Friday, October 11, 2013

Time is Paper

I have some advice for Sprint.

Today I opened my bill, nine pages long, with two pages being full-page promotional materials guessed it...SPRINT! One wants me to turn on my friends and family to Sprint. Like I would wish that on my arch nemesis. I guess it's so hard to turn people on to Sprint that Sprint can afford to pay people $50 for each new customer sent their way. Kind of like tying a pork chop around your unpopular child's neck so at least a dog might play with him.

But it was the other page that rattled my cage. Stuck in my craw. Got my granny panties in a wad. Forced me to have a cow. Became a thorn in my side. Made my blood boil.


No, that's not advice to myself to lay off the cliches and get on with the rest of the story. That's what was on that Sprint-centric page. Nothing on the back. Just large bold letters spelling STOP WASTING TIME. To make me switch over to paperless billing, it seems. Don't you find that a bit ironic? I don't, because I never grasped the meaning of that whole "irony" concept. But maybe you do, and you will.

I have no desire to switch to paperless billing. If the simple act of driving a box of books to my post office without losing them cannot be done by the U.S. Postal Service, what guarantee do I have that Sprint won't incur some glitch that wreaks havoc with my vital information?

Paperless billing is a gateway notification to automatic payment. I'll be having none of that. Sprint already uses the devious tactic of "saving paper" by making customers carefully peel away their billing envelope in order to re-fold it for mailing back the payment. As if becoming an unwilling practitioner of the ancient art of origami will make us divulge our personal information online. I've had it with Sprint's passive-aggressive ways. So here's my advice for Sprint:


Leave out your two pages of self-serving promotions. In fact, that in itself will help me to STOP WASTING TIME sorting through them and complaining about them.


  1. What ever happened to the notion that we were becoming a paperless society? My mailbox gets filled with crap every day.

  2. But then, what would you have posted about tonight? If not Sprint's wastrel ways with wood, what other topics were in the chute, ready for the "go" signal?

  3. Just stuff it...all back into the billing envelope and return their junk. Write in bold, Thank you! A tree.

  4. Sprint, my favorite subject. Sprint, my internet carrier. Sprint, who texted our phone at 2:30 am and woke me to let me know that I was once again roaming on AT&T. And you are right about all that paper they waste. Almost as bad as AARP. They send out palstic cards along with a lengthy application at least twice a month. I will not be tempted to pay dues to an organization prone to such waste.

  5. Stephen,
    Hopefully, your mailbox is at least filled with YOUR OWN crap. Today I got my regular crap of six catalogs from which I will never order, and some guy's retirement statement envelope. Hick says he will drive it up to his house tomorrow. That's dangerously close to whistling down a New York street, delivering mail on a Sunday.

    I would like to mail the U.S. Postal Service for gas fee reimbursement. I wonder if this guy has seen my box of books.

    Please. You are opening a gate which best remains closed. As if Val does not have a queue of complaints crying to see the light of blog.

    That seems a bit passive-aggressive, don't you think? Much more than boxing up somebody's trash on my road and mailing it to them, or shoving mail not addressed to me back in the big mailbox for re-delivery. I wouldn't want anybody to get the wrong impression of easy-going rainbow-and-unicorn Val.

    Just more proof that we live the same life. Hick got an AARP envelope this week. It was even addressed to him, and in our own mailbox. It said clearly on the outside, "Cards Enclosed."

  6. Ironic, yes. They are so worried about wasted time, wasted paper and probably saving the trees but they'll make sure they get their money's worth out of that stamp, give you pages of worthless paper to go through and make certain you've got your granny panties in an over-sized knot.

    And way to spot that gateway to automatic payment. None of that, ever!

  7. Leenie,
    As a loyal customer, not only do I think I should be exempt from all this paperless billing claptrap...I think I should be allowed to pay in any manner I see fit. As long as I pay on time, of course. So if I feel like mailing crates of chickens, twin goat kids, or a truckload of aluminum cans, I should be permitted to barter my bill. If the U.S. Postal Service loses my payment, well, that's just tough. Sprint will have to track it down and strong-arm the USPS into giving up its purloined package.

  8. Gotta say, I like Linda's idea

  9. joeh,
    Linda is full of ideas. She's like a virtual pinata of ideas, though I would never strike her with a stick and try to gather all of those ideas for my greedy self.