Sunday, May 5, 2013

And THIS Little Piggy Cried, "Wee, wee, wee!" When Beset With a Debilitating Injury

I have a bit of a head cold shared with me by Hick and his breather. The resulting headache and sinus pain has made me a bit woozy and unsteady on my feet. Kind of like a happy drunk, but without the fun, and without the alcohol.

This afternoon I entered the master bathroom to change clothes for The Pony's spring band concert. Hick and I have a big walk-in closet in the john. As I turned to enter, a wave of vertigo struck me clumsy. A step with my right foot that I had planned to put into the closet instead struck the inward-opening door. Precisely, that inch of wood from which the door is made, hung between two hinges. My pinky-toe bent in an unnatural angle. A ninety-degree angle, for the geometry scholars and carpenters among you.

You know how, when you hit your extremities on something, the length of your axons (some as long as three feet!) means that you know you're hurt, but you don't feel it for a second or two? It was like that. I knew Pinky had swiveled too far. But I couldn't look. Besides, I was not in any position to look. I was cartwheeling between the hanging clothes, blouses to the left of me, work pants to the right, and there I was stuck in the middle with a view. Of the gray metal circuit-breaker box, that is. Or service entrance, as Hick the facility maintenance supervisor refers to it. Whatever its nomenclature, it was rushing towards my head until I stuck out my right arm and stopped that wall from closing in.

Then the pain arrived. Kind of sharp. I still couldn't look. What good would THAT do? Nothing can be done for a broken pinky-toe except for taping it to the piggy that had no roast beef. Who is probably already bitter about the roast beef snubbing. Anyway, I don't think Pinky has enough bone in her to break. She's one of those freaky deaky pinky-toes that is all triangular and meaty and pudgy, with an itty bitty crescent nail. The kind of pinky-toe that sort of turns under the next toe when you walk. Not a pretty little pinky-toe, all manicured and painted up like a hussy, begging to expose herself in flip-flops and fancy sandals.

Pinky ached all through the concert. Quietly, because, while not pretty, she does have class. The sides of the shoe were constricting her like a boa around a bunny. But she maintained. That little toe jammed along with the music, throbbing to beat the band.

I am thankful that Pinky did not pop off. That would have been as bad as a street sweeper running over her, and having some hipster doofus pick her up, plop her in a Cracker Jack box full of ice, hijack a bus, and drive me to the emergency room, while making all the stops.

I may gather enough courage to take a peek tomorrow morning. At least it took my mind off my cold.


  1. You are a "stealer of wheels," Val. The cracker- jack-hijacked-bus reference went over my head, however, unless it was YOURS (and only yours).

    Prop that piggy up tonight and pamper her...

  2. Sioux,
    Kramer rescued the pinky-toe. Not mine, of course. Good call on the Stealer's Wheel.

  3. Sometimes little hurts cause the most agony, like biting your tongue. I hope your toe isn't broken and you're back to normal soon. Take care.

  4. I broke my little toe the week I changed jobs from public to parochial. The priest who came to the rectory door to find a pathetic pained woman with one shoe on and one flip flop on. I said, "Please, do not close the door, I am your preK teacher not a hooosier looking for a handout." I made a first impression as pinkie screamed obscenities and the priest backed away wondering if I was for real. OH it was real. I feel your pain. Wait for the beautiful shades of purple, blue and black to color your foot.

  5. Feeding pigs roast beef is just about as sick as putting a baby in a cradle in a tree top if you you ask me. But there's not much worse than being stuck in a stack of clothing seeing stars and clowns and jokers. My sympathies.

  6. Stephen,
    Bite your tongue! I do not want to deal with a debilitating injury of my own.

    No need for me to wait. Val and the Amazing Technicolor Pinky-Toe are ready for the curtain to rise.

    Thanks for feeling my pain.

  7. Ouch. As if having vertigo weren't enough, a bum piggy makes it worse.

  8. Donna,
    That bum piggy has an odd protuberance where the piggy meets the foot. I'm hoping it's not a misplaced bone.