Val strives to avoid controversial subjects such as politics, religion, corporal punishment, the death penalty, gay marriage, legalization of marijuana, and the bathed/cloaked in chocolate twin Twix factories. Looking for a timely, newsworthy story to be dissected into its component parts? Not gonna find it here. Until now!
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE PALATES OF THE PEOPLE OF NEW JERSEY THAT PREVENT THEM FROM NOTICING THEIR TOP SHELF LIQUOR HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH DIRTY WATER?
TGI Fridays and several other restaurants were caught passing off fake top shelf alcohol. Some scotch was replaced with rubbing alcohol and caramel coloring! But at least that was alcohol. Even though the kind that might give you the jake leg, or make you blind, or downright kill you. Some folks only got dirty water for their big bucks. What's up with that, New Jersey? Here in Missouri, we would say SHOW ME the bottle! And we'd probably sniff it and take a swig. Just to make sure we weren't being bamboozled. Nobody gives a Missourian Mississippi River water and passes it off as alcohol, by cracky!
I am not a drinking woman. But if I was, I guarantee you I would notice that my Maker's Mark did not taste the same. Pippi Longstockings riding a unicorn with her hair blown out! A child could tell that her drink was dirty water and not top shelf bourbon. Not that I recommend giving a child dirty water OR top shelf bourbon. They can drink the tears they spout over not getting dirty water or top shelf bourbon. It's cheaper.
So what's the deal, New Jersey? I have not heard a rumor that your citizens are timid wallflowers, so meek they will pay out the patootie for substandard alcohol. Have they ruined their palates from a misspent youth of watering down the parents' liquor cabinets? Are they so wealthy they can throw money around being big shots, not caring about substandard beverages as long as they look like high rollers? Are they already so drunk when they go out that they don't notice their drink is not giving them a buzz? Let's get to the bottom of this mystery. Perhaps my cranky buddy Joe H. has some insight to share as an insider from the Garden State.
The investigation went on for a year. It was started because SOME people complained. Seriously? A multitude of customers were drinking substandard alcohol for an entire year, and these restaurants remained in business? How does that happen? Why did they keep going back for more?
Something is rotten in the state of New Jersey.