Did I ever tell you about the time Hick did something nice for me? No? Well...it's not like he's giving me a lot of raw material to work with. But he did do something nice.
It seems like it was only yesterday. Oh. That's because it happened yesterday. He texted me after school with the announcement that he bought me something. You can imagine my excitement, what with the last item Hick even contemplated buying me being a box of Auction Meat. He was all secretive and mysterious.
I encountered him by chance on the parking lot of the local Chinese restaurant, and he showed me something from the back seat that he bought himself at Goodwill. Then he mentioned that he bought me something, too. But didn't say what it was. Or if it came from Goodwill.
Once Hick arrived home, he presented my gift with a flourish. Two pretzels. AND IT'S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY! Of course the pretzels had a pedigree. They were the Coach, the Louis Vuitton, the Gucci, the Jimmy Choo, the Manolo Blahnik, the Louboutin, the Michael Kors, the Prada, of pretzels. Gus's Pretzels. From the city!
Yes, Hick handed them over with a flourish, lovingly wrapped in white paper towel ripped off a roll in a dispenser in a men's room. Because I know Hick didn't go into a women's room for his paper towels. And pretzel-sellers don't package them in paper towels. You know the style. Thin. White. No pattern. With zig-zag Charlie-Brown-shirt-stripe edges where the teeth of the dispenser severed them from the long roll after cranking.
Modest Hick, a man of few words where gifts for his wifey are concerned. No mention of how he procured these two special treats. Yes. TWO! A rod and a twist. No mention of how many hands touched them. Of whether they were bought from a shop or a street peddler, by himself or a minion sent to the city for machine parts.
I had them for lunch today. They were real, and they were spectacular. Though a bit hard on the outside. And they retained their salt!
I'm still kickin', and Hick is off to the auction. Maybe he'll bring me something!
It's easy to spoil Val.