been in high demand. Apparently, her fake writing gives people a giant pain in the...well...you know."

Sitar..."I feel like Thevictorian is just stringing us along. I look inside her and see her heart is painted black. I will make sure that my buddy Ravi Shankar does not sing her praises."

Centaur..."I have been pacing since I fake-read this fake book. It made me feel like I'd been rode hard and put away wet. I've got half a mind to trot on over to Thevictorian's fake address and kick her in the patootie. She is trying to make her fake fortune on the backs of others. It's time to put her out to pasture. Or give the ol' nag a one-way ticket to the glue factory."

Sitcom..."There is no audience for this fake author's fake books. She will NOT be laughing all the way to the fake bank if I can help it. Her fake rise to fake fame must surely have been scripted by The Powers That Be in return for as-yet-undiscovered fake favors. Thevictorian should cancel her efforts, and stop broadcasting teasers for any of her upcoming fake work."

Sitka, AK..."There's something fishy about this fake author. I wouldn't let her live here for all the gold in the Yukon. Her fake books are a waste of good pulp. Somebody needs to remind Thevictorian that no gal is an island, but I am situated on one, and will pass legislation to ban her fake books so that her intended fake-readership (and their pocketbooks) are never exposed to her folly."

Mike "The SITuation" Sorrentino..."I think that, quite possibly, Thevictorian is disliked more than ME! Too bad she's allowed to roam free while I have to go to prison for tax evasion. Her fake words make my own words seem like the quotes of a genius."

Otis Redding..."I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay, watchin' the ships roll away, and wishing Thevictorian was on one of them. Talk about TIME-WASTING! Thevictorian puts me to shame in that category. These arms of mine are burning to fling every last one of her fake books into the bay."

Sit Ups..."We can hardly stomach this fake author's writing. It's an exercise in futility. In fact, we find it ABominable!"

Little Jack Horner..."This fake book makes me lose my appetite for my Christmas pie. I think Thevictorian needs to sit in the corner. She's plum untalented. I do NOT give this book a thumb's up!"

Little Miss Muffet..."This fake author frightens me more than a spider! And she's not even fake-writing horror. I have a mind to throw my tuffet at her, but I'll be darned if she gets to SIT in the corner! She can stand."