Monday, October 14, 2013

I Look, You Look, We All Look for Val's Books!

Just when you thought it was safe to drop in and read about something like feces transplants, overinflated tires, the habit of chewing on dog noses, sewer vent pipes that look like Ming vases, and septuagenarians with holes in their pants...I find it necessary to revisit the subject of my lost books.

THEY'RE HERE!

Not so much the lost books. The replacement books. The replacement books graciously provided by the publisher because she's a stand-up gal. What a relief it was to open the garage door this evening and find them sitting there in their particle-board-blending camouflage of cardboard-box brown. Right on top of the generator that lolls about like a relief pitcher, spitting sunflower-seed shells, signing autographs, scanning the stands for comely lasses, and doing a big bunch of nothing until called upon to save the day.

Here's a photo to mark the occasion:


Yes, it's been said many times many ways: Val lives in the past. Please excuse my 2011 calendar. I like the picture. And also excuse that giant-number "wall" phone, brought home by Hick from an old man acquaintance he used to have who used to have this phone. Nothing goes to waste on Hick's watch. Especially a cuckoo clock that I despise like Rene Zellweger as Ruby Thewes despises a floggin' rooster.

Now that the merchandise is in, I plan to strap on my change belt and hit the streets. Not like that. Several folks have been clamoring for one of each of my wares.

I hope they didn't blow their money on 44 oz. Diet Cokes and gas station chicken.

10 comments:

  1. I am downing a dw cocktail in celebration!

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  2. Now that you have the books, you can schedule the book signing. (I'm gonna keep singing this tune...isn't it getting old?)

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  3. Yay, Val! I'm very happy you received your replacement books!! And I love your kitchen wall. I would've never noticed the date on the linen calendar. The dates are all so tiny, who can really use it as a calendar?? It was meant to be a pretty wall-hanging! I want one of those books, please, and WITH your autograph, of course!!

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  4. Happy hawking! Congratulation on your publications. I find that leaf intriguing. What is the inscription? Plan on a book signing early next year.

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  5. Now that your books are in hand you can finally breathe a sigh of relief...before you get busy marketing them, Take care.

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  6. It appears that many people are clamoring for a book signing. You better arrange one. You know how ugly a disgruntled crowd can get...

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  7. You'll have to come to Idaho to sign books. No way am I trusting my copy of Valness to the Post Office. Oh, and bring your refillable 44 oz. cup. We may be the other end of the Back Road but we have Coke.

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  8. joeh,
    At least you people out east know how to celebrate in style.

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    Sioux,
    I thought maybe you were trying to get to Carnegie Hall.

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    Becky,
    Thanks so much for VALidating me. My mom uses those hanging calendars as DISH TOWELS! She does not appreciate fine art. I'll get in touch with you about the books deal. Maybe we could work out a swap.

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    Linda,
    I'll have to check into that leaf. I think it's something one of the boys made. What is all this talk of book signings? I just went to one yesterday, you know, and I have quite a tale to share when I can steal more time.

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    Stephen,
    I sold two today. At that rate, I'll soon have my own Diet Coke fountain, and won't need to limit myself to 44 ounces.

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    Sioux's Page,
    Wow! Now I have a whole page from Madam commenting here. And it looks like it's swearing at me like Linda.

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    Leenie,
    Looks like I have too many promoters and not enough ink. How am I going to run my proposed handbasket factory and tour with my stand-up act with all these book signings? I'm going to need a LOT of Diet Coke.

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  9. Kathy,
    I missed you, so quiet there in the middle of the pack. What's that you say? Book signing? What a novel idea!

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