Val, Susan Lucci, and American Tourister

Val's mind works backwards sometimes, which means that when she read about the Oscars, it made her think of awards, which made her think of the Emmys, which made her think of Susan Lucci, which made her think of an old Saturday Night Live episode poking fun at Ms. Lucci's long losing streak, which made her think of suitcases. You'll figure it out by the end of this post. Or not. For those of you I perpetually confuse.

On Saturday, Hick and I went to the casino. That's not our preferred day, but since we were eligible for a FREE GIFT, you can bet we showed up to claim it. In fact, we were each eligible for one. Here's our prize. It only cost us about $1,308,697.24 over the years, building up our points to qualify!

American Tourister, baby! I think they should hold up fairly well.

The giveaway was scheduled for noon to 8:00 p.m. Hick was selling at his Storage Unit Store, and I was fine with going later in the afternoon. Hick decided to close up shop at 11:00, so I met him in town to continue up the highway to the casino. I told Hick that I didn't want to go get the free gift as soon as we got there.

"Everybody will be lined up waiting at noon. Let's play for a while, and then go pick it up, and take it out to the car before we have lunch."

"I don't know. They might run out, and give us something else left over, like they did with the pasta maker."

Let the record show that the pasta maker WAS the something else. I don't know what it was supposed to be, but the pasta maker made a good Christmas gift for Genius, who likes to cook.

"Well, it's going to be crowded no matter what. It's the first weekend of the month, and all the old people will have their checks. Like us! The place will be packed. And I bet everyone's going to be dragging these suitcases around with them, and parking them by the machines. Just like they carried those pasta makers and put them on the seat next to them."

"Yeah. Probably."

Since it took a while for Hick to tear himself away from his Unit Storage Unit Store, we didn't get to the casino until 12:30. On the walk in from the parking lot, I saw 7 or 8 people pulling their luggage. Sensibly taking it back to the car or to their room, if they were staying in the hotel. Hick and I scanned our player cards for a chance to win a Mercedes (free lease for a year), but didn't win. Shocker. We continued into the casino.

Those suitcases were EVERYWHERE! Coming toward us down the gaudy-carpeted aisle, in line at the cash-out machine, at the swollen ankles of old ladies with walkers sitting at slots, at the heels of raucous men hollering at the roulette table. EVERYWHERE!

Hick chuckled. "You were right about that."

Then he suggested that we go get our luggage NOW. Because he was seeing so much of it that he was afraid they would indeed run out. I agreed. Who am I to argue with my chauffeur? We got in line, and it moved fast. In no time, we were merging into a line of luggage-pullers. Hick said he would take both bags back to the car, so I could play. Sometimes he's really a nice guy. I was fine with walking back out, but Hick loaded one suitcase on top of the other, and pulled it. I myself might have carried both in my hands, balanced, like Olan working The Good Earth with a yoke upon her shoulders. But maybe Hick was being gentle with his Poparm. (more on that story soon)

Anyhoo...as I roamed around the casino, unable to get on any of my favorite machines, and blocked by many parked American Touristers...I though of that SNL sketch with Susan Lucci and the Emmys. During her monologue, she took us on a tour backstage, where it seemed that everyone had an Emmy (or multiples) except her. The makeup artist had three, and the wardrobe guy had some, and Kevin Nealon was wearing one around his neck on a thick chain for bling. Jan Hooks called for a union construction guy to fix her wobbly makeup table, and he jammed an Emmy under one leg. Another worker had Emmys hooked on his tool belt, and was on a ladder hammering with the base of one. David Spade was eating corn-on-the-cob from the food table, using an Emmy at each end as a corn holder. Then Mike Myers yelled, "Emmy fight!" and they all started throwing Emmys at each other. That's one of my favorite SNL sketches of all time.

That's what all those suitcases reminded me of.

Oh, and if you're curious as to how I acquired my most recent fortune, I was forced (okay, I went willingly) into the high limit room because of the crowd taking up my favorite slots. There's one in there that I play every now and then. Certainly not every trip. I always know how many spins I want to give it, or how much money I'm willing to put in.

That's a $5 machine. I only play one credit. I put in a twenty, and the machine kept giving me little wins. Like four credits. So I kept playing. The wins ran out, and I didn't feel like this machine was done. It usually gives me only one win, and I play it, and I'm done. I put in another twenty. Again, it kept paying me. I had some credits built up. I'd decided that after 20 spins, I was out. But I still had nine credits after 20 spins. I could have cashed out right then, above even. But no. I wanted to play those credits. I'd been prepared to lose that forty dollars. At 27 spins, I hit these three purple 7s. It paid $1000. You can bet I cashed out that ticket right then!

Good thing I could carry that amount with me. Since Hick had already taken out my American Tourister that I would have needed for a couple of million, to pull on wheels.