Monday, May 13, 2013

Eggs, Eggs, Everywhere...and Not a Yolk to Eat

Hick has a problem. It's as evident as the beard on his face. Not that he knows he has a beard on his face, apparently.

I opened the refrigerator Friday to put away the week's groceries. My Frigidaire has overcrowding issues. Most of the bottom shelf was occupied by eggs. Eggs in blue cartons, never reaching the end. Hoards that Hick's saving, never meaning to send. I observed three 18-count cartons and three 12-count cartons. THAT'S 90 EGGS! Nobody needs 90 eggs lolling about the refrigerator.

Yes, Hick SAYS he's selling those eggs at work. Yet they continue to build up. "Oh, he wasn't there today," is the answer when quizzed on the never-ending worry. Like an anorexic telling how much she eats, or an alcoholic telling how little he drinks...Hick described the egg infestation in detail. "Those three are going to the auction Friday night. That dozen on the top shelf are the little eggs for your mom for Mother's Day. She loves the little eggs. And those two cartons of 12 on the bottom are store-bought eggs that you've had in there for a while."

Au contraire. The last eggs I purchased were for Easter. All but three of the two dozen were boiled and turned into deviled eggs and potato salad. The other three went into an Oreo cake. Let's not forget that Hick recycles the cartons. My mother does not love the little eggs. She does not even like them on a platonic level. She has told me before, "I just don't know what to use them for. I don't know how many make a real egg in recipes. They're okay for boiling, I guess. Don't tell him that. He wants to give them to me, and I'll take them."

The market must be glutted with farm fresh eggs. Hick sold them for $3.00 an 18-pack at the auction Saturday night. The refrigerator is filling up again.


  1. I wish I had a great egg joke to insert here, but I don't. You can freeze eggs, can't you, if you remove the shell?

  2. You could always bring the little ones to BigCityLand, tell people that they came from miniature chickens, and are considered a delicacy in the wealthier circles.

    People buy mutts with designer names, and pay hundreds of dollars for them. They might do the same for extra "special" eggs.

  3. Stephen,
    Why would I want a freezer full of eggs to go with my refrigerator full of eggs? Is this some special riddle that will tell me how to get rid of excess eggs if I can only solve it?

    And removing the shell conjures up all manner of grotesque imagery. Thank goodness I didn't write about a refrigerator full of turtles.

    Yes. I could sell them as Cornish game hen eggs! Or...I could remove the shells, and sell them as shell-less eggs. Maybe I could get myself a tongue-twister.

    Val sells shell-less eggs she de-shelled.