Friday, May 31, 2013

I Hold It Inside, In My Tasty Cream Filling

It's official. My well-camouflaged SUPER SWEETNESS has been revealed. I know that's what you all think every time my name comes to mind. "Val wrote the book on sweetness. Well, she's going to. She has an outline. In her head. As soon as her proposed handbasket factory is up and running, she's going to put it down on paper. OK, she's going to put down paper. Paper plates holding yummy cupcakes that require her hands so that she can't type up any ideas just yet. But she's thinking about it. Yep. Our Val wrote the book on sweetness." Now that THAT cat is out of the bag, let's celebrate with a cupcake.

Thank you to blog buddy Lynn for showing the internet world my true colors. Fie on those folks who describe me, behind their hands, in hushed tones, as a regular Sour Patch kid, except that first she's sour...then she stays sour. Yeah. That's not very sweet of you, is it? Shame on you. Take a lesson from Lynn and catch some flies, why don't you? They're not going to flock around that vinegary attitude of yours.

Here's the catch, though. Even though I'm sweeter than a marzipan unicorn dipped in syrup, rolled in granulated C & H, charred with a blowtorch, and dusted with confectioner's sugar...I have a tasteless side. I don't always follow the rules. Rules are made to be picked and chosen by Val. So I am in partial compliance with Lynn's very special award. Three out of five ain't bad. I think that was a big hit for Meat Loaf back in the day, on his Bat Out of Not-Heaven album.

Thank you, Lynn. It's an honor just to be nominated. I am rushing to post this before the first 13 on your baker's dozen list are aware. That makes me a winner!

The Super Sweet Blogging Award is shown above. Tiny fairy and all. She doesn't know how lucky she is that I didn't chomp off a leg or arm in my feeding frenzy. The fairy, that is. Not Lynn. Val may be many things, but a cannibal is not one.

Here are my responses to the interrogation necessary to receive the award:

1. Cookies or Cake? I scream, you scream, we all scream for CAKE! CAKE WITH BUTTER CREAM ICING! Party down! Let's celebrate the birthdays of every single person on every single Sweet Blogger's blogroll. And their family members! CAKE!

2. Chocolate or Vanilla? What kind of a choice is that? CHOCOLATE, there is no substitute. I think Tom Cruise as Joel Goodson said that in Risky Business. That, or Porsche. Which is stupid, really. What kind of flavor is Porsche?

3. Favorite Sweet Treat? That's not fair. Sweet treats are like kids. You can't have a favorite. You must love them all equally. That said, Val's current sweet pet is Little Debbie Swiss Roll. She's so exotic. Yet domestic.

4. When do you crave sweet things the most? Hm...that's a stumper. Not in the morning. At the end of the day. After a savory treat.

5. Sweet Nickname? At the risk of appearing to scam somebody else's sweet nickname: SUZY-Q. And no, it's not because of my sordid history of snack cake consumption. It has to do with a part of my real name, and my indulgent relatives when I was a child, who did not consider being referred to by a snack cake name as demeaning.

Dang! I wasted no time in responding, huh? I suppose that just goes to show that the quickest way to Val's blog post is through her pancreas. I'm sorry to report that I am now crashing after my sugar high, and will not be able to nominate a baker's dozen of other bloggers. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am blog-friendless after seeing Lynn's list, with only my two stand-up guys Stephen and Joe H. available to assume the candy necklace of Super Sweet Blogger. They are welcome to claim this award if their insulin levels are up to snuff.

Now I'm off to have a little recliner nap.


  1. Val--Hey, didn't you see the little R in a circle next to "Suzy-Q" in my post? That means it's ME.

    Fix this immediately.

    1. I did not. But I SHALL see you in court, Madam! You can have that name when you pry it from my cold penniless hands, and not one instant before! You have tangled with the wrong SUZY-Q. I will not be intimidated. What do you think I am, some softy who will crumble under pressure? I think not! The only thing that needs fixin' is your out-of-joint nose, Madam! And I am willing to do that for free, without anesthesia. Because that's the kind of gal I am.

  2. My mouth is watering now.
    You are such a sweetie, and so is Lynn!

    1. Donna,
      I'm baffled by that reaction. I usually make people's eyes water. Maybe I'm a Sweet Vidalia.