Monday, May 27, 2013

In Retrospect, I Probably Should Have Planned Ahead

Well, this is embarrassing. I don't seem to have a topic to complain about this evening. I'll just have to toss out some subjects for you to discuss amongst yourselves. Don't worry if you're not up to snuff on current events. Since when have you ever known Val to expound upon cutting-edge devices or hot topics? You there, with your hand was a rhetorical question.

We can't all sit around like Donald Sutherland and Pinto and Boone and Katy, pondering whether our whole solar system could be, like, one tiny atom in the fingernail of some giant being. Check your place cards. I'm having a dinner party. Sioux, you and your fireman friend can sit at the little table over there by the balcony and share a plate. There are a finite number of slices of Veal Prince Orloff, you know.

Here are some icebreakers to get the conversation flowing:

Isn't that Ford Pinto a cute little car?

Which fragrance is more appealing: Jontue, Wind Song, or Vanderbilt

Do earth shoes go with wide flare chambray jeans?

It is okay to go straight from work to the disco in my burnt-orange leisure suit?

Which is more thirst-quenching, TAB or FRESCA?

Who did you bet on, Billie Jean King or Bobby Riggs?

Is Evel Knievel going to make it across the Snake River Canyon?

What's the weather tomorrow--should I wear my boyfriend's CPO, or my maxi coat?

Does your dog prefer Gaines Burgers or Gravy Train?

Anybody want to go outside and play some Jarts?

Are Clackers a good gift for a five-year-old, or should I just get him a Pet Rock?

Can you wear a mood ring while you're streaking?

Hey, has anybody seen The Exorcist, or did you just stay home and watch All in the Family?

Anybody want to come over later for some Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and Jiffy Pop?

What's a good brand of CB to put in my conversion van?

There. That should keep you busy. I'll just step out to the kitchen and put the finishing touches on the meal. If you need anything, let me know. I SO love to throw a dinner party.


  1. What a blast from the past, Val. However, I am a bit offended. I have firemen friendS.

    In my made-up little fantasy, there was a whole truck full of hunks that released my head from that meat-eating sink. So please, make the necessary corrections...

  2. Anybody want to come over later for some Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and Jiffy Pop? Comments like this just didn't make me popular back in the day. Too bad. I miss my Jiffy Pop.

  3. Ooh, I had a Boone's Farm hangover...the worst!!

  4. I read recently that Jiffy Pop is now being remarketed as smoke alarms. When the corn starts flying off the wall, get out of the house. This was a real trip backin time. Archie Bunker, I still watch reruns.

  5. Sioux,
    I hope you understand, Madam, that by correcting me about your MULTIPLE dates for the evening, you will be feasting on a much smaller portion of the single serving of Veal Prince Orloff allotted to your entourage.

    You must not have perfected your Wild and Crazy Guy accent. Or perhaps others found your brother Yortuk to be off-putting.

    I will take your word for it. I never tried that exotic elixir myself.

    What a waste of good Jiffy Pop! I hope Bill never tells you to "Stifle!"