Monday, May 20, 2019

The Sunday Evening Misadventures of Hick and Val

Hick planned to grill some hot dogs for supper Sunday evening. He'd been at his Storage Unit Store all morning, stopped by Hick House to check on progress while he'd been away, come home to start filling Poolio, and mowed part of the yard that had grown back since he last mowed it three days ago.

However... I had looked up some properties that might interest Hick for flipping. I asked if he wanted to go look at them. Just drive by, notice the general condition, see if they might be worth the asking price. Of course Hick wanted to look at possible flippers! I had a list of ten. We knew where most of them were, but a couple had to be found with the Garmin.

I told Hick when we left that I had about an hour and a half for this excursion, since I'd been sipping Diet Coke all afternoon, and it would be making its exit. Hick scoffed. "Huh. This will only take about an hour." Still planning on grilling the hot dogs when we got home.

We saw one house that Hick thought worthy. It had a good roof, newer windows, and siding that didn't need replacement or repair. The neighborhood was good, with people out mowing their lawns. It's on a corner lot. Even better, it's in foreclosure! Sometimes the bank will cut their losses and take only what's owed. The only down side is that it's in a town that Hick's flipping buddies have told him is stricter on permits for renovations. So he's going to call and check on it. Let the record show that we are just in the "thinking about it" stage, and not planning to buy a flipper immediately.

Another house that caught Hick's eye was larger, and would need more work. But it was big enough to add a second bathroom. As Hick got out to look in the windows, he stuck his head back in A-Cad. "This one's not rented, it is? They might not like me peeping in the windows!" Heh, heh. It was NOT rented. Maybe the fact that there were NO curtains or shades on any of the windows would have been a clue for him. I ribbed him over that, until...

The next-to-last house was in my childhood neighborhood. Just down the street from my favorite gambling aunt's house. Again, a corner lot. Not in great shape, but a passable asphalt shingle roof, aluminum windows, and a big back yard. Hick actually went inside the enclosed front porch to peep in the house windows. When he was around back, a squirrel came up over the roof, jumped to a tree limb, and down onto the roof of the house next door. I guess he hadn't been expecting a visitor.

When Hick got back in A-Cad, he said, "It looked like someone was living in there! One room had clothes hanging, and a mattress!"

"The papers don't say it's rented..."

"Oh, it's not rented. That's the only room with anything in it!"

"Probably a squatter."

"I doubt that. It's probably something they left when they moved out."

"This house has been listed for over 400 days! I'm pretty sure people would have had time to get their stuff out. I think it's a squatter!"

"Well. You'd think they would have at least put up a curtain!"

"Yeah. Because that's what squatters do..."

We did not resolve that debate. Hick still likes the one house that's in good condition. It had a note taped on the door that said, "Do not occupy. Has not been inspected."

Anyhoo... this little flipper-house tour was now at 2.5 hours! It was 7:30. Hick said we'd pick up something for supper. He had wanted Chinese, but it takes about a half hour wait for the food. Besides, last time he went on a Sunday, it was closed. Hick thought that was just for Mother's Day, but he agreed to something faster. He chose Taco Bell. I'd just had taquitos for my lunch, but I agreed. He pulled into the drive-thru, and saw a sign taped to the menu: "We Are Out Of Beans and Sauce." Hick looked at me. Then turned to order two Burrito Supremes.

"Sir? We are out of beans. Do you still want a burrito?"

"No."

As we drove off, we could hear, "Sir? Sir?" I seriously doubt she was going to offer us anything free. You know. Because then they would run out of THAT. Hick was dumbfounded.

"How can you run a business and not have ingredients to make what you sell? Who wants a burrito without beans?"

So... we continued towards home, with Hick deciding that we would have Chinese food, since I agreed to try and wait. He was happy, because Chinese had been his first choice, but I still thought they'd be closed. Which they were!

That severely limited our options, since we were already in Backroads. The Gas Station Chicken Store only has chicken on the weekdays now, because they're still trying to hire cashiers and cooks. Country Mart's deli would only have "old food" left by 7:30 p.m. We didn't want pizza, so Domino's and Casey's were out. Dairy Queen had a packed parking lot. Hick decided on Hardee's chicken strips. Which are pretty tasty. So that was supper. With honey mustard sauce, of course.

16 comments:

  1. Which one did Hick choose as a possible renov?

    Oh, he is such a romantic fool. Did he get biscuits, too?

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    1. Hick has his eye on that house with the good roof and windows, but no definite plans yet. He did NOT get biscuits! Just the chicken. We had slaw and Hawaiian Rolls at home. I DO like Hardee's biscuits! Not McDonald's though. They're like cotton, and seem to get fluffier the more I chew them.

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  2. Sounds like trying to get something to eat in Lewiston after 10 at night. They ran out of beans at a Mexican restaurant? Now I have heard everything....

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    1. It's like the dark ages, when I was a kid, and everything was closed on Sundays!

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  3. I think we're having chicken strips for dinner. Have to fix them at home, though.

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    1. I leave chicken strips to the professionals! At home, it's just chicken with lemon pepper seasoning. I'm not a good batterer.

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  4. Sounds like it was a squatter to me. I'd stay away from that house. In Jersey there is always a diner 24/7.

    I'm trying to lose weight so most nights I just have salad...a big salad.

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    1. It's scary to think somebody might have been hiding in that house when they heard Hick stomping around. I hope Mrs. C gets credit for your big salad.

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  5. Definitely a squatter in my opinion. We get them here too, not in the actual flats, but there are communal laundries and toilets that are no longer used since each flat got renovated many years ago and sometimes we'll walk past and the door to one of the laundries will be closed or we'll see a bag of clothes and maybe a pair of shoes with a towel hanging to dry on the doorknob. Nobody does anything about it unless the squatter causes trouble, because most of us know someone, maybe a family member who is or has been homeless.

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    1. From our prospective, the problem with squatters is that it might take over six months to get rid of them. Once they establish residency, you can't get them out without filing and winning a court case to evict them, even if they have no claim to the property.

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    2. and I think the old "squatter's law" is still in action. If you squat for seven years the place is legally yours or something like that, but after that you have to start paying the taxes and other costs.

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    3. I don't think we have that one here. Then again, our kind of squatters aren't going to pay one red cent to own property when they can live for free by scamming.

      We used to own a duplex. The guy we bought if from lives just down the road from us. He couldn't get rid of a non-paying renter. He wasn't allowed to put their property out on the curb and lock them out. So he took the front door off the hinges! Said he didn't have the money to replace it until they paid some of their several months of overdue unpaid rent.

      I'm pretty sure that was still illegal, but those people didn't want to be involved with the police. After a few days of cold temps, and not being able to leave because somebody might take their stuff... they moved out.

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  6. Squatters are scary! If Hick gets into this will he get his own show on HGTV? I would watch!

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    1. If Hick had his own show, he would probably be taken off the air for saying something politically incorrect. He never thinks before he speaks.

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  7. You are goinginto business with Hick? Will you be a supervisor, a consultant, a full partner? The replacement for Chip and Joanna Gaines?

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    1. I would be the very vocal silent partner!

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