Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Vampires and Weirdos

Will social distancing stop a vampire? I don't know. What I DO know is that it won't stop a weirdo. You know. A weirdo, who can't resist the pull of Val's weirdo magnet. Not all weirdos are bat-crap crazy. But all weirdos are still weirdos...

Tuesday, I came home from town around 3:30. I saw a kid walking along the gravel, on the dog-groomer neighbor's side of the road, even with our driveway. He looked about 14. As I turned in, Kid waved at me. Just that hold a hand up, howdy neighbor kind of gesture. So I did it back, through the window of T-Hoe, not even turning my head to make eye contact.

I continued toward the house. It's a driveway 1/10 mile long. I had told The Pony I would honk to let him know I was home, so he could carry in some groceries. At the carport, I gave a single honk as the garage door opened, and pulled in. I could see my little Jack, and Copper Jack, behind the house on a squirrel chase. They scatter when I come home.

Once I'd maneuvered T-Hoe inside without folding in the mirrors (only one works), I sat in the garage to await The Pony, and open the hatch. A movement caught my eye as the people-door opened. I assumed it was The Pony, and looked up, only to see


"Uh? Yeah? Did you need something?"

"Oh, I heard your dogs barking, and came down to see if something was wrong."

"No. Nothing wrong. They chase squirrels behind the house every time I come home."

"Oh. They're good dogs."

"Yes... my son is coming out to carry groceries for me..."

With that, The Pony appeared. Kid moved away from the door, and began petting the dogs on the side porch. The Pony came into the garage, and cut eyes at me. If he was more sophisticated, he might have done the crazy twirly temple finger.

"I KNOW!" I hissed. So as not to be heard by the interloper.

"I mean, WHAT?"

"I don't know! He said he heard the dogs barking, and came to see if everything was okay."

The Pony gathered up the groceries and abandoned me. I closed the main garage door, and went out the people door. The Kid was still there. I did not appreciate him waltzing onto our homestead and poking his head into the garage! What if he was one of those cabin-breaker-inners!

"Where do you live?"

"Way up the road here, on the hill."

"Oh, did my husband give you a ride in his red truck?"


"He's not home right now. He took a sick lady to the hospital."

"I wondered if maybe he might have some work to do. I'm really bored."

"Yes, especially with school out for so long. I think I saw you guys down in the creek a while back. That's something to do."

"Yeah. It's nice."

" I said, my husband isn't here. I don't know if he has any work. You could ask him next time you see him."


Still, the Kid sat on the side porch, petting the dogs. Copper Jack was on the brick sidewalk.

"That one isn't even OUR dog!"

"I know."

"He hates me. He lets anyone else pet him but me."

Kid snapped his fingers. Copper Jack started forward, but my little spotted Jack jumped off the porch and snarled and jumped up to hang onto Copper Jack's snout. There was a scuffle as they went around the corner.

"That little one is really jealous. They fight like that a lot..."

I kept walking around the porch toward the kitchen door. The Kid finally said, "Later." As I was out of sight.

He's just a kid. But I don't want him thinking he can come hang out here. I didn't mean to invite him just by waving. Now I'm afraid it's like inviting a vampire into your home. You can't really rescind that invitation. The vampire can come and go as he pleases.

I hope vampire rules don't apply to weirdos! Even KID weirdos.


  1. I can imagine he is really bored and lonely,but that would give me the willies. Isn't it to bad that we have to have this distrust of people?

    1. It was like Mr. Hand showing up at Jeff Spicoli's house on the night of the graduation dance! Totally unexpected! And unwanted!

      If those other boys hadn't been breaking into cabins and lurking around sheds, it wouldn't have bothered me nearly as much. I didn't know if this was one of them, scoping out what we have in the garage.

  2. The only thing worse than a weirdo is a bored weirdo.

    1. I agree! We saw him walking down the gravel road tonight, with four other kids. Then they went back up the road about 5 minutes later. I don't see the point in that. Unless they went down the neighbor's driveway. Even Hick said, "What in the world are they doing?"

  3. Like he said, he's just bored. You should be happy he even spoke to you, an adult!

    1. Please pardon my lack of happiness, after 28 years of having over 100 kids per day speak to me on a regular basis. I like kids well enough, but I don't want to pal around with them!

  4. Perhaps you could ask Hick to say something next time he gives the kid a ride. Maybe he could say, don't come onto the property unless I have asked you to help with something. He's probably harmless, but then again, you never can tell.

    1. Hick said he might drive up and talk to the parents, to see if it's okay for a couple of the kids to come down and help him by picking up trimmed limbs, or moving some rocks for his landscaping projects. He will point out that they shouldn't come down here unless Hick has set up a time to work.

      I think this kid is harmless, but I still don't want him hanging around here. We're not a playground, and I'm not here to entertain him. He can get his own dog!

      Also, the parents have told the kids not to accept rides anymore, even in the back of a truck of people who live out here.

  5. That kid could be a CONtaminated covid-19 carrier. Keep your distance.

    1. I was afraid he might follow me into the house! He had made himself comfortable on the porch.

  6. I am with Linda! Start spraying the weirdos with Lysol! I find it fairly easy to rid myself of unwanted visitors by being crazier than they are. Spraying people with Lysol should work like a charm!!

    1. I'm shocked that there isn't a law against spraying people with Lysol. Then again, we ARE in Missouri...