Friday, May 17, 2013

The Tom-Blocker

Did you ever stumble into a romantic rendezvous, putting the kibosh on hanky-panky, leaving the would-be lovers unfulfilled and a tad resentful?

Yesterday, The Pony and I left school soon after the forced hanging-around-the-room time had passed. We stopped to pick up some prescriptions, and a 44 oz. Diet Coke. Not at the same place, of course. But wouldn't that be totally AWESOME? Like a laundromat where you can drink beer while your clothes wash themselves. Only it would be a pharmacy where you can drink a 44 oz. Diet Coke while they call your insurance, put your 30-day meds in a 90-day bottle, discover the mistake, make you wait while they switch it out, put in a generic that you can't take, and make you wait while they switch it out.

The pharmacy gang had their act together this time. They could have been a pit crew for Rowdy Burns, Cole Trickle's nemesis in Days of Thunder, so efficient was their choreographed drug-doling ballet. A trip to victory lane is surely in their future.

The Pony and I arrived home a bit earlier than normal. Coming up the driveway, we spotted various fowl scratching and pecking. Hick's newest fine feathered friend, a very vocal turkey, was about twenty feet ahead, between the concrete slab behind the garage, and the fence that makes good neighbors. Cue the screeching phonograph record.


My brain just assumed it was Hick's gobbler. But no. This was a tall browny-gray wild turkey striding toward the house. On the other side, in the side yard by the chicken pen and BARn, was Hick's turkey. The wild one turned to look at us when The Pony squeezed the garage door opener and set off the grindy automatic door. Wild Turkey ran a couple of awkward steps and took flight. She heaved herself inches above the treetops, and disappeared down toward the creek.

"Great. Now you've made Dad's turkey mad. You scared away his lady."

"That's unfortunate. She'll be back."

"There he was, calling her, and she was headed right toward him. Now she's gone."

"He'll have to get over it."

"Look. He's still all puffed up."


Hick was not happy to hear that I had ruined a first date. "She may come back. And if she's alone, she may stay here with him." Now he is operating an off-line mating service.

Not if I can help it.


  1. Turkey hanky-panky? How long before this blog receives an X rating?

  2. What she thought was a stud, turned into a dud...

  3. How do you know you arrived before and not after? I'd keep and eye out for a single turkey mom with some odd looking turkey chicks out there in the woods in the near future.

  4. Stephen,
    That rating will be pending until I tell the tale of the unfortunate expiration of a former turkey at the hands of her feathered lover.

    He's still tryin'.

    And we hope that is all. See above murder foreshadowing.

    I was using circumstantial evidence from the direction and positions of the Tahoe-crossed lovers. As our Tom would say, "I have no children THAT I KNOW OF."