I Would Bet My Casino Bankroll That This is IRONY!

You might recall that Val and irony are not friends. Not acquaintances. Don't nod at each other in passing. Can't recognize each other in old yearbook photos. No, irony is not part of Val's posse. Irony is more like the sister of a cousin of a friend of the Target check-out gal Val once used when she was 16.

Friday, I went to the ATM at my bank. It's a trip I make every Friday. The ATM is built into the brick wall on the back side of the bank, by the three drive-thru lanes. When I pulled T-Hoe around back, I saw one car in a drive-thru lane, and several foil balloons tied to the tube-y sucky canister thingies. Two employee gals were talking to the driver, clad in special bank t-shirts, wearing their ID badges. I figured they must be having some kind of promotion, quickly running through holidays in my head. I seriously doubted May Day or Cinco de Mayo festivities from these folks. It didn't concern me, though, because I was only dealing with the ATM built into the brick wall. Or so I thought.

I had just slid my debit card into the ATM when one of the outside tellers walked over. She did that little dance, like when you play unintentional chicken with somebody walking towards you, side-to-side, not sure which way to go. Teller started for T-Hoe's driver's window, but it was within six inches of the wall. So I motioned her to the passenger side, and put down the window. I didn't unlock the doors, though. Val wasn't born yesterday. Even a seemingly-innocent teller could carjack me with my ATM fortune!

Teller greeted me by name. I'm like Cheers Norm! Teller was very polite. I like that gal. I think she's the one who told me her aunt won $100,000 on a scratcher. We're probably kindred spirits. She would never think I was scamming the bank with a check from my credit union!

"Do you use online banking?"

"No, but my son does. On the account we share. His student account."

"If you want to set one up, we can do that."

"It's easy for young people like you. But I have trouble with it."

"My stepdaughter is 18 (REEEE! I thought this gal was about 24. I guess it's possible) and she uses it all the time. I do too! It's really convenient."

"My son uses it to pay his credit card, and switch money between accounts."

"It's so easy! You can pay your electric bill, and your credit card, and your TV/internet..."

"I'm not ready right now."

"Well, we can do it any time. Just think about it. We're here when you need it. Would you like a bottle of water, or a muffin?"

"No, thanks."

Teller wandered back to the drive-thru lanes. I turned to the ATM, and made the first of my transactions. I take out money for our weekly cash allowance and some at-home, in-safe savings for six-month bills like insurance. That way, it's not in checking to fritter away, so the bill is covered when we get it, by the cash I've been stashing for that purpose. It's not that I don't trust myself, it's that I don't trust Hick to see a balance in the checkbook and think he can go buy something without telling me. You know. Like shoe inserts from The Good Feet Store, or a third tractor.

Anyhoo... my weekly withdrawal comes out of the ATM in twenties, and rather than risk clogging it, I take it out in two transactions. But this time, the ATM told me in an angry red screen that it could not dispense the money as requested! What in the NOT-HEAVEN! I knew I had enough money. It was not above the daily limit the bank arbitrarily assigned to my account. Had Hick used his debit card that morning for cash back, without telling me? This was poppycock! I call shenanigans! I tried THREE times to get my money out of my account. Each transaction less than the previous, in case the issue was the daily amount. Same red screen of denial. Hmpf!

I took back my debit card and drove through, under the drive-thru roof, and down the back alley, to an old used-car lot, now empty, where Hick and I had once bought a pontoon boat. I stopped there to fill out a withdrawal slip, and headed back up the main road to the bank. I fully intended to go inside and demand to know inquire politely what the problem was with my account. However, I saw that all ten parking spaces were full, so I went around back to the drive-thru.

Of course all lanes were full now. And the roof must have been replaced with a metal roof last time they fixed it, because my Sirius XM radio would not work. So I fiddled around with my cash that I'd already scammed from the ATM, sorting it for later distribution. Shh...don't tell Hick, but he gets the limp and torn bills, and I take the crisp ones for myself. The medium ones are stashed for Christmas and the insurance.

And now, here comes the IRONY!

When I pulled in, I saw the two bank employees still walking around the drive-thru area, with their clipboards. I overheard one tell a customer,

"Please be patient. We are having trouble with our internet system."

!!!

Wouldn't that put the kibosh on online banking?

Yeah. I'm SURE this is IRONY! Positive! Pretty sure. At least I think so.